Life Back Home With Your Thai Girlfriend/wife

[fletchsmile]

From the moment my wife agreed that we should move to the UK I was aware of the huge leap of faith that such a move was on her part. Giving up her job, putting a bigger distance between her and her family and of couse the loss of close friends, food, and all that is life in Thailand for Thai people.

We've since moved a number of times and each time she has settled in quite easily - she was in tears over leaving Rome, she never showed herself to be so upset leaving Thailand.

I think the reasons why she adapted are many, as the poster above says 'her own personality and temprement' was perhaps the largets factor but also shared values and in particular close family ties on both sides of our relationship. I think the least important factor has been the local Thai community, in fact I'd go as far as to say that there have been a number of occassions where the Local Thai community has brought problems to our door.

Work has been important, but not necessarily paid work. My wife took an unpaid job with a local charity and through that found new non Thai friends who bent over backwards to help her adjust to life in the UK. This was repeated in Rome. I suspect that is something to do with the kind of people who do charity work.

And then last, but by no means least, recognize that leap of faith for what it is and reward it with patience.

......

[fletchsmile]

From the moment my wife agreed that we should move to the UK I was aware of the huge leap of faith that such a move was on her part. Giving up her job, putting a bigger distance between her and her family and of couse the loss of close friends, food, and all that is life in Thailand for Thai people.

We've since moved a number of times and each time she has settled in quite easily - she was in tears over leaving Rome, she never showed herself to be so upset leaving Thailand.

I think the reasons why she adapted are many, as the poster above says 'her own personality and temprement' was perhaps the largets factor but also shared values and in particular close family ties on both sides of our relationship. I think the least important factor has been the local Thai community, in fact I'd go as far as to say that there have been a number of occassions where the Local Thai community has brought problems to our door.

Work has been important, but not necessarily paid work. My wife took an unpaid job with a local charity and through that found new non Thai friends who bent over backwards to help her adjust to life in the UK. This was repeated in Rome. I suspect that is something to do with the kind of people who do charity work.

And then last, but by no means least, recognize that leap of faith for what it is and reward it with patience.

......

Guesthouse

Agree with most of your post, particularly the part about a leap of faith on her part, and rewarding her for it.

To other people in a serious relationship with a Thai:

I'd say a move abroad is something to consider. My girlfriend and I were at the serious stage, when the prospect of a move abroad came up. I like Thailand and know I can hack life here, but things can change and it wasn't unforseeable I might have to move at some point, even if not through my own choice. I wasn't sure how my girlfriend would react and cope living abroad. This was probably the only thing I was unsure about her. Would she move from Thailand if we had to?

The job that came up was a good one, but in Indonesia. When I raised it with her, she said selflessly that I should go for it, for my career etc, but was worried about what would happen to us as a couple. Even tho' being apart could have taken it's strain, and she wasn't too happy that we might drift apart, she said go for it. A leap of faith on her part. I suggested I go first, get settled then she come for a holiday for a few days, then again for longer, then again and see how it goes to make permanent. She was a little worried, partly over the costs - which I said would be irrelevant, and probably partly as this is probably how many people try and say goodbye indirectly to Thais. But she was willing to try. We did it. Things went as planned. She enjoyed the initial short trips, so we made it permanent.

I know she found it difficult when it was a full time move. Indonesia (Jakarta) is not an easy place for a Thai lady not knowing anyone, and I know at times when she was there full time she didn't enjoy it. To be honest as an expat the place is a bit of a sh*thole (unless probably if you are a single male guy), so I could understand. Her view was she would rather be with me, than back in Thailand. That leap of faith for me meant an enormous amount. We got married a few months later. A year or so later we got posted to Korea. She really like it there, and even says she misses it some times. Funnily enough a month or so back, a job came up in Thailand. As we now have a baby daughter, I was more than happy to make the move for them this time - no leap of faith needed. I think she got her rewards for her leap of faith. I know I did.

Edited October 4, 2007 by fletchthai68

[fletchsmile]

Apologies for the double post above - a few problems with the connection. I guess you could say we are back home now...

