Your Best Farang Stories

[realmadrid25]

Today I witnessed an amusing incident between a Thai wife and a farang who I will just assume was one of our very own moaners. They were doing their Sunday grocery shopping with her mother and the mother didn't want to leave because they were giving out free samples of toothpaste and she said (I over heard) that the girl giving them out would remember her face so they would have to sit there and wait a little while. She already had 4-5 samples in front of her. This farang, who was wearing a pair of khaki shorts with what looked like some kind of rope as belt began to complain to his wife and show her movie ticket stubs. His wife seemed to believe that he was 'same same' 'not good' and I guess maybe she does not like the previews as much as him. He attempted to calm his nerves by consuming a large strawberry strawberry milk shake from Dairy Queen in less than a minute. His wife's mother kept looking at him with disillusion, which is odd because he was much older than the mother and usually Thais respect those older then them. Finally, he squeezed the arm of his wife which resulted in her yelping and walking away from him into the direction of the bathroom. He stood there for a moment looking in the direction she left for and then walked the other way. Witnessing this type of stuff puts much of what is written on ThaiVisa into better perspective.

[TEFLMike]

.... and thought no had seen me !!!!!!

[JetsetBkk]

...This farang... began to complain to his wife and show her movie ticket stubs. His wife seemed to believe that he was 'same same' 'not good' and I guess maybe she does not like the previews as much as him...

Can I remind you of one of the forum rules?:

"13) English language is the only acceptable language on thaivisa.com"

[Nignoy]

Mods please bear with me this is a true experience from Singapore As a 19 year old whitey from Blighty, I was posted to Singapore, my unit was heavily involved in controlling the riots between malay and chinese, my head had a very close encounter with a piece of wood and I ended up in BMH Singapore, it was there that I fell head over heels in love with a beautiful almond eyed singaporean lady who worked in hospital reception, I plucked up courage to ask her out, and she said yes. Because of the riots she couldnt stay out late , curfew was 2000hours, so for weeks we were your average teenage courting couple, absolutely no nookiewe had planned a big weekend away together and I hoped my luck was in.we hired a boat from keppel harbour and of we went, lots of drinkypoos and the grand seduction was going well,her waistlength black hair glistened in the moonlight and her naked breasts were begging to be caressed, as a slowly undressed her, and reached for her womanhood,I found myself caressing the biggest pair of balls in ASIA there were 2 sounds!! me gasping in horror, and him screaming as I threw him overboard I auled him back on board and took him home. he honestly thought I Knew he was katoi because everyone else in the hospital knew!!I never lived it down and over the next 4 years everytime I visited the sgts mess in the hospital, the nurses would take the mick,Last november mrs nignoy and I were at a reunion in singapore, guess what!! my indiscretion was the main topic and source of mirth for the whole evening Nignoy

[McGinty]

Mods please bear with me this is a true experience from Singapore As a 19 year old whitey from Blighty, I was posted to Singapore, my unit was heavily involved in controlling the riots between malay and chinese, my head had a very close encounter with a piece of wood and I ended up in BMH Singapore, it was there that I fell head over heels in love with a beautiful almond eyed singaporean lady who worked in hospital reception, I plucked up courage to ask her out, and she said yes. Because of the riots she couldnt stay out late , curfew was 2000hours, so for weeks we were your average teenage courting couple, absolutely no nookiewe had planned a big weekend away together and I hoped my luck was in.we hired a boat from keppel harbour and of we went, lots of drinkypoos and the grand seduction was going well,her waistlength black hair glistened in the moonlight and her naked breasts were begging to be caressed, as a slowly undressed her, and reached for her womanhood,I found myself caressing the biggest pair of balls in ASIA there were 2 sounds!! me gasping in horror, and him screaming as I threw him overboard I auled him back on board and took him home. he honestly thought I Knew he was katoi because everyone else in the hospital knew!!I never lived it down and over the next 4 years everytime I visited the sgts mess in the hospital, the nurses would take the mick,Last november mrs nignoy and I were at a reunion in singapore, guess what!! my indiscretion was the main topic and source of mirth for the whole evening Nignoy

[GuestHouse]

Farang Stories – Too many to mention, but a few classics come to mind:

During dinner one evening I suddenly had an severe asthma attack, I was turning blue and my wife only just managed to get me in the car and off to the nearest hospital (Pattaya International Clinic) – It was about 9pm – a quiet time at A&E.

