Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few

hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who

answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to

myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. The

lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had

cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he

finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his

friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up

North."

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"

"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything! "

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus me brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No,oi I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?" (Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure dis is where he fell in?"