Violant Thai Woman

[papaya9]

One positive aspect of your situation is that you must have great angry sex.

[pointofview]

Get a juristic witness. Bring it to the courts, have her certified as an incompetent (i.e. incapable of rational behavior), then divorce based off those grounds, grab your kids and try to move in with your parents while trying to sell off your current residence.

Later, from the proceeds of above mentioned sale, get a new pad and move in with your kids.

As for domestic violence from a Thai/Asian perspective, it's a very very touchy subject, and probably not one to touch on here. Highly inflammable, as it were. It happens, and there are multiple reasons for it, but some prefer to blind themselves to reality. I'm not saying it's justifiable; but to some here, nothing at all, in their experience or to their knowledge or based off their own set of morals and reasoning, will ever justify it.

Good luck mate, you're gonna need it. Close friend of mine got stabbed two months ago, so I can believe what you're saying.

As for:

A Thai man would have stopped it before it began with his fist!

That's stereotyping, and I know many Thai men who, unfortunately, take the beatings in stride. Since, as I'm told, they wouldn't be beating on you if they didn't care two hoots about you, eh? Knifings and attempted homicide is an entirely different issue, as I'm sure anyone would agree.

I think this is an excellent post, and as a feminist, I also hear Dissolutions's perspective on the domestic violence. But as he said, it's NOT justifiable, regardless of who is doing it. But, we don't live in a perfect world with perfect people, and love is not perfect, so the next question is: can she change and is she remorseful? That is the starting point, but it would have to be seriously backed up by behavior such as seeking professional help and a long reversal and healing process, which your story does not offer.

I can only concur with others that you are the one who needs to take drastic and strategic action now for yourself and your kids.

I hope you can find the help you need.

I also hope you can find help with being a self proclaimed feminist - why would anyone admit to being against nature!

[sonnyJ]

Isn't this point, which I pointed out, breaking at least two forum rules?

If abuse, phisical or emotional is the root cause of the problem and in many cases this has arrisen within the previous 'working environment' that the abusive woman comes from then I'm absolutely sure that it is not breaking any forum rules to discuss the impact of that experience. There are valuable lessons to be learned both for men marrying women from that background and a salutary reminder that that particular business is one in which the women working their do pay an emotional price for the work they do.

Jelousy and not trusting men seems to be a common thread in this discussing - hardly surprising given the view that particular background gives of men.

So yes very relevant and as someone says above 'let's not loose this because of some Political Correctness'.

I was not suggesting for closure of any conversation here.

What I was referring to was the all too common way here to categorize people and so we all have labels here I guess. Led by double standard rules which are enforced when seen fit. Cheers

[tropo]

I also hope you can find help with being a self proclaimed feminist - why would anyone admit to being against nature!

I was thinking that myself. I'm sure a lot of guys come to live in Asia expressly to escape from rampant feminism.

[kat]

I also hope you can find help with being a self proclaimed feminist - why would anyone admit to being against nature!

I was thinking that myself. I'm sure a lot of guys come to live in Asia expressly to escape from rampant feminism.

uh, are you guys referring to me? It's because I don't really give a heck what guys like you think. Isn't that obvious

[Andiamo]

Should you get out of it....yes, you should....leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick, I have seen it many times, no different to what happened to a lot of us as kids before the do gooders decided that it was bad for us.

Are you seriously suggesting the above...? "leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick,"

I couldn't quite believe what I was reading here - I had to reread the above sentences twice! To me that is a clear contradiction in terms, "the kids will be fine - it is not unusual for thai women to beat their kids with a stick." Hardly a definition of "fine" to me... .

Chris,

I hope you are able to resolve this situation, it sounds awful and I really feel for your kids witnessing this. I firmly believe you are making the right choice to get out and get away. It is surprising what children retain in their memories many years down the line. Be strong, take a deep breath and start researching and putting into place measures to safeguard yours and your children's futures.