So there I was laid up in A&E, the curtains drawn around me, oxygen and a nebulizer strapped to my face, my wife standing next to me looking worried and the doctor calling in on me every five minutes to see how I was getting along – I was going nowhere!

With me in this helpless state another patient was lead into the next bed (the other side of the flimsy curtain).

And the following conversation ensued between the new patient and the doctor.

Doc: “So Mr X what’s the problem?”

Voice: “I think I have caught an infection”

Doc: “OK let’s have a look”

Sounds of clothes coming off

Doc: “I’ll need to do some tests but it looks like you have Gonorrhea and Herpes”

Voice: Goes on and on about how he doesn’t normally do these things etc.

Doc: Gives advice not having sex with anyone else and that it would be a good idea for the patient to come back in a few weeks for an HIV test.

While this going on, I’m really having trouble breathing, my wife has her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and I’m dreading the doctor coming in and asking me ‘How are you getting along Mr Guesthouse?”

The name and voice behind the curtain was that of one of our senior managers who it is to be added had taken it upon himself to be the moral guardian of the office – lecturing all an sundry on the evils of fornication with those demon Pattaya girls.

[dave111223]

Farang Stories – Too many to mention, but a few classics come to mind:

During dinner one evening I suddenly had an severe asthma attack, I was turning blue and my wife only just managed to get me in the car and off to the nearest hospital (Pattaya International Clinic) – It was about 9pm – a quiet time at A&E.

So there I was laid up in A&E, the curtains drawn around me, oxygen and a nebulizer strapped to my face, my wife standing next to me looking worried and the doctor calling in on me every five minutes to see how I was getting along – I was going nowhere!

With me in this helpless state another patient was lead into the next bed (the other side of the flimsy curtain).

And the following conversation ensued between the new patient and the doctor.

Doc: “So Mr X what’s the problem?”

Voice: “I think I have caught an infection”

Doc: “OK let’s have a look”

Sounds of clothes coming off

Doc: “I’ll need to do some tests but it looks like you have Gonorrhea and Herpes”

Voice: Goes on and on about how he doesn’t normally do these things etc.

Doc: Gives advice not having sex with anyone else and that it would be a good idea for the patient to come back in a few weeks for an HIV test.

While this going on, I’m really having trouble breathing, my wife has her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and I’m dreading the doctor coming in and asking me ‘How are you getting along Mr Guesthouse?”

The name and voice behind the curtain was that of one of our senior managers who it is to be added had taken it upon himself to be the moral guardian of the office – lecturing all an sundry on the evils of fornication with those demon Pattaya girls.

Classic; did he ever find out that you were on the other side of the curtain, now that would make for a pretty awkward work situation....

[GuestHouse]

Classic; did he ever find out that you were on the other side of the curtain, now that would make for a pretty awkward work situation....

No but he did show up in another embarrising situation .... more later.

[steveromagnino]

Classic; did he ever find out that you were on the other side of the curtain, now that would make for a pretty awkward work situation....

No but he did show up in another embarrising situation .... more later.

time for episode 2...come on mate, cough it up :-) this is better than entourage.

[Nignoy]

Farang Stories – Too many to mention, but a few classics come to mind:

During dinner one evening I suddenly had an severe asthma attack, I was turning blue and my wife only just managed to get me in the car and off to the nearest hospital (Pattaya International Clinic) – It was about 9pm – a quiet time at A&E.

So there I was laid up in A&E, the curtains drawn around me, oxygen and a nebulizer strapped to my face, my wife standing next to me looking worried and the doctor calling in on me every five minutes to see how I was getting along – I was going nowhere!

With me in this helpless state another patient was lead into the next bed (the other side of the flimsy curtain).

