Question About Isaan Wedding

[aintravingr8]

Hello to all at THAIVISA.com and hope all is well for all! Great place you have here.

I'm an American looking to marry an ex-bar girl who was previously married and now divorced with a 5 year old son living in Isaan.

I have been sending money to her to support her and her family (grandmother, son, brother) for the last several months since my return from Isaan. We have been talking almost on a daily basis since my arrival back home via phone.

I hope one of you knowledgable people will be able to help with a few questions.

Question 1. How much should I expect to pay in dowry to her grandmother if any? (mother and father passed away), she was married before and I understand first husband payed $100k baht.. I have been sending enough money for months now supporting her and her family and will continue to do so after the wedding. She has no formal education (college) nor trade skills.

Question 2. What should I expect at the village ceremony? She says small party (proposal to her and family, friends/family/neighbors/village elder/monks (maybe spend 10-20k baht on the party?) I will bring a ring for my proposal to her. Is that it, a ring, ceremony and party? Anything else I should expect? We plan to have a larger party later when we can do it the right way. I know this may include more gifts of baht, gold, food, drink, etc. etc). This will be done later next year upon our return from united states back home to Thailand.

Question 3. Is the Amphur or Registry Office easy as an affidavit form completed notarized and translated into Thai and after that is completed we are officially married in Thailand? Is there anything else I need to bring besides my passport and affidavit and how long should I expect this process to take?

I appreciate any input if anyone of you might have any. I want to ensure I have everything ready for my return to Thailand in January.

Thanks all, cheers, goodluck, thank you, chok dee kup, kop kun kup

[jibber]

[nidge]

Can't comment on the dowry but as for the small party.... I had a 'small' party. There were 350+ guests!

[aintravingr8]

She said 20-40 guests.. Close friends and family, village elder and some monks.. She has done this all before.

[nidge]

most people will tell you that you should not pay a dowry. The same would tell me i paid far too much. I believe it's totally personal and 100% up to you.

[Totster]

She said 20-40 guests.. Close friends and family, village elder and some monks..

... and anyone else who happens to be walking by at the time..

totster

[mackayae]

It's between you and your wife to be. Ask her. I wouldn't worry about other opinions.

[binnsy]

Pay what you can afford.personally having been down that road i the amount you are talking about is far to much but the party will cost more than the amount you hav stated,food,music,drinks etc etc.

Best Wishes to you both

[ronthompson]

A village marriage is really not legal, if u are going legal u will need a form from the embassy in Bangkok, if u have been married prior u will need a copy of your divorce (s). If u decide on the legal route it will be easier in Bangkok. Any of the translation offices along Wireless Road will make it easier for a price. I really do not remember how much I paid a few years ago.

Your gift to the family is really what u want to give and can live with, u will hear many opinions. It is giving money away so any thing is acceptable and it is not unheard of to give a large sums and have most of it returned to u. Looks good for the family and u stay out of the poor house.

wedding parties are just that a big party, food and drinks for many people, very difficult to have a small wedding in Issan. I do believe the wedding party will cost as much as u will pay so set a limit and stick to it.

Gold rules in the Villages the more Gold the better Thai Gold that is. Diamond do not mean that much most girls do not know them.

Do wish u all the best on the upcoming event. For me Thailand has been wonderful.

[aussiecollin]

Question 1.

The family should not accept any dowry money: she is 'spoiled goods..having been married before, and I assume the family do not know she is (was??) a bar girl. Case: my wife was not a bar girl, and I broke her virginity and lived with her before marriage: when asked, her Mother said 'no dowy, she has been with you'. (family poor, rice farmers, but own a lot of land) I gave A$1000 anyway. Prior to marriage I had not sent any money to the family. Beware, you are about to become the family ATM.

Question2.

The ceremony...what to expect in Issan? Oh Boy! brace yourself! Try hard to get a 'best man' or a translator as this will be a really great experience..like something out of National Geographic! Don't be troubled by the pigs head on a plate close to you...or lots of yahoohing during the ceremony...it's not a serious occasion...watch out for the rope around your head and hers (hee Hee...seriously...I have a VDO of my Issan (surin) wedding and one of my niece (burriram) so if you like to se it send me an email....

