[Opinion. I myself wonder what might have been had I not decamped to Thailand. I was married to both at once, one there, one here. The mother of my children and I are still in touch almost daily. I think it will be hard on the other when the first of us dies.]

Why Men Never Stop Thinking About ‘The One That Got Away’, According to Psychology

There’s a hard truth a lot of us need to learn.

Ashley Fike

Vice: 4 Jul 2026

According to UC Berkeley social psychology researcher Maria Luciani, studies show men are more likely than women to regret romantic “missed opportunities,” while women are more likely to regret relationships that actually happened. That’s a telling difference. For many men, the ghost of a relationship that never fully materialized sticks around longer than one that ran its course.

A handful of men often they think about the one that got away, and the answers ranged from uncomfortable to striking. Ciaran, 37, has been married for 18 years and describes his marriage as happy—and still thinks about an ex almost daily, 21 years on.

Nostalgia, unlike rumination or counterfactual thinking, tends to pull people toward positive memories rather than bitterness—which is part of why it’s so easy to revisit. The brain isn’t replaying what actually happened. It’s replaying a curated version of it.

Not every story is about timing or circumstance. Ahaan, 23, cheated on a girlfriend in college and has spent years watching her build the life she wanted with someone else. “The worst part is knowing that she didn’t get away,” he told Metro. “I let her go.”

Sooner or later I will become the "great simplyfier" here. Fine.

What makes us love somebody and not everybody?

= We react to a certain TYPE of a human fellow, not a specific individual. Statistically, it happens mostly on the workplace and not on the dance floor. After a certain time, a divorce rate of nearly 50% turns "love" into a speculative venture that went wrong.

Only quantum of solace: Up to this very day, science has not found out what causes "love" in the human brain. The only consensus is, that "love" takes place in the human brain. Certain hormones named as the main "perpetraitors". That's all we know about "love". Nothing more.

52 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

[Opinion. I myself wonder what might have been had I not decamped to Thailand. I was married to both at once, one there, one here. The mother of my children and I are still in touch almost daily. I think it will be hard on the other when the first of us dies.]

Why Men Never Stop Thinking About ‘The One That Got Away’, According to Psychology

There’s a hard truth a lot of us need to learn.

Ashley Fike

Vice: 4 Jul 2026

According to UC Berkeley social psychology researcher Maria Luciani, studies show men are more likely than women to regret romantic “missed opportunities,” while women are more likely to regret relationships that actually happened. That’s a telling difference. For many men, the ghost of a relationship that never fully materialized sticks around longer than one that ran its course.

A handful of men often they think about the one that got away, and the answers ranged from uncomfortable to striking. Ciaran, 37, has been married for 18 years and describes his marriage as happy—and still thinks about an ex almost daily, 21 years on.

Nostalgia, unlike rumination or counterfactual thinking, tends to pull people toward positive memories rather than bitterness—which is part of why it’s so easy to revisit. The brain isn’t replaying what actually happened. It’s replaying a curated version of it.

Not every story is about timing or circumstance. Ahaan, 23, cheated on a girlfriend in college and has spent years watching her build the life she wanted with someone else. “The worst part is knowing that she didn’t get away,” he told Metro. “I let her go.”

So you are admitting to bigamy?

16 minutes ago, emptypockets said:

So you are admitting to bigamy?

We are not made for monogamy. It's an invention of the catholic church. Look at the "animal kingdom". Monogamy is the rare exception.

Quite the opposite. Monogamy was around well before the Catholic church-Ancient Greece and Rome, as well as parts of the ancient Near East and tribal cultures. While other forms of marriage were common, exclusive, one-partner relationships were both culturally and legally required in various early civilizations.

I'm happy with the one I have.

Can't say I ever thought about upgrading.

It was always them trying to upgrade from me.

Monkey branching is a woman thing.

Men are mostly happy with what they have.

Edited July 11Jul 11 by BritManToo

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I'm happy with the one I have.

Can't say I ever thought about upgrading.

It was always them trying to upgrade from me.

Monkey branching is a woman thing.