And the following conversation ensued between the new patient and the doctor.

Doc: “So Mr X what’s the problem?”

Voice: “I think I have caught an infection”

Doc: “OK let’s have a look”

Sounds of clothes coming off

Doc: “I’ll need to do some tests but it looks like you have Gonorrhea and Herpes”

Voice: Goes on and on about how he doesn’t normally do these things etc.

Doc: Gives advice not having sex with anyone else and that it would be a good idea for the patient to come back in a few weeks for an HIV test.

While this going on, I’m really having trouble breathing, my wife has her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and I’m dreading the doctor coming in and asking me ‘How are you getting along Mr Guesthouse?”

The name and voice behind the curtain was that of one of our senior managers who it is to be added had taken it upon himself to be the moral guardian of the office – lecturing all an sundry on the evils of fornication with those demon Pattaya girls.

Reminds me of a funny story from operation Crown in isaan.A clean and UK fresh young medical officer was taking STD parade, sapper green marched in, I think I have syphilis sir, how do you know its not gonorhea or nsu?? asked the MO, well said sapper green Ihave had gon.5 times and its definitely not that, and it does not smell anything like NSU , at this point he flashed his shortarm for inspection, the MO promptly puked Nignoy

[kankaroo]

I've posted this one before, but it is good enough to be posted again.

Walking along Silom (not far from the Dusit Thani) a bedraggled looking, long haired farang steps off a bus. He was adorned in the Khao san road fisherman pants /long matted hair & beard style, PLUS he was not wearing any shoes ! Totally barefoot. He is already getting looks from many Thais dressed for the offices etc, and then he proceeds to pull out a full size Rambo knife and mango & begins peeling away at it in the street.

Maybe he thought he was deep in the jungles of Laos or somewhere, instead of the business district of a large city.

Amusing stuff though !

[Baa_Mango]

One time when i lived in a "slummy apartment" my neighbour, who was a drug addicted sex worker, came to wake me up by kicking my door as hard and loud as she could. I was a bit surprised and asked her what the problem was ? She demanded that i come to her room, which i did, only to find a 65 year old german man in her bed (clothed) and she continued screaming something about money and sex. Apparently she wanted me to gep the dtung.. which kind of caught me off guard. This guy seemed worried enough with just the girl, but me only wearing underwear and looking irate made the situation worse.. he got up to leave and my neighbour gave him a 4 or 5 quick stabs with a kitchen knife, mostly torso hits, which apparently did not hit any vital organs or did not go deep enough to critically injure him, but was enough to spatter that scumbags blood all over my unclothed body.. after that he pushed her half through the glass window (you know the type.. with those glass panes that rotate open/closed with the little crank) and that shit broke everywhere. Anyways he got away after out running her on the street after pretty much falling down a few flights of stairs. I had to hit the showers after that, and the next morning after seeing the land lady scrubbing the blood off the walls/floor, this girl asked me.. "Last night? why did you come to my room?" .. "cause you asked me to.." she did not understand my answer, partly because she cant speak english very well but also because she was a speed freak.

i doubt thats the best story i got but its a vivid memory

Edited May 12, 2008 by yaaE

[AlexLah]

My first visit to Moskou about 15 years ago.

Stayed in a very decent hotel (500$ a nite) yes most of it goes to the local mafia.

Anyway in the morning I go to have a brekkie.

Normally for brek I have some toast and scrambled eggs and some veggie and fruit.

I put the slice of bread in the toaster, mind you it was the conveyor belt type of machine.

For some reason the slice of bread slipped through the maze of the belt and kept rotating under the heat source.

Anticipating on what was going to happen I quickly grabbed some fruit and positioned myself strategically.

After some time lots and lots of blue/black smoke was coming out of the toaster, fir fire!!!! someone was screaming as the area was slowly filling up with smoke.

Waiters and waitresses where running around screaming and then a security guy came in with a fire extinguisher and shoot it at the toaster covering it and a lot of food with some kind of white powder.

Toaster was then swiftly unplugged and thrown (dunked) in a waste bin by the security guy.