As another reply ststed....the guests will be supplemented by "anyone strolling by'..true...the stray dog will also be there for sure.

Too much Gin tonight...good luck/

(PS. you are marrying a bar girl??? in your home country, would you marry a prostitute?)..take care my friend)

[yorkman]

The family should not accept any dowry money.... ..having been married before

Well nobody else was going to say the rest of it, but the above, yes I understand this to be the case, at least that is "tradition" on the north of Issan

Other than that... well, lifes little choices, he's a grown up

Enjoy that Gin and go to bed, I am sure it was well intended

[Lickey]

Aint Ravin Gr8 , you certainly did that on your first post !!! but seriously if you want your new wife to go to USA i think you you should ask some questions in the Visas for other countries forum, Just because you are married to a Thai, its not all plain sailing, but enjoy your wedding and dont pay any dowry, sounds like youve paid enough already, Good Luck, Lickey.

[aintravingr8]

(PS. you are marrying a bar girl??? in your home country, would you marry a prostitute?)..take care my friend)

I would never of thought of marrying a bar girl or a prostitute at anytime in my life until I met her and got to know her.

Sometimes if your the only one capable of supporting your family, you have to do what you have to do to make ends meet and I respect her for what she had to do to take care of her family. Do I agree completely on the way she made a living, I don't think so but I do respect her very much for the things she went through in order to put food on the table for her son, her grandmother and her brother and to pay for the things necessary for her family to live day to day.

What would you do if you had no formal education or skills? How would you be able to get a respectable job to make enough money to support your family if your from Buriram?

Now she no longer works in the bar and I take care of her and her family. She need not worry about how she is going to make enough money to eat for the day or how some farang a$$hole is going to treat her like a piece of meat.

She reminds me daily how lucky she is to have me and I remind her daily of how lucky I am to have her, how proud I am of her to get a job paying 5 USD a day or whatever ridiculously little amounts she makes working 10 hours a day but I am none the less very proud of her.

This girl is one in a million, she is a great mother, she is very beautiful, smart, funny, sarcastic, great dancer, makes me laugh, makes me smile and takes really good care of me and her family.

The girls in USA have nothing to compare to her and believe me I've compared every single one of my ex-girlfriends (have to weight the positives with the negatives right ?

I've been sending upwards of 15-20k baht a month and I am by no means rich at all for a 30 year old.

[ronthompson]

Life is so different in Issan and I do not and can not hold them to the same standards as in the US. I have never been to Europe so I am uncertain about how things exactly work over there.

U are correct in that many girls do what it takes to make a living, the difference IMHO is that a few enjoy that life style and those few are the ones that make life difficult for the Forang that ends up with them.

I consider my self to be lucky over two years with the same wonderful woman.

In the States I was <deleted> many times and married many times here i feel as if i died and went to heaven.

Once again good luck and enjoy your new life, where u from n the States?

[prakhonchai nick]

how proud I am of her to get a job paying 5 USD a day or whatever ridiculously little amounts she makes working 10 hours a day

I've been sending upwards of 15-20k baht a month and I am by no means rich at all for a 30 year old.

Be careful, my friend. Most Isaan people earn around $5 a day, and support their family from that. Your future wife is receiving from you an additional 15-20K baht a month. Maybe you have not been to the family home, but on that sort of monthly money, they are living very very well!. A monthly top up from you of 5000bt would be more than sufficient, and still give them a combined income most likely in excess of any of their village neighbours.

Don't be taken for a ride. I suggest you find out where the money is going. If its all being spent, then cards, Hi-Lo, the lottery, and excessive tamboon are all likely to figure.

[aussiecollin]

how proud I am of her to get a job paying 5 USD a day or whatever ridiculously little amounts she makes working 10 hours a day

I've been sending upwards of 15-20k baht a month and I am by no means rich at all for a 30 year old.

