Couple Has Argument

[Onnutrd]

My boyfriend (who is Thai) and I missed the last van home a few nights ago from Victory Monument, and decided to catch a Ute home (these start after midnight), as this was the only way to return back to our house.

As we sat in the back of the Ute waiting for other passangers to arrive, my boyfriend and I witnessed a couple argueing and fighting. At first I could hear a man yelling at a female companion (they looked around 35-40 years old), and at this time I was not aware of what exactly was happening.

As I looked out the 'fence' which prevented the passangers at the back of the Ute from falling out, I could see the man yelling terribly loudly at the frightened women (who later turned out to be his wife), and he tried to get to the women (it looked to me as if he was about to use his fist), but was blocked by another man.

At this point, I wanted to get out and do something. Despite myself not being physical strong, I think my morals were enough to get me out and do something in this situation, but my boyfriend told me not to do anything and pulled me back down to the seat. After a quiet argument with my boyfriend, I asked "why the hel_l is no one helping her?"

He said,"this is Thailand and we were taught since we were young that there are alot of bad people." He continued, "occassionaly, those bad individuals carry weapons with them." He asked me, "do you want him to pull a knife out on you?" My bf continued, "you do not know what he is going to do with you...because he is stronger than you...there might be more of his friends around."

I looked at the other individuals. They looked saddened, but not so much as if they had'nt seen this before.

By this time, the Ute was quite full and all the passangers were watching what was unfolding infront of their eyes. The man was pulling the women by her hair and was hitting her. The women, tried to defend herself.

She was crying and no one helped her. At this point, I also had tears in my eyes. I told my Thai boyfriend to ring the tourist police so I can speak to them in English.

The Ute then disembarked to our destination.

My boyfriend translated the argument:

Apparently, the man came home from work and found that his wife was not there. It was almost 12.30am, he was worried and went searching for her. She, was having drinks with another male companion (his status was not confirmed). Her husband was angry and must have been under the impression that she doing something else with the man.

Edited January 10, 2008 by Onnutrd

[Murf]

Doesn't sound good... There is no need for violence in any scenario... But when tempers flare, fists fly.

What was she doing with another man afterall?

[yorkman]

At this point, I wanted to get out and do something.

Uncaring as it sounds, you did the right thing. Whatever you did you stood a good chance that they would all turn on you.

You called the police (much good that will probably do...but) so you have done your best

[chiang mai]

Half a dozen years ago or so I intervened in a fight between two Thai women, mostly because it was all very one sided and quite unfair. A middle aged Thai woman was the bar tender at a beer bar on Soi Zero and the other party was a twenty something year old and had been drinking elsewhere before wandering into this womans bar and ordering a drink that she could not pay for. The dispute over payment turned into a one way shouting match in the middle of the Soi with the older woman continually shoving the other woman to the ground and on one of these occasions she went down very hard and the noise of her head hitting the ground resonated around the Soi - the younger woman did not retaliate in any shape of form. In part it was fascinating to watch the powers of "face"at work from the two different perspectives - the bar tender wanted payment or to in lieu of that to cause the offending party substantial pain. The younger woman was prepared to take her beating with style and some dignity and was not prepared to walk away, plead for mercy or anything similar. When I thought the point had been made I simply walked between them both and told them that was enough. For whatever reason everyone complied and the matter was ended there and then. In hindsight I think I was very lucky and I have read of similar scenario's where the outcome was not as favorable. But in those situations you really have to do what you think is right at the time. A second aspect of all of this was that I needed another beer and stood little chance of getting one with the bar tender playing bully in the middle of the road hence I did have a further vested interest in seeing the matter closed!

[0Mix1up]

A western friend expat recently told me of this situation

He was going home with his wife in the car

They stopped a an intersection behind another car

Two people got out of the car fighting

The guy was punching the shit out of the girl, his words.

He, against his wifes wishes got out and told the guy to stop

The guy turned to him and yelled i'll kill you

At which time other guys got out of the car and grabbed

him, pushed him back in and started apologizing to my friend.

His wife was not happy and related something very similar to the ops bf.

He knew he was putting himself at risk but said he could not let the beating continue.

[marshbags]

Doesn't sound good... There is no need for violence in any scenario... But when tempers flare, fists fly.

What was she doing with another man afterall?

Not a personal attack Murf but your post seems to fit in with my thoughts.

Perhaps we should ascertain the reasons why, if it,s a repetative situation, and what else is happening, before passing judgement.

While violence is not nice, sometimes people are pushed into doing things that are beyond the verbal. ( both sexes )

He should of course leave her if it,s happening regulary, but love has a way of preventing this sort of solution and isn,t therefore easy.

