I officially tied the knot with my wife, in a simple western ceremony and subsequent registration at the district office, a few months ago and now her family has demanded that we have the Thai ceremony too.

We have arranged everything, venue, food, dowry, dresses etc. But, one thing is nagging me, the alcohol issue. Neither her nor my direct family drink, but her other relatives and friends do. Now I don't mind people who drink, the issue is that they are not pleasant drinkers, they become aggressive and obnoxious.

I made the suggestion that we limit the available free alcohol and when that is gone, the venue we have hired should implement a cash bar policy. Do you think this is acceptable at Thai weddings? My wife has said she has never heard of it before.

I officially tied the knot with my wife, in a simple western ceremony and subsequent registration at the district office, a few months ago and now her family has demanded that we have the Thai ceremony too.

We have arranged everything, venue, food, dowry, dresses etc. But, one thing is nagging me, the alcohol issue. Neither her nor my direct family drink, but her other relatives and friends do. Now I don't mind people who drink, the issue is that they are not pleasant drinkers, they become aggressive and obnoxious.

I made the suggestion that we limit the available free alcohol and when that is gone, the venue we have hired should implement a cash bar policy. Do you think this is acceptable at Thai weddings? My wife has said she has never heard of it before.

Nor have I heard anything like that. Usually all of the visitors give you a cash offering in an envelope to help with the costs.

I officially tied the knot with my wife, in a simple western ceremony and subsequent registration at the district office, a few months ago and now her family has demanded that we have the Thai ceremony too.

We have arranged everything, venue, food, dowry, dresses etc. But, one thing is nagging me, the alcohol issue. Neither her nor my direct family drink, but her other relatives and friends do. Now I don't mind people who drink, the issue is that they are not pleasant drinkers, they become aggressive and obnoxious.

I made the suggestion that we limit the available free alcohol and when that is gone, the venue we have hired should implement a cash bar policy. Do you think this is acceptable at Thai weddings? My wife has said she has never heard of it before.

That would be winning a battle, but losing a war. It is always best to not piss the wife's family off and a cash bar at your wedding would do just that. They would look at it as if you are cheap, not that you are trying to limit their drinking.

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not trying to be cheap, just trying to make it a great evening for all. I don't want to piss off the family but I don't want any alcohol induced problems which I have seen many of at family get togethers.

I will have an open bar then. How would you suggest I should deal with any unruly guests, should the situation arise?

I had a birthday party with virtually unlimited beer and Thai whiskey. The ladies started to vanish about 7:30 and by nine everyone had gone home, even the hard drinkers!

well, make it clear of the duration of which the party will ends. Somehow, leave the job to the manager-in-charge of your wedding.

I will have an open bar then. How would you suggest I should deal with any unruly guests, should the situation arise?

Just got married 3 weeks ago in a smal Isan village - my best advice to you is just get out of the way as soon as possible - there is no other way. 90%(or more) of the guests are only there for the booze and more booze. Don't worry about seeming rude by leaving early - you do what you wont. The sensible Thais will understand.

Hire in 2 or 3 off-duty police officers to act as security for your party.

Hire in 2 or 3 off-duty police officers to act as security for your party.

I want to do that for a party I might have. How would I go about contacting them?

A few of the guests will be retired police officers, maybe I should chat to them about maybe helping out if someone goes overboard.

A few of the guests will be retired police officers, maybe I should chat to them about maybe helping out if someone goes overboard.

or make a trip to the local copshop and speak to a senior officer. He will understand your predicament. It will cost you, but probably less than the booze might, and no angst.

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not trying to be cheap, just trying to make it a great evening for all. I don't want to piss off the family but I don't want any alcohol induced problems which I have seen many of at family get togethers.

I will have an open bar then. How would you suggest I should deal with any unruly guests, should the situation arise?

I agree with the others about winning a battle but losing a war - the knives would be out for ever.

About unruly guests - is the old man a patriach - can he control them

I have seen it when the local cops were invited but if it was me I would just arrange with your wife to leave at a given time and remember the good bits

I went to a Thai wedding reception recently. Guests were seated at tables as food was served with no alcohol: No wine, no Champagne, nothing. I noticed on a few tables guests had brought their own bottle of whiskey that they were sharing out to all those seated with them.

By 7.30 they started leaving. By 8pm the hall was empty.

So in conclusion (based on my sample of one wedding) I would say if your relatives really want to drink they will probably bring their own whisky but it seems normal at weddings just to eat and go home.

Now I don't mind people who drink, the issue is that they are not pleasant drinkers, they become aggressive and obnoxious.

Cash bar would be a definite no-no.

Are the aggressive and obnoxious ones 'important' friends and family? You could always 'forget' to send them an invite.

Then again that could open a whole new can of worms that is probably best left tightly sealed...

Similar to ade100, I've been to two receptions recently where no alcohol was served. Admittedly, one was during a no-booze weekend owing to elections, but not sure whether that's the actual reason no booze was served. The groom's family also liked to portray themselves as quite hi-so...

In other words, having an alcohol free event doesn't seem that much of a faux-pas here...

No, charging money is not acceptable, but running out of alcohol is.

The deal here to keep things happy is not not invite the riff-raff. And if riff-raff must be invited, then simply don't do it at a fancy venue, but somewhere around the house.

When we had a new years eve party this year, we just went to the local police station told them what was going on. Had two police men trun up for most of the night and the only payment they got was food and drink. I have been to many weddings where they have hired security, who usually sit at the back and keep an eye on things.

In addition to the thoughts above. What are the transport arrangements to the venue? This will have an effect of who stays how late - when I have had to transport a drinker friend I have set a firm departure time, he knows if he is not in the car at that point he has a problem getting home.

Also I have found ensuring children are present reduces the amount adults drink at such events.

Last Issan wedding I attended has about 350 guests. Two bottles of beer and a bottle of whisky on each large table (about 10 guests to a table). Almost all the guests brought their own alcohol. Quite a nice wedding - large band, lots of singing and dancing - everyone remarkably well behaved. I was the only farang - so quite an eye opener.

I was told later that the envelopes which were passed around paid for around 50% of the cost.

Peter

Sounds like you worry too much ... This will not help on the wedding night Just chill !

Naka.

I know I worry too much, I always take everything into account. Usually just to balance out my wifes "Sabai sabai" attitude

I have spoken to her and taken all your replies into account. Thanks for the tips.