Laws For Parents

* A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.

* Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.

* The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.

* The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.

* A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year---unless it is the only food in the fridge.

* The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.