Bisexual

[wangnoi]

Straight women would generally be disgusted at the thought of even kissing a woman , i think that "bisexual" is very misleading and in a way dangerous as it's for people who are not yet ready to say they are gay .

Now you're speaking on behalf of straight women??

FYI, bobegraves, your name's where people are getting "Bob" from and why people are assuming you're male.

Edited December 21, 2007 by wangnoi

[Bobegraves]

Yes, bisexuality most certainly does exist; nope, it's not a myth. I'm a healthy, well-adjusted bisexual woman, married to a Thai man, and have some years behind me, so to speak. I'm not gay, nor am I straight. I've been in long-term relationships with both men and women and loved members of both genders.

When I'm not living in Thailand, I live the U.S. in a state that allows gay people to get married and I do not care what people think about my sexuality, so if I were gay, believe me, I'd be living it, shouting it...but I'm not gay - just honest with myself.

In every other area in which people differ, there are people who exist at every point on the spectrum - and sexuality is no different.

I too was married for many years, and i loved my husband as much as i was capable of loving a man,i lived a straight life for 32 years so i think i know enough about that. If you are saying that you are happy going between men and women then so be it, but ONE must bring you more pleasure and fulfillment i would think. I have no desire to get into a slanging match with anyone but i do feel that this whole topic is not anything that any man could possibly make a real comment on. As for the "Bob" bit, it's BOBE , there is nothing manish about it, i'll not bother to explain why i chose that name but it's just typical that Damien should presume that it would be Bob and i was trying to be a man. I have no desire to be anything like a man. I am a woman, i am proud to be a woman.I am old enough, like you i have many years behind me and i feel that i do know what i'm talking about. So we can only agree to differ in our opinions . My original post was to the OP of this thread and like i said i told her what i think. She asked if i thought it was "normal" to have these feelings and i said that "no i don't think it's normal" . If your husband was bisexual would you think it was normal then? Funny how when it's women it's ok, hip and trendy and it really turns men on, maybe it would be interesting to ask the ladies on the forum how they would feel if they were to find out their husbands were bisexual... another time maybe. Happy Christmas and all the best for 2008.

[DamianMavis]

I don't know who you are Wangnoi but you're my hero!

I didn't want to bother responding but I'll at least say this: Bobe, you see that CAPITAL M for Mavis in my name? That is how you spilt your name if you want them to know what it really is, you can't get insulted when someone doesn't know what your name is when you don't split it. Bob is a very common name and would be the assumption of most people. I've never heard of a Bobe.

You can disagree with me all you want, it doesn't change the fact that REGARDLESS of me being a man, my opinion is shared by millions. That argument you used was weak and lame.

Damian

[kat]

Ofcourse there is such a thing as bisexual .

Why they gave it a name in the first place then ?

Because there are people enjoying sex at both sides , so be it !

I understand that people sleep with both sexes, but each of them know where their "heart" lies. I've had great sex with men but they never got my heart. I could have used them and played with their emmotions but that wouldn't have been fair. Straight women would generally be disgusted at the thought of even kissing a woman , i think that "bisexual" is very misleading and in a way dangerous as it's for people who are not yet ready to say they are gay .No doubt Damian will know more about this so i'll say no more.

Sorry for the name mistake, Bobe. I think you may be right about where the "heart" lies, but for some people that can be with whomever they are in love with at the time. I think there is a lot of dumb, male stereotyping, but I think the lesbian and gay community is not immune from their own stereotypes and discriminatory thinking. In effect, this kind of thinking against bisexuals can drive some of them into the closet of they gay/lesbian community the same way straight society can drive gay/lesbians into the closet. There are indeed bisexuals that can be attracted or in love with both, but may prefer one over the other ideally, but still be in love with someone from their "second" choice. It is probably more honest to declare yourself bisexual in this situation, but much less politically accepted by the gay/lesbian community. In my opinion, you exhibit that attitude, Bobe.

I don't know who you are Wangnoi but you're my hero!

