Sticky situation re co-dependency

[ignore it]

[Liverpool Lou]

On 11/12/2024 at 10:18 AM, watthong said:

Doc said that he got a near-stroke.

Gawd...what's a "near-stroke", he didn't have a stroke, I guess?

[watthong]

6 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Gawd...what's a "near-stroke", he didn't have a stroke, I guess?

 

Sorry that I'm not well versed in medical vernacular. According to the doctor, he got a 2percent stroke, therefore almost a stroke (of the common 100 percent kind, the one that knocks you out cold, I guess). Anyone could give a correct interpretation of that 2percent please take a shot. From what I could learn, one artery/vein was almost closed (clogged up). Had it been blocked completely, then the doc would have to send in a balloon to stretch it out. Due to language barrier I could not get further than that. On the bright side, physically he seems to be okay. On the dark side, whatever percent it was, it must have been a shock to his central nervous system. Something I have to question daily.

[simon43]

I'll be blunt.  You've been taken for a ride by this guy and his family.  Drop him like a stone, move without any forwarding details and FFS don't enter into another ATM relationship.  Your (very thin) wallet will thank you.

[Celsius]

7 minutes ago, simon43 said:

I'll be blunt.  You've been taken for a ride by this guy and his family.  Drop him like a stone, move without any forwarding details and FFS don't enter into another ATM relationship.  Your (very thin) wallet will thank you.

 

Correct.

 

Another thread about Western mugs patting themselves on the back by being in a paid relationship.

 

If you are paying it ain't a relationship. 

 

Also asking a Farang mug to help with medical bills while the entire Thai familly sits on the azz is a huge red flag. The money went to someone to buy a new truck.

 

 

 

 

 

[JimTripper]

26 minutes ago, simon43 said:

I'll be blunt.  You've been taken for a ride by this guy and his family.  Drop him like a stone, move without any forwarding details and FFS don't enter into another ATM relationship.  Your (very thin) wallet will thank you.

Maybe it's a case of the Op worried about getting older alone and ends up paying for stuff to keep others around. Getting older without any assistance or help can be scary.

 

Had this happen in my own family. People started giving out early inheritances to keep others around and living in close proximity.

[watthong]

47 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Had this happen in my own family. People started giving out early inheritances to keep others around and living in close proximity.

 

Which reminds me of a case I know personally back in California. I used to work for a psychologist. She has 3 sisters, she herself was the adopted child. Their father came around her home/office occasionally and we had some nice conversation. As he was getting older I guess he was prepared for old age decline he decided to give out 1M of inheritance early, each girl got a quarter of a million.
 
After the money was given out, Dad started going down fast. I heard the 4 sisters on conference call quarrelly trying to choose a home care to send the old man to, and who was going to do what in making that arrangement.

 

I myself was thinking, had he not given out that 1 M...
 

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, watthong said:

 

Which reminds me of a case I know personally back in California. I used to work for a psychologist. She has 3 sisters, she herself was the adopted child. Their father came around her home/office occasionally and we had some nice conversation. As he was getting older I guess he was prepared for old age decline he decided to give out 1M of inheritance early, each girl got a quarter of a million.
 
After the money was given out, Dad started going down fast. I heard the 4 sisters on conference call quarrelly trying to choose a home care to send the old man to, and who was going to do what in making that arrangement.

 

I myself was thinking, had he not given out that 1 M...
 

Nobody wants you when you're old, not even your children.

I had this idea, if I pay for my kids the first 18 years, they will look after me for my last 18 years. But nope, only my Thai stepdaughter offers that service, not my 4 biological kids.

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, watthong said:

 

Sorry that I'm not well versed in medical vernacular. According to the doctor, he got a 2percent stroke, therefore almost a stroke (of the common 100 percent kind, the one that knocks you out cold, I guess). Anyone could give a correct interpretation of that 2percent please take a shot. From what I could learn, one artery/vein was almost closed (clogged up). Had it been blocked completely, then the doc would have to send in a balloon to stretch it out. Due to language barrier I could not get further than that. On the bright side, physically he seems to be okay. On the dark side, whatever percent it was, it must have been a shock to his central nervous system. Something I have to question daily.

Minor stroke!

[watthong]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Minor stroke!

 

So he did have a stroke! That's scary.

I'm glad he came out of it physically intact (no twisted facial features or limbs, no stuttering gait) though his movements are slower now and more deliberate.

Any suggestion on how to recover? The hospital doesn't seem to have any plan re physio therapy. On his own J says he needs to walk around a lot, and likes to walk around shopping malls, whenever we go to one. such as MEGA, etc.

