Discipline In Thailand

[RueFang]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

[lazeeboy]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

things have moved on since we were young ,hit your kid and your in court for child abusing ,i never hit my kids in the uk or in thailand ,i just take away there psp for a day or two ,i do shout at them but in private ,my wife does scream at them in public but i think its very common and dont condone it .

[Pushit]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Because the word "responsibility" has no meaning in Thailand

[whopper]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Because the word "responsibility" has no meaning in Thailand

that is a great post

[RueFang]

I like to think it's not so long since I was young (being 30!) and I don't condone hitting kids either but alternatives such as you suggest taking away things for a time and in the cousin's case I would think don't let him borrow the car again...but it just never happens!

[londonthai]

I would think youngsters on the whole do have more respect for their parents and for the elderly than in the west - even for the reason they are more dependent on the family support

your cousin is exceptionally tolarated by his family and just trying his luck - I do know families which would just outcast a kid behaving this way, untill he/she changes attitude

[mart29]

Really i think this is just the thread starters experience of one instance.

I tell you something, in the UK kids run around screaming in shopping malls and mothers have no control of their kids when out with them. its just insane and really annoying, as for school kids on the bus or train, your lucky if they dont stab you.

in thailand the kids in the shopping malls are so well behaved its unbeleivable, me and the gf always comment at the difference.

As for the teenagers, they arent as rowdy as in the uk, in fact they are like the model idea of what a teenager would be. though not all kids in the uk are bad, dont get me wrong that would be unfair but the difference is staggering. my kids will be as well behaved as the ones i have seen here in thailand. i will make sure of it.

Edited October 10, 2007 by mart29

[PadThaiGuy]

Lots of spoiled kids...especially the sons. Some never grow up. The Mom or Nanny afraid to discipline.

Now imagine a few years down the line......Schooled in a school system where no student ever fails....... The kids parents..... well connected....... the Kid becomes a General or a Cop or some spoiled hotshot Politician or running an Airport or Protecting the Environment.

That's the type of people running the Country.

Privledged kids from a privledged family with no discipline and no ambition other than exploit his position.

Edited October 10, 2007 by PadThaiGuy

[RueFang]

If generalising I would say that Thai kids don't throw tantrums to the extent western kids do, in public anyway...but in my village there's heaps of boys (16-25ish) who hoon around in groups on their motorbikes..2 or 3 on each bike making as much noise as they can and it's definitely not a one off instance.

I do know families which would just outcast a kid behaving this way, untill he/she changes attitude

Really? I would have thought that very strange for a Thai family to do?

[mart29]

If generalising I would say that Thai kids don't throw tantrums to the extent western kids do, in public anyway...but in my village there's heaps of boys (16-25ish) who hoon around in groups on their motorbikes..2 or 3 on each bike making as much noise as they can and it's definitely not a one off instance.

I do know families which would just outcast a kid behaving this way, untill he/she changes attitude

Really? I would have thought that very strange for a Thai family to do?

even that pales into insignificance compared to the vast numbers of hooded gangs hanging around in the uk mugging people and breaking things. they sound like they are bored and making alot of noise, hardly comparible. im sure its annoying though.

[Pushit]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Look at the moral examples set by politicians, police, civil "servants", "Military" specimens/scum. How can kids gain good morals when the latter influences prevail!!

[a2396]

If generalising I would say that Thai kids don't throw tantrums to the extent western kids do, in public anyway...but in my village there's heaps of boys (16-25ish) who hoon around in groups on their motorbikes..2 or 3 on each bike making as much noise as they can and it's definitely not a one off instance.

I do know families which would just outcast a kid behaving this way, untill he/she changes attitude

Really? I would have thought that very strange for a Thai family to do?

even that pales into insignificance compared to the vast numbers of hooded gangs hanging around in the uk mugging people and breaking things. they sound like they are bored and making alot of noise, hardly comparible. im sure its annoying though.

Most Thai teens are relatively harmless compared to the gang-bangers & drug dealing trash on the streets of many U.S. cities. Tightening the penalities and adding years of jail time has made little difference. Police agencies are understaffed and overworked or have their enforcement priorities upside down, busting up strip clubs & "outing" hooker johns in the public media.

[chownah]

The kids these days!!!.....worthless!!!....every last one of them!!!.....why, when I was thier age blabh balhb albhlabhalb lhblahblhlh...............

[xyborg]

If my kids misbehave they'll get a whack end of story.

[elkangorito]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter.........

I think you're asking an eternal question...this has been happening for yonks.

