English Man Fathers Thai Child

[Tommurphy]

Hi

One of my Thai female friends had a brief encounter with an English man and this lead to her getting pregnant and having a child, a baby girl. Condom allegedly broke.

Now this woman has the responsibility of bringing up the little girl. She is ok with this, but the little kid had some medical problem and needed an operation which I ended up paying for.

Now I am thinking she should try to track down this guy and to ask him to assist with some of the costs.

I guess this sort of thing is rather common with all the sex that happens in Thailand. I feel sorry for the guy, as it was not planned, but an accident. But the poor woman has to bear the costs of bringing up this girl.

What can we do to try to track down this guy? I have a first and surname, approximate age, and he is supposed to be from London.

If we do track him down, and he refuses to help out, is there anything.

Thanks

Tom

<<email removed - against forum rules>>

[pointofview]

Hi

One of my Thai female friends had a brief encounter with an English man and this lead to her getting pregnant and having a child, a baby girl. Condom allegedly broke.

Now this woman has the responsibility of bringing up the little girl. She is ok with this, but the little kid had some medical problem and needed an operation which I ended up paying for.

Now I am thinking she should try to track down this guy and to ask him to assist with some of the costs.

I guess this sort of thing is rather common with all the sex that happens in Thailand. I feel sorry for the guy, as it was not planned, but an accident. But the poor woman has to bear the costs of bringing up this girl.

What can we do to try to track down this guy? I have a first and surname, approximate age, and he is supposed to be from London.

If we do track him down, and he refuses to help out, is there anything.

Thanks

Tom

<<email removed - against forum rules>>

Unfortunatley there is little you can do. It seems to be quite a common occurance with thai girls - obviously they should protect themselves, especially considering there is absoulutley no government assistance. Many thai girls have poor education and can have a naive view of the consequences of falling pregnant to a ferang waster. They see half ferang babys and imagine that they will all grow up to be pop or movie stars. She obvioulsy wanted the baby otherewise she could have opted for a termination. So in short she is left holding the baby with no recourse.

The best she can hope for is that this guy isnt a complete waster and when he sees his little one bare foot and snotty nose he may take some responsibility

Good luck

[OxfordWill]

I wouldnt get involved, you can't hope to know the full story.

[lazeeboy]

I wouldnt get involved, you can't hope to know the full story.

good luck .she probably does'nt even know his full name ..............

[Briggsy]

"So, where did he come from?"

"Belyeeum, Amerigah, praman nan lae."

[esbobes]

I wouldnt get involved, you can't hope to know the full story.

Why not help the poor girl either he is father or not DNA test.

If not let him go and say soory.

But if he is father he should pay 1000 to 2000 baht a month like a good Thai will pay.

We have to remember tht this is Thailand and the men don't pay more than that if they pay

[Briggsy]

Would the OP like to tell us more about this case? For example, some information regarding the woman's social background would be helpful.

[Lucifer]

from the OP's story, it appears he's paid for medical treatment and now wants payment himself, by going after the father.

[Prakanong]

Hi

One of my Thai female friends had a brief encounter with an English man and this lead to her getting pregnant and having a child, a baby girl. Condom allegedly broke.

Now this woman has the responsibility of bringing up the little girl. She is ok with this, but the little kid had some medical problem and needed an operation which I ended up paying for.

Now I am thinking she should try to track down this guy and to ask him to assist with some of the costs.

I guess this sort of thing is rather common with all the sex that happens in Thailand. I feel sorry for the guy, as it was not planned, but an accident. But the poor woman has to bear the costs of bringing up this girl.

What can we do to try to track down this guy? I have a first and surname, approximate age, and he is supposed to be from London.

If we do track him down, and he refuses to help out, is there anything.

Thanks

Tom

<<email removed - against forum rules>>

I do beleive there a groups (Womens) that help with this - if I remember correctly I think Guesthouse who posts on here once posted about this on this forum or another.

And as for her social background - does not matter what it is if he is the biological father which is easily tested for!

[britmaveric]

It might not be his, not to mentiion doubt he even knows about it.

[Prakanong]

It might not be his, not to mentiion doubt he even knows about it.

It might not be - thats why a DNA test is essential

Whether he knows about it or not in the law of many countries he will be responsible if it is his though.

