How Much Do You Pay Your Thai Fiance's Mom?

[Ajarn]

I have been with my wife now for 6 years. One year ago we were legally married. On the 1st of May this year, our one year anniversary, we did the village wedding ceremony. We just got back to BKK yesterday. My wife hails from Surin and her family is on the poor end of the already poor Isaan region.

In total, including the wedding clothes for both of us, gas, rentals, hotel, and other expenses the wedding ran about 120,000 bt and lasted two and a half days, with the official ceremony being on the last one. Two pigs, 30 cases of beer, 5 cases of white whiskey, 50 kg or rice, a truckload of vegetables, sauces, oil, gifts for my brother and my two friends who came up, and various other items.

As far as sin sod is concerned we put 40,000 bt on the plate, of which 35,000 was returned to us. My wife's mother is not alive so the sin sod went to the grandmother. We topped up her 5,000 bt with most of the money given by the guests. The grandmother netted around 15,000 bt, more or less. We also put on the plate the various gold jewelry we have purchased over the years - 3 baht. My mother left me two diamond rings set in white gold when she passed on, total value of around 600k bt, so we put those on the plate as well.

Everyone gained big face. Everyone enjoyed the wedding. My wife was/is very pleased. I wanted this to be a memorable day for her especially, and that was a resounding success.

As far as financial assistance goes, we help out what we can when we can, but don't send a fixed amount up every month. My wife has a brother and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, and from time to time they need help when the inevitable emergency arises. 1000 here, 1000 there, whatever. It seldom ends up being more than 2,500 per month and some months it is nothing. Sometimes we make small loans to family members - sometimes it is even paid back! Other times not. I canceled about 10,000 bt in loans outstanding from various family members during the wedding. Once a year or so, we pitch in maybe 5,000 or 10,000 for big ticket items, family funeral. roof caved in, wall in the house sank in the mud and cracked, new water pump, etc. I would estimate that my annual contribution to her family is around 50,000 bt, more or less. This is about two thirds of one month of my teacher salary. Her family are working poor. They work 6-day weeks and earn only 6,000 bt per month which is just barely enough to live on. They are all itinerant construction workers. Sometimes there are gaps between when one job finishes and the next begins. Sometimes the bosses don't pay properly. Of course they all drink, but that is the culture. I have visited, stayed, and slept in the construction camps many times, and I can definitely say that they aren't living with any kind of extravagance - quite the opposite. They eke out their simple and harsh existence one day at a time.

I am happy with the arrangement. My wife is good at keeping the assistance at a moderate level. Over the years we have learned to tell the real emergencies from the fake ones. My wife has learned to distinguish between appropriate assistance and when people are trying to take the piss. She is the filter, and the request only comes to me if it is legitimate. Sometimes it isn't convenient financially and we have to say no. It has taken years to find this balance, but this is where we are, and it works.

Good post. It is great that you have a trustable 'filter' in your wife. The problem is most marriages don't have such a good safety system that they can use at first, and this is where many problems occur.

[Ajarn]

My Fiance is asking me how much I'm going to pay her mom pursuant to the dowry system they have in Thailand. Okay, I need help!!!! What is a reasonable amount to pay?

Nothing.

You should pay around 100 USd for a good pair of running shoes and run the phuk outta there...

I would agree, no dowry if

She has been married

or if she has had kids

[rockangel]

Sorry that I could not read all the comments since it is way too many pages now. Well, I am Thai girl and feel a bit sorry for Thai girls after reading some comments. Anyway that's not the point I am here today, let's get back to your question on "How much you would need to pay for the dowry?"

It is obvious that guys need to pay some reasonable amount of dowry (sin-sot). This sin-sot usually be given on engagement day, but now people tend to do it on the wedding day instead. Like my counsin's case, the guy's family prepared 99,999 Baht plus 3 gold necklaces. Usually those sin-sot supposed to be kept by the bride's parents but now a day, the bride's parents may keep only some and return the rest for the couple.

Also, when talking about sin-sot, I think you have the right to ask your gf's mather how much they would want to request for. The amount she might ask may not as much as you have thought. So why don't you ask her first and once you have the idea figure, then you can come back here for the comment.

