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Is This Behavior The Part Of Thai Culture Or It Us Just Personality?

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I was in love with Thai man one year ago. I have known him long time (he was my colleague from work) but lake a couple we spent one month. Before, here in my county he was at all lonely. This period he told about wedding, marriage, children… of course with me. I just commented: you are crazy, we are together just few weeks. He has known that I love him. At the same time, he lied me hmm… I can say he cheated on me. So we had broken up. He just repeated million times sorry, sorry, I can't make my mind. The next month he went at home (Thailand) and found his THE ONE. Ten days after meJ. And again, he came back in my country but this time he was engaged. I still can't understand why he back and how he made up his mind to engage for less than one month. He spent here three months, again alone just on chat. Finally he left in Thailand and I guess he got married.

How he can marry the girl just for few weeks? He didn't have any respect to me and with all around he was the most polite. At last, he gave me offence about my job and didn't tell me Goodbye. Is this behavior the part of Thai culture or it us just personality?

Its men, honey. Its men. I had an American boyfriend who did something similar, he was in another state as I had moved a few months earlier. "Love you miss you can't live without you" letters and phone calls from him all the time. Then, about two weeks before I went back to visit, it got quiet. I figured, he was busy. Nope, I flew back to find that he had found another girl, "love of his life" yadda yadda yadda.

A year later he returned home to find her in bed with their housemate. The fact that I had nothing to do with it and it was purely karmic made it all the sweeter :o

Sure Thai men tend to jump into relationships faster, but I'd say you found a loser. Let him go, get on with your life, grow yourself as a person and when the right one comes along, you will be ready for him. If you dwell on the past and the man then that is where you will stay stuck.

Its men, honey. Its men. I had an American boyfriend who did something similar,

as far as a sweeping generalisation goes , the above could be used as the definitive definition of a one !!!

thai women can behave very similar to the ops' boyfriend , going from first date to talking about marriage , children and happy ever after faster than the speed of light. romantically inclined and short on practical thinking ...... thats the thai way. ..... (not all of thais of course , ive never been one for sweeping generalisations !!)

I think saying it's men is a pretty broad statement!!! It's personality Tatjana..it's not because he's Thai and it's not because he's a man, it's because he's a loser and you are much better off without him. You don't want to be with someone who is confused about being with you. That is not real love. It's real when there is no thought about being with someone else so you are lucky that the relationship did not go further and you find out after you're married that he cheats on you. Good riddance!

*typo

Edited by RueFang

Serious today, aren't we? Gosh, I guess I should have put one of these after my intial post :o

Cause for sure nobody noticed the humor in it!

Serious today, aren't we? Gosh, I guess I should have put one of these after my intial post :o

Cause for sure nobody noticed the humor in it!

I don't usually boldly disagree but I don't think it a matter of being serious today. Simply, it's not easy for every non native speaker to pick up on English humour especially when it is quite subtle and expressed in written form. Therefore not everyone - fluent English speaker or not - can perceive the real sense of what can be taken as a mere generalisation.

I see Tatjana's situation quite sad really. She was treated with disrespect and dishonesty by this guy. If in her country she's not used to that kind of treatment it must have come as a bit of a shock. That kind of man exist like many others.

I know of lots of women who have behaved in a similar way and maybe in countries like Thailand that can be more common. Could it be an Asian thing? I don't know. Well, we all generalise even when we don't want to admit so.

In my opinion, in this case it could have been a mixture of the two: a cultural thing or even a family thing, it's always the collective subconscious that conditions our behaviour, beliefs and choices in life, that's what I think. I also think that he is just immature and he could have well learnt from his father/uncle/best friend to be an irresponsible and careless man who has little respect for himself and therefore others. As I agree with you SBK, it's only a matter of time, like it's true for all of us...karma will get him..when the time is right.

