Casual Dating In Thailand (non Bgs)

[jfchandler]

After taking a break from dating from a while, I recently decided to get back into the scene here in BKK, and a familiar old topic arises once again -- the term "butterfly man".

Back in the U.S., I think, it's pretty straightforward for men and woman. Both can meet and casually date other people (i.e. seeing different people at the same time) so long as you haven't made a commitment to be exclusive with anyone. And as long as you're not excessive about it (rubbing in the face of the other person), both sexes understand and generally are OK, because it's an opportunity to meet different people and decide/narrow the field.

But here, whenever I've operated with that idea, I've gotten comments from even my non-dating/non GF Thai female friends of "butterfly" (and don't even ask when a dating lady learns I might also be going out with someone else...). And, to be honest, I really don't like getting that label. It seems like Thai women (non BGs, non P4P) have the idea that once you start dating one even at the very beginning (just getting to know...), you should not be seeing anyone else during that same time.

So, I'd be interested in both men and women's opinions about this: What's the local custom about casual dating with different potential mates...prior to making any kind of exclusive commitment??? I'm very happy with all my current body parts, and I'm not anxious to "lose" any of them courtesy of an angry lady... Much thanks, in advance.

[lazeeboy]

stay celibate

[crowbait]

Or wear armour

[Zpete]

Do wotcha gotta do, beware of consquences.......... a la Bobbit......... hehehe

Seriously, I see no problem, just be discreet, no flaunting.

My Thai g/f is jealous if I even glance at another thai gal, farang gals dun worry her.

[nidge]

Do wotcha gotta do, beware of consquences.......... a la Bobbit......... hehehe

Seriously, I see no problem, just be discreet, no flaunting.

My Thai g/f is jealous if I even glance at another thai gal, farang gals dun worry her.

That's funny, my wife does not mind me looking at other thai girls or even commenting on them, but gets funny if i look at a farang girl

[Zpete]

Do wotcha gotta do, beware of consquences.......... a la Bobbit......... hehehe

Seriously, I see no problem, just be discreet, no flaunting.

My Thai g/f is jealous if I even glance at another thai gal, farang gals dun worry her.

That's funny, my wife does not mind me looking at other thai girls or even commenting on them, but gets funny if i look at a farang girl

My late wife, was a great flirt, but if she saw me, whack....... LOL

Akshully, we both flirted, it was all in good fun.

Made going home in anticipation, and etc..... etc...... much better.

[Momo8]

If you play at being a 'Butterfly Man' you will undoubtedly end up with the 'Butterfly Effect'.

I don't think it works in Thailand to date many Thai girls at the same time.It's a culture thing.Difference is are you sleeping with all these women or merely going out.Shagging someone puts a whole new perspective on this.You didn't say if you were dating western women or Thais.Care to elaborate?

[jfchandler]

OK... as sometimes happens here... we get a bit off point and distracted.....

So, let me return us to the original post and question:

Here in Thailand, especially among regular Thais, is it generally be considered OK or BAD (butterfly) for a man or woman to be casually dating different people (getting acquainted) at the same time -- before making a commitment to be exclusive with anyone???

That's the question!!!

PS - re an earlier comment, I certainly never flaunt these things... rather...I do my best to avoid any kinds of such conflicts. But sometimes, it becomes difficult without flat lying...which I prefer to avoid if possible.

E.g. "Let's go out Sunday night..." "Mmmmm.... I can't go Sunday, but Sat. or Monday would be great!!!..." "Ohhh... why can't you go out on Sunday night with me...." etc etc etc...

As an example, I've heard stories of Thai ladies (not bar girls or P4P) searching the guy's mobile phone (without his knowledge or permission) looking for address book contacts with other women's names. And, in one particularly unpleasant instance, I had one Thai lady do that to me..and then proceed, unbeknownst to me, to call and chew out another lady that she happened to know I was also dating.... Yikes!!!!

