Sinsot Question (yet Another One)

[LoveDaBlues]

Either it's an affair of the heart or a financial transaction, decide.

Very good question. It should be the former but Thais often try to make you pay for the former with the latter. Western girls would tell their parents to eff off but Thais are many decades behind that level of thinking.

No reason why western males can't help out their Thai female counterparts in this matter and do the "<deleted> off on their behalf, that should cause true motives to rise to the surface fairly quickly. Interestingly I have a similar dilemma but in the reverse order.

When I started to live with Ms. CM I said I don't want to get married right away, let's see how it works out and she said fine. In the four years that have passed since we first met I have provided various things for the family including building them a small house and taken care of various odds and ends - given my finacial circumstances, no great shakes (whatever that phrase means). I have done those things because I wanted to, not because I had to and the rewards of the relationship have repaid those equivalent monetary sums many times over.

But of late, Ms CM says she wants to have "the party" to cement the relationship in the eyes of her family, neighbors and friends. I accept that this is about Ms CM's culture and I'm OK to do that as long as the costs are within bounds, and they are. But what followed was a long and interesting debate about Sin Sod, to which I replied, I've paid my dues. Where we are at present is me maintaining my original line whilst Ms. CM is debating matters with the family as to this farangs unorthodox approach to the Thai way of life. I will happily provide this forum with progress in this matter but all can seriously trust that my line will not change and I'm sure you will all be keen to learn if the family line does, or, perhaps not. My underlying position on all of this is that I will be fair and reasonable but I will not be held to emotional or financial ransom and I expect the same in return. Stay tuned.

After building a house for them if they want non-returnable sinsod then you're being screwed.

What's the old Rod Steward quote? "I'm going to go out and buy a house and than find a woman I don't like and give it to her." The OP was a lucky man, my Thai GF started out wanting 2 million THB + (see Sin Sod Part Deuce thread) with the promise of getting ZERO back. When I refused, she blew a gasket saying I insulted her and wanted to f-her for free? In the end, we negotiated down to the sum of zero and I kick her a** out. Once again....life is good!

Good on you. When she makes a statement like, "you can't F me for free".....this is obvious BG talk (either past or present BG) and not something a decent Thai lady would say. Nothing against BG but I prefer the odds with a non-BG.

[Maigo6]

When she makes a statement like, "you can't F me for free".....

You should snap her up immediately!

[LoveDaBlues]

When she makes a statement like, "you can't F me for free".....

You should snap her up immediately!

Thanks but no......happily married......I'll leave her for you.

[dee123]

If you're living together, why not just avoid the subject for a while? If marriage is necessary for visa the go to the registry office, takes about 1 hr. Explain due to the low US$ you don't have the funds, so it'll have to wait. Everybody talks about Thais paying sin sot, but from what I see most just live together.

I'm still curious as to whether a Thai man has ever offered sin sot when marrying a farang woman?

well as it stands sbk didn't and senoai didn't.......so your curiosity will have to wait a bit longer....

You seem to fail to understand my post. Sin sot WAS offered IF there were a wedding. I did not choose to have a wedding, so there was no sin sot. Ask any Thai person, no wedding, no sin sot. It is part of the wedding ceremony.

Firstly sbk let me say there is a lot of common ground with what you say and what I am saying,(although in your post's you seem to cover all corners in case you are pulled up about it,nevertheles again "ask any thai" you have just said to me,.....????well if you look back through this thread you will see the explanation given by a Thai lady when answering my question "why should I pay sinsod" will yet again prove your claim "ask any Thai"....wrong,............I really feel that this is the type of post you should be poking your stick at and sinsod itself..... rather than always taking a pop at easy targets (bar girls and their husbands etc) .to be con't........

[sbk]

Sorry, we must be posting in different threads entirely.

I have given no opinion one way or another about sin sot, just merely tried to point out that you were wrong in your assessment of my post. The OP did not ask about my opinion on sin sot in general but rather what he should do in this situation and if it were common. I gave my response based on my experiences. "Decent" families has nothing to do with the daughter being a bar girl and nowhere did I ever mention bar girls. To me a decent family is one not motivated by greed. Doesn't matter what the daughter does, in that case. Someone then asked if I had been offered sin sot, to which I replied yes, and to which you replied I had not.

I think you are mistaking my posts with those of other people.

[dee123]

.....but you just said "ask any Thai"......lets stick to that firstly... go back on this thread read what the thai lady says ......shes not saying no wedding no sinsod quite the reverse,.......agreed or not?

[LoveDaBlues]

.....but you just said "ask any Thai"......lets stick to that firstly... go back on this thread read what the thai lady says ......shes not saying no wedding no sinsod quite the reverse,.......agreed or not?

dee123, it would be easier on such a long thread to post the number of the post you are talking about....instead of saying, "go back on this thread......."

[sbk]

dee is taking the quote completely out of context to prove some point, what that point is, I am not sure

If you're living together, why not just avoid the subject for a while? If marriage is necessary for visa the go to the registry office, takes about 1 hr. Explain due to the low US$ you don't have the funds, so it'll have to wait. Everybody talks about Thais paying sin sot, but from what I see most just live together.