Men are mostly happy with what they have.

But looking back on your posts of years gone by on AN, you were boasting about having sex with young women whilst still marred to your wife!! How do you reconcile with that.......lying then or now??

37 minutes ago, Purdey said:

Quite the opposite. Monogamy was around well before the Catholic church-Ancient Greece and Rome, as well as parts of the ancient Near East and tribal cultures. While other forms of marriage were common, exclusive, one-partner relationships were both culturally and legally required in various early civilizations.

Because they had slaves to bonk.

And popes had a bit on the side.

Edited July 11Jul 11 by unblocktheplanet
add

8 minutes ago, xylophone said:

But looking back on your posts of years gone by on AN, you were boasting about having sex with young women whilst still marred to your wife!! How do you reconcile with that.......lying then or now??

8 minutes ago, xylophone said:

But looking back on your posts of years gone by on AN, you were boasting about having sex with young women whilst still marred to your wife!! How do you reconcile with that.......lying then or now??

I don't think I was boasting, merely factual. It's obvious one is never quite enough. I suppose withholding is the same as lying, innit!

10 minutes ago, xylophone said:

But looking back on your posts of years gone by on AN, you were boasting about having sex with young women whilst still marred to your wife!! How do you reconcile with that.......lying then or now??

That was his Wifes daughter .

4 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Because they had slaves to bonk.

And popes had a bit on the side.

Romans and Greeks had wives.

5 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

I don't think I was boasting, merely factual. It's obvious one is never quite enough. I suppose withholding is the same as lying, innit!

He wasn't referring to you. Get past the 'me, me, me' attention seeking and read the posts and/or pay attention.

31 minutes ago, Purdey said:

Romans and Greeks had wives.

And underage boys and girls when "married life" was becoming too boring. Once done with their underage companions, they assembled in the Forum discussing the estabishement of Democracy. Excuding non Athenian Citizens, people with little money and women in general and slaves.

After such important discussions, the Greeks of importance returned home, knowing that some underage slave will see to it that a certain physical "relaxation" is expected, so that the "master" could once more work on establishing a limited democracy.

1 hour ago, swissie said:

We are not made for monogamy. It's an invention of the catholic church. Look at the "animal kingdom". Monogamy is the rare exception.

According to an AI search engine, 90% of birds mate for life. And I do not think birds are Catholic, so your argument is mute.

4 minutes ago, Screaming said:

According to an AI search engine, 90% of birds mate for life. And I do not think birds are Catholic, so your argument is mute.

Birds by AI? Most advanced science shows that we are not able to count the billions of different live forms that have evolved over time. We have lost count.

The only thing we know for sure is that mammels (living things in general ) , want to reproduce inflationary. We don't know why "fast reporoduction" is he goal of everything.

The human species is word champion when it comes to "reproduce" and plundering the resources of the only planet we will ever have.

Never mind, after us the deluge. Currently youngsters feel that "the deluge" will affect their children, not affecting us/them. So, let's keep dancing on a volcano.

3 hours ago, Keeps said:

He wasn't referring to you. Get past the 'me, me, me' attention seeking and read the posts and/or pay attention.

Hm. Seemed to direct that to me. I will always submit to the Dept of Corrections!

2 hours ago, Screaming said:

According to an AI search engine, 90% of birds mate for life. And I do not think birds are Catholic, so your argument is mute.

Lifelong mating is very rare in the animal kingdom. Only about 3% to 5% of mammals (excluding humans) and 90% of birds practice "social monogamy," though many bird species only partner for a single season or a few years rather than for life. [1, 2, 3]

True lifelong partnerships are primarily found in specific mammals and birds that require both parents to successfully raise offspring. [1]

• Mammals: Only a tiny fraction mate for life. Notable species include gray wolves, beavers, and California mice, which are considered almost 100% monogamous.

• Birds: While birds are the champions of pair-bonding, true "lifers" include swans, bald eagles, and albatrosses.