It seems from the posts that many other posters have been through similar experiences or are experienced in the area of domestic violence, and have expressed positive suggestions far more eloquently than I. I hope you can follow up on some of those and you know people are always here as a sounding board if needed.

Best of Luck with everything.

[kat]

I mostly agree with you, but ctually you quoted me out of context because you cut off my quote.

Okay. Point (and no offence ) taken. However, I also had problems with that 'showing of remorse'-part. Violent people DO show and DO (probably) feel remorse shortly after an 'episode'. How is the OP to know whether the remorse is really deep or just shock? I take it you meant 'remorse' more in a long term, as in: I am ready to face my problems; or as in 'remorse when in a state of reason'.

It's all in my post - can you please read it? Thanks. I have worked and been around domestic violence at one point in my life so much, that I don't always have to be precisely text book about it because I have seen variations, but I understand and uphold the premise you explain.

*clarity: Here is my full original quote. I am not going to comment on this again, because it has been explained enough:

"I think this is an excellent post, and as a feminist, I also hear Dissolutions's perspective on the domestic violence. But as he said, it's NOT justifiable, regardless of who is doing it. But, we don't live in a perfect world with perfect people, and love is not perfect, so the next question is: can she change and is she remorseful? That is the starting point, but it would have to be seriously backed up by behavior such as seeking professional help and a long reversal and healing process, which your story does not offer.

I can only concur with others that you are the one who needs to take drastic and strategic action now for yourself and your kids.

I hope you can find the help you need."

Edited November 3, 2007 by kat

[Andiamo]

I also hope you can find help with being a self proclaimed feminist - why would anyone admit to being against nature!

I was thinking that myself. I'm sure a lot of guys come to live in Asia expressly to escape from rampant feminism.

uh, are you guys referring to me? It's because I don't really give a heck what guys like you think. Isn't that obvious

Nice one Kat

Why do posters invariably have to go Off Topic and follow a seemingly "predictable" direction? Is it relevant to the OP? Mmm, didn't think so!

[jackr]

Sorry for the tough love response but she is not to blame, you are. She is crazy, but you are sane right? I dont think so..... there is something definately wrong with someone that gets hit EVEN ONE TIME by their lover and stays with them... but time after time after time? You have some issues right? Your parents beat you or something so you think this is normal? Not trying to be insulting but you had no boundaries and that is not normal. Now your childrens lives are at risk becuase of your weakness, well dam_n. I really hope one of them isn murdered by the time you find your testicles. You need to do whatever you have to to get your kids out of this country and away from her. She can get supervised visits once shes gone through serious therapy and on medication. DANG!

Damian

How to put this without sounding harsh....

You failed to set clear boundries early in the relationship along with some bad decisions later and are now paying the price for it. Of course she will be violent because you have allowed her to be and as it has escalated, you have taken weak options to try and resolve it. I dont condone hitting women but if a woman came at me with a knife she'd be on her arse so quick she wouldnt have time to blink. The day she hit you on the nose is the day you should have taken affirmative action, it is too late to do it now. Think of your other reactions....going home to Mum....calling the police etc...always running away or getting others to assist you.

You pandered to her wish to return to Thailand and bought a bar ???....whatever were you thinking?? You have a girl who, according to you is highly emotional and jealous, so you buy a bar, the first attack was because you went to a bar and was accused of being with another woman...if you cant see the problem here, then you are in trouble. And to top it off you leave her and go and live at the bar....!!!!

Your wife may be all you have said....but from what you have said the fault is not all hers....what you havent told us is how she reacts around others when you are not there, does she exhibit this "irrationality" around others or just where you are concerned.

Should you get out of it....yes, you should....leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick, I have seen it many times, no different to what happened to a lot of us as kids before the do gooders decided that it was bad for us.

Can't believe some guys let their women do this to them, especially when kids are involved. Once, and maybe she'd be let off pending future behaviour; twice, and she'd be dropped like a hot brick after being dropped. Get a grip, grow some balls and get you and the kids away from it

[sonnyJ]

Where would we be without these alpha-males with same solution for every problem?