There could also be other important issues within their relationship as well to add to the situation.

marshbags

If the violence is life threatening then it,s down to the individual on how to react and wether to step in and try to help.

Do not try to be a hero without due considerations.

The ladies can be more dangerous in situations like this ( not a sexist remark, just past experiences and observations. )

Edited January 10, 2008 by marshbags

[legag]

Family business leave it alone. You never know what's been going down. See, wifey has been out drinking with a male friend late. I would have been mad as well but agree with Murf that there is no need for violence in any scenario. Calm down and have a talk like adult! Temper .. temper ... temper .. love love love .. jealous jealous jealous.

OP's hubby did a right thing there. If you wanna help - call cops!

Edited January 10, 2008 by legag

[Onnutrd]

It was my first time experience this sort of behaviour, and was quite unsure of what to do at the time.

I only hope that the police were able to, at minimum, calm them both down.

I agree that, although it did not look at all good for the wife, the husband might have been able to resolve anything should he had simply spoken to her on the issue.

"He should of course leave her if it,s happening regulary, but love has a way of preventing this sort of solution and isn,t therefore easy." I also agree with this statement wholeheartedly, but physical abuse is hardly the answer.

Edited January 10, 2008 by Onnutrd

[mikethevigoman]

My boyfriend (who is Thai) and I missed the last van home a few nights ago from Victory Monument, and decided to catch a Ute home (these start after midnight), as this was the only way to return back to our house.

As we sat in the back of the Ute waiting for other passangers to arrive, my boyfriend and I witnessed a couple argueing and fighting. At first I could hear a man yelling at a female companion (they looked around 35-40 years old), and at this time I was not aware of what exactly was happening.

As I looked out the 'fence' which prevented the passangers at the back of the Ute from falling out, I could see the man yelling terribly loudly at the frightened women (who later turned out to be his wife), and he tried to get to the women (it looked to me as if he was about to use his fist), but was blocked by another man.

At this point, I wanted to get out and do something. Despite myself not being physical strong, I think my morals were enough to get me out and do something in this situation, but my boyfriend told me not to do anything and pulled me back down to the seat. After a quiet argument with my boyfriend, I asked "why the hel_l is no one helping her?"

He said,"this is Thailand and we were taught since we were young that there are alot of bad people." He continued, "occassionaly, those bad individuals carry weapons with them." He asked me, "do you want him to pull a knife out on you?" My bf continued, "you do not know what he is going to do with you...because he is stronger than you...there might be more of his friends around."

I looked at the other individuals. They looked saddened, but not so much as if they had'nt seen this before.

By this time, the Ute was quite full and all the passangers were watching what was unfolding infront of their eyes. The man was pulling the women by her hair and was hitting her. The women, tried to defend herself.

She was crying and no one helped her. At this point, I also had tears in my eyes. I told my Thai boyfriend to ring the tourist police so I can speak to them in English.

The Ute then disembarked to our destination.

My boyfriend translated the argument:

Apparently, the man came home from work and found that his wife was not there. It was almost 12.30am, he was worried and went searching for her. She, was having drinks with another male companion (his status was not confirmed). Her husband was angry and must have been under the impression that she doing something else with the man.

Your boyfriend is a very clever man, there is a saying in thailand if trouble is about keep the he11 out ! Edited January 10, 2008 by mikethevigoman

[marshbags]

It was my first time experience this sort of behaviour, and was quite unsure of what to do at the time.

I only hope that the police were able to, at minimum, calm them both down.

I agree that, although it did not look at all good for the wife, the husband might have been able to resolve anything should he had simply spoken to her on the issue.

"He should of course leave her if it,s happening regulary, but love has a way of preventing this sort of solution and isn,t therefore easy." I also agree with this statement wholeheartedly, but physical abuse is hardly the answer.

Physical abuse is not the answer for either party.

What i,m getting at is the fact that normal peace loving individuals could and are prone to actions while in a mental state that makes them loose their self control when pushed to the limit.

Over my lifetime i,ve witnessed several incidents of this nature among people i personally know who have gone temp. out of control, and got violent.

These are individuals who i would have banked my life on, that would never have been pushed beyong the limits and got even aggressive, never mind the physical stuff.

Only when serious harm and injury have looked like a possiblity have i acted as peace maker and usually calmed the situation down.

Getting invloved in matrimonial matters ect. is a no no where i come from but when it gets out of control and life threatening, it becomes a dodgy call on how to respond from a humanitarian point of view.

IMHO and Personal take on wether to get involved or not.

marshbags and as it,s an individual call to make on the spur of the moment.

Edited January 11, 2008 by marshbags