It sounds a bit like "spoilt brat" syndrome to me.

The thing is that Thai kids are subject to huge amounts of "brainwashing" at school. "Thais must be nicely dressed. Thais are always smiling (my Thai colleague told me of this particular "command"). Thais do this. Thais do that. Thais must be this. Thais must be that". Endless "nationalistic" & cultural twaddle.

Considering all of the above, it's no wonder a young Thai person may choose to rebel against "the system". Many young Thais escape "the system" by going to another country but this only happens if the family is rich. Most of the kids doing this, do it under the banner of "further education" with an secret motive of gaining residency in another country (to escape the endless "cultural controls" in Thailand).

The old saying "Boys will be boys" comes to mind.

[bina]

my (thai)husband thinks my teenagers are spoiled (probably are by american standards but not isaeli ones) and i always hear: in thailand a 15 yr old is a woman and should know to clean up after herself wash dishes do laundry, boys should know how to do this that and the other without asking mom to do it for him/her, bla blabla : when i was 13 i already cooked for mom and dad and then worked in the fields and walked x kilometers to school etc etc etc....this from an issaan village guy. bu then my kids think my husband is like a child sometimes: quick tempered, slight temper tantrum type things, impulsive and enjoys things that teenagers enjoy...

i answer that my kids go to army so i spoil them now, they might be dead next year...

[JetsetBkk]

If my kids misbehave they'll get a whack end of story.

Thank God there's at least one other normal person here.

[chiang mai]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". It's as true and applicable today as it ever was and the proof of that is seen hanging around shopping malls and street corners everywhere in Thailand.

[mr_hippo]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". It's as true and applicable today as it ever was and the proof of that is seen hanging around shopping malls and street corners everywhere in Thailand.

Not only in Thailand but all over the world! I remember, as an 8 year old kid, throwing stones at a derelict building and being caught by a policeman (my mates were quicker on their feet!). He rolled up his rubberised cape and hit me with it. When I got home, Dad asked me why I was crying and yes, you've guessed it. He hit me for getting into trouble. These days, the parents would be round to the police station putting in a complaint!

[kmart]

There are two rules of discipline here in LoS. Heaps of restrictions; mores; codes of dress/conduct/etiquette/speech for the girls. And let the boys do whatever they want...

[londonthai]

the proof of that is seen hanging around shopping malls and street corners everywhere in Thailand.

hadly any wrong doing - not as good as doing their homework or doing part time job, but still much better than running drugs around

[xyborg]

The problem has always been the difference between a good whack and a beating and as such the Uk government along with most European nations have decided smacking is a no no. They are of course "bloody nuts"!!

I'm not sure now if you can smack a kid in the Uk?? I think it has some dumb rules attatched like the childs skin must not go red!!!!!! So in effect you must discipline them by stroking them until they understand !!!!!!!!!!! YEAH RIGHT

[Pepe']

The problem has always been the difference between a good whack and a beating and as such the Uk government along with most European nations have decided smacking is a no no. They are of course "bloody nuts"!!

I'm not sure now if you can smack a kid in the Uk?? I think it has some dumb rules attatched like the childs skin must not go red!!!!!! So in effect you must discipline them by stroking them until they understand !!!!!!!!!!! YEAH RIGHT

[/quote

------------------------

Sad but true...

[kmart]

the proof of that is seen hanging around shopping malls and street corners everywhere in Thailand.

hadly any wrong doing - not as good as doing their homework or doing part time job, but still much better than running drugs around

And to be honest, there aren't many other places for them to hang around. Thai urban / community planning being virtually non-existent.

[WilliamCave]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Massive problems in this area with my wifes nephew,, stole lied had parties in the house when we were gone his friends stole from us and my wife talked to him and it was always repeated...Almost caused us to seperate..

THEN I ACTED LIKE A THI MAN, and said he is OUT, the same as a thai man would do, I reminded her that the kid would heve been shown the door the first time by a thai man.

[qualtrough]

What is the deal with discipline in Thailand? I'm not just talking about little kids either but 16-18 year olds that openly disrespect their parents or any elders for that matter and seem to suffer no consequences. I don't think I've ever seen an adult tell their kid off for anything except perhaps to say they're being too loud but that's it. Classic example today my husband's 18 year old cousin borrowed FILs car this morning with the promise to bring it back in a couple of hours because it was needed in the afternoon. He just got back at 6.30pm and all he got (after causing a lot of inconvenience) was "why are you late?" he blatently lied, got on his motorbike and hooned off! He's done this at least a dozen times but they still let him use the car, borrow money etc...I'm a little baffled by it. Has anyone ever seen a Thai couple discipline their kids or teenagers? Do the farang with kids have issues with their spouse because of discipline issues?

