LIVERPOOL v MAN UTD

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world

looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen and hopefully win Liverpool

the title.

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks

will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies

to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges him

to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man

Utd with only 20 mins left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the

nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 mins and wins the game for

Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are

delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her

about his first day in English football.

Hello mum, guess what?" he say's. " I played for 20 mins today,

we were

4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the

media, they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mum, " Let me tell you about my day.

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were

ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were

having a great time."

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so

sorry."

"Sorry!" says his mum,

"It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in

the first place!"

Cut it out! Yer makin' me homesick.