Be careful, my friend. Most Isaan people earn around $5 a day, and support their family from that. Your future wife is receiving from you an additional 15-20K baht a month. Maybe you have not been to the family home, but on that sort of monthly money, they are living very very well!. A monthly top up from you of 5000bt would be more than sufficient, and still give them a combined income most likely in excess of any of their village neighbours.

Don't be taken for a ride. I suggest you find out where the money is going. If its all being spent, then cards, Hi-Lo, the lottery, and excessive tamboon are all likely to figure.

Agree....I have a niece in BKK who is a skilled IT person, and she earns less than 20K month. Good luck.

Yes, I know it is the whole family, but I am sure that you are aware that you will be expected to continue to send that amount after you marry...if not more.

I send 36K a year to my wife's family (monthly transfers are too expensive in bank charges from OZ) and this goes to help with electricity, water and a few school incidentals for the kids in the family. The whole family get moving at rice harvest time and work their buts off, no booze, no gambling, just hard working good generous people. The amount I am sending has been unaltered for 18 years.

[aintravingr8]

how proud I am of her to get a job paying 5 USD a day or whatever ridiculously little amounts she makes working 10 hours a day

I've been sending upwards of 15-20k baht a month and I am by no means rich at all for a 30 year old.

Be careful, my friend. Most Isaan people earn around $5 a day, and support their family from that. Your future wife is receiving from you an additional 15-20K baht a month. Maybe you have not been to the family home, but on that sort of monthly money, they are living very very well!. A monthly top up from you of 5000bt would be more than sufficient, and still give them a combined income most likely in excess of any of their village neighbours.

Don't be taken for a ride. I suggest you find out where the money is going. If its all being spent, then cards, Hi-Lo, the lottery, and excessive tamboon are all likely to figure.

I can afford to take a bit more care of her and her family then to just pay $165 USD a month for a four person family.

I know where her money is going and what she needs to buy. We discuss finances on occasion over the phone. She does not like to talk much about money as she feels embarrassed or guilty for mentioning it?. She knows the importance of saving as I ask her how much money she has in her account when I know she might be low, as I don't send all the money at once each month.

I have been to her home as she met me at the airport and we took a 5 hour taxi ride to her home village in September 07. I told her I wanted to experience true traditional Thailand and get away from the tourist traps and she really wanted to share that experience with me. Her families house could use some work. Concrete living room floor with one large chair, electricity and TV but I'm not sure about running water. I do know they had some sort of water hook up in the front outside for washing off hands. Typical meals consisted of family eating outside on mats which layed on the concrete. The roof of the house was open-air, almost like the rain could get in on a rainy/windy day. Is that normal? It was a bit difficult to get used to the scoop shower and the toilet in the bathroom. No running water, typical thai toilet which sat on the floor. I know she is going to get the bathroom fixed up with some of the money which I think is a great idea, that and the purchase of the motorbike so now her son can be taken to school and they can take care of the things they need to do in town. I'm looking forward to going on a long motorbike ride through the country side.

I stayed for several days and met everyone in the immediate family, neighbors on the street, got blessed by the village elder, had many food experiences with family and neighbors, borrowed several beds, showers, intoxicated at 9am, rode a pink motorbike, walked up and down the main street smiling at everyone buying one of each, party with the neighbors. I even made it to Phanom Rung which was about 45 minute drive in the car from her village which was really spectacular. Am I lucky or does this happen to everyone? Everyone was so nice I couldn't believe it. Everyone wanted to offer me everything they had it seemed.

This place was nothing like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Kanchanburi or Sukhothai. Nothing imaginable in the states.

I think that's why I'm intrigued with her and her inner beauty. Yeah I know sounds kind of lame

- And thanks prakhonchai nick for your suggestions and input.

- Ron, she never enjoyed working as a bar-girl and she definetely doesn't like any other girl calling me a customer....

Cheers to all from Washington State.. *rings bell*

[prakhonchai nick]

I know where her money is going and what she needs to buy.