Panic all over the place as most of the staff was now gathered around the bin screaming and trying to give the manager some answers as to what happened.

Needless to say I left the place trying to look as casual as possible.

[Baa_Mango]

he got up to leave and my neighbour gave him a 4 or 5 quick stabs with a kitchen knife, mostly torso hits, which apparently did not hit any vital organs or did not go deep enough to critically injure him, but was enough to spatter that scumbags blood all over my unclothed body

Am i missing something here as to why you think he got his just desserts.

This man had sex with a psycho whore and got stabbed 5 times in the torso which fortunately didnt kill him.

She maybe a psycho speed freak but youre a fcuken idiot to back her up and not try to stop her stabbing him.

ugh. Stupider then your name implies i guess.. anyway first off I was not in cahoots with this girl, and when a sex worker and a 65+ year old german sex tourist start fighting i do not get involved. Also keep in mind this whole thing took place in about a minute, with the stabbing and violence lasting about 15 seconds. What should I do ? Beat up my neighbour.. who is my neighbour and knows where I live.. and also has a knife and is also a female.. ? Or beat up some old man ? shit.. well.. just make sure you pay the sex workers that you frequent so you do not get stabbed.. thats the moral of the story i guess. Or do not open your door when someone sounds like they are dying or in a dire situation. Jesus why do i even reply to this trash. ..

[GuestHouse]

Back in the early 90s my sister and her then new, and I have to say rather stuffy, boyfriend were on their first visit to Thailand - On their first evening with us we thought it a good idea to take them for a trip into Pattaya, we were living just on the outskirts in Narklua at the time.

After dinner in town and a few beers at the Malibu, we were driving back home and turned into the small lane that lead to our house when I had to stop the car.

The way was blocked by a neighbour's Doberman Pinscher which was 'astride' a local street dog 'of diminutive size and uncertain gender'.

It was one of those moments - the courting couple were resplendently lit in the beam of my head lights, the Doberman going hel_l of leather and looking as though he was enjoying himself tremendously - The object of his desires looking rather bored by the proceedings.

Within our car was that embarrassed pause - I was on my best behaviour on account of the new boyfriend who my wife and I had only met a few hours earlier.

But the occasion got the better of my wife.

She turned to my sister and her boyfriend and said.....

'You'll have to excuse this, we get a lot of this sort of thing with the Germans around here'.

[Nignoy]

Back in the early 90s my sister and her then new, and I have to say rather stuffy, boyfriend were on their first visit to Thailand - On their first evening with us we thought it a good idea to take them for a trip into Pattaya, we were living just on the outskirts in Narklua at the time.

After dinner in town and a few beers at the Malibu, we were driving back home and turned into the small lane that lead to our house when I had to stop the car.

The way was blocked by a neighbour's Doberman Pinscher which was 'astride' a local street dog 'of diminutive size and uncertain gender'.

It was one of those moments - the courting couple were resplendently lit in the beam of my head lights, the Doberman going hel_l of leather and looking as though he was enjoying himself tremendously - The object of his desires looking rather bored by the proceedings.

Within our car was that embarrassed pause - I was on my best behaviour on account of the new boyfriend who my wife and I had only met a few hours earlier.

But the occasion got the better of my wife.

She turned to my sister and her boyfriend and said.....

'You'll have to excuse this, we get a lot of this sort of thing with the Germans around here'.

sounds about right Nignoy

[game4shame]

I've posted this one before, but it is good enough to be posted again.

Walking along Silom (not far from the Dusit Thani) a bedraggled looking, long haired farang steps off a bus. He was adorned in the Khao san road fisherman pants /long matted hair & beard style, PLUS he was not wearing any shoes ! Totally barefoot. He is already getting looks from many Thais dressed for the offices etc, and then he proceeds to pull out a full size Rambo knife and mango & begins peeling away at it in the street.

Maybe he thought he was deep in the jungles of Laos or somewhere, instead of the business district of a large city.

Amusing stuff though !

I think you have just described the most punch-able human being ever.