Thai Ladies Overseas And Their Friends

[tutsiwarrior]

my thai wife and I are presently in Bahrain where I will work on a two year assignment. As usual I expect my wife to make friends with other thai women who live in the area in order to prepare and consume the inedible and to play cards, hang out and etc. Previously we lived in Abu Dhabi and were part of the thai community there and anyone reading this who had an association thereof probably has had a few beers with ol' tutsi and maybe suffered through his rendition of Otis Redding's 'I've been loving you too long' on the karaoeke (99% rating).

In AD our social circle was exclusively made up of highly paid falang expat husbands and their thai wives. There was the usual bitchiness and malicious gossip but people usually got on OK. My wife, who comes from a poor farming family has now made friends with a group of low paid expat thai 'service' workers, ie., cooks cleaners, mechanics and etc. If my wife is happy then it's cool with me although now I anticipate frequent visits to use the swimming pool, work out room, etc available in our apartment block. But, again...I'm cool.

Any falang husbands with any interesting stories to relate in respect of their wives and their friends when on assignment overseas?

[GuestHouse]

We have learned to take extreme care with Thais and Thai/Foreign couples we have met both within and outside of Thailand.

The reasons are two fold. My wife has on a number of ocasions met with expatriate Thais or Thais married to foreigners only to realise that she has little in common with them, appart from nationality. My wife's background is professional middle class and while it is a generalisation, but one that is almost always true, the vast majority of Thai women married to foreigners are from backgrounds that middle class Thais do not normally socialise with - Yes that is a judgement and a generalisation but it is one that is extremely important to my wife and also to most educated middle class Thais.

I recall on one occasion that she insisted we leave a Thai/Expat party in a Singapore bar because the other Thai women where not the type of people she wanted to ascociate with. That, I think, is quite understandable.

The other problem is sometimes the foreign husbands. I work for an organization that gives me the oportunity to live and work in Thailand, that has caused problems in the past where perhaps for understandable reasons it has caused friction between myself and the foreign husband of a Thai who does not share the same good fortune.

We do have Thai/Foreign couples as friends but every case the Thai wife is middle class and has a university education.

As do nearly all our non Thai friends.

[alleypanda]

I am fully agree with Guesthouse,I am now living in NW Borneo there are a few thai women who married to expats which I hardly socialise with.....not because that they are not nice, but we are just not the same type of people with different interest, different background.

I dont want to hang with someone just because they speak the same language or someone I would never want to be friend with if I am in bangkok so why I have to do it here?

I have no thai girlfriend here but I do have a good french girlfriend whom I hang out with very often.

From what I read your sound not very cool with the visitor even you said you are, you still little annoy (sorry if you are not) I have to tell you this...... to be an expat wife is not easy you have empty days to get through and if you have no hobby or special interest of anything it could be worst! If your wife speak english ,it would be nice if her can have friend from different nationality so she can learn new things ,new culture.Learn Arabic etc not just hang out with other thais endup learn nothing.

For me everyday still not easy I used to lived a comfortable life, have my job financial independence but now I am here in a juggle, no coffee shop, no book store, no mall, only a super market but I try my best just to be with a man love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

[tutsiwarrior]

I was just interested as my wife when with me working abroad appears to fall in with the people who are friends of the first people she meets. I don't put any restrictions on her selection of friends other than to stipulate that she not hang around with anyone that appears to be involved with illegal or otherwise shady activities for obvious reasons related to permission for me to stay and work wherever we happen to be. I have indicated to her that there are a lot of thai prostitutes working locally and that she pick her friends accordingly. It is interesting that she fell in with a group of thai expatriate workers this time rather than thai ladies married to falang men...should make for an interesting social milieu.

[warriors]

Birds of a feather flock together end of subject always will be this way. Also up bringing.

[Flummoxed]

I make the effort to get along with whoever is around. I guess I've not spent enough time with Thai's to have developed a class snobbery, uinlike you clearly have.

[Lourens]

We lived in Saudi for a couple of years. At first I was surprised at just how many Thais there were, seeing as Thailand and Saudi Arabia had some bad blood between them. The first Thai my wife met was the wife of a collegue who hung out at the Thai embassy and that's where we met all the other Thais in our social circle. This included all classes from farm girls to well educated embassy personell and I could never tell that there were a distinction between them. The only people that were shunned from social gatherings were those involved in illegal bussines which in Saudi Arabia is very serious. We enjoyed our stay there and without the good people of the Thai embassy in Riyadh, it would have not been possible to stay there for as long as we did.

[Dakhar]

My wife as a child watched her parents gather garbage that had re-sale value from the dump. My wife slept on the dirt, as her parents sold sodas from a cart....

Years latter, my wife drove her mothers Volvo,and played golf with physicians. He mother eventlually worked her way up at a co., became CFO and now earns a million Baht a year....

My wife is well educated, a B.A. in English from Thailand, and a M.S. from America. She married little o'l me, a guy that grew up in the swamp lands of America, a bayou boy, that makes 6 figures...

