Guys I Need Help

[mazimus]

i really need help,i am gettin married to my g/f,we have been together for 4 years.She is really nice and shy,i am getting married to her on 6th Jan,my mates and some family are coming over.My problem is,when i ask her what do i have to do for the wedding,what do i have to pay for etc,she just tells me,shes just happy to be getting married to me and give what i think is ok.She works in a hotel in Khon Kaen,has never asked me for a thing,although i have sent her money on my own accord for her birthday etc.Can someone please tell me what to expect as i have no idea what i am going into and i dont want to embarrass her.Everyone from my end is asking questions etc of what to do,best man etc.What do i tell them.Please guys,there are some of you out there that have married women from Isaan,can you give me some info.My g/f is really shy and wont tell me what to do or what to pay for,i need help.So please anmy info from anyone would be most appreciated.

[Scott]

I am sure some folks are going to make some posts about the proper protocol. I don't know, but here's wishing you the very best of luck and happy and bright future.

[mikethevigoman]

i really need help,i am gettin married to my g/f,we have been together for 4 years.She is really nice and shy,i am getting married to her on 6th Jan,my mates and some family are coming over.My problem is,when i ask her what do i have to do for the wedding,what do i have to pay for etc,she just tells me,shes just happy to be getting married to me and give what i think is ok.She works in a hotel in Khon Kaen,has never asked me for a thing,although i have sent her money on my own accord for her birthday etc.Can someone please tell me what to expect as i have no idea what i am going into and i dont want to embarrass her.Everyone from my end is asking questions etc of what to do,best man etc.What do i tell them.Please guys,there are some of you out there that have married women from Isaan,can you give me some info.My g/f is really shy and wont tell me what to do or what to pay for,i need help.So please anmy info from anyone would be most appreciated.

mmm, a tricky one this one,. are they are a very poor family ? have you been sending her money monthly ? does she have a child ?...are you having a buddhist ceremony ?, either way id ask her to nominate someone to help you, ,give us a bit more info please

[raslin]

You should also post to the helpful guys on the Isaan forum.

Best of luck to you both.

[mogoso]

Best of Luck!

My marriage to my wonderful Thai lady is the single most brillant move in my life. I cannot imagine life without her soft voice, her lovely presence, or her many wonderful attributes.

May your lives be filled with happiness, and each other.

[wasabi]

1 million baht ought to put a smile on everyone's face. Better safe than sorry!

[blizzard]

maybe she too shy too get married...........thinkk about it. she causing u grief and u not even hitched.

[swain]

My wife said the same thing that getting married was what was important not the ceremony and the rings, dresses etc... what she was really saying is show me how important I am in your life, I love you and will be happy with whatever you do.. but... I read between the lines. My wife is Christian so sin sot was not an issue. I did the engagement ring, wedding ring, didn't have to buy the dress, there are some very nice places that will rent the very best wedding gowns altered to fit. Rented a church, brought my mother in, did the whole wedding photo routine, flowers for the church, and photographer. Pre-marriage sit down dinner for her family and close friends. Reception after the wedding and honeymoon on the beach. This of course is all pretty standard in the USA and here it cost about a third to a half of what it would have cost there. Gold, Cash to the family, etc.. was not a part of my process. I would not have felt comfortable with it though I know its their way. I bypassed all that as she was raised Christian and with a western outlook on life in general.

[yorkman]

You really are going to need to give a bit more information before you can get any advice as to what PROBABLY will happen.

- You say she works in Khon Kean, so her family are in that area?. The reason being that what is "traditional" does vary around the country.

- Has she given any indication as to what she wants? The full buddhist thing with monks, or just a bit of a "do" in her village or in a hotel? If not then just try to squeeze that much out of her, and people can give you more information.

You have my sympathy, but don't worry too much. My wife really was the same as to not explaining what was going to happen. I just went with the flow and it was fine!!