I'm still curious as to whether a Thai man has ever offered sin sot when marrying a farang woman?

well as it stands sbk didn't and senoai didn't.......so your curiosity will have to wait a bit longer....

You seem to fail to understand my post. Sin sot WAS offered IF there were a wedding. I did not choose to have a wedding, so there was no sin sot. Ask any Thai person, no wedding, no sin sot. It is part of the wedding ceremony.

[dee123]

........I dont want to make any points except that sinsod is devisive and outdated and should not be encouraged....

[dee123]

.....sinsod.........is it a corrupt practice ????.............my answer = if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, looks like a duck,.........it probably is a duck...!!

Edited February 25, 2008 by dee123

[Maigo6]

........I dont want to make any points except that sinsod is devisive and outdated and should not be encouraged....

I disagree, I think that westerners are just pizzed off that they are expetected to pay, just cos you don't do it in your own country don't mean nothing, you ain't in your own country.

I'm quite sure that if the custom was for Farang men to recieve gifts and money for marrying a Thai woman, you wouldn't hear any objections from Farangs at all.

Too many farangs wanna change things in Thailand cos it don't suit them.

Then again, if you cannot afford a sin sot for the woman you love, then you have my sympathy, this does happen to some Thai people too.

Edited February 25, 2008 by Maigo6

[LoveDaBlues]

........I dont want to make any points except that sinsod is devisive and outdated and should not be encouraged....

My best guesstimate is that about 30% of the people on TV would agree with you. Has this ever been polled?

[LoveDaBlues]

........I dont want to make any points except that sinsod is devisive and outdated and should not be encouraged....

I disagree, I think that westerners are just pizzed off that they are expetected to pay, just cos you don't do it in your own country don't mean nothing, you ain't in your own country.

I'm quite sure that if the custom was for Farang men to recieve gifts and money for marrying a Thai woman, you wouldn't hear any objections from Farangs at all.

Too many farangs wanna change things in Thailand cos it don't suit them.

Hey Maigo6, ain't it amazing that prostitution is against the law in Thailand but the number of Farangs railing against that is minimal? The only uproar you'll hear is if the BG's raise the price too high.

[Maigo6]

Hey Maigo6, ain't it amazing that prostitution is against the law in Thailand but the number of Farangs railing against that is minimal? The only uproar you'll hear is if the BG's raise the price too high.

Of course, cos it suits them.

Same as the Farangs continously bitching about corruption, yet when they get stopped doing 160KPH in thier cars by the Police, they hand over a 200 Baht bribe and are pleased as punch, in UK they would have lost their License doing that speed. I doubt many would insist on going to the Police station and paying the full fine.

So corruption is fine, as long as it is beneficial to them.

Poor ole' Farangs, such a hard life, it's all so unfair.

Edited February 25, 2008 by Maigo6

[Heng]

........I dont want to make any points except that sinsod is devisive and outdated and should not be encouraged....

I disagree, I think that westerners are just pizzed off that they are expetected to pay, just cos you don't do it in your own country don't mean nothing, you ain't in your own country.

Not ALL are pissed off of course. Some are quite happy here.

I do sympathize with the no doubt 'comprehensive' feelings of frustration of some though. It's hot and humid. You get ripped off by the taxi from the airport. You're double charged at all sorts of venues, from street vendors to national parks. You have to deal with queue jumpers at the bank, 7-11, supermarket, and post office. And to top it all off, you have to not only support your local inlaws for the rest of your life, you also have to make a non refundable down payment.

Edited February 25, 2008 by Heng

[Maigo6]

I do sympathize with the no doubt 'comprehensive' feelings of frustration of some though. It's hot and humid. You get ripped off by the taxi from the airport. You're double charged at all sorts of venues, from street vendors to national parks. You have to deal with queue jumpers at the bank, 7-11, supermarket, and post office. And to top it all off, you have to not only support your local inlaws for the rest of your life, you also have to make a non refundable down payment.

Hehe..........

[dee123]

.....hey everyone I too can see the funny side,.....wer'e all long in the tooth now ...and this debate has been raging for years,.......we all like to think we know thailand more than the next guy perhaps we should just forget trying to explain ,......and remember wev'e all still lot to learn,...

[Maigo6]

.....hey everyone I too can see the funny side,.....wer'e all long in the tooth now ...and this debate has been raging for years,.......we all like to think we know thailand more than the next guy perhaps we should just forget trying to explain ,......and remember wev'e all still lot to learn,...

I'll drink to that Dee............

[Kilgore Trout]

Would really appreciate some advice on this.

Jeez, if you can't afford 200,000 Baht, then how can you expect to keep a wife and possibly children in the future?

For her sake just let her go, she may meet a man who is more sympathetic to her way of life, as obviously your are not.

Many Thai guys show more money than you are asked to show.

In many westerners culture it is customary for the brides family to pay for the wedding. How receptive to this idea do you think most Thai families are? Even those that are wealthier than the proposed groom?

Please ask yourself questions such as these before making completely unreasonable comments like yours above.

[KireB]

Hey Maigo6, ain't it amazing that prostitution is against the law in Thailand but the number of Farangs railing against that is minimal? The only uproar you'll hear is if the BG's raise the price too high.

