Gay Jokes - Let's Tell Some Funny Ones

[farang prince]

I went to a lesbian wedding reception the other day.

I didn`t eat anything as it was a finger buffet...

Hehehe. I thought you were going to say that everything looked and smelled like a fish taco.

Edited October 19, 2007 by farang prince

[kek]

Teacher to class: "What do your parents do at the weekend?"

Little Jack "My Dad's a dancer in a gay gogo bar and sometimes when the money is right he lets punters shag him up the bum."

Teacher pulling Jack aside "Is that true?"

"No Miss; truth is he goes to watch Manchester City play but I was too embarrassed to say!"

[Scott]

Did you hear about the gay whale?

He gave a submarine a blow job and sucked out all the sea men!

[CalicoConsulting]

What do gay guys call condoms? Seal-A-Meal.

How do the Greeks separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.

A fella wakes up one afternoon with the worst headache of his life. He feels just absolutely horrible. "Oh my God, I'm never going to drink again. Oh, oh, ooohhh." Then he rolls over in bed and sees a naked man who's only wearing a cowboy hat. "Oh my God, no. I must've really been tight last night." "You were at first," the cowboys tells him, "But after that, oh happy day."

[kek]

Q: What's the most popular pick up line at a crowded gay bar?

A: May I push in your stool?

Did you hear about the gay cowboy?

He went into town and shot up the sheriff.

There is a Gay & Lesbian convention at a hotel. The hotel catches fire. Who gets out first?

The gays - they packed their shit the night before.

[CalicoConsulting]

Why don't senators use bookmarks?

They just bend over the page.

[CalicoConsulting]

An Italian, a Greek and a Jew wreck and die in a Yugo. So there they are at the Pearly Gates.

"How did you die?" asks St Peter.

"We wrecked in a Yugo at Thapae Gate."

"No!" says St Peter. "An Italian, a Greek and a Jew in a Yugo? What is this, some kind of joke? Tell you what. You can all go back to life again, but you have to give up the one thing you enjoy most in life."

Poof!

An Italian, a Greek and a Jew are walking down the street. Suddenly they're entranced by a wondrous smell. The Italian's eyes close as his mouth waters, his face rapt with ecstacy.

"Don't do it," the Jew warns.

"I canna help it. Mamma Mia, it's a pepperoni pizza!" The Italian runs into The Duke's and poof, he disappears.

Now a Greek and a Jew are walking down the street. They see a 0.25 baht coin on the sidewalk. The Jew bends over to pick it up, and poof, the Greek disappears.

[TIPSYBOB]

Why gays cannot get a colostomy?

They can't find the shoes to match the bag.

[kek]

I went up country recently with my boyfriend to visit his family.

Since he is still a bit closeted to his mum and dad, I slept in the bed and he slept on the couch in the other room. After a couple of nights he was feeling a bit depressed about sleeping alone and not having sex, so he said to me, "Tell me something that will make me happy."

So I replied: "You've got a bigger dick than either of your brothers."

[farang prince]

I went up country recently with my boyfriend to visit his family.

Since he is still a bit closeted to his mum and dad, I slept in the bed and he slept on the couch in the other room. After a couple of nights he was feeling a bit depressed about sleeping alone and not having sex, so he said to me, "Tell me something that will make me happy."

So I replied: "You've got a bigger dick than either of your brothers."

Good one Kek

[CalicoConsulting]

Two gay lawyers are out playing golf when a ball comes flying over from another hole and pops one right on the noggin. He falls down.

The second gay lawyer storms over to the culprit and says, "You hit my friend, and we're lawyers, and we'll sue the pants off you."

"Oh yeah?" the guilty guy replies. "Well, you can just kiss my ass! And your friend over there can just suck my dick!"

The gay lawyer returns to his friend.

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"He wants to settle out of court."

(Oh, that sucks. Should I post it in the golf joke thread as well?)

[CalicoConsulting]

A nun was waiting on the side of the road for a taxi. The taxi finally arrived and the nun opened the door and got inside. The driver asked the nun, "Where to?" and the nun replied, "Take me 123 S.W. 40th Ave."

So they started driving down the road and the driver kept on staring at the nun in his review mirror. Finally the nun said, "Excuse me, but why do you keep staring at me?"

