Vaginismus

[teddy_bare]

Ok all joking aside,

I have been dating a Thai girl for about one month. We decided the time was right to take our feelings further and we tried to have sex. She had already said her vagina was very small. I just thought it was her way of saying go easy and perhaps her justifible fear of getting physically hurt. I have lived in Thailand 4 years and have experienced this reaction before. The first time there was no sucessful peneration. We talked about it and she said she had had some issues with a previous boyfriend who had apparently been forceful and rough. No problem as I was in not hurry. The next time we managed to make love in the usual manner, although it took a lot of patients and lubrication. It was still painful for both of us, by workable. The next time was similar to the first time and we decided to stop. I had almost certainly tried to penerate too fast. I believe some of the issue is the mental scaring and her clamping up

I am currently in Iraq and will be back to see her in December where we will restart our physical relationship. In the meantime does anyone know of any exercises she can do to make her muscles relax and accustom her vagina to my girth.

This is a serious question and I'd really appreciate not having her or myself ridiculed. If you want to Troll go to YouTube or whatever.

Cheers in advance to any serious posters

"""(@

Edited October 28, 2007 by teddy_bare

[britmaveric]

practice with a dildo perhaps????

[londonthai]

she should go to the doctor - probably there are some specific antispasmatic medication, muscle relaxant, maybe applied locally as a cream or injection. At some stage she might be referred to the ginecologist (with an option of the surgery/operation) and the psychologist.

the condition is called vaginismus - check for it on google

[YoungFarangNa]

maybe she should have a few drinks?

[eek]

Firstly may I say (although im sure you already realise) that when a woman's mind is turned on, the body follows. In general a woman needs mental stimulation more than physical stimulation (for a proper 'intimate' encounter). If she is really turned on but the body isnt following then as suggested, it is a physical condition. However if she is unable to 'let go' and be properly into whats going on, then it will be mental.

The vagina is never "too small", only constricted. Women from certain religious or cultural backgrounds or how they were brought up can often suffer with mentally being unable to let go during sex, causing the vagina to constrict and cause lack of natural lubrication. If it was possibly drummed into your gf that sex is bad, dirty, only for married couples, etc, then she needs to overcome that in order to feel more relaxed. Professional cognitive therapies should help or she could try self-help. I am not sure where she/you can source self-help information on this but maybe others will know..or via google. It might also be worth considering a non-penetrative relationship for a while in order to take the pressure off while you work through this. If she is not mentally letting go then no matter what you use (lubrication, sex-toys, etc) she will not 'loosen' up. It also means that she is most likely not enjoying sex.

I wish her luck in this. It must be very frustrating.

[teddy_bare]

Firstly may I say (although im sure you already realise) that when a woman's mind is turned on, the body follows. In general a woman needs mental stimulation more than physical stimulation (for a proper 'intimate' encounter). If she is really turned on but the body isnt following then as suggested, it is a physical condition. However if she is unable to 'let go' and be properly into whats going on, then it will be mental.

The vagina is never "too small", only constricted. Women from certain religious or cultural backgrounds or how they were brought up can often suffer with mentally being unable to let go during sex, causing the vagina to constrict and cause lack of natural lubrication. If it was possibly drummed into your gf that sex is bad, dirty, only for married couples, etc, then she needs to overcome that in order to feel more relaxed. Professional cognitive therapies should help or she could try self-help. I am not sure where she/you can source self-help information on this but maybe others will know..or via google. It might also be worth considering a non-penetrative relationship for a while in order to take the pressure off while you work through this. If she is not mentally letting go then no matter what you use (lubrication, sex-toys, etc) she will not 'loosen' up. It also means that she is most likely not enjoying sex.

I wish her luck in this. It must be very frustrating.

Hi thanks for the info. My major was in psychology and as she recounted her past sexual experiences I realise the issue was a psychogical problem as opposed to a matter of size. I am very patient by nature and she is a keeper, so combined, I am sure we can address and resolve the concern. Another reader identified the medical term vaginismus and I found this excellent website http://www.vaginismus.com/ It offers self help solutions. We have already discussed chatting with a gynecologist. Armed with the info from the website I think all will be well.

I will consider give you all an up date, but without pictures

[kiakaha]

it took a lot of patients and lubrication.