Look at the moral examples set by politicians, police, civil "servants", "Military" specimens/scum. How can kids gain good morals when the latter influences prevail!!

You are right, but still the vast majority of Western kids grow up to be good people.

[monty]

My personal opinion is that indeed the majority of kids are growing up with the notion that rules and regulations are in some book at a government office and that's it.

How does a growing kid learns to decide what is acceptable and what not, when he, at the age of 10, has to drive granny to the market with the moped. Driving a moped is illegal under 18 and without a driver license.

But hey, granny has to get to the market somehow, so in this case (where it benefits ones self) the laws and rules don't apply, never mind the possible consequences in case of an accident for example!

What kids are being asked to do and are being allowed to do during their growing up years, is laying the foundation on how they will act as adults!

The above example is in my opinion one of the two single reasons traffic is so horrendous and dangerous over here, with the other reason being the total lack of the enforcement of the rules.

I dread the day I might have an accident where a young boy with his granny on the back will hit my car. Big chance it could turn ugly by no fault of mine....

And this whole mindset creates corrupt people who will flaunt the law because it benefits themselves and because it's what they have been taught to do without any repercussions when young...

[geriatrickid]

Answer: Because they can get away with it.

The parent that finds the medium between the draconian methods suggested from some posters and the anarchy that prevails suggested by others,usually has happy well adjusted kids that are successful in whatever way they measure success. Applies to any country.

As for those that say spare the rod and spoil the child, I'd like to take a rod to their buttocks. Having attended an austere disciplined school where children were regularly caned without mercy, I'd like to share the benefits of the rod with them. Hands in the pockets are as good a place as any to start. After all, once we are going to use hackneyed sayings, then I think "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" or "as ye reap so shall ye sow" is quite appropriate, right? Oh wait, it's not adults that need a beating, just kids perceived as running wild. Harrumph I say and a pox upon you.

[chiang mai]

Answer: Because they can get away with it.

The parent that finds the medium between the draconian methods suggested from some posters and the anarchy that prevails suggested by others,usually has happy well adjusted kids that are successful in whatever way they measure success. Applies to any country.

As for those that say spare the rod and spoil the child, I'd like to take a rod to their buttocks. Having attended an austere disciplined school where children were regularly caned without mercy, I'd like to share the benefits of the rod with them. Hands in the pockets are as good a place as any to start. After all, once we are going to use hackneyed sayings, then I think "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" or "as ye reap so shall ye sow" is quite appropriate, right? Oh wait, it's not adults that need a beating, just kids perceived as running wild. Harrumph I say and a pox upon you.

I would like to take you up on your kind offer, but... Seriously, I think that you would agree there is a happy medium and that neither an excess of corporal punishment nor a total absence of it achieves that. I've spoken with a number of people in my life who said they were harshly treated at school when they were young and some of the stories sounded quite brutal. What sticks out in my mind from those discussions, as a common theme, is that many said they were better for it in later years. Who knows, I certainly wasn't "beaten" during my school years by either parents or teachers. But I didn't escape totally unscathed either and as a result I think I know the difference between right and wrong without having to think about it..

[qualtrough]

I would like to take you up on your kind offer, but... Seriously, I think that you would agree there is a happy medium and that neither an excess of corporal punishment nor a total absence of it achieves that. I've spoken with a number of people in my life who said they were harshly treated at school when they were young and some of the stories sounded quite brutal. What sticks out in my mind from those discussions, as a common theme, is that many said they were better for it in later years. Who knows, I certainly wasn't "beaten" during my school years by either parents or teachers. But I didn't escape totally unscathed either and as a result I think I know the difference between right and wrong without having to think about it..

I agree that a happy medium is best. We burn our hands on a stove and most of us tend to remember not to do that again. As a young child we do something we have been warned against repeatedly and we know is not right, and a swift whack on the bottom serves as a powerful reminder just like getting burned on a stove. I attended a grade school where severe transgressions were punished by a spanking by the principal. I know I often misbehaving because I was terrified of being sent down to his office for a spanking. The punishment should not be excessive, not done in anger, and not without warning. I am not ashamed at all to say that my two daughters received the occasional spanking under those circumstances. When we visited the US recently is was brought to my attention several times that they were much better behaved than their non-corporal punished cousins.