BTW For any Thai ladies abroad my wife found the following website very useful. Full of info, stories, chats, recipes etc by Thai ladies in Thai:

<snip>

[/color]I found it a bit annoying tho', as at times she seemed more interested in reading that, than playing with me and/or our daughter:

Edited October 5, 2007 by Jockstar

[cdnvic]

Apologies for the double post above - a few problems with the connection. I guess you could say we are back home now...

BTW For any Thai ladies abroad my wife found the following website very useful. Full of info, stories, chats, recipes etc by Thai ladies in Thai:

<snip>

[/color]I found it a bit annoying tho', as at times she seemed more interested in reading that, than playing with me and/or our daughter:

Well, now you've found a place to get even

[mikethevigoman]

We have had no trouble or comments from s/heads when at the supermarket or whatever. Although few ever do so in my direction anyway.

We had one incident in a supermarket where some dingbat lady made a comment about "too many of you people" before dropping the snarl and asking my wife "or are you Canadian?"

We just walked away but my wife asked me what she should say in those situations. I suggested she reply "I'm Thai, now kindly go #### yourself!" but she thinks it would be impolite

That to my knowledge is about the only racist remark I've ever witnessed since she got here.

What sort of red neck would mistake a thai for a canadian ! jeez

[kmart]

Apologies for the double post above - a few problems with the connection. I guess you could say we are back home now...

BTW For any Thai ladies abroad my wife found the following website very useful. Full of info, stories, chats, recipes etc by Thai ladies in Thai:

<snip>

[/color]I found it a bit annoying tho', as at times she seemed more interested in reading that, than playing with me and/or our daughter:

Thanks for that!

I've just found out when a lot of my friends are going back on the rigs.

[DamianMavis]

We have had no trouble or comments from s/heads when at the supermarket or whatever. Although few ever do so in my direction anyway.

We had one incident in a supermarket where some dingbat lady made a comment about "too many of you people" before dropping the snarl and asking my wife "or are you Canadian?"

We just walked away but my wife asked me what she should say in those situations. I suggested she reply "I'm Thai, now kindly go #### yourself!" but she thinks it would be impolite

That to my knowledge is about the only racist remark I've ever witnessed since she got here.

What sort of red neck would mistake a thai for a canadian ! jeez

My girlfriends in Canada were: Philipino, Laos, Vietnamese and Chinese... ALL CANADIANS who speak english like I do. Seems pretty easy to mistake anyone in Canada as a Canadian until they open their mouth.... and even then, I know of tons of Canadian citizens that can barely speak english or french.

Damian Mavis

Edited October 4, 2007 by DamianMavis

[CbrLad]

This has been an interesting thread, it shows how adaptable Thai people can be. I wonder if much of that is because many move to larger cities away from their family at a young age.

This is something that has been worrying me about my relationship with my girlfriend, who all things going well will be my wife in Feb. She knows that marrying me means she will have to move away from her homeland, there is just no way I could move to Thailand just at the moment (I am only 30, she 28), maybe in the future. The thing I love about this women is she is a smart lady and very self motivated, our reltionship wouldn't last very long if she sat around the house all day being the perfect 'housewife'. Dong that would drive her crazy, and I don't think the stongest of relationships could last under that strain, let alone a new marriage in a new land. Reading this thread it is clear that many ladies find work and make new friends which is good to see, that is exactly the kind of thing I would want my GF to do. Make new friends, both Thai and local, get a job and have a life of her own outside marriage.

Now a question, does anyone know how hard it is for a lady to get a good job in London? I am not talking about as a cleaner or working in a shop, but something a little more substantial? My GF is a uni graduate and currently works as a personal assistant for a Thai company in Bangkok. The thing I realise is she wouldn't be able to do the same job in England for an english only speaking company, her english skills despite being very good would not be good enough to work as a PA in an english company. So does anyone know if oportunties exist for a lady like this in London? Are there many Thai companies in the UK that have a need for a Thai speaker? Anyone with any suggestions for companies that might deal/specialise with recruitment for Thai's in London?

[roamer]

This has been an interesting thread, it shows how adaptable Thai people can be. I wonder if much of that is because many move to larger cities away from their family at a young age.