[jfchandler]

Re the question..no...I'm ONLY talking about dating Thai women..not falang...

And no... my question is not about if/when/after a couple might be sleeping together...

I'm talking about BEFORE sleeping together... Just the early getting acquainted stage (assuming that anyone other than me actually waits a bit before going to bed anymore...)

For me...at least...clearly...once I'm sleeping with someone and still staying together as a couple... I wouldn't be casually going out with others...

So the question is really BEFORE things progress to that point (sex)...

And if the answer is NO, you can't casually date like that with different people at the same time... How in the world does anyone get an idea of good matches... One at a time... is a very LONG process.....

[zaza]

Re the question..no...I'm ONLY talking about dating Thai women..not falang...

And no... my question is not about if/when/after a couple might be sleeping together...

I'm talking about BEFORE sleeping together... Just the early getting acquainted stage (assuming that anyone other than me actually waits a bit before going to bed anymore...)

For me...at least...clearly...once I'm sleeping with someone and still staying together as a couple... I wouldn't be casually going out with others...

So the question is really BEFORE things progress to that point (sex)...

And if the answer is NO, you can't casually date like that with different people at the same time... How in the world does anyone get an idea of good matches... One at a time... is a very LONG process.....

abt your first statement!

Anyways; you can successfully meet and greet safely different people as long as you follow those rules :

1-Don't use the LOVE word as a bait to go out with those gals from the first place.

2-Don't act with those gals as you would in a serious (date) and emphasize on using the terms such as (hang out) or (friends meet up) when you are trying to ask a gal to go out with you. You could also use the conditions of (Dutch treat, I choose the place, let's join other friends,...)

3-Don't wear (love-marriage-happiness-family)'seeker's cheap profiles to get a(date).

4-Try to clear your rules and aims that you'd wish to preserve in meeting other ones in the early first stage of knowing this gal and even before (going out) with her.

Good luck in your hunting trip and hope there is no long process ahead.

BUT ; if you are not having a (moderate) normal apatite , you will never be(satisfied) with any available(meal) on the current menu as long as you know there are many different tastes and delights in the world's cuisines are waiting for you to try.

[Momo8]

Good luck in your hunting trip and hope there is no long process ahead.

BUT ; if you are not having a (moderate) normal apatite , you will never be(satisfied) with any available(meal) on the current menu as long as you know there are many different tastes and delights in the world's cuisines are waiting for you to try.

As Paul Newman said 'Why go out for a hamburger when you have a steak at home ?'

As to the OP it's OK I guess to have many women friends but hey that's Thailand you're asking for trouble.Consider moving somewhere else or try speed dating.Thai girls definitely don't go for this type of thing.

[OdeTheBear]

I don't think Thai women are so much different to women anywhere else. It's not a Thai issue at all, same applies to women anywhere. You might get away for a while with having more than one girlfiriend at time, I have heard it to happen even in Europe when I was young! But you need to make up your mind, the sooner the better.

Treat them as you'd like to be treated yourself. That's a boring cliche but still it's a good advice.

Ode

[Wombat6]

If you talk like a Butterfly, Act like a butterfly, look like a Butterfly.....then you must be a butterfly!!!

[IAMSOBAD]

being labeled a butterfly isnt the worst thing in life. it sure beats being a wallflower that collects dust sitting at home alone. get out and have fun. joke them if they cant take a phuck!

[britmaveric]

My understanding - need to be in a committed relationship to fit the "butterfly" status and flutter around.

[pampal]

Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee

[wileycoyote]

Just pick one & relax !

Wiley Coyote

[mrbojangles]

being labeled a butterfly isnt the worst thing in life. it sure beats being a wallflower that collects dust sitting at home alone. get out and have fun. joke them if they cant take a phuck!

Absolutely

[mikethevigoman]

After taking a break from dating from a while, I recently decided to get back into the scene here in BKK, and a familiar old topic arises once again -- the term "butterfly man".