However, I can give you some idea of the usual amount for dowry (from my experience being told from friends and relatives)

- Both from poor family ~ 10-20 K

- Girl from poor family and guy from moderate one ~ 50-100K plus gold

- Both from moderate family ~ 100 - 300K

- Rich family ~ more than 1Million + gold + house+ car (depends on how they negotiate)

But my co-worker said she married with sin-sot of 20K (both of them from moderate family ^^)...so the amount I gave you above may be varied depends on "who you are going to marry with?"

Good Luck....

[trader1]

Finally I want to say something to all you guys out there that brag about not paying anything.

I don't pay anything but I certainly don't brag about it. I just consider it a normal relationship between two adults - there is no reason I would expect to support her parents. What I find abnormal is a western man in his fifties marrying a 21 year old Thai girl from a rice farming village. I wonder what the attraction was.

Is it abnormal that my beauty contest winning Japanese GF is half my age is in love with me? Have been together almost 6 years and she works at a high paying job here in bangkok. I also see nothing wrong with having a mia noi who is Thai- and even younger.

I admit I look good and am fit and successful, but so are a few other older men.

Why don't I find a partner same age as me? I find late 40s or 50s women unattractive. Each to his own, if you like them old that is great.

[JetsetBkk]

Finally I want to say something to all you guys out there that brag about not paying anything.

I don't pay anything but I certainly don't brag about it. I just consider it a normal relationship between two adults - there is no reason I would expect to support her parents. What I find abnormal is a western man in his fifties marrying a 21 year old Thai girl from a rice farming village. I wonder what the attraction was.

Is it abnormal that my beauty contest winning Japanese GF is half my age is in love with me? Have been together almost 6 years and she works at a high paying job here in bangkok. I also see nothing wrong with having a mia noi who is Thai- and even younger.

I admit I look good and am fit and successful, but so are a few other older men.

Why don't I find a partner same age as me? I find late 40s or 50s women unattractive. Each to his own, if you like them old that is great.

Can we swap lives please?

[a2396]

Finally I want to say something to all you guys out there that brag about not paying anything.

I don't pay anything but I certainly don't brag about it. I just consider it a normal relationship between two adults - there is no reason I would expect to support her parents. What I find abnormal is a western man in his fifties marrying a 21 year old Thai girl from a rice farming village. I wonder what the attraction was.

Is it abnormal that my beauty contest winning Japanese GF is half my age is in love with me? Have been together almost 6 years and she works at a high paying job here in bangkok. I also see nothing wrong with having a mia noi who is Thai- and even younger.

I admit I look good and am fit and successful, but so are a few other older men.

Why don't I find a partner same age as me? I find late 40s or 50s women unattractive. Each to his own, if you like them old that is great.

Can we swap lives please?

Swap? First you would have to spend quite a bit of time shoveling the BS out of his apartment, or wherever he lives. probably in some multi-million mansion.

[a2396]

To compare what he give the rural thai mom and then think it is cheap because the girls in US cost more have no corelation at all. Just because your Ferrari in the states had a high mpg does not tmean that you should tip the staff a the gas station in Pinklao top buck and saying "Hey, the Corolla I have now is low on mpg, so I give the difference as tip...". When you drive a Corolla, keep the Corolla budget...

OP

Do you send your family back home 500 bucks as well?

If you send money every months on regular basis, what will happen the day you stop?

Now I am going to get my fingers smacked big time but I say it anyway:

By marrying her you show you love her, take care and provide for her and she get a US greencard as well. A thai elitecard is about 1,5 mil Baht. The greencard gives you the right to work... I reckon you can calculate that as at least 5 million Baht at least hence NO sin sod.

No, I am not american.

Who says she's going to work? and at what?