[stateman]

To say nothing of what may happen to you in Thailand. If the little lady calls in the BIB I woudln't want to be in your shoes.

My wife once accidentally cut her back on a broken wine glass - yes it's true, the glass was embedded in the back of the chair,r unbeknown to her. The cut was quite bad and I took her to the hospital. The doctor was convinced that I had stabbed her and wanted to call the police, and have me arrested. She eventually persuaded him that I didn't do it

Frankly, I'd rather take my chances hitting a woman in England than in this country, but in any event, resorting to violence solves nothing. Your post is very trollish.

Agree with Mobi. I think it is imperative that OP establish the trail of evidence and police record of how he was mistreated along the way. One day he may be glad he does.

[tropo]

Reply to Kat *deleted* due to its off-topic content.

Edited November 4, 2007 by tropo

[TheDon]

I dont believe in hitting females, but i do believe in equal rights, if she is punching you and pulling knifes on you and putting your children in danger, then i think a nice backhand (not too hard) to the face will do and dont take any cheek from her. You need to show her you got some nuts down there.....If that fails then leave her.

This problem isnt so hard to solve really.....I have no idea why you would stay with her....SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[digitele]

Couldn't she fall of the balconey? How many stories is the bar?

[tropo]

I dont believe in hitting females, but i do believe in equal rights, if she is punching you and pulling knifes on you and putting your children in danger, then i think a nice backhand (not too hard) to the face will do and dont take any cheek from her. You need to show her you got some nuts down there.....If that fails then leave her.

This problem isnt so hard to solve really.....I have no idea why you would stay with her....SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All this PC stuff gets old.

If a crazy women is lunging at you with a knife it's imperative to take action to protect yourself, and if that means knocking her out cold, then so be it.

This has nothing to do with the PC philosophy of "I don't believe in hitting females". This is self preservation.

Do you think that all females are weaker than all males? An angry, young, energetic Thai woman weilding a knife can be a more than a match for an elderly gent. A baseball bat, or a large 2x4 would be the best protection...preferably something that will stop her in her tracks without killing her.

[wolfmanjack]

You are not alone lor.

As my wife was lunging with a knife, or swinging the vacuum pipe or hurling coffee mugs at my head I would back away, defend myself with an arm or duck.

The strangest thing in all this is with a knife coming at me, or a pipe swinging over my head she saw fear on my face and that egged her on, she started screaming at me telling me I am not a man, I am not a real man because I was scared. I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

Of course there is no way I could hit her, but I could get close enough to keep the knife away from my body and get her in a hold of some sort until she calmed down.

I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

At the risk of catching a lot of flak on this forum, I think part of this is the matching component to a history of violence. I think within the cultural context, it may be expected that a man will dominate and control his woman, and that if he doesn't, he not only isn't a man, but he doesn't really love her, because the understanding of it that is reinforced everywhere including soap operas and movies is also about possession and control. So, part of this dynamic is not only about past abuse, but her understanding and cultural rationale of that abuse. "We only hurt the ones we love" and all of that.

I think you are right Kat. Also the thai culture has so many things that are screwed up like this. For example the person that loses control is supposed to be the bad one but when a thai loses control in front of me and i keep my control by not yelling or hitting the person my wife calls me a pussy. Am i supposed to knock them on their ass while smiling to show i am in control ??

My mother in law and brother in law tell me my wife acts the way she does because i do not hit her. Should i completely dominate my wife ?? Would that keep her under control and lessen her outburst? Even though i have never hit her i did go through a period where i was tired of her bullshit and when she started raising her voice to me i would calmly tell her "my advice to you would be to shut your mouth before i break your jaw" and that would shut her up. I guess the look in my eyes convinced her i was ready to do it.