• Marine Life: Seahorses are famous for performing daily greeting dances to maintain their exclusive lifelong pair bonds. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

10 hours ago, xylophone said:

But looking back on your posts of years gone by on AN, you were boasting about having sex with young women whilst still marred to your wife!! How do you reconcile with that.......lying then or now??

I never thought of replacing my wife.

Sex with other women was just for entertainment.

Do you only eat at one restaurant?

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I never thought of replacing my wife.

Sex with other women was just for entertainment.

Do you only eat at one restaurant?

She didnt find out about it and kick you out of the house?

5 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

She didnt find out about it and kick you out of the house?

She's never been bothered, same as many Thai ladies.

How do you think so many Thai men manage mia noi's and gik's?

11 hours ago, swissie said:

We are not made for monogamy. It's an invention of the catholic church. Look at the "animal kingdom". Monogamy is the rare exception.

Yes, look at the animal kingdom and see how dogs for one example work, much the same as some men. They travel around, by scent, looking for a female in heat, and then sometimes fight for the opportunity to have a few minutes of sex, only to procreate the species, which oftentimes, as we can see here in Thailand, will have millions of dogs running wild in the streets, doing the same things their "fathers" did.

How many boys grow up today without a father's guidance, ending up doing the same things that absent father did, as no one taught them respect for the females? How many girls grow up without a dad to teach them, by watching how he treats mom, what to look for when they're older, and they spend the rest of their lives looking for that missing "perfect" dad?

Men who cheat on their wives don't see them as a partner but another object to use.

This monogamy as the exception sees generations of children repeating the same mistakes, and so on goes down the line.

Humans are socially monogamous. When you have a partner, that's where monogamy should be practiced.Yes, Jesus was one to teach monogamy, where man and woman become one flesh, and stay together forever.

People have made excuses to leave which are invalid, coming from selfishness. If you want multiple partners, stay that way. if you look at a partner as exactly that, you both do whatever you can to make it work, especially if there are children. Right from wrong, where religion doesn't have to be involved. We are mammals but are supposed to be more intelligent.

Edited July 12Jul 12 by fredwiggy

32 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

She's never been bothered, same as many Thai ladies.

How do you think so many Thai men manage mia noi's and gik's?

Because their reputation being serial cheaters who rarely if ever support the children they create, unless they actually stay with the woman. The women being naive who start at a young age, being fooled by the BS of a "cute" man who thinks I'm beautiful, which usually ends up with him having sex then disappearing. Happens all over, but seemingly a lot more here, as child support isn't enforced like it should be, which might lower the casual sex happening or at least invoke the use of more condoms.

34 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

She's never been bothered, same as many Thai ladies.

How do you think so many Thai men manage mia noi's and gik's?

Maybe 90 per cent or women tolerate it and some don't?

5 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

Maybe 90 per cent or women tolerate it and some don't?

He pays her a nice wage

2 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

He pays her a nice wage

Yeah, if they dont work and rely on the man for income, they are basically trapped in the relationship.

Unless you put the house in their name .... then you need to watch out.

26 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

People have made excuses to leave which are invalid, coming from selfishness. If you want multiple partners, stay that way

You had 90 though

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I never thought of replacing my wife.

Sex with other women was just for entertainment.

Do you only eat at one restaurant?

Thanks, Brit. Nor I. But it happened anyway. I like a big menu.

I am still good friends with two of my girlfriends from going on 55 years ago. One of them used to go traveling with me when we were in between other relationships. I had suggested once that maybe we should give it a go again; she laughed and said, "Why spoil a good thing?" Now our families visit each other often.

4 hours ago, save the frogs said:

Yeah, if they dont work and rely on the man for income, they are basically trapped in the relationship.

Unless you put the house in their name .... then you need to watch out.

House is in the banks name at the moment.

But I'll pay off the loan for her in the next few years.

She's been a great wife, and still attractive.

15 hours ago, Keeps said:

He wasn't referring to you. Get past the 'me, me, me' attention seeking and read the posts and/or pay attention.

Quite right @Keeps and I got so fed up with BMT's continual boasting about his "sexploits" that I put him on ignore a long time ago.