I didn't want to bother responding but I'll at least say this: Bobe, you see that CAPITAL M for Mavis in my name? That is how you spilt your name if you want them to know what it really is, you can't get insulted when someone doesn't know what your name is when you don't split it. Bob is a very common name and would be the assumption of most people. I've never heard of a Bobe.

You can disagree with me all you want, it doesn't change the fact that REGARDLESS of me being a man, my opinion is shared by millions. That argument you used was weak and lame.

Damian

It's no surprise that "millions" can share the same opinion, especially on this forum.

[wangnoi]

I too was married for many years, and i loved my husband as much as i was capable of loving a man,i lived a straight life for 32 years so i think i know enough about that. If you are saying that you are happy going between men and women then so be it, but ONE must bring you more pleasure and fulfillment i would think. I have no desire to get into a slanging match with anyone but i do feel that this whole topic is not anything that any man could possibly make a real comment on. As for the "Bob" bit, it's BOBE , there is nothing manish about it, i'll not bother to explain why i chose that name but it's just typical that Damien should presume that it would be Bob and i was trying to be a man. I have no desire to be anything like a man. I am a woman, i am proud to be a woman.I am old enough, like you i have many years behind me and i feel that i do know what i'm talking about. So we can only agree to differ in our opinions . My original post was to the OP of this thread and like i said i told her what i think. She asked if i thought it was "normal" to have these feelings and i said that "no i don't think it's normal" . If your husband was bisexual would you think it was normal then? Funny how when it's women it's ok, hip and trendy and it really turns men on, maybe it would be interesting to ask the ladies on the forum how they would feel if they were to find out their husbands were bisexual... another time maybe. Happy Christmas and all the best for 2008.

I think it's far more complex than just "[only] one must bring you more pleasure and fulfillment" - nothing is that black and white. In the past, yes, I've dated men and women (not at the same time - serial monogamist here), but now I'm in a relationship with a man who knows who I am. If my husband told me that he was bisexual, I'd give him the respect and support he deserves - period, no question. It'd be a big deal, but not for the reasons you're probably thinking of and yes, I think it's normal. Yes, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree about my (not-at-all-unique-to-me) experiences and your opinions about people other than you...

To the OP: yes, I think it's normal and hope that you have some people around you to talk to about this. It can be incredibly confusing and being in a different country with different social "norms" heaped on top of everything can make it more so, but it may also give you the clarity you might not get back in whatever country you are from. I have met a number of farang women when I'm in Thailand (or have farang female friends who have shared with me that they've had these feelings) who are going through the same thing as you - it's very interesting and says something positive (I think) about Thailand...oh, and it's totally normal - did I say that already? I agree with Kat, et al, going to women's/lesbian spaces could be a good next step. Take good care of yourself.

[ViolentFemme]

Ha. How funny that I am listening to the Beatles 'I want you' as I read this.

Just be who you are. Experiment. How are you going to find out what it is that you want unless get out there and look for it? At the end of the day, you have no one to answer to except yourself. And it would be such a pity if you wake up ten years from now wondering 'what if'.

Forget about labels. You shouldn't have to label yourself, anyway. It's no ones business. As long as you and your partner(s -and also assuming it is all SAFE!!) are OK with it, what does it matter? So that you can be some statistic? Don't stress about labels...unless you are 100% sure where you stand then they won't be any help anyway.

But do be careful. Relationships are relationships, whether they are with a man or a woman or both. They can still be tricky and still end in tears.

Anyway, just my humble two cents! Just be you

[alaina]

^

Great nickname, love that band.

[meadish_sweetball]

ViolentFemme has already said all I wanted to say.

Good luck.

[jumnien]

My father is gay; does that make him bi-sexual?

[sbk]

We take a dim view of trolling in this forum.

[jumnien]

In regards to post 69; my father is really gay and I am not trolling. Just thought it would broaden the perspective on our different experiences with family members who go both ways. Many roads, one journey and all that. For the record, despite his sexual history, he considers himself to be gay, not bisexual.