During her post partum stress episodes she did come at me with a knife. I took it away from her and threw her across the room. She called the police and when they showed up she was standing at the gate yelling and screaming that i hit her in the face and choked her. Of course there were no marks on her face or on her neck to show that i had did any of it. I was calmly standing on the porch with my two babies in my arms and the police left.

The next day i paid a visit to the local mental hospital. They told me that if i could get her to the hospital than they would admit her. I would like to say that this took place in 2002 so the laws may have changed since then but according to my lawyer at the time that if i tied her up to get her to the hospital then that was ok. The next time she freaked out and started throwing stuff i grabbed her and hogtied her. Took her to the hospital and got her committed. I have committed her twice with no problem from the police. Now things are not completely rosy and she still loses her temper easily but she does not throw stuff any more and has never pulled a knife on me since then. With proper medication these people can lead a normal life. My wife does not take her medication any more but if i see any signs of her slipping back into her violent nature i will have no qualms about dragging her back to the hospital and she knows it.

I know i posted most of this earlier in this thread but the fact that she needs medical attention and may be able to be cured has eluded most of the posters recommending that she get beat upon so i am posting my experience again.

[WaiWai]

The next day i paid a visit to the local mental hospital. They told me that if i could get her to the hospital than they would admit her. I would like to say that this took place in 2002 so the laws may have changed since then but according to my lawyer at the time that if i tied her up to get her to the hospital then that was ok.

Ah ! thank you for re-posting this.

Your comments were what made me suggest getting a crew together to escort her to the hospital, for her own good as well as everyone else's.

Of course, must check the laws first and have several reliable witnesses on hand.

[wolfmanjack]

Many thanks for all the replies. Most of the advice is to run but also follow legal procedures to divorce and get custody.

This could be hard becasue my wife and I have two children. One is mine (A little girl aged 8) and the other she had before we met. He was only 4 when we married. Now he is 13. I love him like my own son and he also loves me. One time she was hitting me a few months ago, when we still lived together and he started screaming that he hated her, why did she always do that? He said he wanted to leave her and go live with me. <y little girl was just sceaming hysterically. It was heart breaking, that's why I finaly decided we had to fininsh and I left the house. It wasn't for me it was for the children.

I can't understand how you could leave the children in the care of someone you know had these violent episodes? How long do you think it will be before she turns on them ? Don't say that it never has before because that isn't the point. The first time could be the last.

If I tried to run and leave the country there is no way I would be able to take my/her son with me. He does have an English passport, as does my daughter (They have both English and Thai passports) but his surname is different. The checks at the airport are now very strict, many times if you try to travel with a child who is not yours and has a different name you will be stopped.

To try and build up a legal case here I will have to get evidance of many beatings. There are a lot of witnesses but it is unlikely they will come forward. I can document them from now on by reporting each one and getting a medical report but I am well aware that the next one may be the last.

I do not understand the posters who call me a "pussy" for not hitting back. It would be so easy to lash out at her, It takes so much more strengh not to respond. If it was a man I would not hessitate but a woman I will not hit. In any case, I am sure that is what she wants me to do. Here in Thailand one bruise on her and I am picked up by the police.

I would suggest you take some classes in self defense. With practice on the speed of your hands you can deflect or block every thing she tries without hitting her. Also wrist locks work wonders and are easy to perform on someone that does not know what to expect. They do not leave bruises. If you do not want to go to the trouble to learn these methods then strikes to the stomach do not leave bruises nor does using a large telephone book.

As for where I am. I am in Jomtien, near Pattaya. I have no friends here just the people I know who come into the bar.

I could sell the bar and live somewhewre else but this bar makes money. Without it the expensive school the children go to could not be paid for. It also pays the rent for their house and another 20,000 baht a month to their mum for food. If I sold the bar and moved away where she could not find me I would not see the children and soon the capital would go and they would then have no home or school.

Someone said the bar was the problem, jealousy etc. That is her excuse now, but in England I did not work becasue of ill health and stayed at home. Their was no excuse then. The truth is she will find any reason for what she does.