You seem to have your eyes wide open, unlike many others before you.

Isaan is a great place to live - beats Pattaya and all the other tourist traps.

Won't give any advice/opinion on the dowry - it's purely a personal matter.

Best of luck to you both - may well bump into you sometime in the future, since you can't be far away from me

[Rdrokit]

Dowry not important as her parents are dead. Not alot of "face to make". If the party is actually only 40 people 20,000 baht is plenty. Do not bring a ring from the States, buy gold bands in Thailand and have them engraved on the inside of the rings with your names. OH YES, DO NOT RUN OUT OF MONEY. How are you going to earn a living over here? Or are you going to continue to work in the States and come over on vacations....I hope not. AND make sure it is REALLY her brother.

[ricky63]

Congratulations!

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader2172.htm

You don't have to pay Sin Soht... Please click on the link above and read the submission about paying a dowry/Sin Soht to your fiance's family.

I had an Isaan girlfriend that I was serious about. Even though I sent her money, there always seemed to be demand for more. I felt sorry for her and her family, so we discussed it and came up with a plan. I told her I would give her startup money to start a restaurant. Her family knew the restaurant business (cooks), and they said they would work together on this. She agreed that if she did not use the money to start a business she would return it. Once I transferred the money, it was immediately spent on a motorbike and home improvements (for the house in Isaan). That was the end of our relationship.

I married a Thai woman from Phuket, and have been very happy since. I never paid Sin Soht, and I told her she didn't need to pay any dowrey to me We all work together within our means (ie we all work, make money, save, discuss finances together, don't spend unless it is agreed). This equal contribution makes all of us happier.

[yorkman]

Question 2. What should I expect at the village ceremony? She says small party (proposal to her and family, friends/family/neighbors/village elder/monks (maybe spend 10-20k baht on the party?) I will bring a ring for my proposal to her. Is that it, a ring, ceremony and party? Anything else I should expect? We plan to have a larger party later when we can do it the right way. I know this may include more gifts of baht, gold, food, drink, etc. etc).

Umm.. I just put a post in the "General" forum about this which I hope answers most of your questions. Just don't be a Farang/BG statistic eh

[Lickey]

Now there is a very good point, AND make sure it is REALLY her brother.

[yorkman]

Now there is a very good point, AND make sure it is REALLY her brother.

So true, but if really wants to go through with it, an answer to the last question

As there have been time and time again the same questions and worries about the thai marriage, ceremonies and customs, a post here to describe what happened to me quite a few years ago, and what I have seen at the many marriages I have been to since. I must add this is Issan custom, and traditions do vary around the country.

I have seen people express concern, but really don’t worry! Any mistakes you might make will be smiled at and forgiven. Just enjoy it.

ENGAGEMENTS

· Use this as an ease in to the big day if you can. All that is happening here is that you are getting the formal permission of her parents and family to marry into the family.

· This can be done at home, yours, theirs, whatever…..

· A respected person, usual an elder from the village will be presiding over events. With the extended family around, you will be sat down in front of her parents. Between you will be some dishes, in which is part of the Sinsot you intend to give to the family. At this point, hints here, a 2 baht Gold necklace will be fine, if you want to add a western style engagement ring, this is fine too, the Thai tradition is modernising. Don’t worry about money, this is only a symbolic thing.

· Hand the gold to her parents, they will have a look, usually big smiles, and hand it back.

· Both of you will then go on your knees in front of the parents, wai and problem over!

· The family will take turns to tie string on both of your and her wrists, and after that you will be invited to kiss the fiancé. Please, Thai style, just a sniff on the cheek, that alone will get enough smiles and laughter.

· After that its just food and drink, a normal Thai party. Try to stay sober, if the make elements allow it.

WEDDING DAY

· What happens here will vary, it depends on whether you have decided to do this in a village or whether you have booked a hotel event to do it all at once. Either way works

· There may be Monk Blessing at the house of the bride (which will be the place for the event) in the morning.