[a2396]

55 and shes 22?? Why do you think she makes you happy?? Sorry nate but your part about it being cheaper than paying for your own kids to flunk out maybe true but shes not your kid, shes your girlfriend. As for the part about self image youre the one with a girl half your age. i. Sorry mate but these Thai birds are just taking the piss out of every white face and somehow including myself for a while, believe the quite unbelievable because we cannot quite comprehend the callousness of some of their actions. I do thnik the majority of Thai women are sound but we seem to only ever meet the ones who live in tourist places, living there to make money. If this happened in England and old bloke with a young stuuning bird back home, people would know, including others upto the same trick that they are with them for money not for love

You meet these kind of Thai women because they are the ones who are available or have any interest in getting involved with a foreign man. Most normal Thai women who are young and educated are looking for a suitable Thai husband or have one "lined-up" already. They are not likely to contaminate their social future and tarnish their reputation by messing with foreigners. The exceptions are those who need money or are interested in living overseas. In such matches I would say love never enters the picture, unless the couple are very close in age range.

[Schooner]

Thank you for the complement Canuck. I am in fact a class act who has figured out what gives me pleasure and struck a balance between giving and taking. Apparently we are in agreement regarding healthy give and take relationships based apon mutual support and respect and NOT on what we pay or don't pay. Sorry you missed that point in my description of my relationship. I mentioned that a few of my friends brag about not paying because they do. Their GF's are not women that I would choose to be with and in fact would run from. Since you missed it the first time: "the security of a relationship cannot be determined by what you pay or don't pay".

The OP's question was aimed at determining what a "responsable" manner of payment is. I pay 3,000 per month because it replaces the 3,000 that my wife was paying before she met me and we negotiated that before we married. The other amounts I paid were to satisfy what I consider to be "responsable contributions and opportunities to do something nice. Frankly I think the OP is paying too much too soon and I would not agree to it. I would not even consider 2mm baht and would probably have asked her to leave if she thought that crying would get her anything. It is up to him if he feels he's getting his moneys worth. I have a friend who pays more to a BG. We have all agreed that for the pleasure he getting were staying out of it.

I wouldn't know about trouble hooking up with a 20 yo in the west because I haven't tried. Perhaps you could enlighten me.

I did not set out to hook up with a 20 something in Thailand either (except on a short term basis). What happen is I met a women who I enjoyed being with and now two years later I still enjoy being with. The fact that she is 23 is icing on the cake. Apparently your experences are different from mine.

I believe she gets into bed with me because she loves me as a wife loves her husband. She does not have a cultural objection that prevents her from being with an older man. She shares her life with me because I am a intelligent, funny, successful and happy guy who also happens to be a good mentor. She is intelligent enough to realize that her relationship with me provides her with opportunities that she would otherwise not have. She still has to do the work. She dosn'r want a free ride and wouldn't get it from me. So you see if I am the best she could do, she has in fact hit the motherload and what it says about her is that she was smart enough to wait for the big fish and not go home with the first farang that tried to talk her panties off. It says that from an early age she knew what she wanted and she focused her considerable efforts on obtaining it. I've met more than a few folks in my lifetime who could learn a thing or two from this simple 23 year old farm girl.

[thecatman]

Thank you for the comments. That is very helpful.

I don't believe this smells bad. Currently, her neighbors daughter and other young ladies in her villiage have married Farang's and one Farang paid 2M Baht. Since then, she has asked me how much I am going to give her mama. I don't know exactly how to answer...yet.

2M Baht!!! Who did he marry???? Tata Young????

One born every minute

Edited May 6, 2008 by thecatman

[twschw]

2 mil for this, sounds like a steal...

[thecatman]

2 mil for this, sounds like a steal...

She's not looking quite so sharp right now though, 10/15 kilos to add to this pic!!!

[qwertz]

Sorry, I came in late on this one.

Was the OP actually asking how much to pay for a woman?

I thought the idea of marrying was so that you don't have to pay for play.

Who gets the cash and why?

I don't think I'm into this particular aspect of Thai culture.

If I had to pay 2 mill. (sounds like about 40k Euros) for a depreciating asset I think I'd rather buy a classic car and get some bang for

my bucks.

[distortedlink]

Idiots do not listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn from experiences that many never recover from.

[thecatman]

Sorry, I came in late on this one.

Was the OP actually asking how much to pay for a woman?