It may be that he really did think he was in love with you, but if he was able to fall in love so quickly with you, then of course he could do it with someone else. I am thinking that this happened quite a while ago, but you still haven't got over it right? That might be more to do with your own self confidence than this guy in particular. File this one away in the "never go near again" category (I don't mean Thai men! Just men who profess undying love after a short time), put on your dancing shoes and get out there and find someone better. You will stop wanting to know why he did this then I think and start not really caring...

70 percent of thai Men 's mind are stop growing at age of 14 ys. they are silly short logical thinking, driving like 12 ys kids on his new bike or car, im so sorry for the OP , he is really a loser.

my ex ever told me " I love you blah balh im so happy to be with u but when i go out with other girls i didnt give them heart... it just for fun they only got me but not my heart ; because u are my girlfrind u can have my heart... u r different from other girls i go out with .... blah blah blah..... " anyone ever heard something like this? im glad im not there anymore.

my ex ever told me " I love you blah balh im so happy to be with u but when i go out with other girls i didnt give them heart... it just for fun they only got me but not my heart ; because u are my girlfrind u can have my heart... u r different from other girls i go out with .... blah blah blah..... "

Ive heard that one in Thailand and in the uk!

However, in certain areas/workers in Thailand they definately see it this way and mean it, they have girlfriends who they feel commited to(even though they may have a couple)but they will still sleep with other girls. Its a shame because they guy my heart was with was like this.

This is neither a male nor a cultural thing. It is a lack or regards to a persons feeling, playing the field, player thing. Hardly limited to the male species as I know of women who do the same. Well maybe not to the extent of returning home and coming back engaged.

But I suppose the most logical explanation was, he already had a gf back home, whom he was planning to marry before he met you.

The good news is, you were with him for only a couple of weeks and not years AND! it has made you a smarter woman and you have MOVED on..

my ex ever told me " I love you blah balh im so happy to be with u but when i go out with other girls i didnt give them heart... it just for fun they only got me but not my heart ; because u are my girlfrind u can have my heart... u r different from other girls i go out with .... blah blah blah..... "

i actually do think this aspect is a cultural thing. in traditional thai (and other asian such as nepali) culture, marriage is actually almost a business relationship. a man will find a stable, good wife who is his companion to make a family and successful business with. but often he will look for passion elsewhere in the form of a mistress or prostitutes.

seems like a logical arrangement until you realize that the women are not "allowed" the same freedom to slake their passions.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time

It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.

Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together now)

All you need is love (everybody)

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

- The Beatles -

My grandmother always said: fall in love often, make love more often, never get engaged and for your sake never ever get married!

And she was married for nearly 70 years!

Love is what one needs - but no hang up!

How many of us have been cheated on? How many of us have cheated? I can say yes to both questions.

i can't. i have never once cheated on a boyfriend.

How many of us have been cheated on? How many of us have cheated? I can say yes to both questions.

Yes and yes. The first time we both did it the exact same night, both found out and realised that this was a very good sign the "we" were over. Second time, he did it first, I did it later to get back at him. Again relationship over. Cheating is a sign that something is very wrong in the relationship.

I have never cheated either with b/f or husband and I am 100% sure never been cheated on

Sounds like that hurts alot, sorry to hear about it.

Do you think there is a large percentage of Thai men who dont cheat and wouldnt?

I wonder if its the way they are brought up which makes them view it one way or another, I have heard alot about thai men thinking that if they have a girlfriend they love it is ok to also have sex with others and means nothing with regards to their relationship to their girlfriend.

But there must be men who feel as we do that cheating is 100% a no and they wouldnt want to do this.

Of course there are men who don't cheat, but I'd say they are in the minority. It is a complete exaggeration to say ALL Thai men cheat. But many many do.

Do you think there is a large percentage of Thai men who dont cheat and wouldnt?

I wonder if its the way they are brought up which makes them view it one way or another, I have heard alot about thai men thinking that if they have a girlfriend they love it is ok to also have sex with others and means nothing with regards to their relationship to their girlfriend.

But there must be men who feel as we do that cheating is 100% a no and they wouldnt want to do this.