[sbk]

Thank you for the clarification.

[philliphn]

This might not be the most appropriate place to post this, so please feel free to direct me to a more appropriate place.

Okay, I am female. I find some men attractive. I also find some women attractive, the cute ones, I mean, with a pretty face and preferably long, straight hair, and definitely on the skinny side. If I feel attracted to a cute woman, I enjoy being close to her and looking at her. I think it would be nice to cuddle, but almost always I would assume that she is straight and that she would not appreciate the advances. So I just pretend that it is all platonic. Sometimes I feel nervous, afraid that they would know my secret and be horrified, and sometimes I feel bad for being deceptive.

Is this normal? Some say that women are bisexual by nature. Is it really just a myth?

I wouldn't say that these feelings are normal, i'd say they were gay. I take it that the cuddle would lead to more if it were possible? I think Kat's offer of helping you to meet other lesbian's is great - go for it. Don't waste your life hiding behind the title of being "Bisexual", only you know where your heart lies. You can go with all the men you like but i get the feeling that your heart won't be in it. Sex is just sex but when you're heart is in it it's the best thing ever.Spending your time around straight women and wishing for something that will never be will just hurt you more and more. Don't feel nervous, and don't worry too much about being deceptive, you're just protecting yourself from a possible slap in the face, that's understandable. Being a lesbian doesn't mean you've to loose all your straight friends although some will maybe shy away from you, all i can say is that they were not really your friends in the first place.As this lifestyle is not easy you may want to just shove the thoughts to the back of your mind but believe me they'll come out again in time. You did take the first step though by posting your thoughts on this forum!Good luck.

She may really be bisexual. It's up to her to define her sexuality. Some lesbians also sleep with men, and they don't consider themselves bisexual.

Sounds like "Bob" is a lesbian and a hardcore recruiter! haha

Damian

I am indeed. But not a recruiter, just concerned that the OP is in need of help. Does all this turn you on Damian?

Aww cmon, don't you think its absolutely hilarious that you are talking in a stereotypical lesbian fashion? No.... I guess not. If you really want to know ya.... lesbians turn me on, and Im not just talking the lipstick ones either, I've always had a thing for tomboys..... but of course, that is like having a thing for Angelina Jolie, nice fantasy but NEVER gonna happen haha.

Damian

What is a recruiter and what is a stereotypical lesbian. A bit misinformed Damian - but you can be forgiven.

Stereotypical in that she was hostile and insulting towards buddy describing his bi girlfriend and then went on to try to convince a bi curious woman that she is in fact gay.... I don't know but to men that is what we EXPECT from lesbians and I thought it was funny that she actually fit the stereotype perfectly.

Bob is of the belief that there is no such thing as bi and that if our girlfriends demonstrate an attraction for women than they are in fact gay and do not actually love us or want to be with us. I'm trying to think of all the girlfriends I've had that have expressed a curiousity or straight out attraction towards other women..... maybe at least 6. But they also constantly demonstrated an attraction for men and an intense interest in sex with a man (me). Bob wants to believe all those women were in fact gay and just staying with me because they were too scared to be true to themsleves... that is fine but I disagree 100%. There is such a thing as bisexual.

Damian

I am attracted to attractive Lesbian women!

Does that mean I am Gay?

[girlx]

i think that "bisexual" is very misleading and in a way dangerous as it's for people who are not yet ready to say they are gay

understand that people sleep with both sexes, but each of them know where their "heart" lies. I've had great sex with men but they never got my heart.

She asked if i thought it was "normal" to have these feelings and i said that "no i don't think it's normal"

sorry, bob, but these are just your opinions as a gay woman who sounds like she might have a chip on her shoulder (really, by your reasoning you could also say that since you slept with men you are secretly straight but are just too afraid to admit it since for you it is more socially acceptable to be gay). the fact is, bisexuality exists. i know because i am living proof. like i said above, i am equally attracted to people of both sexes. i choose to stay with men because i seem to relate to them better, as well as enjoying sex with them. but it does not make me "straight" any more than my having slept with women and enjoyed it makes me "gay". sexually, i like both. your sexuality is not really about where your "heart" lies, it's about what turns you on. you are not in any position to be telling someone their feelings are abnormal or to label them as gay- as kat said it is up to each person to define their own sexuality and people can fall anywhere along a very wide spectrum.

