My Inlaws Are Driving Me Demented

[bina]

with first child it may seem like a big pain in the butt but after one child, help from in laws, nieces et al is really good; if u dont really believe or like their form of child care, just remember, in the long run, kids are resilient, they know u are the parent, and novelties like new babies wear off with the birth of the next one in someone else's house;

i know, i've raised three kids with in laws and extendeds all involved daily; now, my youngest is the niece that goes to help the mothers with the newest babies;

u have to learn to pre empt (if baby cries, get to him first; but if u are in bathroom and mom cant get to baby, why shouldnt grandma go and pick him up?? so she tries to give water, he doesnt want, u take him and say, daddy is here now, and thats that. when u are ill, or wifey is ill and u need help , trust me that even culturally different sets of hands are still a blessing: your kids will be taken care of and the house cleaned or dealt with one way or an other...

i was rather grumpy with my first baby and constant stream of family (my mom also came from the states to help and she is the opposite of my in laws -- american baby care vs. kibbutz baby care) and i was very possesive of my daughter;

with second and third, i went with the flow and enjoyed the help, cooking, child care; and youngest is now 13 and the extendeds were and still are great help (thru my divorce, help with child in hosptial, etc); even if i dont agree with all their methods my kids survived (sweet tea in bottle, extra layers of clothing, spoons of ice cream given when crying, whatever age, we have different ways of dealing but all three made it to normal teenager hood with a loving and overly helpful extended family which live next door to me -- and i'm divorced from their son/brother!!)

drink a beer or three with the men folk and let the women sort it out....

bina

israel

[Neeranam]

I normally get on well with my wife's family and because she is the youngest her parents are already taken care of by her older siblings. I have never needed to give them any money and even when we got married they didn't expect anything. We live in the same village and so see a lot of each other but that has never been an issue.

The problem is that since my baby was born a week ago we have spent every waking second together with at least one of my wife's family. My mother-in-law has now taking up residence in our house because my wife is sleeping on a bed with a fire underneath which her mum keeps alight; apparently it is believed to help the mother heal after childbirth and is very common in this area.

Everywhere I go her family seem to be there and they are driving me nuts. I feel guilty everytime they look at me using the computer because I am convinced they think I should be doing something more productive. To make matters worse one of my feet has swollen up (probably from a bite) and I can't put weight on it but they probably think I am just being lazy.

I know that they are helping my wife, although I am very dubious about the 'fire-bed' which they want her to stay on for three weeks! Two more weeks of her mother!

I just thought I would let off some steam her on TV and hopefully this will prevent me from sharing my feelings with her family.

Anyone else been through this?

I haven't read any replies to this post. Just wait until the mother in law goes. You'll be screaming for her to come back when you are walking with you crying baby, and generally looking after her all day and night. Family are good for the babies, your wife and you. I can handle my MIL for 1 month at a time.

[tuky]

On a seperate note, is it a custom to totally shave the head of the new born baby? Sure i heard that somewhere. Apparently it helps it to grow back thicker.

They shaved the head of my daughters and took her to the wat for a blessing mate.

Shame really because both girls were born without hair, it has taken nearly 4 years for my eldest the get to have her hair touch her ears. Didn't grow back thicker for her

[WaiWai]

Garro - sounds like things are looking up . Hope you can enjoy this time as much as possible. Bond with your baby & enjoy.

Markwhite - you seem to be doing well, too. You must be very relieved your wife is doing better and removing that stress must help a good deal. Put another pot of rice on the stove and continue to enjoy your baby, too.

You are both seeing an extraordinary intersection of cultures & generations there.

And sharing it all with us via the internet !

[markwhite]

hey congrats mark i met your wife and she is beautiful. i hope you get over this in-laws stuff and have a long and happy life together.

Hi and thanks for the congrats!

I thought it was you, but wasn't sure :-)

The in-laws thing will only be temporary, though just how temporary I'm not sure right now. Today has been okay, but she's ignoring anything Som asks her and has shut herself in the spare room for the last hour, which is a shame as she might be able to help us, but it's her call.

If you could spread the word to other people who know me on the beach it would be much appreciated. Some of them are real slack and tardy at reading their emails ;-)

BFN

[t.s]

On a seperate note, is it a custom to totally shave the head of the new born baby? Sure i heard that somewhere. Apparently it helps it to grow back thicker.

They shaved the head of my daughters and took her to the wat for a blessing mate.

Shame really because both girls were born without hair, it has taken nearly 4 years for my eldest the get to have her hair touch her ears. Didn't grow back thicker for her

5555 no shave and my 9 month old has a ponytail

[markwhite]

i'm not sure if you're responding to me or the OP, but I'll reply anyway :-)

in the long run, kids are resilient, they know u are the parent, and novelties like new babies wear off

It all makes sense, but 10 days in this is not the help we need. The situation (and how I'm responding to it) is causing stress and anger. That's the main problem.

when u are ill, or wifey is ill and u need help , trust me that even culturally different sets of hands are still a blessing: your kids will be taken care of and the house cleaned or dealt with one way or an other...

Which also makes sense, but asking a new dad to hand over a crying child is not good help in my opinion. Showing them things to do that have helped you placate a crying child in the past would be much better for me to learn right now. In time it will change and maybe it will be more like the picture you've described of how it has been for you. Right now it just isn't what we need.

i was rather grumpy with my first baby and constant stream of family (my mom also came from the states to help and she is the opposite of my in laws -- american baby care vs. kibbutz baby care) and i was very possesive of my daughter;

And after 4 days doing nearly everything, I admit that possessiveness is coming into my reaction when she seems to want to do what she wants with Sip. But still, that's not help in my opinion.

drink a beer or three with the men folk and let the women sort it out....

Well, I don't drink right now and I want to take responsibility for my son. Like you say, one day the family might not be there when the novelty wears off. If I don't learn now, I will have to learn another time, or leave my wife to do everything which is not what I want to do.

[markwhite]

Markwhite - you seem to be doing well, too. You must be very relieved your wife is doing better and removing that stress must help a good deal. Put another pot of rice on the stove and continue to enjoy your baby, too.

Cheers WaiWai :-)

It was a huge relief and really put the whole thing into perspective. Because I'd accepted she had to make her own decision on what to do about how she felt, I'd been holding a lot of the feelings back which was also causing lot of stress. The whole situation looks much rosier and bearable today, and Som is able to move about and has had a session (from waking up, crying, changing, feeding to sleeping again) with Sip for the first time in days.

PS: Wanna buy a bag of cooked rice? Real cheap, like.

[WaiWai]

Som is able to move about and has had a session (from waking up, crying, changing, feeding to sleeping again) with Sip for the first time in days.

MUCH better. Pleased to hear it.

PS: Wanna buy a bag of cooked rice? Real cheap, like.

There must a thousand things you can do with a bag of cooked rice. In a few more days you'll have enough to make a bean- bag .

[markwhite]

MUCH better. Pleased to hear it.

Ta muchly :-) She's had another good couple of hours this afternoon while I was out shopping just 'baby watching' and is thrilled when he does the things I've been seeing him do for the past few days :-)

There must a thousand things you can do with a bag of cooked rice.

997 to go then ;-)

It seems to have calmed down now. Som has placated her after she took her bat home a little and has just asked her to help bath Sip. It'll all be fine, whether it's fun or not. It'll all work out.

[rainman]

I know that they are helping my wife, although I am very dubious about the 'fire-bed' which they want her to stay on for three weeks! Two more weeks of her mother!

I asked my wife about this and she said that the most people leave the fire under the bed is for 4-6 days and only if the bed doesn't have a mattress, which I assume you have so it's worthless.