· At some time in the day the traditional wedding customs will be followed. It is the main event where both the bride and the bridegroom's family (don’t worry if you don’t have your family there, your wife will get somebody in their place) get together. They witness this important event. Both the bridge and the bridegroom will sit close together on the floor (or small stage) with their hands held in wai style. A flower chain connects the hands or sometimes the head. The most senior person will act as the leader of the event. He or she will start to soak the couple's hands in water and wish them good luck.

· Then, the parents and others will do the same. If this is in the day there will only be close friends there, you can combine this with the evening event, see next.

On the same day, in the evening, there will be a wedding party. However many are invited expect double the numbers, they will bring friends, family and kids In the village or in a hotel. whatever the style, the wedding party usually follows the same steps:

· The dinner party starts around 6 pm; the bride and the bridegroom with their parents will stand in front of the function room greeting and welcoming the guests.

· Guests arrive.

· Guests go to register the name at reception area, in a formal book (Hotel) or just anything (Village) . Guest will sign the guest book wishing good luck for the couple. Guests will present the gift at the registration area. It could be gift or money in an envelope.

· Expect loads of photographs to be taken with the guest with the bride and the bridegroom.

· A bit later food and drink will appear.

· Around 7.45 – 8-00 pm, the Master of Ceremonies starts the formal ceremony. In a village this can be the same respected person again, in a hotel they will find somebody for you. Most hotels are very used to arranging this.

· The MC calls for the guest of honour. Usually, the guest of honour is the person who is well respected by the community. The person could be yet another “old man”, or could be one of the relatives.

· The guest of honour will give the speech. The speech will be to wish them a good luck and also add some tips for marriage.

· After the speech, the guest of honour will asked all the guests to stand up and toast the bride and bride groom. This is done 3 times.

· The guest of honour will step down from the floor. The MC might make a playful speech and interview the bride and bridegroom on how they met, how they fell in love, and tell some other stories about their love (if the MC learns it before the event). Just play along. You will be expected to make a speech. Do it in english if you do not speak thai, no problems, and expect to able to hear a pin drop!! WORST BIT OVER!! Then your wife will speak, expect her to ramble on a bit if its anything like mine.

· Next, the bride and bridegroom will cut the wedding cake and serve some guests. Serve her parents, senior relatives and the guest of honour first

· After that, the bride and bride groom will walk around for pictures or movies with all the guests.

· The party finishes (as far as you are concerned) around 10-11 pm.

· Go home or to your hotel suite. You may get intercepted by some of the family’s kids wanting the “keys”, traditionally 2 children. Just give them a few Baht and tradition is served. Do not take off the wedding garlands until there. They will be added to the Buddhist Shrine thingy if at home.

· Almost over…… On the wedding bed your wife will (as per tradition) kneel and wai, and tell you she promises to obey her husband. If you believe that you believe in the tooth fairy. I just gave her a smack on her bum and called her a liar. Big laughs all around.

· Ohhh..and you know what to do next….fade scene……

[NovaBlue05]

If your writing is any indication, you seem to have a good heart. Let us know how the ceremony goes.

I wish all of you the best....Chok Dee

[Mrjlh]

Hello to all at THAIVISA.com and hope all is well for all! Great place you have here.

I'm an American looking to marry an ex-bar girl who was previously married and now divorced with a 5 year old son living in Isaan.

I have been sending money to her to support her and her family (grandmother, son, brother) for the last several months since my return from Isaan. We have been talking almost on a daily basis since my arrival back home via phone.

I hope one of you knowledgable people will be able to help with a few questions.

Question 1. How much should I expect to pay in dowry to her grandmother if any? (mother and father passed away), she was married before and I understand first husband payed $100k baht.. I have been sending enough money for months now supporting her and her family and will continue to do so after the wedding. She has no formal education (college) nor trade skills.

Question 2. What should I expect at the village ceremony? She says small party (proposal to her and family, friends/family/neighbors/village elder/monks (maybe spend 10-20k baht on the party?) I will bring a ring for my proposal to her. Is that it, a ring, ceremony and party? Anything else I should expect? We plan to have a larger party later when we can do it the right way. I know this may include more gifts of baht, gold, food, drink, etc. etc). This will be done later next year upon our return from united states back home to Thailand.