Edited December 27, 2007 by girlx

[pop_corn]

uhmmm been bisexual a myth? no way, that's pure reality!

Uhmm I read a post before that says something about people that are gay but still don’t recognize it.. Well... that’s totally wrong... I was totally declared as lesbian, with my family, friends and people that knows me. And 2 years ago "click" I started to like guys... which is quiet difficult to assume when you already told everyone you are gay. I felt for a guy and well, I assumed that as well, we didn’t last that much (just a year) but since then I can say that I'm bisexual. My latest flirting has been with guys but for sure I still look girls as much I can look guys.

we got to learn to think out of the box, and understand that bisexuality is equally valid as homosexuality or heterosexuality, it is just another option.

Edited January 2, 2008 by pop_corn

[bikerlou47]

This might not be the most appropriate place to post this, so please feel free to direct me to a more appropriate place.

Okay, I am female. I find some men attractive. I also find some women attractive, the cute ones, I mean, with a pretty face and preferably long, straight hair, and definitely on the skinny side. If I feel attracted to a cute woman, I enjoy being close to her and looking at her. I think it would be nice to cuddle, but almost always I would assume that she is straight and that she would not appreciate the advances. So I just pretend that it is all platonic. Sometimes I feel nervous, afraid that they would know my secret and be horrified, and sometimes I feel bad for being deceptive.

Is this normal? Some say that women are bisexual by nature. Is it really just a myth?

My GF is bi and we have had many wonderful experiences, we enjoy FMF and MFM but welike couples the most but have found it very difficult to find couples in Thailand. But we are always looking! :-)

[girlx]

My GF is bi and we have had many wonderful experiences, we enjoy FMF and MFM but welike couples the most but have found it very difficult to find couples in Thailand. But we are always looking! :-)

two misconceptions about bi girls:

1) that bi girls want to sleep with everyone they meet (totally false)

2) that bi girls want to hook up with sleazy couples for threesomes (i have seen those real sex shows about swingers clubs, and never found any of the patrons attractive in the least)

[tijnebijn]

This might not be the most appropriate place to post this, so please feel free to direct me to a more appropriate place.

Okay, I am female. I find some men attractive. I also find some women attractive, the cute ones, I mean, with a pretty face and preferably long, straight hair, and definitely on the skinny side. If I feel attracted to a cute woman, I enjoy being close to her and looking at her. I think it would be nice to cuddle, but almost always I would assume that she is straight and that she would not appreciate the advances. So I just pretend that it is all platonic. Sometimes I feel nervous, afraid that they would know my secret and be horrified, and sometimes I feel bad for being deceptive.

Is this normal? Some say that women are bisexual by nature. Is it really just a myth?

My GF is bi and we have had many wonderful experiences, we enjoy FMF and MFM but welike couples the most but have found it very difficult to find couples in Thailand. But we are always looking! :-)

Sorry everybody their joy but to mention this on a forum ....

[rainx]

Thank you everyone for offering your perspectives and for doing so in a mutually respectful way.

[swain]

This might not be the most appropriate place to post this, so please feel free to direct me to a more appropriate place.

Okay, I am female. I find some men attractive. I also find some women attractive, the cute ones, I mean, with a pretty face and preferably long, straight hair, and definitely on the skinny side. If I feel attracted to a cute woman, I enjoy being close to her and looking at her. I think it would be nice to cuddle, but almost always I would assume that she is straight and that she would not appreciate the advances. So I just pretend that it is all platonic. Sometimes I feel nervous, afraid that they would know my secret and be horrified, and sometimes I feel bad for being deceptive.

Is this normal? Some say that women are bisexual by nature. Is it really just a myth?