The driver said, "Well sister, since I was a young boy, I have always had this fantasy about getting oral sex from a nun."

The nun thought about it for a minute and then finally said, "Ok I think that I can help you with that."

The driver said, "Really? Are you sure? I didn't think that a nun could do that!"

The nun said, "No, it's not a problem. I could do that for you. I only ask two things of you. One, you must not be married. And two, you must be Catholic."

The driver got very excited and said, "Well that's perfect! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"

The nun then told the driver to pull into a parking lot behind a building. Once they were behind the building, the nun got into the front seat and gave the driver the best oral sex he'd ever had in his life.

After they were done, they resumed driving to the nun's previous destination. On the way, the driver started to get very upset and started crying.

The nun asked him, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

The driver replied, "I'm sorry sister. I lied to you. The truth is I'm Jewish and I'm married."

The nun then said, "Oh, that's okay, don't worry about it, I lied to you too. I'm not really a nun. My name is Ralph, I'm a truck driver from Toledo, and I'm on my way to a costume party."

[kek]

A tourist meets this stunning woman in a Patpong bar and they head off back to his hotel for the night.

After a long night of some of the best sex he's ever had, the tourist falls asleep. He wakes up the next morning to find the woman stroking his dick and smiling.

He says 'did you like that then?'

She says 'yes, I was admiring it... I used to have one just like it.'

Have you heard of the new exorcist film that is in production?

They get the devil to take the priest out of the child.

[mikethevigoman]

I recently posted a couple of jokes on another thread because a couple of members thought the topic was too serious so I tried to lighten it up a bit. Well they obviously didnt go down too well as they were removed. I thought they were funny but maybe they werent politically correct so I understand why they were removed and maybe if they were posted by another poster they might not have been. Im not sure if someone complained as no explanation was given.

To me Liberals and society in general are becoming way to serious. I used to laugh at Roy Chubby Brown and Bernard Manning, 2 British comedians, and what sexist, racist bigoted jokes they told but they were jokes. I think there is a difference when saying something as a joke but maybe im wrong and if you think such jokes are funny does that make you one of the same?

Is it ok to tell gay jokes or do you get offended?

Answer and question joke, if the answer is cockrobin,whats the question ? who killed ? nope, give up ,? ok, "whats that up my @ss batman " !

[Scott]

This one was on some show on television. It's not gay but.....

Why is fishing better than sex?

If you catch something, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[kek]

One for the bar owners:

How do you make a fruit cordial?

Compliment his shoes.

[kek]

A moneyboy in a taxi drops his jeans, shows the driver his a***h*** and says to him "can I pay with this?"

Driver looks and replies, "sorry mate, have you nothing smaller!"

[TIPSYBOB]

A guy was running like crazy in Central Park untill he met a nun.

Please, please, please hide me under your robe. It's a matter of life or death. I'll explain later.

Hide my child and I will protect you.

A few minutes later 2 running military persons came up to the nun and asked

"did you see a young man running around here?"

Yes she said he went that way.

After they left the young man got out from under the robe and thanked the nun.

He explained that he does not want to go to Irak. Thanking for saving his life.

By the way he said, you have very nice legs.

The nun said, "if you would have looked a bit higher, you would have seen a nice pair of balls.

I do not want to go to Irak also.

[ProThaiExpat]

A quite nelly gay guy goes into a rather rough bar in a small southern town by the side of a internet highway.

He wiggles his way up to the bar and asks the bar tender in his falsetto voice,

"May I have beer please?"

The bartender replies in a rough voice "No, get out of here, we don't serve queers"

"Oh please, pleads the gay, I will be good"

The bartender impressed by the gays politeness relents as he is the only bar in the small town located miles from nowhere, "OK, I will give you just one beer, but drink it over in the corner and don't say a word"!!

"OK", the gay says, I will be good and not say a word"

Shortly, a burly truck driver trudges in and in a loud, gruff and demanding voice says "Give me a beer, I have been on the road for hours and am horny as a bull"!!!

From the corner comes "MOOOO".

[kek]

A Charity Pantomime by a Gay Theatre Group, in aid of a Paranoid Schizophrenics care centre, descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted "He's behind you".