I have a good pal who was told a girl was his - he did not bother with DNA for a couple of years. Its not his but he continues to pay as he has grown to love the girl and he say's its not her fault her mother is a scheming bitch

[britmaveric]

Yes one should take care of ones offspring thats a given, however doesnt sound like the lady is that pressed to find him. I'd wager prob doesnt know surname, or any contact details.

[Prakanong]

Yes one should take care of ones offspring thats a given, however doesnt sound like the lady is that pressed to find him. I'd wager prob doesnt know surname, or any contact details.

The OP says he has a surname - thing is if its a common name it will be very difficult or expensive.

[britmaveric]

Yes one should take care of ones offspring thats a given, however doesnt sound like the lady is that pressed to find him. I'd wager prob doesnt know surname, or any contact details.

The OP says he has a surname - thing is if its a common name it will be very difficult or expensive.

Missed that bit!!!

[jts-khorat]

I would think the 'social background' of the girl is of rather big importance.

If he was a paying customer then it was a 'work accident'; the same as there is little coming back on a girl that sticks you with a STD if the condom breaks the other way around would also be true.

There is such a thing as the pill and not taking it because "it makes you fat" is surely not a reason if working in such a high-risk environment for exactly this kind of accidents.

If there however was genuine romantic involvement between the two, then surely there is a moral obligation to honor the intent of the moment; that is, being into it together. As we do not know it is impossible to judge. From a purely legal point of view, the OP has absolutely nothing in his hands.

Just another point: the girl should approach the man if she realy has the desire to do so, independent of who 'tracked hom down'.

If some Farang would come up to me out of the blue that in some grey past there was some kind of mishap etc blabla I would tell him quite clearly as to where to put his story, true or not, and might actually get quite aggressive about it (who knows, the guy might have a wife not to happy to hear such a little tale). Not a thing I would get involved in in any way if I were the OP...

And I am maybe just too much of a cynic nowadays to even give such a rip-off attempt a second thought it could be merited.

[blizzard]

show the girl wot a real man is . op should becum papa. or buut out. always more to story, op always has axe to grind regarding what happened.

[JimmyCA]

A classic case of mind your own business

[howtoescape]

A classic case of mind your own business

If youve got his name check the hotels he was staying at if he romanced the girl back in his room.

[blizzard]

romance?? you guys just dont stop!

[Prakanong]

I would think the 'social background' of the girl is of rather big importance.

If he was a paying customer then it was a 'work accident'; the same as there is little coming back on a girl that sticks you with a STD if the condom breaks the other way around would also be true.

There is such a thing as the pill and not taking it because "it makes you fat" is surely not a reason if working in such a high-risk environment for exactly this kind of accidents.

If there however was genuine romantic involvement between the two, then surely there is a moral obligation to honor the intent of the moment; that is, being into it together. As we do not know it is impossible to judge. From a purely legal point of view, the OP has absolutely nothing in his hands.

Just another point: the girl should approach the man if she realy has the desire to do so, independent of who 'tracked hom down'.

If some Farang would come up to me out of the blue that in some grey past there was some kind of mishap etc blabla I would tell him quite clearly as to where to put his story, true or not, and might actually get quite aggressive about it (who knows, the guy might have a wife not to happy to hear such a little tale). Not a thing I would get involved in in any way if I were the OP...

And I am maybe just too much of a cynic nowadays to even give such a rip-off attempt a second thought it could be merited.

Try telling the courts in the Uk it was a work accident and he does not have to pay if it ever got that far

[Daewoo]

I think there are two or three different threads in here that need to be addressed.

Legal -

I would assume that UK law is similar to Australian law, where obligations are placed on the biological father regardless of circumstance. In fact, there are cases where DNA has proved that he isn't the biological father yet has still had to pay support after a break-up because the court has deemed fatherhood to be more than biological. Not sure if a 'non-citizen' of the country can file in the court of the fathers home country, but if they can he wouldn't have a way out.

My understanding is that Thai law is similar but is less frequently tested, and are far less biased towards the mother.

Moral -

This is completely up to the father and not really for anyone else to decide. I would hate to think that there is a child out there fathered by me who didn't know me. If this happened to me, I would definitely want to be involved with the child and want to make sure that the child was well looked after, but that is just me. The FATHER should be allowed to decide for himself what involvement he has. It doesn't appear he was a party to the decision to go forward with the birth (or to terminate) so he should be allowed to choose what he does afterwards.