Back in the U.S., I think, it's pretty straightforward for men and woman. Both can meet and casually date other people (i.e. seeing different people at the same time) so long as you haven't made a commitment to be exclusive with anyone. And as long as you're not excessive about it (rubbing in the face of the other person), both sexes understand and generally are OK, because it's an opportunity to meet different people and decide/narrow the field.

But here, whenever I've operated with that idea, I've gotten comments from even my non-dating/non GF Thai female friends of "butterfly" (and don't even ask when a dating lady learns I might also be going out with someone else...). And, to be honest, I really don't like getting that label. It seems like Thai women (non BGs, non P4P) have the idea that once you start dating one even at the very beginning (just getting to know...), you should not be seeing anyone else during that same time.

So, I'd be interested in both men and women's opinions about this: What's the local custom about casual dating with different potential mates...prior to making any kind of exclusive commitment??? I'm very happy with all my current body parts, and I'm not anxious to "lose" any of them courtesy of an angry lady... Much thanks, in advance.

I had this problem when i first came to thailand, going to the bars though, i would take a bar girl for the evening,then perhaps return to the same bar the next night, perhaps to take a different one, then i would be told "you butterfly " i would reply, " yes but you prostitute " i dont think they ever did understand !

[tb86]

there's kinda a big difference between dating alot of women, and being played out by working girls...

[tb86]

yeah the chicks that are worth dating arent gonna put up with it,,,, but if your just playing then what do you care what they think, if they dont think well of you they wont go out with you, plenty of good chicks in bkk, just dont date their friends and you wont really have that problem

[jfchandler]

Thanks for the comments, particularly the recent ones... They're helpful...

The hard part, it seems, is trying to have shared understanding (between the man and woman) of at what point something leaves being casual dating and starts becoming an "exclusive" committed relationship.

I went out last night on a first date with a GREAT lady (non BG, non P4P), and because of the issue I had raised here, I decided to talk to her directly about this topic -- something I hadn't ever done here in LOS, in the past. Graduated from university last year, father a school master, family from Khon Kaen, living in BKK for work....

It was very interesting what said, including talking about a Thai guy she had dated for a year, ending in the recent past when she found out he had 2 or 3 other GF AFTER he supposedly had become exclusive with her. I didn't ask exactly, but I'm presuming that had a bit to do with her now going out with me as her first date with a falang.

We spent a great night out, eventually romantically touching and holding, and kissing a bit, in a quiet corner of a nice restaurant, particularly as more hours together passed. I mention that only because of the answer she gave me about seeing others vs. being exclusive. When I asked, she answered that we (she and I) were "friends" right now, and so there was no expectation we couldn't see others, if we wanted. And of course, I was/am fine about that idea.

But, she said, once we became BF and GF, then, she'd expect I wouldn't go out with any other lady. Of course, not exactly clear in all this is at what point, or triggered by what, we would change from being just "friends" to being BF & GF..... One guess, perhaps, might be that sex together would be the trigger in her mind to change to BF-GF status, though that's just a guess on my part.

It was an interesting conversation, and she was confortable talking about it. So, it made me feel more comfortable to raise the topic directly with other ladies I might be dating here in the future. The lady last night took the question fine, not offended or uncomfortable that I had raised the issue. And she didn't then demand to know if I wanted to date other ladies or planned to do so. So, that made me feel good about it, and good about her even more!!!

PS - To some who have posted above, I'm not out there just looking to "play" or to date a different lady every weekend, or date as many as I can. I'm ONLY looking to find a good lady who's a good match for me, and that takes LOOKING... I'd think it's a pretty lucky few who find a lady for their life on their first date in a new town. So, if I'm lucky enough to find a lady who's the right match, I'd happily settle down and not miss the dating scene, at all!!! Just for the record.

