Genuine Freinds In Los

[N47HAN]

First id like to say that I am very content and extremely happy in the LOS ,

But just sat here wondering how many true "freinds" people have here (as you would class a freind back in farangland)

I personally know numerous people and get along great with all of them and would class a few as freinds. Would they all be classed as freinds back home or merely acquantancies?

Maybe one or two i would call freinds in the same sense as i would back home . Seems strange to me that we are all from our homelands, but do we bond the same way as foreigners do back in our home countries ?

From my experience I have a niggling thought that should times turn sour this country could very quickly become a lonesome place to be?

For now I have not one complaint ,

Your thoughts on real freindships...................

[ajarnmark]

I think it is very difficult to find a true friend after your teenage (just a theory with a lot of exceptions as well). How many true friends have you made after your teenage. I have some nice friends here in LOS and they are really true friends those who will help you when you are in need (a friend in need is friend indeed ).

They are from every part of the world (no single nationality) including Thais. I think one's partner should also be the true friend.

I am friendly to everyone but one reason I am very careful in making close friends here is that a lot of people are involved in illegal things (we read in the newspapers everyday), i.e. from working without work permits to selling drugs, so I dont want to befriend with a person who is involved in any illegal activity, thats why I do not make many friends. My ratio of friends to acquaintances is probably 1 to 1000. But I am happy and this is the way the life is.

[jumnien]

I have many friends, true friends, that I've met over the last 10 years here through the spiritual program that I belong to. Outside of that 12-step fellowship, I'd have to say that I have many pleasant acquaintances, but few deep friendships. A few.

[lazeeboy]

I have many friends, true friends, that I've met over the last 10 years here through the spiritual program that I belong to. Outside of that 12-step fellowship, I'd have to say that I have many pleasant acquaintances, but few deep friendships. A few.

i have met many true freinds over the last 14 years in thailand ,but most have gone home after losing there money or there health ,now just a handfull left ,try to stay in touch but once they leave thailand we tend to lose touch .

[ColPyat]

Your thoughts on real freindships...................

Good post!

I have one genuine friend here, many mates, and lots of acquaintances.

Many people here mistake companionship based on common interest (often unfortunately the common hobby of visiting Thai hookers) with friendship. Such companionship is easily formed here when people of different backgrounds and cultures come together as foreigners.

After having been burned a few times badly - i have thinned out the herd in the last years. I am not going to waste my time with people anymore i have nothing in common, especially not values.

[kangeroo]

Hello.

Yes a old friend once told me where all friends round the camp fire . But when things go wrong there are not too many that will help you ,but if you find someone that does not walk away you will have a friend for life.

[soundman]

Well apart from family, I only have two people that I rate as "true - drop everything and come to my aid if I am in deep shit - friends". Known both since high school.

Apart from Thai family - I have only drinking buddies, social friends, loyal staff & business aquaintences amongst the Thai's who I associate the word friendship with, no "true" friends.

True friends do not just pop up out of the blue & I think any person who has more than a handful of "true" friends during their lifetime is a truly lucky person indeed.

Cheers!

[Jockstar]

I have lived in a few countries and shared houses with hundreds of people over the years. I really do have some real good friends from all over the world. When i lived in Bangkok for 5 years. I had many good friends and also there were others that i knew. When i got married in ChiangMai we had 250 people there. The percentage was about 55% Thai 45% Farang. People had flown in from all over the world. I am indeed lucky. A good friend is someone that you might not see for a while, but when you do. Its like it was only yesterday. My best mate i have known since i was 7 years old. Still best mates. Though he lives in London and me in Oz. But speak now and again.

[DamianMavis]

This thread makes me a bit sad, other than my girlfriend I have no true friends, I know lots of people and acquaintances but no one I could count as a friend. I assume it's my fault.

Damian Mavis

[qualtrough]

Billy Nomates here. I have had friends here over the years, but they have either gone home or elsewhere, or live so far across town that we rarely see each other. Few opportunities to meet new people as there are very few farangs where I live. I don't know how many friends I would have back home by now either.

[eek]

Im in the same boat Damian, but truthfully of my own doing.

When i came here, i wanted (cliche im afraid) "thinking time" and chose to make fair weather friends only. In fact, actively avoiding making friends..just casual hellos and swift goodbyes.

