DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 5th.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've

forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that

morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Doris?"

Q: And why did th at upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

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Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice

which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the

autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

somewhere

THIS IS THAI RELATED???? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!

Priceless, thanks for starting my day off with a BIG laugh.

I just knew someone would make the old "Thai-related" response. Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Cheers Zaza! I'm still laughing!

Forgot to add one:

The most stupid one had posted those (jokes) on a general forum tagging this thread as "Breaking News"

It's Thailand related because I live in Thailand.

Cheers ZaZa for making me spit my beer on the keyboard with laughter

I just knew someone would make the old "Thai-related" response. Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Cheers Zaza! I'm still laughing!

it's not ...

so off to the jokes sub-forum with it (as it has nothing to do with Thailand in General

Indeed, jokes is where it belongs, thanks for the laugh zaza . but move it must

///MOVED///

Almost fell off my chair cracking up

Indeed, jokes is where it belongs, thanks for the laugh zaza . but move it must

///MOVED///

you are welcomed !

I Know it belongs here but I just wanted to lighten things up in the general forum.

The funniest stuff I've read in years! Thanks so much!

Disorder in the AMERICAN courts

Nuff said!