I thought the idea of marrying was so that you don't have to pay for play.

Who gets the cash and why?

I don't think I'm into this particular aspect of Thai culture.

If I had to pay 2 mill. (sounds like about 40k Euros) for a depreciating asset I think I'd rather buy a classic car and get some bang for my bucks.

Yeah?!?! Well, you're in luck, I have a Triumph Spitfire for sale!!!!

[Dissolution]

Somewhere between 50.000 to 200.000 Bath

dam_n, that's a lot of water.

[james24]

I agree with the comment made by a2396, I belive this is bang on. As for paying 2million baht for a lady Im just wondering would you pay that amount for a women from Cambodia or the Phillipines??? If thats the type of look you are after you could save yourself a few bucks and go there. It is annoying that people can take advantage of some peoples good nature but it is quite easy to forget that behind all the whitening skin creams and sooped up honda clikcs the majority of the thais are still living in a developing third world.

Edited May 9, 2008 by james24

[qwertz]

Sorry, I came in late on this one.

Was the OP actually asking how much to pay for a woman?

I thought the idea of marrying was so that you don't have to pay for play.

Who gets the cash and why?

I don't think I'm into this particular aspect of Thai culture.

If I had to pay 2 mill. (sounds like about 40k Euros) for a depreciating asset I think I'd rather buy a classic car and get some bang for my bucks.

Yeah?!?! Well, you're in luck, I have a Triumph Spitfire for sale!!!!

I'd go for it but once was enough, it was even more trouble than the Stag I got rid of!!!

[jstumbo]

Sorry, I came in late on this one.

Was the OP actually asking how much to pay for a woman?

I thought the idea of marrying was so that you don't have to pay for play.

Who gets the cash and why?

I don't think I'm into this particular aspect of Thai culture.

If I had to pay 2 mill. (sounds like about 40k Euros) for a depreciating asset I think I'd rather buy a classic car and get some bang for my bucks.

Yeah?!?! Well, you're in luck, I have a Triumph Spitfire for sale!!!!

There is a '68 Camaro sitting in a lot with a bunch of other old/used cars just outside my apartment on Ratchada. Maybe not a '68, but one right around that time frame anyway, since I would not be able to tell a '67, from a '68 or a '69. Probably get it for cheap, have no idea if it runs though. Always think it is strange seeing it in Thailand every day when I pass it.

Edited May 9, 2008 by jstumbo

[DCasper]

My Fiance is asking me how much I'm going to pay her mom pursuant to the dowry system they have in Thailand. Okay, I need help!!!! What is a reasonable amount to pay?

I asked my Girlfriend what would be the toal cost for the wedding 300,000. Everything came out of this amount. She had to pick the amount of gold she wanted she done everything in about 3 weeks for about 250 people.

I believe there was about 85,000 left over which was left with her younger sister because her father would have drank and gambled the lot. The sisters ex got to drink and gamble the lot in about 2 months.

[jfchandler]

Nice that you're sponsoring not just the OLD Thai drunks and gamblers....but the YOUNGER ones too!!!

It certainly means there's hope for the coming generation!!!

[banyahorn]

OP, oh Golden Farang

i have a tower - an eiffel tower in fact - you may want to buy shares in

cash only thanks...[and not baht either]

[qwertz]

If we're talking about a million or two, let's be realistic here.

First, why shop in Thailand? Thai women are not my faves anyway and with that sum in my pocket to attract a woman, I'd do my

shopping in Russia or Poland.

Why, because IMO the women there have more character and common sense - and for me, they're easier easier to read.

[jfchandler]

Ahh yes... but.. Thai ladies are SO SOFT.... inside... and outside... and .. and ... and...

Ohh ohh.... gotta go... and find a lady NOW!!!!! Got myself too excited!!!!

hehehehehehe

PS - Russian winters are too cold... And... can't see myself going for a lady from the same country as the Pope!!! hehehehehe

[qwertz]

Ahh yes... but.. Thai ladies are SO SOFT.... inside... and outside... and .. and ... and...