I think all women are bisexual all they need is a loving, non judgmental environment to explore their sexuality. Its conditioning for sure maybe some times brain chemistry but for the most part womens magazines, popular media, and most everything that women are exposed to as little girls all the way up to adulthood. Males on the other hand dont get this bombardment of male male images ... We got fred flitstone, george jetson and other brain poisoning early in our youth all the way up with everything fixated on women and their sexuality. There is tons of research on this issue everywhere and this could be a never ending process. I speak from personal experience with women that all women will embrace this aspect of their sexuality if judgment is not perceived.

The flamers will say something like ... yeah would you say this about your mother .. what about your grandmother.. etc.. to this I say.. DO YOU think about your mothers or grandmothers sexuality.. and I would hope the answer would be a profound no.. and that would be the end.. and if its yes then I want to distance myself from the author anyway as he or she has issues I don't care to explore.

[girlx]

hm i don't agree that all women are bisexual. i do think that those who are bi-curious are so because of the things you mention (bombardment since birth by images of sexualized females)... but ultimately that does not mean they would enjoy actual bisexual or lesbian sex. i have some girl friends who are disgusted by the idea.

[swain]

How do you feel about it? What is your take on it... If you think its disgusting or you like it only because you think this will allow you to have two women at the same time.. but other than that you cant see it happening or if it does its wrong. If this is the case then your friends or girlfriends are picking up on it.. and will never give you a real take on the subject.

[girlx]

if you read the whole thread you can see how i feel about it

[Thanh-BKK]

Hi

I'm just a 99.9% homosexual male (but i would not deny Angelina Jolie entry to my room - yet she's pretty much the only one) so please forgive me for posting in the "Ladies" section, yet i have a vague idea about why more women tend to be bisexual than men.

See, it's in the nature of the sexual activities. Without wanting to go into too much detail, the "male" sexual act is always the one of force, i.e. penetration. regardless if the partner be male or female. The "female" sexual act yet is the one of gentleness - receiving the penetration or otherwise using gentle, non-penetrating techniques, again this goes for male or female partners.

So two women can be with each other complete gentle, unhurtful, not using force - something which every woman will accept (and almost every man too, even tough most of them will NOT admit to it, SPECIALLY not while other men are around!) And since women in general (exceptions exist) are of finer composition and gentler nature than men, bisexuality has a greater chance to develop - every woman has female friends, "love" is universal and gentle meets gentle - f/f sex can result more easily without either woman needing to be homosexual.

With men it's just soo different - every man is, inside, a coward - fact. They love to give, yet hate to take ("must win" strategy). Hence almost every man would not mind having penetrating sex (anal or otherwise) with a partner of either sex, yet none except for homosexuals would accept BEING penetrated by another man. And most men's mind is very short on information about "homosexual behaviour", almost every man when hearing "gay" or "homo" thinks only "penis - ass" and is automatically scared of HIS ass being penetrated by someone else's penis. Hence the natural homophobia in most men, which in that form is not present in women.

Rarely a relationship between men can develop into a loving one, as unlike females, males somehow feel the need to compete instead of work together. So instead of bonding with a friend, a man will fight him - on the football pitch, in the boxing ring or at the desk, seeing who makes more money. Women bond easy, do things together. Men don't. Apart from drinking - and that's just a competition, too.

I personally know a number of females who had esperiences of sexual nature with other females, none of them would call themselves expressly "bisexual" yet almost all of them would do it again, anytime. Others who never had the experience would not mind trying it.

Yet i know NO male WHO IS NOT A HOMOSEXUAL who has had an experience with another male or would admit to wanting to experiment. Men won't get into their head that homosexual men can be as gentle as women......... but that's off topic.

I am a homosexual male yet i am far from the stereotype - as in i do NOT like anal sexual activities, in fact i am more a woman than a men when it comes to sex and feelings - and i consider myself lucky to have a successful relationship with a Thai boy since over seven years who shares my feelings and love.

With best regards.....