This is the ultimate truth. An excuse will always be invented.

It is hard to say why I stayed in the relationship for so long. I loved her very much, I stayed for the sake of the children and in the end I left for the sake of the children.

Someone asked what she is like around other people. They all say that in the last 6 months since I left her she has changed. She was very good at hiding it before but now they all say she is sick, she looks terrible, she talks strangly about conspiricies etc, she talks in circles and never listens to anything people say to her. I have a mental health background, I know she has had a breakdown. She is paranoid and delusional. In England one phone call she would be sectioned for her own good, but here in Thailand what can I do.

Like i said before. As her husband here in thailand you can have her committed and you will be the only one the can get her released. The family would have to get a court order to release her and with what you say about her mental history the hospital doctors will be on your side at any hearing. If you really care about the kids and your wife you will have her committed at the earliest opportunity. Make a visit to the hospital and ask them the best method for you to get her help. You may be able to get sleeping pills to put her to sleep and get her to the hospital or they may be able to come and get her. Maybe work a deal with the police to take her next time she freaks out. You will need to talk to a higher up police officer in advance though.

She says she wants a lump some of money to get away from me and go back to England with the children. I am going to try and get her this money any way I can. I hope she really does go back to England because once there I will have more control and can get her the help she needs. Here the only thing I can do is slowly build up a dossier and play the legal system. Unless of course I just think of myself, sell up and run abandoning her and the children to poverty.

Have you talked to a lawyer and a mental doctor here yet ??? I think you may have more rights as a husband here than you think. Like i said i only had to get her to the hospital and sign a paper to commit my wife. Whatever you do do not give her the money to take the children to the UK alone. You never know when she may turn on them when her favorite target is no longer available.

Sorry for typos but last time she kicked me in the head hard! Since then my right hand shakes. The hospital are checking it. Could just be nerves, I hope so.

So my options as I see them are to look after myself and run or stay around trying to build a slow case against her or encourage her to return to England by herself with the children. I think a mixture of the last two will be my course of action. Maybe others would run but with my illness I could die any second,

This is a new twist in the story. Are you able to take care of the kids alone if you get custody of them ?

I am used to living with the prospect of death at any time but I must admit that the added stress is really getting to me. Maybe that's why my posts ramble on a bit. I apologise for that.

Once again, thank you to every one for your advice. Even the ones who say thump her. I have a feeling you may be right and it might have stopped it escalating but my experience shows that we would probably have just developed into a violant family where the fist solves everything.

Chris

[TEFLMike]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?ac...=2&t=151458

I have located the above on TV

Just an idea or two, for you, Chris

Some Credentialed Foreign Mental Health Professionals in Bangkok

There are [limited] resources available here for people in distress and suffering from difficulties that come up in life. As a clinician, I'm aware of a number of qualified professionals people can turn to.

This is not meant to be a definitive 'List.' Nor is it meant to promote individual clinicians. It is intended to help increase people's awareness about well trained professionals available here in Bangkok (for people like op, who may benefit from being able to consult with a professional therapist). I believe that people are able to find help and help themselves in an amazing variety of ways- this list is meant to represent a sampling of one method to obtain help: therapy/counseling.

Many foreigners live outside Bangkok and may find this list not very helpful. Some of the organizations on this list will offer phone consultation. Other people choose to travel to Bangkok to receive treatment weekly, biweekly, or monthly. There are also useful self help resources on the internet (along with much that is not helpful)- for people interested in that, please get a copy of the Authoritative Guide to Self-Help Resources in Mental Health, edited by John Norcross (among others). It's an outstanding, peer- and consumer-reviewed guide to self help resources (book, video, internet) in a really broad range of areas.