Ohh ohh.... gotta go... and find a lady NOW!!!!! Got myself too excited!!!!

hehehehehehe

PS - Russian winters are too cold... And... can't see myself going for a lady from the same country as the Pope!!! hehehehehe

Thai ladies don't have a monopoly on anything aside from a profusion of free spending farangs.

And I'm not talking about living in Russia - perish the thought - it's cold enough in Germany for me.

[ralph444]

paying momma is part of the deal. why dont you guys get it. if you dont want support drunken familee buy american.

Edited May 11, 2008 by ralph444

[PrBkkPr]

Lol! When I read the forums on topics like this or SinSot,etc....I can help but laugh at all this Farang Clowns who try to adhere to so called "Thai Customs" and end up being ripped off. IMHO I think that most of them who get ripped off in the end deserves it! And after looking at all this clowns who keep on giving all this money...I encourage the Thais to rip off this idiots!

FOR GOD'S SAKE....PLEEZE....Relationships are based on love, trusts,honesty and respect. If you care to mix around with decent Thais....you will see that they too base their relationships on these values. Its only when you meet some trash that they start demanding money or Sinsots from you and start comparing what someelse in the village got or about face value. Even the RICh Thais these days do not practice SinSot and if they do....when the boys family give a huge sum for the sake the newly-weds starting off with a strong financial foundation, the girl's afmily will normally reciprocate with a similar amount for wedding expenses etc. Even in poor villages, I have seen decent parents more concerned that their daughters marry a decent man and have a proper future first rather their than own needs and most are even altrusitic. Only when you are dealing with the stereotype Issan Buffalo Farmers that actaully do not care a bit even if the daughter works as a whore to supplement their materialistic needs that you come across such devious and selfish pricks.

I rather give a lot more to the girl and the girls parents when they are decent and do not demand anything but the proper foundations in a relationship .

For all those of you who start on the wrong step...it always ends up disastrously.

[ralph444]

hey macb shouldnt you give mama nothing. no wonder you get yrself in sticky situations. STOP TRYING TO BUY PEOPLE IT DONT WORK!

to op u look like the proverbial atm to your new thai family. of course mama would scold her daughter , she knoes where the money comes from.

like the movie with tom cruise "SHOW ME THE MONEY", AND TO momma you certainly have.

best you get new gf and start over. its not like theres a shortage of poor girls to choose from.

Edited May 12, 2008 by ralph444

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Here is the story of what happened to my best friend, Michael. You may have seen this on other threads:

Back in 1999, my best friend, Michael, of over 20 years was introduced to a Thai lady at an engagement party in Norwich England. He was 51 she was 28. He fell in love with her immediately and over a 2 year period, the girl and her family in Keonkaen extorted over £80000 from my friend. After that the girl told him that she had a terminal disease and could not marry him, but offered her sister instead. Michael married the sister in 2001. It later transpired that the Thai girl he met in England already had an English husband in Norwich and is alive and well today.

In 2006 my friend caught his wife having an affair in Norwich. The shock was too much for him; he began walking back to his car and dropped dead in the rain into a gutter from a heart attack. He was 58.

In the end, that Thai family got £80000 of my friend's savings, his property in Buckinghamshire worth £400000 and finally even his soul. Our mutual friends and I warned Michael about this Thai group. Michael said, that if he cant find a wife, he'll buy one if necessary, but of course no one can buy true caring love. He was blind to the reality that they only wanted his money and targeted Michael because he was so desperate to get himself a wife and told them he had money and property. We fell out over this issue because Michael wouldn't listen to reason and I lost my closest friend, a soul mate of over 20 years.

Was my friend stupid, yes many will say so, but my hate for that Thai family is intense and I curse those people and the day that I took my friend to that engagement party in Norwich, England in which was the beginning of his downfall.

The OP is a sucker and I guess this is the beginning of his end.

So was poor Michael.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

This topic has run its race. CLOSED. And BTW foreigners are NOT required to play the sin sod game ( unless it is the 'show' at the wedding ... and the money returned ), and in any event, the 'soiled' goods rule applies ie previously married or a mother of child/ren the sin sod is SFA.