We both live a very modest life, and I am so glad, she is not a Thai snob....

I would be ashamed of her if she was.

I find it funny when I see my wife get snobbed by a Thai... I just think, if that person only really knew, how far my wife has come, what tallents she has, what a humble begining she has had.... Well, to tell you the truth, I am proud of her, and I just flat out love her.

[GuestHouse]

I make the effort to get along with whoever is around. I guess I've not spent enough time with Thai's to have developed a class snobbery, uinlike you clearly have.

A little off mark.

I have simply been around my Thai wife long enough to acknowledge and accept her preferrences.

[Doctor John]

My wife associates with people from all walks of life. In her profession, it is unavoidable.

The people she would try to avoid, if she had to avoid a certain group of people, would be middle class Thai's that consider themselves better than a less fortunate or less educated person. Would my wife shun a fellow Thai because that person was not educated at a world renowned University?

Not a chance.

She has the mental capacity to be able to adapt to the people in her vicinity, and is certainly not shallow enough to pass judgement, even on shallow middle class Thai's.

I guess that's why we have so many friends, not just associates in our professions.

Snobs are very shallow, and only worthy of the company of other like minded shallow people.

If my wife was ever to ask me to leave a party because she felt she was superior to the other guests, I think I would file for divorce.

[Flummoxed]

I make the effort to get along with whoever is around. I guess I've not spent enough time with Thai's to have developed a class snobbery, uinlike you clearly have.

A little off mark.

I have simply been around my Thai wife long enough to acknowledge and accept her preferrences.

That is to say... class snobs.

We do have Thai/Foreign couples as friends but every case the Thai wife is middle class and has a university education.

As do nearly all our non Thai friends

What a shallow social life you must have. I don't confuse education with intelligence. I'm sure the 'Proletariat' could show you a good time and teach you a thing or two about life... but then, they probably wouldn't mix with 'your sort'

I'm just being frank. No ill will intended.

[GuestHouse]

Yes it is about class, Thailand is a class ridden society and Thais, like it or not, are brought up in that way of thinking.

But it also everything to do with whether our not we have anyting in common with the people we meet other than just nationality.

It has a huge amount to do with background and perhaps more than anything behaviour.

Thais read each other like a book.

They don't need to be told that they should ascociate with a particular person just because they are Thai.

[Boon Mee]

When my Thai wife and I were living in Brazil the only other Thais she saw were ones at the Embassy in the captial, Brazilia. Only met them since she had to renew her passport. There would be the occasional Thai tourist group coming thru Rio and she'd do some Portuguese/Thai intrepreting but for the most part we associated with Farang.

Living in the states she has a network of Thai friends and they are a cross-section of Thailand in general. The jealousy and one-upmanship is pretty much a constant although I've gotten used to it.

p.s. Tutsi - thought that was George Throughgood's "When I Drink Alone, I Prefer To Be By Myself"!

[meom]

The only people that were shunned from social gatherings were those involved in illegal bussines which in Saudi Arabia is very serious. We enjoyed our stay there and without the good people of the Thai embassy in Riyadh, it would have not been possible to stay there for as long as we did.

So you did not drink any "sid" then?

[mango]

My wife's background is professional middle class and while it is a generalisation, but one that is almost always true, the vast majority of Thai women married to foreigners are from backgrounds that middle class Thais do not normally socialise with - Yes that is a judgement and a generalisation but it is one that is extremely important to my wife and also to most educated middle class Thais.

I fully agree with this, it is not a case of class snobbery as others have said, it is simply the fact that good educated women have nothing in common with the majority of Thai women that western men seem to attract (not all) many were prostitutes when the now husbands first met them and to think that middle class Thai people would have much in common with these people is just being naive.

Personaly i mix with most sections of the society, ex pat and Thai, high ang low but that is me, my girlfriend went with me once to my friends ex pat bar in Bangkok and asked if we could leave after 30 mins or so, she found she had nothing in common with these girls with farang husbands/boyfriends as she had nothing in common, bar the fact she speaks the same language.

Cheers Mango

[stroll]

We have learned to take extreme care with Thais and Thai/Foreign couples we have met both within and outside of Thailand.

...

We do have Thai/Foreign couples as friends but every case the Thai wife is middle class and has a university education.

Well done, Guesthouse, keep the riff-raff away. We wouldn't want farmer's daughters, former prostitutes and addicts spoil our evening, would we? The same applies to the sad losers expats who lower themselves to be associated with the above mentioned and live in squalor and sin, doesn't it?

I am glad to say chances we'll ever meet are very slim.

[meom]

I fully agree with this, it is not a case of class snobbery as others have said, it is simply the fact that good educated women have nothing in common with the majority of Thai women that western men seem to attract (not all) many were prostitutes when the now husbands first met them and to think that middle class Thai people would have much in common with these people is just being naive.

Personaly i mix with most sections of the society, ex pat and Thai, high ang low but that is me, my girlfriend went with me once to my friends ex pat bar in Bangkok and asked if we could leave after 30 mins or so, she found she had nothing in common with these girls with farang husbands/boyfriends as she had nothing in common, bar the fact she speaks the same language.

