A scenario of an after action discussion following air attack on nuclear facilities in Iran

[CatCage]

The following is what might be happening in Iran this morning at a meeting of the supreme council chiefs following yesterday attack on the Nuclear sites:

 

Supreme Council of National Strategic Wisdom and Occasional Panic

Location: Somewhere very secure, definitely not bugged (…we think)
Time: 3 hours after the most embarrassing 7 minutes in Iranian radar history.

Attendees:

• General Gharghani – Hawk, Revolutionary Guard commander. Mustache sharp enough to slice cucumbers.

• Dr. Mehran "Let’s All Calm Down" Yazdi – Senior diplomatic advisor, owns 3 copies of Sun Tzu.

• Admiral Salami (no relation to lunch meat) – Navy chief who hasn’t seen his fleet leave port since 2011.

• Minister of Information Parviz – In charge of “strategic truth management.”

• Ayatollah-in-Training Reza – Young, eager, and possibly thinks Twitter is a weapon system.

• Chairman of the National Council – Moderating the mess.

---

Chairman:
Comrades, brothers, defenders of our great civilization — and yes, Dr. Yazdi — we are gathered in this emergency meeting to discuss the minor security hiccup that occurred when several stealth bombers flew through our impenetrable airspace like it was open bar night. General Gharghani, your take?

General Gharghani (Hawk):
My take? My take? They violated our airspace, bombed a high-security bases, and left without a scratch! I say we teach them a lesson — launch everything we’ve got! Ballistic, semi-ballistic, emotionally ballistic!

Dr. Yazdi (Diplomat):
With respect, General, they destroyed half a mountain, our most classified bunkers, and flew home in time for dinner. Perhaps now is the time for measured dialogue?

Gharghani:
Dialogue? They just humiliated us on international television! CNN had graphics! We’re a proud nation, not a punchline!

Admiral Salami:
Actually, I thought the CNN animation was... oddly accurate. I mean, the trajectory, the impact... very nice 3D modeling. Our Navy could use that kind of budget.

Minister Parviz (Information):
Brothers! Let’s remember — the official version is that it was a gas explosion caused by a rogue weather balloon. We already uploaded a TikTok explaining it.

Ayatollah Reza:
Yes, but the people aren’t buying it! Even my cousin in Qom said, “That’s weird, weather balloons usually don’t leave craters.”

Chairman:
So what are our options? Escalate and risk total war, or... look very wise and de-escalate?

Gharghani:
We must respond! Launch a cyber attack on their water systems! Or, even better — hack Netflix and put a filter over all American shows to make them look like 1970s Iranian soaps!

Dr. Yazdi:
Or… we call the Swiss ambassador, say we’ve had enough of "misunderstandings", and suggest backchannel talks before they decide to accidentally hit something even more embarrassing. Like, say, the Supreme Leader’s rooftop jacuzzi.

Ayatollah Reza:
He has a jacuzzi??

Admiral Salami:
Stay focused. Personally, I suggest a bold strategy: deny everything, retaliate nowhere, and quietly upgrade all our radars from “Soviet Surplus” to “Actually Functioning.”

Minister Parviz:
Plus, I’ve already drafted a press release saying we let them in to study their stealth tech. Reverse psychology!

Chairman:
Let me summarize the positions:

• Option A: Teach America a fiery, glorious lesson and possibly start a war we’ll lose before halftime.

• Option B: Quietly negotiate while pretending we meant for all this to happen, then fire our air defense chief and blame Mossad.

Gharghani (grumbling):
Fine. But if they strike again, I’m releasing the mothball missiles. Even if they only go 12 kilometers.

Dr. Yazdi:
And I’ll book the Swiss guy for lunch.

Chairman:
Motion passed. We talk. We fix our radars. And someone please check if we actually have a working anti-air system or if it’s just a guy in a watchtower with binoculars.

 

Scene ends with tea being served and several men pretending to laugh while discreetly texting their families to check if the Wi-Fi still works.

---

 

[spidermike007]

A ridiculously silly underestimate of Iran's wealth, and willingness to use that to rain terror upon the west and upon the US in particular. 

[MalcolmB]

8 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

upon the US in particular. 

Iran has a right to defend itself and it’s people.

How many Iranians were killed in the USA strikes. 

[NickyLouie]

9 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

A ridiculously silly underestimate of Iran's wealth, and willingness to use that to rain terror upon the west and upon the US in particular. 

[MalcolmB]

Netanyahu has been claiming for 33 years that Iran are just about to” have nuclear weapons.

 

 

[CatCage]

[MeaMaximaCulpa]

Perhaps not the most accurate geopolitical analysis around, but at least lets give the OP an "A" for effort for this lighthearted take on a very serious situation.

 

A lot more fun to read than the drivel of the usual suspects we see in most other threads on political issues.