The OP -

It is unclear if the OPs intention is to seek revenge on behalf of the girl, or to see that the child is looked after. I feel that knowing much of Thai society's attitude to sex it is unfair to pursue a 'good girl' unless you have some sort of honourable intention (i.e shouldn't take advantage of her). If she is more modern/western in her attitudes, then she is partially/equally responsible. I don't think that it is unreasonable for the OP t try and find the guy, but he should be discreet and only do it if that is what the mother wishes.

If the mother really is a friend, why not step up and become uncle tommurphy??? (as it would seem you already have) You might find it to be very rewarding (or heartbreaking).

Cheers,

Daewoo

[Tommurphy]

Thanks for the replies.

The girl tells me she was enouraged to dinner with a few friends and some farang men. One took a liking to her and one thing lead to another. She also got some money out of this.

She did consider an abortion and tried drinking various medicines at the time which didn't work. She couldn't go through with getting the operation though.

The guy was a friend of a friend of a friend sort. She has sent word back via the friends, so he does know about the baby. She says friends will not give his number or address or even email. I guess he probably has doubts that it is his, so is reluctant to send money. She insists that it could only be his. His surname is "Stefan", which is not too common, and I do know the hotel he stayed at, The Landmark, but do not know the dates - but could work backwards 9 months.

Baby's name is Jessica and she was born in March 2007.

I realise that I don't know the full story from this woman - only parts.

[Daewoo]

I realise that I don't know the full story from this woman - only parts.

I doubt anybody ever knows the full story of anything told by a Thai woman

My opinion is, if he knows about the child, and has chosen not to be involved, it isn't up to you to force his hand. To my mind, the best you can do is continue to look after her as best you can, and hope that as he grows up he will feel the need to become involved.

I don't think that him giving her money should really be an issue. I give Thai friends money from time to time.

If it was me, I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about the child, and that would be the same if the mother was the most popular bargirl in Thailand, but that might be because I have two sons, and love being their dad.

Good on you for caring enough to care.

Cheers,

Daewoo

[blizzard]

stay away from chicks like this! not all the guys fault. its a 50- 50 thing.

story sounds very believeable,

guy stick his appendage in girl and baby cum out. he shouldnt have choice whether to be involved. he is involved and should send munney, then everyone be happy.

sadly girl got her answer, she on her own. maybe baby can be next tata or tiger.

2nd sadly, baby will end up paying for the foolishness of mama and papa.

Edited September 11, 2007 by blizzard

[mr_hippo]

The girl tells me she was enouraged to dinner with a few friends and some farang men. One took a liking to her and one thing lead to another. She also got some money out of this.

She slept with him for money - I thought that topics about girls who did this were not allowed on this forum.

[stevenjm]

I realise that I don't know the full story from this woman - only parts.

I doubt anybody ever knows the full story of anything told by a Thai woman

Good on you for caring enough to care.

Cheers,

Daewoo

Agreed. If you have judged her to be in need of YOUR help then just go with your own conscience.

and good luck.

BTW locally made asian condoms are no good and often break.

[Scott]

I think the point here should be focused on the child more and less so on the mother. In this case, it would be a good idea to pursue the situation and try to determine paternity. I would suggest that probably an NGO be contacted to try and follow up on the case.

This little girl, regardless of the circumstances of her birth--and incidently neither the father nor the mother sound like exemplary people--may be entitled to citizenship and a host of benefits because of her parentage.

Neither of these "parents" sound like exemplary characters--the mother places herself in a category for exchanging money for certain services; he for failing to live up to his obligations as a father, or at least finding out if he is or isn't the father.

[Payboy]

clearly the culprit here is the condom producer - do you know which brand it was?

[blizzard]

edit. the part of the girls story that may be a bit hard to believe is that she knows who fathered the child without a doubt. i find it doubtful she had only passion once in the timfralme in question. maybe this guy is unlucky as she remembered part of his name. after all dont all farangs look alike....lol.

girls with this kind of social standing do get around............lol.

Edited September 11, 2007 by blizzard

[stats]

lots of this things happened here in Thailand seen this alot.

Many thai girls have poor education and can have a naive view of the consequences of falling pregnant to a ferang waster. They see half ferang babys and imagine that they will all grow up to be pop or movie stars. She obvioulsy wanted the baby otherewise she could have opted for a termination. So in short she is left holding the baby with no recourse.

This is true but some cant last long taking care of the baby by herself and have to give it away to relatives or friends.