Songkran Bonus

[Dakhar]

When I was in the US, my wife controlled all the money, I never saw a check & she would put money in my wallet. But to be honest it was not all roses. I had to pratically beg for anything that I wanted that was not pratical or under her definition of basic needs. For a guy that makes 6 figures, this can get very anoying.

After being in Thailand for a year, I insisted on a seperate bank account, because I travel and I needed access to money while on the go, and for sure do not want to get "clearance" etc.

So I do give my wife about 90% or so what I earn and I do so because I know she saves it, places the money in CDs etc. So it is more of a joint effort to save money. It is not about paying her an income... fact is, she works too. Never has there ever been a situation where I had to give her x amount of money per month etc.

I have heard of folks in this situation but I only know of falang/thai relationships like this. I do not know if thai/thai relationships have such a "barter" system.

[AlexLah]

I have heard from some Japanese friends that the Japanese men have to give their paycheck to the wifey.

She then calculates how much the guy needs for his daily expenses (including some drinking money).

The house rent and other fixed and variable costs.

The rest goes to her for beauty salon, clothes etc.

If there is something left it goes to the their savings account.

So OP I see you are telling us you are older then 40 (right) and you stay have something with a much younger then you person or not?

You see that also in Thai karaoke bars, Thai guys looking/listening at/to their mia noys showing off to their friends and pay them ( the girl) lots of money, so yes it is very Thai to do that if you can afford.

Maybe a good idea to ask some Thai member of this board what the standard operating procedure is in Thailand regarding such relations?

Please, I do not envy you for having a young GF, just be very very carefull with your feelings in such situation and ask yourself what it is that she likes about you, ask her!

Ask her if you did not support her financially, would she still want to be with you?

I have seen many many men being totally destructed (Mentally and financially).

Please let us know how it goes!

Kind regards,

Alex

[scousemouse]

How much, if anything, are you giving (or expected to be giving) to your darlings (wife or GF) for Songkran, above and beyond your normal contributions?

Some talcum powder and a hangover

[Thai at Heart]

Pardon me for my assumptions, but I am not so fortunate as the rest of you gents, who are hooked up with independent women of means, who require no monthly maintence fees. The reason I asked this is that it was mentioned to me, by my darling, that she would desire and extra amount to bring home to her family during her Songkran visit. I assume that this the equivilent of Thai Christmas of something, probably give me extra points with her parents.

Well, if you wanted to earn the brownie points properly, you would take it to the village yourself.

[mrtoad]

How much, if anything, are you giving (or expected to be giving) to your darlings (wife or GF) for Songkran, above and beyond your normal contributions?

Some talcum powder and a hangover

You're so generous Scouse.

[MeaMaximaCulpa]

I, as some other posters, thought this was about domestic staff (employees), not g/f. So I do not wish to enter the debate of the virtue of having a paid g/f or not. Each to his own.

For what it is worth, we pay our maid 7,500/month for 8-13, Mon-Sat. No normal holidays since this is not a full time job and quite well paid, but we always give a few days around year end and of course Songkran. And extra days if needed on an ad hoc basis or if sick, without cut in pay of course. She (and her sister before her) has been with me (and later us) for 11 years and counting, so we work on the basis of trust. We are very lucky indeed!

As for bonus we give the normal month at year end, and two years ago we started to give 1/2 month bonus for Songkran as well. To help with travel costs and some presents for the family upcountry. Not much I know, but I believe fair for the work done. We basically mirror this for the guy who looks after the garden and pool, but he works a lot less, so he earns less as well. But same days off, and same proportional bonuses. I hope this is of some help.

[a2396]

We have told you many times, many of us do not pay for our girlfriends and wives.

The reason you are paying is because your girlfriend is a 20+ yr old student and you are a middle aged man. That kind of age gap usually costs some money. I would assume none of your friends date girls that aren't quite a bit younger than themselves?

Accept the relationship is financial and that other people have more normal relationships and move on.

Get ready for a short sharp shock when she finds a young guy with money or becomes independent herself.

Thanks for the lecture. I am aware of the hazards of involvement with a younger lady. She is actually one of the best, if not THE best lady I have met in Thailand. Her intelligence level is high, speaks quite acceptable English & is interested in improving it as well. She is motivated and is doing something to improve her life and future, ie getting higher education. When we are together she is NOT glued to Thai soap operas on TV. In fact, I have never seen her watch one. She likes to watch Fox News (God forbid) and MTV western music, in part to improve her English. This is a first, since I have never seen such from any previous ladies I have known.