Thanh

[DamianMavis]

How do you feel about it? What is your take on it... If you think its disgusting or you like it only because you think this will allow you to have two women at the same time.. but other than that you cant see it happening or if it does its wrong. If this is the case then your friends or girlfriends are picking up on it.. and will never give you a real take on the subject.

Wow, how about you read a thread before posting on it? haha Shocker but Girlx is... A GIRL duh and she's bisexual.....

THANH, you are so out there man....... I know, I know, me and all my hetero male friends are lying to everyone and ourselves and if the opportunity arose we would penetrate another man no problem.... ya right.

Damian

Edited January 21, 2008 by DamianMavis

[swain]

How do you feel about it? What is your take on it... If you think its disgusting or you like it only because you think this will allow you to have two women at the same time.. but other than that you cant see it happening or if it does its wrong. If this is the case then your friends or girlfriends are picking up on it.. and will never give you a real take on the subject.

Wow, how about you read a thread before posting on it? haha Shocker but Girlx is... A GIRL duh and she's bisexual.....

THANH, you are so out there man....... I know, I know, me and all my hetero male friends are lying to everyone and ourselves and if the opportunity arose we would penetrate another man no problem.... ya right.

Damian

Never said anything about male male.. in fact our culture educates us from an early age that this is not acceptable. But for women its just the reverse. Have you ever picked up the teen girl magazines or glam mags for adult women. It really sets the stage for women to explore their attraction to women. There is too much information backing this point of view and if you would like some creditable sources please let me know.

Yes your right I didn't read the entire thread and I wont make that mistake again.

[DamianMavis]

How do you feel about it? What is your take on it... If you think its disgusting or you like it only because you think this will allow you to have two women at the same time.. but other than that you cant see it happening or if it does its wrong. If this is the case then your friends or girlfriends are picking up on it.. and will never give you a real take on the subject.

Wow, how about you read a thread before posting on it? haha Shocker but Girlx is... A GIRL duh and she's bisexual.....

THANH, you are so out there man....... I know, I know, me and all my hetero male friends are lying to everyone and ourselves and if the opportunity arose we would penetrate another man no problem.... ya right.

Damian

Never said anything about male male.. in fact our culture educates us from an early age that this is not acceptable. But for women its just the reverse. Have you ever picked up the teen girl magazines or glam mags for adult women. It really sets the stage for women to explore their attraction to women. There is too much information backing this point of view and if you would like some creditable sources please let me know.

Yes your right I didn't read the entire thread and I wont make that mistake again.

SWAIN, I was talking to THANH (hence I wrote his name so people would know) about male/male since that was what HE was talking about. Read carefully ok?

Damian

[Thanh-BKK]

Damian....

Even i have no idea what you are referring to when you say that "you and all your hetero friends are lying to yourselves...". Care to explain?

Matter of fact - many girls will tell about experiences they have had with other girls, or will repeat such experiences if opportunity arises. Yet most men will not tell of such experiences EVEN IF THEY HAD THEM (many a boy has messed around with another boy in school etc) AND LIKED IT because of the idea that "this is gay". It just doesn't fit their assumed role of "macho".

Best regards....

Thanh

[DamianMavis]

Damian....

Even i have no idea what you are referring to when you say that "you and all your hetero friends are lying to yourselves...". Care to explain?

Matter of fact - many girls will tell about experiences they have had with other girls, or will repeat such experiences if opportunity arises. Yet most men will not tell of such experiences EVEN IF THEY HAD THEM (many a boy has messed around with another boy in school etc) AND LIKED IT because of the idea that "this is gay". It just doesn't fit their assumed role of "macho".

Best regards....

Thanh

Hey, you said it. Hence almost every man would not mind having penetrating sex (anal or otherwise) with a partner of either sex, don't pretend you dont know what I am referring to. One of the most ridiculous things I have ever read, no offence.

Damian

[A_Traveller]

Damian, you mean your not bi-.... thought you were desperately in love with your iPhone.

Regards

PS Couldn't resist..... am going now ... for a few days, stop cheering in the back...