[JimTripper]

35 minutes ago, watthong said:

Which reminds me of a case I know personally back in California. I used to work for a psychologist. She has 3 sisters, she herself was the adopted child. Their father came around her home/office occasionally and we had some nice conversation. As he was getting older I guess he was prepared for old age decline he decided to give out 1M of inheritance early, each girl got a quarter of a million.
 
After the money was given out, Dad started going down fast. I heard the 4 sisters on conference call quarrelly trying to choose a home care to send the old man to, and who was going to do what in making that arrangement.

 

I myself was thinking, had he not given out that 1 M...

The good part is he divided it equally 🤣

 

It often results in quarrels. Strangely the quarrelling kind of holds the family together, even if in a negative way.

 

People are off living their own lives, then are brought back together via the money issue an older relative creates. Even if it's a quarrel the older relative has family engaged about them and is getting a lot of attention in the process as they try to figure out who gets what or who does what regarding elder care. Much better for the older person then just being ignored or people off doing their own thing.

 

It's often done under a cover of helping the younger generation out, but they would get that money anyway when the relative passes. So there can be a flip side to the generosity, an underlying selfish motive, even if the giver does not realize it at the time.

 

Edited November 14 by JimTripper

[BritManToo]

13 minutes ago, watthong said:

 

So he did have a stroke! That's scary.

I'm glad he came out of it physically intact (no twisted facial features or limbs, no stuttering gait) though his movements are slower now and more deliberate.

Any suggestion on how to recover? The hospital doesn't seem to have any plan re physio therapy. On his own J says he needs to walk around a lot, and likes to walk around shopping malls, whenever we go to one. such as MEGA, etc.

A dead forum member I knew quite well (Dave2) had many minor strokes, starting in his early 60s, none of which appeared to have any serious effect on him (until the final one in his sleep killed him age 71).

 

He always told me the doctors opinion was, once you've had one, you'll keep having them and eventually it'll kill you. Medication will reduce the frequency and severity, but it won't cure it. 45% chance of death within 5 years.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6891883/

Edited November 14 by BritManToo

[watthong]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

A dead forum member I knew quite well (Dave2) had many minor strokes, none of which appeared to have any serious effect on him (until the final one in his sleep killed him age 71).

 

He always told me the doctors opinion was, once you've had one, you'll keep having them and eventually it'll kill you.

 

Oh Lord!

[watthong]

1 hour ago, JimTripper said:

It's often done under a cover of helping the younger generation out, but they would get that money anyway when the relative passes. So there can be a flip side to the generosity, an underlying selfish motive, even if the giver does not realize it at the time.

 

Just wondering how many years could 1M usd buy for that old friend of mine, in one of those lush home care facilities they have in CM?

[JimTripper]

23 minutes ago, watthong said:

Just wondering how many years could 1M usd buy for that old friend of mine, in one of those lush home care facilities they have in CM?

He will likely never make it over here even with the money. If you are not already here you get too old to relocate by the time you seriously consider the relocation. I know many people just wasting money living in the USA. They end up with a household of things they can't get rid of, or take years to plan that garage sale, and never make the move. Any move into a USA assisted living draws down the savings rather quickly as they keep increasing costs. They also have a strange way of keeping you there, even for people that want to leave and move in with family.

Edited November 14 by JimTripper

[watthong]

1 hour ago, JimTripper said:

He will likely never make it over here even with the money. If you are not already here you get too old to relocate by the time you seriously consider the relocation.

 

Well it kinda broke my heart when I saw him last, sitting in a wheelchair with a bib across his chest and saliva drooling, barely aware of surrounding - (shudders, thinking of self!)  whereas just the year before he comported himself like a gentleman, crisp shirt and trousers. The daughters didn't really need that money, they all had affluent profession. That M could have done him some good abroad, but again, maybe he didn't want to "leave the kids" (though he was living alone) or go out the country. The latter is usually the case with most Yanks.

Edited November 14 by watthong

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, watthong said:

 

Well it kinda broke my heart when I saw him last, sitting in a wheelchair with a bib across his chest and saliva drooling, barely aware of surrounding - (shudders, thinking of self!)  whereas just the year before he comported himself like a gentleman, crisp shirt and trousers. The daughters didn't really need that money, they all had affluent profession. That M could have done him some good abroad, but again, maybe he didn't want to "leave the kids" (though he was living alone) or go out the country. The latter is usually the case with most Yanks.

It's common for early inheritances to need to be paid back as care needs increase. This can cause significant problems if the person no longer has the money!

 

People don't factor in the huge cost increases these facilities charge as more care is needed.

 

Last but not least, nobody knows how long they are going to live!