Of course, cos it suits them.

Same as the Farangs continously bitching about corruption, yet when they get stopped doing 160KPH in thier cars by the Police, they hand over a 200 Baht bribe and are pleased as punch, in UK they would have lost their License doing that speed. I doubt many would insist on going to the Police station and paying the full fine.

So corruption is fine, as long as it is beneficial to them.

Poor ole' Farangs, such a hard life, it's all so unfair.

Generalizing, aren't you. Farang this, farang that.

Your reaction shows a weakness in your debating qualities.

Please come with arguments why sin sod should be paid by foreigners.

Do you really feel that you should pay?

[Eric1949]

.....hey everyone I too can see the funny side,.....wer'e all long in the tooth now ...and this debate has been raging for years,.......we all like to think we know thailand more than the next guy perhaps we should just forget trying to explain ,......and remember wev'e all still lot to learn,...

I'll drink to that Dee............

Mine's a Heineken draught please

[Maigo6]

In many westerners culture it is customary for the brides family to pay for the wedding. How receptive to this idea do you think most Thai families are?

You Ain't in the West !!!!!!

I'm sure a Thai guy living in the West would love not to pay a sin sot and have his brides Family pay for the wedding too, but it ain't like that in his own country, Thailand!!!!!

[trader1]

Oh and remember, only about 1 in maybe 10,000 or even 100,000 will choose you over her parents so either you get her parents onside or you're losing her as well.

Understandably so too, you seen the state of most farangs in Thailand ?

Advice to Thai Women :

Get what you can girls, cos the chances are he will leave you alone as soon as something else comes along, Farangs are notorious butterflys

If you are talking about the tourists who come over for the Thia sex trade then what would you expect- they should show fidelity to a prostitute?

I was watching a show on TV last week that had contestants who were kon jâo chóo (คนเจ้าชู้ ) -all Thai men. And there was news on the same day of Thai men in government agencies having affiars with up to 9 of their satff (1 man - 9 staff).

[Maigo6]

Please come with arguments why sin sod should be paid by foreigners.

You don't have to pay, nobody is putting a gun against your head forcing a sin sot payment.

Marry a girl from the UK and maybe her Father will pay for the wedding, who knows, maybe he won't cos he can't.

Nobody drags you onto a plane , forces you to go to Thailand to meet a girl and marry her, so of course you dont have to pay, it's your choice.

[Maigo6]

I was watching a show on TV last week that had contestants who were kon jâo chóo (คนเจ้าชู้ ) -all Thai men. And there was news on the same day of Thai men in government agencies having affiars with up to 9 of their satff (1 man - 9 staff).

Lucky them.

[Maigo6]

Generalizing, aren't you. Farang this, farang that.

Of course I'm generalizing ( It's surprising for a Forum ) ?

I wouldn't know any members of this Forum if I bumped into them in the street.

I say Farang cos I'm Farang too, maybe you're not, but many are.

[trader1]

If it's Asian women that do it for you, why don't hoardes of Western men head to Tokyo to meet Asian women ?

They flock to SE Asian countries to take advantage of the countries poverty, then seem stunned that poor people are poor.

Actually there are hordes of western men in Tokyo married to Japanese girls. Out of the long time expats with ties to Japan that I know, I am the only not yet maried to a cute Japanese girl.

I met my GF met in 2003, comes from Tokyo, now lives in Thailand with me. Half my age, beautiful and wants to marry. Her parents are well off and will help us financially if we do. .

[Maigo6]

Actually there are hordes of western men in Tokyo married to Japanese girls. Out of the long time expats with ties to Japan that I know, I am the only not yet maried to a cute Japanese girl.

I met my GF met in 2003, comes from Tokyo, now lives in Thailand with me. Half my age, beautiful and wants to marry. Her parents are well off and will help us financially if we do. .

Yes Trader, but the Western men in Tokyo have a slightly different agenda for being in Tokyo than the average Farang turning up in Thailand. The cost of living in Tokyo is rather higher than renting a Fan room in Soi Buakhow in Pattaya.

And yes, I have seen some right Geeky looking guys in Tokyo with very attractive Japanese girls. Of course many of these guys are highly paid professionals are are magnets for cute Japanese girls half their age.

My last Japanese GF was 23 younger than me too !

Edited February 26, 2008 by Maigo6

[trader1]

So which girls do you prefer - Thai, Japanese...or ?

[KireB]

In many westerners culture it is customary for the brides family to pay for the wedding. How receptive to this idea do you think most Thai families are?

You Ain't in the West !!!!!!

I'm sure a Thai guy living in the West would love not to pay a sin sot and have his brides Family pay for the wedding too, but it ain't like that in his own country, Thailand!!!!!

Nice comparision!

I am not in the West, so have to abide to the local culture. I agree with this, if

the local culture allows me to have the same rights as the locals.

In Thailand:

-I cannot buy land

-Cannot vote

-Am double priced in many cases

-Get a visa from year to year

-Have hardly any legal protection when it comes to trouble

-Didn't recieve interest over my saving acoount

You want me to go on?