Maybe that's the problem.. try only 1 patient before you join the action.. (sorry, couldn't resist.... school, words/spelling, paying attention when I was 4 yrs old etc....., can't help it....you can be excused if you are French)

Edited October 28, 2007 by kiakaha

[geriatrickid]

Although there may be a related psychological issue, that aspect can never be properly addressed until she's had a good going over by the gynecologist. If her vagina cannot relax and allow expansion, it could very well be attributable to one or a combination of factors such as scar tissue interference, disruption of Skene's glands etc. It can even be related to the cervix' inability to retract or a problem with the pelvic muscles. Please do not overlook the physiological aspect of this situation.

[Gary A]

People may joke about it but it is a REAL problem. My guess is that it is a mental thing. A former girlfriend had that problem. One night after a romantic meal and quite a bit of wine she was relaxed and had her first orgasm. I was quite proud of myself and thought the problem was solved. The next time I was feeling amourous she turned cold again. She then explained to me that she now feels very guilty because women are NOT supposed to enjoy sex.

[maccaroni man]

maybe she was not always a woman

[Dakhar]

I knew a 29 yr old girl before that had never had an orgasim. I never asked her if that was NEVER or never had one via sex. She had plenty of lovers in her life, she was crazy gorgeous, getting a man's attention was not difficult for her at all.

Never questioned her about her about the size of her vagina.... although I do enjoy speelunking.

[Amethyst]

Ok all joking aside,

I have been dating a Thai girl for about one month. We decided the time was right to take our feelings further and we tried to have sex. She had already said her vagina was very small. I just thought it was her way of saying go easy and perhaps her justifible fear of getting physically hurt. I have lived in Thailand 4 years and have experienced this reaction before. The first time there was no sucessful peneration. We talked about it and she said she had had some issues with a previous boyfriend who had apparently been forceful and rough. No problem as I was in not hurry. The next time we managed to make love in the usual manner, although it took a lot of patients and lubrication. It was still painful for both of us, by workable. The next time was similar to the first time and we decided to stop. I had almost certainly tried to penerate too fast. I believe some of the issue is the mental scaring and her clamping up

I am currently in Iraq and will be back to see her in December where we will restart our physical relationship. In the meantime does anyone know of any exercises she can do to make her muscles relax and accustom her vagina to my girth.

This is a serious question and I'd really appreciate not having her or myself ridiculed. If you want to Troll go to YouTube or whatever.

Cheers in advance to any serious posters

"""(@

This post has been edited by teddy_bare: Today, 2007-10-29 00:27:13

No Disrespect to you ...But

Is she really a woman ? heheh

or

Is she short small kind of girl ? lol.. Anyway how old is she ?

Edited October 29, 2007 by tytus

[londonthai]

vaginismus is a medical condition and hasn't got anything to do with lubricants or age. It doesn't affect ladyboys

[nobody65]

maybe she was not always a woman

thats it

[mrtoad]

Not suprised that the jokers have come out on this thread.

Just go and see a Doctor.

[jackoneilone]

This aint really a big deal.

Heres what you need to do:

*Part of the problem is mental and her previous history and the culture maybe guilt etc. So you sound like a decent guy unlike many take a step back. TRUST ME ON THIS. Show her your different. Prove yourself. Get her trust and I mean really get it. Make her emotionally feel comfortable secure and trusting in you which would naturally lead her to actually wanting you from the bottom of her heart RATHER than you pushing/pressuring etc or her feeling OBLIGATED.

This will take time but is worth it if she means that much to you. Make her crazy for you and make her want you herself of her own accord which would also help her relax and be herself not to mention actually wanting you.

*Part of the problem may be physical trauma and constriction of down there. Get her a vaginal dilator and though embarrasing if it really is a matter of expansion the dilator will SLOWLY expand her. Again you need to be patient and give her time expansion wont take 1 or 2 days but a while.

*Finally Once youve expanded her down there with the dilator and built your relationship up further emotionally now youve got a whole new ball park. ENJOY!

Warning though be prepared to give her time probably around 1 month or more.

Many men think of BS lines like "honey its time we moved our relationship to the next level" which really means I want a shag but what they dont realise is it takes much more to really get the woman on board. Sometimes it doesnt sometimes it does.

[qualtrough]

Boy, this issue sure rings a bell with me. I had a very close long-term (years) relationship with a Thai woman who had this problem. I will spare the details but we had an active sex life that she gave every appearance of enjoying to the max, but penetration was painful and rarely attempted. I mean to the point where she would break out into a cold sweat. This was in the USA, and we went to at least one US doctor who was very unhelpful, saying that there was no physical problem and not suggesting any other treatment or cause. Never did resolve it either, sad to say.