This is something that has been worrying me about my relationship with my girlfriend, who all things going well will be my wife in Feb. She knows that marrying me means she will have to move away from her homeland, there is just no way I could move to Thailand just at the moment (I am only 30, she 28), maybe in the future. The thing I love about this women is she is a smart lady and very self motivated, our reltionship wouldn't last very long if she sat around the house all day being the perfect 'housewife'. Dong that would drive her crazy, and I don't think the stongest of relationships could last under that strain, let alone a new marriage in a new land. Reading this thread it is clear that many ladies find work and make new friends which is good to see, that is exactly the kind of thing I would want my GF to do. Make new friends, both Thai and local, get a job and have a life of her own outside marriage.

Now a question, does anyone know how hard it is for a lady to get a good job in London? I am not talking about as a cleaner or working in a shop, but something a little more substantial? My GF is a uni graduate and currently works as a personal assistant for a Thai company in Bangkok. The thing I realise is she wouldn't be able to do the same job in England for an english only speaking company, her english skills despite being very good would not be good enough to work as a PA in an english company. So does anyone know if oportunties exist for a lady like this in London? Are there many Thai companies in the UK that have a need for a Thai speaker? Anyone with any suggestions for companies that might deal/specialise with recruitment for Thai's in London?

In terms of job openings for Thais in London, outside of the restaurant trade its hard to think of many. I know a few Thai grads here, one or two doing similar jobs, or even better ones than they had back home. However, most of them took the further study route & part time work, bar/restaurant/shop etc for a year or two before trying to get their feet on the ladder. Thai Airways, Tourist Board etc.....you would probably be wasting your time, its who you know, lots of applicants. Very few other jobs where Thai is needed.

Having said that there are opportunities here for her, there are lots of funded training schemes available via jobcentres that lead to job placements and a look at some of the possibilities should be one of your first steps. The important thing to realise is the fact that the countries are so radically different that there is a familiarization curve that is quite steep, especially when you want to step into the workplace. You, or rather she, have to lower the sights a little in order to gain that experience, one Thai I know now has a very comfy banking job but she would be the first to admit that working behind a bar was at least as important as the M.Sc she did here. And that can be a problem because not all Thais, especially graduates, would be prepared to do such a "low" job, and not all husbands would be happy with it either. But there are alternatives to bar work, anything with lots of interaction, more familiarity with colloquial English is a help.

Making Thai friends, especially at the start, is something that should be done with caution as many of the posts here and on similar threads will bear witness to. Contrary to expectations it also often exacerbates feelings of homesickness rather than helps. English friends, maybe via work or college is a better route to go down.

Its not always so easy but it can work out. Good luck.

[fletchsmile]

Apologies for the double post above - a few problems with the connection. I guess you could say we are back home now...

BTW For any Thai ladies abroad my wife found the following website very useful. Full of info, stories, chats, recipes etc by Thai ladies in Thai:

<snip>

[/color]I found it a bit annoying tho', as at times she seemed more interested in reading that, than playing with me and/or our daughter:

Thanks for that!

I've just found out when a lot of my friends are going back on the rigs.

Why am I not surprised you've got a fettish for female Thai oil rig workers

[torrenova]

Keep them away from the pokies and gambling in general.

[dsys]

Keep them away from the pokies and gambling in general.

The London Job market... I know of only one Thai person (male) who got a good job. That was through his fathers connections. I know of another girl who has a BSc and MSc from Thai university and an MBa from a UK university - the only job she could get was as a PA. It's very hard to ge a decent job. Think about starting a business for her in the UK.

Edited October 4, 2007 by dsys

[CbrLad]

In terms of job openings for Thais in London, outside of the restaurant trade its hard to think of many. I know a few Thai grads here, one or two doing similar jobs, or even better ones than they had back home. However, most of them took the further study route & part time work, bar/restaurant/shop etc for a year or two before trying to get their feet on the ladder. Thai Airways, Tourist Board etc.....you would probably be wasting your time, its who you know, lots of applicants. Very few other jobs where Thai is needed.