How did I assemble this list? These are people who I am personally familair with who are able to provide mental health services (counseling/therapy, assessments) at a European/North American/Commonwealth standard of care. There are other credentialed mental health professionals I do not personally know (I don't recommend people I have never met). There are a very large number of uncredentialed people claiming to have credentials. Never be afraid to ask a provider about their training, experience, credentials, etc.

And adults are free, thank goodness, to spend their money on whatever treatment they prefer; I'm providing this incomplete and subjective list in order to help people who are interested in a professional consultation. I invite you to share any feedback about your experiences with these providers directly with me.

For more information, please contact each organization directly

NCS New Community Services

61/1 Soi Intamara 3

Sutisan Road

Phaya Thai (Sapan Kwai Area)

Tel.: 0-2279 8503

Fax: 0-2279 8502

[email protected]

Languages Spoken: Dutch, Thai, German & English (They may have added some other languages, including Japanese, but I'm not sure)

Opinion: The only clinic in Thailand I know if where well trained Thai counselors work side by side with well trained and credentialed foreign meantal health professionals. This is place to refer your Thai friends to for western style counseling.

Bangkok Psych Associates

Library Plaza 1000/200

Sukhumvit 55, Thonglor

Bangkok 10110

Languages Spoken: English

(02-712-7255)

Opinion: Credentialed professionals working with kids, teens and families

[email protected]

Psychological Services International

9/2 Sukhumvit Soi 43 (near Phrom Pong/Emporium)

Bangkok 10110,

Tel: 02-2591467

Fax: 02-2620505

www.psiadmin.com

Languages Spoken: English and French

Opinion: 3 licensed clinical psychologists (2 American, 1 Belgian); 1 licensed educational psychologist (Australian); 1 clinical social worker (American); 2 professional counselors. Working with teens, adults and couples. Educational assessment available

[full disclosure: I work at PSI]

Saisilp: The Centre for Creative Growth andProfessional Training

BB Building, 54 Soi 21 Sukhumvit

Tel: 02-2587562 press 0-Office

press 1-Khun Piyachat

Languages Spoken: Thai and English

Opinion: Piyachat R. Finney, ATR, CP. is one a new generation of Thai clinicians. Trained and credentialed in the US, she provides her expertise here.

Village Education Centre and Reed Institute have credentialed professionals providing educational assessment and interventions for children and teens who have learning and behavioral problems. Also- Reed Institute has at least one American licensed clinical psychologist and therefore able to provide therapy/counseling. She also specializes in eating disorders.

Bangkok also has two credentialed hypnotherapists I have met: John Krukowski (many of you have seen his posts) and Karen Braddock. Bumrungrad is the only Thai hospital with a credentialed foreign counselor. Many private hospitals are now scrambling to hire Thai counselors, whose standard of training is not the same as other countries where counseling is an long-established profession.

I hope that people find this useful. In general, I prefer to read rather than post but in this situation, this information may be useful so I want to provide it. I just found about this thread (someone mentioned it to me). And thanks to the person who called my website amateurish. That was spot on and has motivated me to get back to working on it!

[Samuian]

SAMUIAN, You care way too much more about the criminal than the victim. Whoa I don't even know what else to say, it's just too crazy.

Damian

Well then, if there are already "universes" between simple "holding hands and sharing cookies" and inter human relations... then it might very well be so, if there is no other way to handle situations like "tit for tat".. it's "way down the alley" for me.

it's NOT about who is the winner, who stands up, who's EGO is satisfied... it's about being HUMAN and acting sane!

Besides, hitting a woman in Thailand can get you easily in bad, bad trouble....

Better safe then sorry, I have never given' up - thats for wimps!

If I feel I wish to hit something, aggression building up, I go to the gym or to the beach and work it out!

far better then believing hitting a woman, even in "self defense", makes a man - a man!

Edited November 4, 2007 by Samuian

[coldcrush]

I dont believe in hitting females, but i do believe in equal rights, if she is punching you and pulling knifes on you and putting your children in danger, then i think a nice backhand (not too hard) to the face will do and dont take any cheek from her. You need to show her you got some nuts down there.....If that fails then leave her.