Question 3. Is the Amphur or Registry Office easy as an affidavit form completed notarized and translated into Thai and after that is completed we are officially married in Thailand? Is there anything else I need to bring besides my passport and affidavit and how long should I expect this process to take?

I appreciate any input if anyone of you might have any. I want to ensure I have everything ready for my return to Thailand in January.

Thanks all, cheers, goodluck, thank you, chok dee kup, kop kun kup

From one American to another, I'm glad you are happy and appear to be in "Love". But I want to pass along a little advice and have you take a "BIG" step backward and ask your self some very serious questions before you "leap". I'm going to make some very hard points for you to think about and play Devils advocate.

I retired to Thailand over a year ago and I love the country for many reasons. One of the things I have learned here is as a "single American" male", that I will never be "lonely". By my own choosing I can always have a bedmate, girl friend, or partner. A beautiful Thai lady who can be either young or old. She will give me the greatest pleasure a man can experience. Why" Money. But just like an American women, when the "honeymoon" is over, she can be pure "hel_l". And as quickly as it is over, I can find another just as willing lady to take her place. In fact even when I'm with one there's always one trying to move in. I've been there and I've done that. I came here to meet a beautiful Thai lady whose family treated me like royalty when I first arrived. In fact, if I didn't get along with the daughter, I had my choice of a cousin or two. And none to these were ever Bar Girls (maybe). Get the message here?

Unlike American women, Thai women have been raised to please the man from birth. They will parade you around like you were a King and treat you as such. All her friends will be impressed with you and treat you equally the same. Why? MONEY. You have "raised" her and her family to a higher status level and now they will do anything to keep you from leaving. That is the true and hard cold fact of what you are experiencing and getting into. You are young at 30. But I think, you are thinking with the wrong head. Where did you first meet her? As a bar girl? She's divorced. Why if she is so great? Thai men don't just throw them away. I suspect she got pregnant and he left because he did want to be saddled with the responsibility. Not important.

Let's assume all is well and hunky dory like you say.

First question, is she expecting you to bring her to the US? If you think you are going to bring her to the US after you get married you are sadly mistaken. And you need to get a real grip on that. I've checked and it is possible but a very long road ahead. And it will be costly. You are faced with some serious hurdles even though you will be able to provide for her better in the US than you will in Thailand. This by the way is the number one reason Thai ladies marry foreigners. To get a better life for them and their family and MOVE to another country. And when they discover they can't. It's Bye-Bye!

Second question you need to ask. Thinking of moving to Thailand? What are you going to do for a job? Are you incredibly rich? I'm not saying you can't but if you open a business there are a ton of rules you need to learn about first. Thais come first in Thailand, foreigners come last. Ask any of the expats here and they can help you. You can make money but its not easy.

Third question and the most important. If you were to lose your current job and couldn't send money to her, how long do you think she will wait for you? What do you think will happen? Remember, it's not like you are living down the street from her and just call her up. I would place a bet in Las Vegas on this. And I would make a lot of money.

If you have carefully thought out all these issues and questions. Have a plan of action that will take some time to complete and if you see it through, then kudos to you. Personally I see you sending money to a bottomless pit right now. Your intentions are well meaning but the problem lies in the fact that she is NOT your wife at the moment. And you are only living a dream. And unfortunately one that is going to be very difficult to fulfill without a better plan. One that I don't think you have made. What I learned is you dream in the US, but you plan and make things happen when you get here.

Good luck to you.

[andylee]

The first thing is to realise that replies on thaivisa are generally negative.

I have got married to a bargirl, neither she nor I have a problem with that. If she hadnt worked in Pattaya she wants to know how she would have met me. She says she wanted a better life, at school she often didnt have any money for lunch, second/third hand clothes etc. Is she wrong to want a better life ... NO.

