Health Question & Answer Session With Dr. Ken Miester

[Chris Lawrence]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION with Dr. Ken Miester

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart

will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.

Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn and what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than

an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more

of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more

vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in

sideways- Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOW'

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day

BREAKFAST

1 Grapefruit

1 slice whole-wheat toast

1 cup skim milk

LUNCH

1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach

1 cup herbal tea

1 Tim Tam

AFTERNOON TEA

The rest of the Tim Tams from the packet

1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping

DINNER

4 bottles of wine (red or white)

2 loaves garlic bread

1 family size Supreme pizza

3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK

1 whole Woolworth's cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER :

'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'

Send this to four women and you will lose two kilograms

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 kgs

IF you delete this message you will gain 10 kgs

Here's some advice for you:

Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of

Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of Tim Toms , tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of

the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.

Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.