I have no problem giving her some money, as she is a student & not working and she has been fairly reasonable about it. However, I have seen somewhat of a change recently (about money), I think in large part because her parents have become more aware of her association with me. I told her not to tell them anything about me, but she is not comfortable distorting the truth about her relationships to her parents. What I percieve is the usual stereotype of the foreigner "ripe for pickin", floating to the surface. I have seen this several time before and it usually has its origins with the parents. Many women I have know would have been fine about money, if such decisions were left to them. The family gets involved and the demands for money go up and yes I know this is a fact of life with the so-called culture here. What I don't like is that the same type of "squeeze" would likely not be put on a Thai boyfriend. Her freinds get no such "subsidies" from their Thai boyfriends and in fact some of the ladies give their boyfriends money. So much for my "rambling rant". Time will tell if this sticks together & for how long.

[burman]

What I don't like is that the same type of "squeeze" would likely not be put on a Thai boyfriend.

If the Thai boyfriend was 20-30 yrs older and wealthy I think they/she would be trying to 'squeeze' him just as much so I wouldn't put it all down to be a farang.

Her freinds get no such "subsidies" from their Thai boyfriends and in fact some of the ladies give their boyfriends money.

But the Thai bfs are a similar age I would guess?

[a2396]

What I don't like is that the same type of "squeeze" would likely not be put on a Thai boyfriend.

If the Thai boyfriend was 20-30 yrs older and wealthy I think they/she would be trying to 'squeeze' him just as much so I wouldn't put it all down to be a farang.

Her freinds get no such "subsidies" from their Thai boyfriends and in fact some of the ladies give their boyfriends money.

But the Thai bfs are a similar age I would guess?

What you say is probably true. However, a foreigner is perceived as being wealthy, at any age. As I said before, my foreign male friends here, who are 30-40, are also expected to pay-up. The key is whether there is equity (balence) between money & genuine affection (love). It is way to early in the game to know that, in this case.

[burman]

Well to add a balance, I don't know any foreigners paying money out like that, certainly not on a monthly basis. Don't think any of them would stand for it to be honest. But yes were they older I would expect that to change quite a bit.

[tourleadersi]

What I don't like is that the same type of "squeeze" would likely not be put on a Thai boyfriend.

If the Thai boyfriend was 20-30 yrs older and wealthy I think they/she would be trying to 'squeeze' him just as much so I wouldn't put it all down to be a farang.

Her freinds get no such "subsidies" from their Thai boyfriends and in fact some of the ladies give their boyfriends money.

But the Thai bfs are a similar age I would guess?

However, a foreigner is perceived as being wealthy, at any age.

And lets face it on paper we are. Most Thais, although poorly travelled know that someone from the Uk gets free healthcare and schooling. If you exchange the dole at todays rates you would still come in at a figure higher than the Thai average per month. To a Thai that must be amazing, that the British Government will give you so much for effectively doing nothing (aside from looking for gainful employment). The real shame is that their tape seems to stop recording whenever they hear how dam_n expensive it is to live over there in Blighty.

As for giving salaries or not. Seems like the best thing is to settle on what makes you happy and dont worry about what everyone else is doing. Either way it is the only way to sleep soundly at night.

[stumonster]

Seems like the best thing is to settle on what makes you happy and dont worry about what everyone else is doing.

no need to be doing what opinionated posters on ThaiVisa tell you you do - even if they find things abhorrent - they are a noticeable subset

[Gravelrash]

Well this really brought them all out of the woodwork didn't it. The guy just asked a simple question and look what he gets for his trouble? What has that got to do with comparing g/fs?

I haven’t mentioned my girl yet...sorry.

Well she was conceived by immaculate conception by a mostly virgin mother, is a former almost Miss Universe, whiter than chalk (in fact very few actual Thai genes at all), attained her first PHD at 7 years old, runs a multinational company, and we have fulfilling sex 3 times per day, due to her busy schedule. In her spare time she massages me as she finds touching anatomical perfection rewarding, plus she likes to put toothpaste on my toothbrush in the mornings.

[burman]

edit: couldn't be arsed.

Edited March 26, 2008 by burman

[JetsetBkk]

Well this really brought them all out of the woodwork didn't it.

(I have a feeling that a lot of the stuff being posted in the third person should be in the first. )