I have just done a quick google - http://www.apmforum.com/columns/thai15.htm - the second part of that description, in the evening, was exactly what happened. The first part was somewhat different. Anyway, a start I hope

Ohh, just remembered, have you done an engagement ceremony yet? That can be simple and done at home and only need involve family. Why not suggest to your wife that you do that the day before? You won't understand a thing , but it will set your mind at rest for the "big" day perhaps?

[JetsetBkk]

There's a Sid Sod thread pinned near the top of this forum.

[naka]

While the lady may not want to inform you ... Her family certainly will !

Naka.

[yorkman]

There's a Sid Sod thread pinned near the top of this forum.

I wasnt going to get into that one Lead him gently into it first, and then discuss how to minimise the financial pain

[ade100]

Best wishes to you both.

My only comment here is that you should remember there are two people getting married, one Western and one Thai. So why have to do everything the Thai way? Why not do it all the Western way? Or better still come to a multi-cultural compromise.

[yorkman]

So why have to do everything the Thai way? Why not do it all the Western way? Or better still come to a multi-cultural compromise.

Tis fair comment.

However even in the wilds of deepest darkest Issan they do seem to have compromised from what was the norm many years ago.

Basically all is needed is a nod to the old ways, make sure that her family get an "event", and then its back to the Thai eat, drink and be merry. If you can satisfy those 3 then any cultural faux-pas are forgiven.

Just ignore any "up to you's" and "it doesnt matter". It does, its just her trying to make it easier for you and not wanting to appear demanding or grasping, but in practice making it much harder

To be honest, and I have seen this, those that demanded that you do "this" or "do that" would be much more of a worry.

However as the OP seems to have disappeared back into cyberspace........

[Lickey]

perhaps shes to shy to tell you she is already married, shit happens!!

[wamberal]

Buy her some gold. But go to the gold shop with a trusted Thai friend.

[a2396]

Don't forget the house and the car, in her name of course. Plenty of gold and cash to flash at the wedding. Round things out with an ATM card for her giving access to all your accounts. Bon appetit.

[zorro1]

maybe she too shy too get married...........thinkk about it. she causing u grief and u not even hitched.

[billrose]

i really need help,i am gettin married to my g/f,we have been together for 4 years.She is really nice and shy,i am getting married to her on 6th Jan,my mates and some family are coming over.My problem is,when i ask her what do i have to do for the wedding,what do i have to pay for etc,she just tells me,shes just happy to be getting married to me and give what i think is ok.She works in a hotel in Khon Kaen,has never asked me for a thing,although i have sent her money on my own accord for her birthday etc.Can someone please tell me what to expect as i have no idea what i am going into and i dont want to embarrass her.Everyone from my end is asking questions etc of what to do,best man etc.What do i tell them.Please guys,there are some of you out there that have married women from Isaan,can you give me some info.My g/f is really shy and wont tell me what to do or what to pay for,i need help.So please anmy info from anyone would be most appreciated.

Mazimus,

You don't say if this wedding is a village Budhist wedding or an official Amphur wedding. If it is a Budhist ceremony, there will be a session with the Monks first, followed by some sort of party later in the day. The family will cook masses of food for the monks (which you will probably asked to pay for, unless her family is exceedingly rich). The party could be a simple family affair or a massive do with a big stage, sound system and lots of dancing girls and singers. As they say in Thailand "up to you" or in this case it seems like it is "up to her".

You must be aware that the Budhist ceremony is not a legal marriage, only the Amphur wedding is legal in Thailand or anywhere else in the world. Before you have the Amphur wedding you must get an "affirmation of freedom to marry" from your country's embassy in Bangkok.

Good luck and I hope it all turns out OK

[Landwatch]

Congrats, this is going to be a big step of your life. So it is important that all your decisions be taken together. And this is exactly what you will have to make your G/F understand. You said that you have known each other for 4 yrs that is a lot of time. You still have time, so you should take her out and tell her that how important the whole thing is for you. Then ask her opinion, make her feel comfortable. She will have plans but to get it out, you will seriously have to put some effort. Take it easy and just do it. Peace.