[Momo8]

But, she said, once we became BF and GF, then, she'd expect I wouldn't go out with any other lady. Of course, not exactly clear in all this is at what point, or triggered by what, we would change from being just "friends" to being BF & GF..... One guess, perhaps, might be that sex together would be the trigger in her mind to change to BF-GF status, though that's just a guess on my part.

You've answered your own question here.If it's just dating no prob but if you're shagging more than one woman at a time then it becomes a problem.The same as in any country.Sex puts a whole different perspective on the situation, the try before you buy approach is OK but not if you're stringing along a lot of women,going out and having sex with them but not being commited to just one.

Stick to bar girls for that.

[zaza]

Thanks for the comments, particularly the recent ones... They're helpful...

We spent a great night out, eventually romantically touching and holding, and kissing a bit, in a quiet corner of a nice restaurant, particularly as more hours together passed..

You are welcomed.

I forgot to mention that (red text) in my last post in the (Don'ts) list in your first (50) date..

IMO;Such physical acts as you had mentioned is a bit way too for a couple on a first date ,eh? especially from/with a freshly broken hearted lass;don't you think?

Edited March 1, 2008 by zaza

[Momo8]

]

Thanks for the comments, particularly the recent ones... They're helpful...

We spent a great night out, eventually romantically touching and holding, and kissing a bit, in a quiet corner of a nice restaurant, particularly as more hours together passed..

You are welcomed.

I forgot to mention that (red text) in my last post in the (Don'ts) list in your first (50) date..

IMO;Such physical acts as you had mentioned is a bit way too for a couple on a first date ,eh? especially from/with a freshly broken hearted lass;don't you think?

Is this turning into a 'dating rules' thread? In part the OP wanted to know about the protocol of dating in Thailand (and not be seen as a butterfly) but as to what happens on a first date depends on a number of factors.

Chemistry has a lot to do with it/how long you have known this person before dating/mood/environment/two consenting adults/communication/attraction.I'm sure many people have slept with each other on a first date from my own experience it was the second date (and no I never did that before with anyone) but did marry the guy few months later....and I did kiss a few toads before I found my prince.

If you click and it feels right on all levels then why not?Will he respect me in the morning went out last century very archaic,so is the 'On what date should we sleep together' or 'why didn't she/he put out on the 'th date' games are for children.

Yeah,yeah I'm a diehard romantic and it doesn't happen to everyone but you just know when you've found that elusive 'The One' that's when you become exclusive.

So OP the sexual element is the key thing here and trust.

Edited March 1, 2008 by Momo8

[jfchandler]

If the accepted norm here is exclusivity in dating should coincide with a dating couple starting to be intimate (have sex) together, that's a fair rule and one I'm happy to live by (with a caveat mentioned below).

I've never pushed sex with the ladies I have been dating here (or elsewhere for that matter), and in fact haven't gone that far as yet with either of the two that I'm feeling are the most likely candidates for "The One" in the very early goings of things. As a consequence, I also continue to feel open to meeting new people and exploring other potential dating relationships, at least for a while. So actually I'm pretty happy about that state of things. From my perspective, it's taking good time to see how relationships and chemistry develop.

I should add as a caveat, however. There are some situations where the lady in a dating setting will herself initiate the intimacy surprisingly quickly and certainly before I would have, if it was left only to me. Under that circumstance, it's a bit hard and ungentlemanly to decline. But just because the lady decides on her own to go in that direction, I can't see the result then being that suddenly the man would then stop dating anyone else.

So things aren't always quite so simple. And men aren't always the aggressor in these things.

[britmaveric]

Not hard to say no if you are not ready for intimacy mate. She actually might find it rather gentlemanly of you to go this route especially if you arent sure the lady in question isn't the right one for you. If proceed to do so, I think you must make it known that shag act doesnt imply commitment on your part. (course that might be a deal breaker especially in such an aroused state, but fair to all parties if the truth be known) If it proceeds then least you will have a guilt free conscience especially if it goes south after the fact.

Edited March 1, 2008 by britmaveric