[MrBrad]

Two secretaries, a blonde and a brunette were riding down in the elevator from the top of their skyscraper when a handsome hunk gets on the elevator.

The ladies are checking him out when the brunette comments that he has dandruff. "Someone should give him some 'Head and Shoulders'."

The blonde looks at the brunette and asks "How do you give shoulders?"

[endure]

Seen in the problems column of a posh English newspaper:

Q: I think my friend is a lesbian. I have no problems with homosexuals, but I am cautious, as she has invited me and 5 other girls to swim in her pool next weekend. Should I warn them?

A: Of course you must warn them. Many people will feel very uncomfortable in the company of a homophobe

[Onnutrd]

I'm gay and make gay jokes all the time!

If a gay guy tells a gay joke..then I'll laugh..

If a straight man tells a gay joke..I'll hope they're not my friend..

If an Asian makes funny 'Chinky' jokes..I'll laugh..

If a European makes funny 'Chinky' jokes..I'll hope they're not my friend..

Luckily, I'm bisexual with a mother who's european and a father who's asian:)

[stevepattaya]

TRUE STORY - Jing jing. When I lived in the UK, a very dear friend of mine was a VERY cute head waiter in an Italian restarant in a village called Horsforth, near Leeds. Being strong willed, he didn't always go with the maxim that the customer was alweays right, and he hated it when customers looked down on his chosen profession as being 'only' a service industry. Consequentley he sometimes, just sometimes liked to get his own back. One of his favourites was when any customer rudley clicked their fingers to get attention, he would wander over to the table, look genuinley concerned about his client, bend over to gain eye contact and then with a smile whisper in the customers ear so that no one else could hear 'It takes more than two fingers to make me come sir' and then trot off ....... !!!!

[Scott]

Do you know how to tell if your friend is gay?

His dick tastes like sh*t.

[bungalowbill]

Do you know how to tell if your friend is gay?

His dick tastes like sh*t.

That's a very old one Scott..I heard that back in the military...only it was "how do you know if your roomate is gay"

Anyway, I actually find this topic and these posts very boring, and also I thought these types of jokes were a thing of the past

I wonder if this was a black forum would members say "hey let's tell some black jokes"

just a thought..I could be being oversensitive

Edited January 17, 2008 by bungalowbill

[Ijustwannateach]

Do you know how to tell if your friend is gay?

His dick tastes like sh*t.

That's a very old one Scott..I heard that back in the military...only it was "how do you know if your roomate is gay"

Anyway, I actually find this topic and these posts very boring, and also I thought these types of jokes were a thing of the past

I wonder if this was a black forum would members say "hey let's tell some black jokes"

just a thought..I could be being oversensitive

If you look at the membership status of the OP, I think that gives a big hint as to the motivations behind this thread...

[bungalowbill]

Do you know how to tell if your friend is gay?

His dick tastes like sh*t.

That's a very old one Scott..I heard that back in the military...only it was "how do you know if your roomate is gay"

Anyway, I actually find this topic and these posts very boring, and also I thought these types of jokes were a thing of the past

I wonder if this was a black forum would members say "hey let's tell some black jokes"

just a thought..I could be being oversensitive

If you look at the membership status of the OP, I think that gives a big hint as to the motivations behind this thread...

OK I see the OP has been banned. Good.

I think it's fine for a group to tell jokes about themselves....amongst themselves. This forum is not private.

Gay jokes have been used for so long in a derogatory way and many gays had to put up with the jokes for fear of being fired from their jobs or harrassed if they objected and revealed themselves as being gay, and even arrested and put in jail if they were in the military.

[kek]

Subject: ROMANCE

He started by running his hand across my shoulders and the small of my back. He ran his hand over my chest, touching my nipples very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down my side, sliding his hand over my stomach, and then down the other side to a point below my waist.

He continued on, gently feeling my hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of my thighs.

His gentle stroking then started up the inside of my left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to my right thigh.

By this time I was becoming aroused and squirmed a little to better position myself.

He stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

Why are you stopping'? I whispered.

He whispered back, 'I found the remote'.

What is the definition of mass confusion? ......................................Father's Day in Issan

[kek]

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'