This problem isnt so hard to solve really.....I have no idea why you would stay with her....SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever watched "Sleeping with the Enemy"?

Let me level with you Al Capone, your really weird!

Edited November 4, 2007 by coldcrush

[Shango1]

This is a wild topic. I grew up watching my step father beat my mother and she watched him grow up beating me. I dont believe in hitting women. If I am home and a woman stikes me I call my sister and female cousins to come kick her ass. I like fist fighting entirley too much to fight a woman . My Thai wife of alost 3 years has strcuk me twice and both times before we got married. I think I deserved it the first time because I said something out of character about her family but despite that I left her on the spot for 3 days. The second time was as a result of us arguing over somehting trivial and I left her for 7 days. She finally got the point that hitting is not the answer. And I explained to her that if I have to hit her I will not want to be with her and if she pulled knife on me and I thought my life was threatended I would probably kill her if I could not get away. After lots of talk about domestic violence and her the ralationships she grew up watching. I figured it was all she knew from watching her mother and father growing up. And it was her father doing all of the beating and this was until she and her siblings grew some balls to get him to stop. It is obvious that this fellow is way past his window to get it right and needs to run like hel_l.

[gburns57au]

Should you get out of it....yes, you should....leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick, I have seen it many times, no different to what happened to a lot of us as kids before the do gooders decided that it was bad for us.

Are you seriously suggesting the above...? "leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick,"

I couldn't quite believe what I was reading here - I had to reread the above sentences twice! To me that is a clear contradiction in terms, "the kids will be fine - it is not unusual for thai women to beat their kids with a stick." Hardly a definition of "fine" to me... .

What part couldnt you believe ?

I guess you werent brought up in the same era as me.....where a smack on the bum was commonplace and so was a belt around the arse when we did wrong, I and and many others grew up just fine. As I said I have seen many Thai women give their kids a few swats around the rear end with a stick to pull them in line.

[distortedlink]

I`ve heard all this before.

Your partner is a real bastard, right, but deep down in your heart, you really love her, right, and you are the tragic victim because of the situation, right.

These relationships are like bashing your head against a brick wall and the only good thing about bashing your head against a brick wall, is when you stop, right.

Two choices: get out of it now or put up with it.

Edited November 4, 2007 by distortedlink

[flyer]

1. Better even a very bad divorce then a bad wife ! At least about the divorce you can oversee that there will be an end coming to it.

2. about domestic violence, get copies of police reports about it and depositions of witnesses. If you don't have any or not enough just organize yourself to have witnesses as often as possible and have them make depositions. Also involve police each and every time there is violence.

3. Don't waste your time to divorce in Thailand if she is Thai. Domestic violence is not a high priority in Thai courts, let alone when it is from a thai woman on a thai man.... you will be treated with unbelief and or compassion none of which are suitable.

4. If you are UK citizen then go back to our country and file divorce against her there with all documentd evidence you could collect. Take a good lawyer in the UK to sort out everything for you. Remember cheap lawyers are expensive coz they loose their cases .... Take one who has a good background history of winning complex divorce cases.

5. Before you start doing anything make sure that you move all your money and other wealth to accounts she don't know about ... preferably numbered accounts no one can find. Wherever you proceed for divorce , also in UK, your partner can always block your bank account for some lousy reason, and only God knows when you can get it unfrozen after that....

BLock any credit cards , ATM cards etc.. she may have that give her access to any of your accounts.

6. If you have any legal (documented) ownership she might try to get her hands on, then try to pawn it or mortgage it to the highest possible amount. For wealth located in Asia you might turn to major banks in Singapore.

7. Start a procedure from UK to get the children's custody.... or take the children with you without notice when you leacve for the UK . Prepare some basic luggage for you and kids at a reliable friend. buy only new things for all of you don't take anything from home. She will notice things do disappear. When you are ready buy a return ticket for you and kids wothout telling her (pay with credit card) and make sure you are gone before the credit card survey gets in your mailbox. Make sure you buy a ticket that is refundable for the not used sectors.