We are very happy, have a great life, great daughter, and SHE HAS A GREAT FAMILY. A million percent better than my mum and dad. Caring etc and still want to eat like they always have.

DO BE CAREFUL obviously

We have not had a village wedding yet, married in Bangkok, but she has said if we do, the sin sod will be just for show and i will get it back. I have paid off the family debts, so i dont have to pay it in my view.

Her brother had to pay 50,000 and 3 bht gold and another thai friend had to pay 100,000 and 5 bht gold, it depends on the families and status and whether they actually want you in the family.

The ceremony is probably slightly different all around Issan, but string will be involved around the heads, splashing of water on everyone, music all day all night for sometimes three days, going through so called "gates" can come into play, as can washing the parents feet, you are lucky in this instance.

You have been sending a lot of money, my wife and I, plus baby, her parents, and on an ir/regular basis cousins and aunties live on 1,000 bht a day, that includes my internet and ubc, and my pork chops and snooker. I take extra money out for our holidays and "special occasions" which are numerous, because friends visit etc.

I dont know about your work situation etc, all I would say is do research and do be careful. I have been careful, the advice I got was only spend what you can afford to lose, and i did that. However its worked great for the last two years, my wife is happy, my daughter is happy, my in-laws are happy. But best of all I am really happy.

Just be warned about the posters on here, they are so negative about Thai women, they probably blame them for their drinking habits.

Hope it works out and that you are as happy as I am.

[londoedan]

Nice post Andy. Your comments certainly chime with my experience (thus far).

I'm getting married in 2.5 weeks to an ex-bar girl in a village just outside Buriram. I can't wait.

Simon

And good luck to you too, raving-grates.

[bina]

you know, i usually dont even bother with these kind of posts, however,

Am I lucky or does this happen to everyone? Everyone was so nice I couldn't believe it. Everyone wanted to offer me everything they had it seemed.

as so many guys will say to you; BEWARE. not cause she's a bar girl (it really doesnt matter what she did to make a living), but u seem to have 'exotic thailand' syndrome ...

and u are sponsoring them with a lot of money;

my thai husband hears me read out these posts and all he ever says is 'ting tong' farang... i hope this is true love, and u live happily ever after, but first read thru all the forum, including the negative 'thai girl bad, thai girl good' type posts... lots of stereotypes but lots of common sense in them.

ask gary a. he has a list of rules for being in thailand, all based on common sense which should all be posted as well.

read and re read mr. jilh's post post 25, a million times. re read it.

i just think men get blinded much more easily then women when it comes to these things... (remind me a few years from now that i said that, when my husband shows up with a younger woman. whom he introduces as his 'sister'... )

actually i think mr. jilh's post should be re worded w/o some of the harshness, and pinned. lots of good common plain sense there.

of course there are good people and bad people (not all thai men are drunks, not all thai women are out for the money) just like in the states or whatever country u are from. HOWEVER, due to language differences and cultural norms and actions, u may miss out on the clues that someone thai would catch and interpret correctly. beware the rosy pink glasses and the tourist glare.

bina

israel

[erikr_]

I've been sending upwards of 15-20k baht a month and I am by no means rich at all for a 30 year old.

15-20k a month?

you are already an ATM and she is already taking advantage of you, you are saying she is living in isaan and probably in the village. Life cost far less then that there. She wouldn't need more then 7k a month with the incidental extra for the fun parts

and that would feed 4 people. Does she want anything more then there should be a reason that can explane the difference

[geriatrickid]

Your wedding plans should include a visit to a lawyer with experience in Thai marriage law. Yes, it's great now, and the wedding will be fun, but 2 years down the road you may experience what the majority of marriages in Thailand and the west experience, marital discord ending in divorce. Ok, so if you want to dismiss the legal consult because your marriage will work, then consider the need for estate planning. You need to ensure that a will is in place so that your loved ones will be looked after in the event that you meet an unexpected demise. (And I couldn't care less what her background is, if it's true love and she's making you happy, then anyone that disapproves can bugger off. Just that an aquaintance married without doing the legal footwork and he paid the price for it.)