Of course there must be a number of guys who are not interested in cheating and that in some cultures cheating is more accepted than in others. That's not a good reason to completely justify it and accept it if they get involved with us and are made well aware of how we 'farang' feel about cheating. The point in my opinion is that perhaps we should concentrate on meeting the ones that don't cheat rather than examine the ones who for one reason or another do.

I have had two relationships with Thai guys and I'm definitely sure that no cheating ever occurred. It was far too intense and we were too involved with each other to notice anybody else. I noticed that they were on the guard all the time though. At that time I already dealt with the infidelity issue back in Europe. I was probably looking for other lessons to learn. It's your determination to change as a person that determines the type of people you attract. I might be wrong...is it just bad luck to meet somebody unfaithful..? not for me it isn't.

uh oh...this topic again!!! :o

I just say....what does it really matter anyway? Some people cheat and some dont. Cheating occurs all over the world and even if it does happen more in Thailand, so what? There are many people who personally feel cheating is not right. And if a Thai person is dating a falang, the falang generally (if they want no cheating in the relationship) lets that thai person know that cheating is NOT OKAY.

Yes exactly Isabelle. Like Ave I have only ever had very devoted Thai boyfriends/husbands and I know them so well and they know me so well that no cheating has gone on. In fact, to draw this closer to some other threads on the forum... many Thai men/women will go as far as hurting someone if they feel their relationship is jepordised by a 'third' party. A far cry from all Thai men being unfaithful... it's who you choose to get involved with and what intellectual level you have with that person that matters and being able to discuss with him/her. Many many Thai people can and are very faithful to their partners for life... When you know someone REALLY well you can tell if they are cheating because their behaviour changes

Serious today, aren't we? Gosh, I guess I should have put one of these after my intial post :o

Cause for sure nobody noticed the humor in it!

But SBK if anyone writes anything about Thailand you are the first to jump in with "It happens everywhere"

Goose and gander spring to mind

When you know someone REALLY well you can tell if they are cheating because their behaviour changes

well i disagree- i know a few people who think they know their partners so well that they can be 100% sure they don't cheat, and yet their partners definitely do cheat on them. i find it really sad (having been cheated on myself both in the west and here), but i also have made an effort to understand rather than judge these people as "bad people". from the cheater's point of view it seems like they justify it because they really do love their partner (wife) and the person they are sleeping with on the side simply fulfills a physical need, means nothing to them. not saying i agree with this, i am no cheater myself, but i do see the logic in it. no one person can ever fill in all the missing pieces in another person's life. i also think sometimes an extramarital affair can actually be beneficial to the marriage. for instance a friend of mine was sexually abused as a kid by a man of very large stature. she later fell in love with and married a thai man who was quite small and they had a decent sex life, but she had a few niggling hang ups about men. she cheated on the thai man with a big farang guy who was gentle and helped her get over her fear of larger men (and men in general perhaps). but she loved the thai man and stayed with him in the long run and they are happier because of it. i think the problem with cheating is the inherent dishonesty in it. we feel betrayed. but people are naturally non-monogamous and experimental. we have put social restrictions on ourselves with the expectation that we stay with one person for the rest of our lives, and ideally that is a lovely concept, but in practice it doesn't seem to work so well. it takes a lot of discipline and also repression to stick to that one person. i respect the people who manage to do so, but i feel they are the minority, and i also feel like they might be missing out in some ways. i personally have no interest in being married because i would find it boring to stay with one person, no matter how much i loved them. in my experience, after about 3 years together the passion turns to companionship and we both have started to look at others for the physical aspects. i don't think there is anything wrong with that. i like frida kahlo and diego rivera's approach- they loved each other and so they built houses right next to each other, with a bridge adjoining them. they had separate daily lives, separate lovers, but they were still committed to each other for the long term. i think in a way this is an asian approach to the situation, and i like it. but there is always the jealousy element, so it's not easy either way. anyway, i do think thais have traditionally been more open to polygamous lifestyles than the west, and like i have said before, we should not condemn this as "bad", because our traditions of monogamy are not working out much better in most cases.