8. Once you have saved as much as possible of your own wealth from third party actions, and your kids are safe, stop giving her any money as long as there is not a court decision about that.

Good luck .

[Andiamo]

Should you get out of it....yes, you should....leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick, I have seen it many times, no different to what happened to a lot of us as kids before the do gooders decided that it was bad for us.

Are you seriously suggesting the above...? "leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick,"

I couldn't quite believe what I was reading here - I had to reread the above sentences twice! To me that is a clear contradiction in terms, "the kids will be fine - it is not unusual for thai women to beat their kids with a stick." Hardly a definition of "fine" to me... .

What part couldnt you believe ?

I guess you werent brought up in the same era as me.....where a smack on the bum was commonplace and so was a belt around the arse when we did wrong, I and and many others grew up just fine. As I said I have seen many Thai women give their kids a few swats around the rear end with a stick to pull them in line.

To clarify:

Your first post you wrote "the kids will be fine - it is not unusual for thai women to beat their kids with a stick."

Your second post "...I have seen many Thai women give their kids a few swats around the rear end with a stick to pull them in line".

I think I read your Beat as in BEAT and NOT a few swats around the rear end with a stick... That is why I posted what I did.....

Regardless, I had my legs slapped and bum smacked when I was a kid too, but i NEVER got hit by a stick! Rather more extreme methinks. Also, I would not slap the legs or smack my kids bums but that is my choice and a personal decision.

What I couldn't believe about your post was "the kids will be fine - it is not unusual for thai women to beat their kids with a stick." When I thought the OP's concern was for his kids and also if there was a way to keep them!

However, we have perhaps gone a little off-topic which is of no help to the OP. Hope you manage to resolve everything Chris.

[DamianMavis]

Some of you people refuse to believe that a woman could KILL a man. Women murder men here all the time. Wouldn't hit a woman in self defence? Then you are prepared to just let her kill you if that is her wish? Unbelievable. I never said I would hit a woman, I would never hit a girlfriend, but I would never be in a situation that warranted it, I would never be with someone like that. BUT if a strange crazed woman suddenly attacked me with a knife? I certainly would use whatever force necessary to end the life threatening assault. Knocking her out would not be a moral question I would be struggling with even for a nano second.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR DUMMIES: If your woman shows even the slightest streak of violence (not the good sexual kind) than you dump her IMMEDIATELY. You'd think that would be common sense but after reading this thread..... sadly it is not.

Damian

[seonai]

Chris I don't know if you have done this but it's a good idea to go with a translator to the police station and just make a report to keep for the future. I forget the name of it in Thai - you tell them you want to register a report, not take action against your wife (if that's how you prefer to keep it) and they will write down all the details of the abuse and file it and give you a copy

I feel strongly that you need some local support/friendship - why not contact Barry Kenyon the British consul in Pattaya? He's level headed and has dealt with all this before. You can get hold of him at Pattaya Today newspaper or call the embassy

[dmax]

Seems that liquor has something to do with it.

[flyer]

Chris, you have to save what can be saved. There won't be a total or perfect solution, only one that is better then staying the way it is. If you can 't take the boy with you to UK because of names and passport problems , then that is very sad n but make up your mind about it and at least save your daughter and yourself from this nightmare. Have a good check with an immigration specialist to see if there is any way you can even take the boy with you (for example by having a copy of the marriage registration with the name of your wife as well as copy of birth certificate of the boy... or whatever would do the trick). Worth trying though. Get your money out of this bar in one or the other way without her knowing and move back to UK with the one or two kids. There file for divorce and start a new life. Better be hard up in UK but free and happy then be like you are now.

I hope also some of our readers here who live in Jomtien will take the opportunity to contact you and support you the best they can.

Good luck.