Now that i have been here nearly a year i have been more open to making friends, but realise its not so easy. Being female, in my early 30s (and blissfully mistaken for much younger sometimes! ), and from a creative academic background, im finding it hard to find like-minded people in roughly the same age bracket (not that im against younger or older however). I have a very young outlook and although i like dressing neat and looking my best, im up for paint-ball and gaming and go-carting and stuff. I can also kick ass in comp games

Ive met people..but find often that nothing quite 'clicks'. I suppose i should get out more and go to gatherings..but ive become a bit despondent. I have to admit i like my own company, and if im truthful i also realise i am recently finding some interactions with people irritating. There seems to be quite a lot of 'know-it-alls' around. Maybe im inventing excuses or seeing flaws to not make any friends..i dont know really. Sometimes it can be a bit lonely, but i would rather be on my own than in the company of draining people.

My fingers are crossed to meet some decent friends.

[donna]

i think that the older we get the more acquaintances we have but the less true friends we have. i am lucky that i have two good girlfriends here and they are true friends. we support each other through thick and thin and i know if i am ever in a bind they are there to help me out - and vice versa of course. i would give them my last dollar if i knew they needed it more than i do.

they are both western and we met through work over here.

among thais, i have about two or three true friends. again, people who are there for me when i need them, and for whom i support in their times of trouble (more on an emotional level than monetary level).

yep. i feel lucky.

[mellow1]

Apart from my wife and son, no. Although I know some friendly people.

[kiakaha]

a few good ones. mostly met through work though, so people from similar backgrounds and reasons for being in LOS.

[pampal]

I am blessed to have two very good friends in the LOS.

[howtoescape]

I think the older you get, there is less need to be loved and accepted by everyone, hence it will lead to having less friends.

Im still occassionally in touch with many of my mates from when i was a kid though most have now been relegated from people who you would do anything for to acquaintances who you only really want one night out a year with, at the most.

[fletchsmile]

I think it's always a good question to ask. For some people friendship is less important than others. Some people seem happy with none and some not so happy even tho they have many friends.

For me personally, I've noticed the answer seems to change at different stages in life, as the focus of my own and other people's needs change. No doubt it will continue changing

:

- School was very easy to make friends, when we were young and innocent, and trusting

- Higher education and working life in turn were each a little harder.

- Moving abroad (eg Thailand) seemed to make it easier to make friends again, as there are a lot of people in the same boat, and I think you needed to be open-minded, so you put more effort in, not necessarily always just to make friend but to undersand others. The disadvantage of living abroad is a lot of people also move on.

- I'd also like to think I have many genuine friends in different countries who would always be there for me if needed. Just that we get a bit lazy and don't always keep in touch

- I noticed that getting married and then having a daughter also caused me to look more inwards to my family and focus on them. It's more important that my daughter and wife have the friends and the support they need. So I sometimes find myself in situations trying to make sure they are happy and make friends, rather than with my own friends.

One way I like to focus on what's important in life is to ask what would you like people to say on your tombstone to sum up your life once you're gone. If people simply wrote: "he was happy and brought happiness" that would be no.1. for me. Pretty high on the list would be also be "he gave more than he took". With that in mind, perhaps another couple of questions might be...

How many people would consider me a genuine friend, (in LOS or elsewhere)? Are you happy with the answer?

[Gary A]

Friends come and go. I think I have more friends here than I had in the US. The best friend I EVER had in the US decided I was no longer his friend over (naturally) a girl. I had no interest in her but she liked and chased me. My best friend wanted to go fisticuffs over it. He never could whip me anyways but I just walked away. I KNOW It was wrong but I totally ignored her after that and after the dust settled she ended up with a different boyfriend. She simply didn't like my former best friend. He never spoke to me after that and we had grown up together. Friends like that I don't need.

[RueFang]

For me not having good friends close by is the hardest thing about living here. My husband is the sort that doesn't need friends, he's very friendly with everyone but doesn't need buddies. I have a handful of really good friends back in oz who I speak to every couple of weeks (compared to every couple of days if I was still there) and would go quite insane without that connection. There's a few women I can talk casually with but definitely no real bond as it is impossible to communicate on that deeper level with my level of Thai language and their level of English skills.

[Ulysses G.]

I'm over 50 and I've always been lucky with friends. I have three fairly close ones here and a bunch of people who I am "friendly" with.

They are all guys that I met in the bar scene when I first came here 20 years ago. They came at the same time and we've always eaten dinner together and hung out all of these years even though they are all married now.

Recently, I needed to borrow a fair amount of money as I was in the middle of one business deal and another one dropped in my lap. All three of them were willing to lend me part of the money because they know that I needed it badly and don't usually get into situations like this.

I have started paying them back already.

[nidge]

I think we should start a "billy no mates" forum.