Edited by girlx

When you know someone REALLY well you can tell if they are cheating because their behaviour changes

well i disagree- i know a few people who think they know their partners so well that they can be 100% sure they don't cheat, and yet their partners definitely do cheat on them. i find it really sad (having been cheated on myself both in the west and here), but i also have made an effort to understand rather than judge these people as "bad people". from the cheater's point of view it seems like they justify it because they really do love their partner (wife) and the person they are sleeping with on the side simply fulfills a physical need, means nothing to them. not saying i agree with this, i am no cheater myself, but i do see the logic in it. no one person can ever fill in all the missing pieces in another person's life. i also think sometimes an extramarital affair can actually be beneficial to the marriage. for instance a friend of mine was sexually abused as a kid by a man of very large stature. she later fell in love with and married a thai man who was quite small and they had a decent sex life, but she had a few niggling hang ups about men. she cheated on the thai man with a big farang guy who was gentle and helped her get over her fear of larger men (and men in general perhaps). but she loved the thai man and stayed with him in the long run and they are happier because of it. i think the problem with cheating is the inherent dishonesty in it. we feel betrayed. but people are naturally non-monogamous and experimental. we have put social restrictions on ourselves with the expectation that we stay with one person for the rest of our lives, and ideally that is a lovely concept, but in practice it doesn't seem to work so well. it takes a lot of discipline and also repression to stick to that one person. i respect the people who manage to do so, but i feel they are the minority, and i also feel like they might be missing out in some ways. i personally have no interest in being married because i would find it boring to stay with one person, no matter how much i loved them. in my experience, after about 3 years together the passion turns to companionship and we both have started to look at others for the physical aspects. i don't think there is anything wrong with that. i like frida kahlo and diego rivera's approach- they loved each other and so they built houses right next to each other, with a bridge adjoining them. they had separate daily lives, separate lovers, but they were still committed to each other for the long term. i think in a way this is an asian approach to the situation, and i like it. but there is always the jealousy element, so it's not easy either way. anyway, i do think thais have traditionally been more open to polygamous lifestyles than the west, and like i have said before, we should not condemn this as "bad", because our traditions of monogamy are not working out much better in most cases.

Well some people are happy married and like with one person. And others are not. I agree that humans are probably not biologically...made to be polygamous. But I dont know...I think being polygamous is now turning into a safety issue (for example, STDs and HIV are probably more common for people who cheat.) And also, some people like to have that "one person" for the rest of their lives. It just depends on the person. Everyone has there preferences of what kind of lifestyle they want to live.

I agree that I dont think cheating is..."bad." But it can and usually does hurt the other person. Now if they were both in a "open relationship" then I guess niether of them would get hurt. That works. But most cheating I think is done behind someone elses back and its kind of like betrayal. And naturally, humans do not take betrayal or being lied to lightly. So I agree, if its okay with both partners, cheating is generally okay. But if someone is doing it secretly...thats not okay.

I agree that you cannot always tell that someone is cheating but eventually you will find out. Somehow, someway, even if its a few years later, you do eventually find out if your partner is cheating. Relationships are tough work, no doubt about that. Usually worth it...but tough. But hey, important life lessons are learned through relationships, break ups, etc. Some things in life you just have to experience to realize what you really want.

Serious today, aren't we? Gosh, I guess I should have put one of these after my intial post :o

Cause for sure nobody noticed the humor in it!

But SBK if anyone writes anything about Thailand you are the first to jump in with "It happens everywhere"

Goose and gander spring to mind

Maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night but I am afraid I don't see the connection. But hey, if it makes you feel better thinking that I am occasionally inconsistent, go for it :D

anyway, back to the topic at hand.... isabelle, I really like your last sentence... so true

But hey, important life lessons are learned through relationships, break ups, etc. Some things in life you just have to experience to realize what you really want.

but would have to add some things you have to experience to realize what you really don't want.

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