[Sheryl]

Agree with the suggestions re taking it slow, not pushing for sex, establishing trust etc. Use caution regarding use of dildo or dilators. Dildo will almost certainly trigger the spasm and if anything make matters worse. Dilators can help, but should only be done by the woman herself (so that she feels in control and can proceed at her own pace). Actually the term "dilator" is misleading because there is no need to dilate anything. This approach is basically one of gradual desensitization. For some women this works but for others it can actually worsen matters as focusing on trying to achieve penetration can create performance anxiety and more tension. If she does want to try desensitization to vaginal penetration, you don't necessarily have to buy special products. Fingers, tampons etc will work just fine.

Vaginismus is the result of psychological trauma, often trauma associated with penetration. The body has stored a physical memory alongside a traumatic emotional one. As soon as there is a similar physical experience the old trauma is re-experienced.

If she is amenable to seeing a gynecologist that's fine and may help (altho often in these cases the doctor cannot do much of an exam since the same clamping down reflex will occur...but that will at least confirm that the problem is vaginismus.) Her willingness to consult a gynie with you would seem to make it very unlikely she's covering up a sex change as some suggested.

An extraordinarily high percentage of Thai women have experienced rape or sexual assault at some point, it is in fact a silent epidemic with serious physical and emotional consequences. I don't have the data with me now but there was a UNFPA survey on this and the percentage of Thai women reporting some type of sexual abuse was astonishing (especially since under-reporting is the rule). Between this and the double standard (especially prevalent among Thai-Chinese) it is no surprise that many would suffer from vaginismus or inability to orgasm.

Establishing a high degree of trust and affection in the relationship and moving very slowly with respect to sex is essential and may be enough. Don't even think about trying intercourse until you've reached the point where she likes and is relaxed during all sorts of foreplay. Go step by step and slow down as soon as she seems to tense up or stop enjoying.

If that alone doesn't do the trick then both short-term therapy and a program of gradual desensitization may be indicated.

Good luck.

[bakguru]

Ok all joking aside,

I have been dating a Thai girl for about one month. We decided the time was right to take our feelings further and we tried to have sex. She had already said her vagina was very small. I just thought it was her way of saying go easy and perhaps her justifible fear of getting physically hurt. I have lived in Thailand 4 years and have experienced this reaction before. The first time there was no sucessful peneration. We talked about it and she said she had had some issues with a previous boyfriend who had apparently been forceful and rough. No problem as I was in not hurry. The next time we managed to make love in the usual manner, although it took a lot of patients and lubrication. It was still painful for both of us, by workable. The next time was similar to the first time and we decided to stop. I had almost certainly tried to penerate too fast. I believe some of the issue is the mental scaring and her clamping up

I am currently in Iraq and will be back to see her in December where we will restart our physical relationship. In the meantime does anyone know of any exercises she can do to make her muscles relax and accustom her vagina to my girth.

This is a serious question and I'd really appreciate not having her or myself ridiculed. If you want to Troll go to YouTube or whatever.

Cheers in advance to any serious posters

"""(@

[bakguru]

Ok all joking aside,

I have been dating a Thai girl for about one month. We decided the time was right to take our feelings further and we tried to have sex. She had already said her vagina was very small. I just thought it was her way of saying go easy and perhaps her justifible fear of getting physically hurt. I have lived in Thailand 4 years and have experienced this reaction before. The first time there was no sucessful peneration. We talked about it and she said she had had some issues with a previous boyfriend who had apparently been forceful and rough. No problem as I was in not hurry. The next time we managed to make love in the usual manner, although it took a lot of patients and lubrication. It was still painful for both of us, by workable. The next time was similar to the first time and we decided to stop. I had almost certainly tried to penerate too fast. I believe some of the issue is the mental scaring and her clamping up

I am currently in Iraq and will be back to see her in December where we will restart our physical relationship. In the meantime does anyone know of any exercises she can do to make her muscles relax and accustom her vagina to my girth.

This is a serious question and I'd really appreciate not having her or myself ridiculed. If you want to Troll go to YouTube or whatever.

Cheers in advance to any serious posters

"""(@

Ok its a vexing situation. As a structural integrator (think chiro/osteopath) do visit a musculoskeletal practitioner near you and checkout the lumbar spine. Sometimes the external iliac nerves are compromised, leading to conduction problems. Have similar case histories . . Good luck