Having said that there are opportunities here for her, there are lots of funded training schemes available via jobcentres that lead to job placements and a look at some of the possibilities should be one of your first steps. The important thing to realise is the fact that the countries are so radically different that there is a familiarization curve that is quite steep, especially when you want to step into the workplace. You, or rather she, have to lower the sights a little in order to gain that experience, one Thai I know now has a very comfy banking job but she would be the first to admit that working behind a bar was at least as important as the M.Sc she did here. And that can be a problem because not all Thais, especially graduates, would be prepared to do such a "low" job, and not all husbands would be happy with it either. But there are alternatives to bar work, anything with lots of interaction, more familiarity with colloquial English is a help.

Making Thai friends, especially at the start, is something that should be done with caution as many of the posts here and on similar threads will bear witness to. Contrary to expectations it also often exacerbates feelings of homesickness rather than helps. English friends, maybe via work or college is a better route to go down.

Its not always so easy but it can work out. Good luck.

Thanks for that it is more or less what I though. The GF currently works for a smallish company that has its roots in Europe and has an office in London. I have been telling her she should use those contacts to get contacts, but she tells me she hasn't told them she is leaving yet because she is scared they will replace her early if she tells them now.

As for setting up a business as someone said, what I forgot to mention is I am Aussie, I am in the UK on a contract that has about 2 years to run. After that we will either extend, if we still both like it (the UK drives me nuts so don't think that will happen) otherwise we will head back home to Aus or off to where ever the work is.

[mrbojangles]

what I forgot to mention is I am Aussie, I am in the UK on a contract that has about 2 years to run. After that we will either extend, if we still both like it (the UK drives me nuts so don't think that will happen) otherwise we will head back home to Aus or off to where ever the work is.

Why does it drive you nuts? Is it cos we have a better Rugby team than you Sorry, couldn't resist.

[CbrLad]

what I forgot to mention is I am Aussie, I am in the UK on a contract that has about 2 years to run. After that we will either extend, if we still both like it (the UK drives me nuts so don't think that will happen) otherwise we will head back home to Aus or off to where ever the work is.

Why does it drive you nuts? Is it cos we have a better Rugby team than you Sorry, couldn't resist.

Good one, that game was god awful, neither side deserved to win. But no that isn't what drives me nuts but it doesn't help!!!.

What drives me nuts is the general attitude of people. People seem so selfish and bad mannered, it has me amazed. Specificaly people in the service industry over here really get my goat, especially in shops. They give crap service, are generally rude and you are not allowed to have a go at the lazy bastards because everyone is entitled to work without any form of harassment. (see one of my other posts about my Boots experiance). Maybe it is a London thing, I don't know but it really gets my goat. Oh then don't start me on the manner in which people travel on the tube in particular, anyone would think they are the only people in the world.

Give me good old Asian or even Aussie service anyday. Although Aus is going the same way in terms of general selfishness, but at least service is ok and supermakets chicks will pack your bag as you scan rather than scan so fast you cannot pack properly then sit on the &lt;deleted&gt; for a minute whilst you catch up.

[huahin]

It appears many posters on here are living with their girlfriend/wife in Thailand but I'm curious to hear from anyone who has taken their girl back home or even better she has moved there. Any comments from blokes in the west welcome but especially Aussies.

Background: My girlfriend arrives in 2 very long days time on a 3 month TV. Not sure if this will help but… I am 29 she is 27 and she is dark skinned (not from Issan but looks like it). Her English is not perfect but is quite reasonable.

I am asking as I am very serious about her. I know people here have had/have their girl living with them in their home country (and obviously very happy) but I really want to hear some details of what it's like day to day. I know I'll find out over the next 3 months (and hopefully longer) but really want to hear other people's thoughts.

How does she find it, how did she adjust, did she miss family/friends badly, did you experience any harassment from people about having a Thai lady, what differences from living with a western girl, what did she think about the weather (I live in Melbourne so hopefully she'll be in too deep if she comes next winter ) ? Anything else.

G'day mate, I've read the whole thread, (that's about all I do nowadays), most advice is good. My wife and I are into our 23rd year of marriage and 24th year in country, I must addmit, even though she loves living here, her heart is still in the kingdom of Thailand and has told me many times that she intends to return to her beloved country. Whilst your gf is here you should show her a good time but don't throw money in her lap, show her how to be frugal in this counrty. Chok Dee.