I don't have any "true" friends heir either and like others i guess it's my choice. When i lived in bangkok i was often mixing with farangs living in the same apartment complex and i thought they were friends. But when i suddenly needed help in a situation they all turned their backs. I don't need friends like that. Now i am living up country and have many Thai friends but it's not the same. Although if i was ever up sh1t creek i am sure they would all ofeer me a paddle.

[uptou]

..but ive become a bit despondent. I have to admit i like my own company, and if im truthful i also realise i am recently finding some interactions with people irritating. There seems to be quite a lot of 'know-it-alls' around. Maybe im inventing excuses or seeing flaws to not make any friends..i dont know really. Sometimes it can be a bit lonely, but i would rather be on my own than in the company of draining people.

I'm also thinking the same at this point in time.I have a couple of mates back home (god that sounds sad),good for a few laughs,but if asked do i trust them 100%,to be honest,i'm not sure,there always seems a competetiveness with us blokes,always trying to get the upper hand.

I trust my other half 100%.Shes karen,from a poor background & with very little education,but kind of un-corrupted compared to people ive known back home,& i knew her a long time before we got involved.She seperates everybody into good or bad,& couldnt care less about status or whether people are popular,wealthy etc.

I've met some lovely thai people,but i get the impression that they dont want foreigners to know to much & will generally keep you at arms length.

[xyborg]

You only know who your true friends are when the chips are down and your back's against the wall. Something happened to me sometime ago which showed me who were, and were not friends. My wife (still on probation) in Thailand and one of her selfless friends are my only true friends here at the moment.

[rainman]

This thread makes me a bit sad, other than my girlfriend I have no true friends, I know lots of people and acquaintances but no one I could count as a friend. I assume it's my fault.

Damian Mavis

Cheer up, need a friend?

I have quite a few friends in Thailand, but the ones I can call a "true friend", except my family members, are all living outside Thailand.

[girlx]

i have more good friends here in thailand than i have back home, which is a big part of why i stay here. all of them are farang, not thai. there is not a single thai i would classify as a real friend, unfortunately.

This thread makes me a bit sad, other than my girlfriend I have no true friends, I know lots of people and acquaintances but no one I could count as a friend. I assume it's my fault.

the best way to make a friend is to be a friend.

Edited October 15, 2007 by girlx

[Suszzy]

i have lots of acquaintances here in England.

but only have two best friends which i can count on.

that's enough for me. And they are English..!

[sbk]

I am like GaryA, I have a couple of good friends but they moved away and we lost touch.

Most Thai people do not make close friends as adults but form their friendships as children. My husband often complains of being friendless (sounds like Rue's husband) --he has lots of acquaintances but can count his true friends on one hand.

Close friends in Thailand besides my husband? Currently one. Friendly acquaintances, quite a few. Its difficult to make and hold onto good friends when they move on. People change.

[BFD]

I have a brother that lives here, so he's my only real friend. I count his Thai wife as a friend as well.

I've lived here for over a year now and don't have any other friends than that. I originally came with my girlfriend who is also from Canada. After about seven months, our relationship ended, and she went back to Canada. I thought at the time that I didn't have any friends because I'd put so much effort into maintaining my romantic relationship. However, she's been gone for as long as she was here, and I'm still watching Scrubs alone at night

Now, I suppose this sounds whiny, but I must say I'm not actually too distraught over it. I, too, enjoy my own company, and my brother's family are always good for drinks and conversation. I just didn't expect to be surrounded by a sea of humanity (BKK) and feel so anonymous. I come from a relatively small town in western Canada where it's pretty easy to know something about everyone and very likely that you'll bump into someone you know when you go out at night. Those are definitely things that contributed to my wanting to leave, so I guess I'd just better get used to the Bangkok way.

This is an interesting thread.

BFD!

[kmart]

I'd say that amongst the acquaintances I have here that I have 4-5 true friends that I can count on if I ever have a problem or will tell me if they think I'm doing something wrong or whatever. This has been born out by experience. Two of these people are Thai.

I still have a few good friends in the UK that I've known since childhood, and we still keep in contact and meet whenever we get the chance. I think I'm very lucky in this respect, and I value my friends very highly indeed.

[CWMcMurray]

I had many good friends in the US but I have lost touch with them in the 3 1/2 years I have been living in Thailand.

I have a few close friends here in Thailand, a couple foreigners and a couple Thais, and many aquaintances; I am not certain if my friends here would drop everything in order to help me or not, but I know that I would do so for them and I hope that they would do the same for me.