Cheers Mango

Could'nt it be that she had too much in common and that made her feel uncomfortable?

[mango]

I fully agree with this, it is not a case of class snobbery as others have said, it is simply the fact that good educated women have nothing in common with the majority of Thai women that western men seem to attract (not all) many were prostitutes when the now husbands first met them and to think that middle class Thai people would have much in common with these people is just being naive.

Personaly i mix with most sections of the society, ex pat and Thai, high ang low but that is me, my girlfriend went with me once to my friends ex pat bar in Bangkok and asked if we could leave after 30 mins or so, she found she had nothing in common with these girls with farang husbands/boyfriends as she had nothing in common, bar the fact she speaks the same language.

Cheers Mango

Could'nt it be that she had too much in common and that made her feel uncomfortable?

Educated in the United States and from a large Chinese Thai Business family i doubt that very much, but hey who knows?

Cheers Mango

[chonabot]

My wife associates with people from all walks of life. In her profession, it is unavoidable.

The people she would try to avoid, if she had to avoid a certain group of people, would be middle class Thai's that consider themselves better than a less fortunate or less educated person. Would my wife shun a fellow Thai because that person was not educated at a world renowned University?

Not a chance.

She has the mental capacity to be able to adapt to the people in her vicinity, and is certainly not shallow enough to pass judgement, even on shallow middle class Thai's.

I guess that's why we have so many friends, not just associates in our professions.

Snobs are very shallow, and only worthy of the company of other like minded shallow people.

If my wife was ever to ask me to leave a party because she felt she was superior to the other guests, I think I would file for divorce.

Excellent post , I mirror your sentiments exactly sir!

[drummer]

IMHO, when it comes down to it, we are all human and have a great deal in common with each and every human being on the planet - from Argentina, Sweden, Nigeria, or Korea. More in common than different - personality wise. Naturally, talking with people who are just like me is easier ... We have a large pool of shared history with which to communicate by.

It is unfortunate that some people see only the differences and judge others by themselves. But, c'est la vie and I doubt it will ever change.

(Incidentally, I have met, dated, grew up with, etc, people who are similar to the 'out-of-place' girlfriend. IMHO, it really is snobbery. There are 200K reasons for it, and some of it sounds quite reasonable, but when you boil it down, it is snobbery. Usually unconious, and the nicest people do it, but thats what it is)

[mango]

If my wife was ever to ask me to leave a party because she felt she was superior to the other guests, I think I would file for divorce.

Excellent post , I mirror your sentiments exactly sir!

If you read the post that was made by guesthouse he never said that his wife felt superior to others at all, He simply said that 'the other Thai women where not the type of people she wanted to ascociate with'. They are two very different things.

Cheers Mango

[chonabot]

I was commenting solely on Doctor John's post where no direct references were made to the Guesthouse effort (IMO)

Cheers

Chon

[GuestHouse]

I wonder why the hostility.

We all of us choose our friends (regardless of these claims to egalitarianism).

Yes class comes into it (I have said as much) and yes as Mango states above the fact that many (a considerable number) of Thai/Foreigner relationships started in bars and or prostitution is an issue.

Wanting to ascociate with people you regard as being like you is not a crime - we all do it to some extent or another.

We wouldn't want farmer's daughters, former prostitutes and addicts spoil our evening, would we?

Well I don't think I see anything against Farmer's Daughters.

[chonabot]

I just think that some people are happier or more comfortable by these parameters ingrained within Thai society than others. It is snobbery whichever way you see it. That's life.

[mango]

I just think that some people are happier or more comfortable by these parameters ingrained within Thai society than others. It is snobbery whichever way you see it. That's life.

So if a Farang feels uncomfortable with and does not wish to mix with a sex tourist for example, then he is a snob?

And if a Thai woman feels uncomfortable with and does not wish to mix with ex-prostitutes, then she is a snob?

I think your wrong but every one has there own views.

Cheers Mango

[stroll]

I wonder why the hostility.

Wanting to ascociate with people you regard as being like you is not a crime - we all do it to some extent or another.

Of course we all choose who to mix with, it just so happens that my gf and myself represent the very people your wife would object to finding herself in the same room with. My hostility comes from perceiving you knocking the ones you regard as not being up to scratch. I am not so judgemental the other way around, I wouldn't mind spending an evening in your presence, although it probably wouldn't 'klick' between us.

[meom]

I wonder why the hostility.

Wanting to ascociate with people you regard as being like you is not a crime - we all do it to some extent or another.

Of course we all choose who to mix with, it just so happens that my gf and myself represent the very people your wife would object to finding herself in the same room with. My hostility comes from perceiving you knocking the ones you regard as not being up to scratch. I am not so judgemental the other way around, I wouldn't mind spending an evening in your presence, although it probably wouldn't 'klick' between us.

Couple of beers and looking to the pole would take care of that

[GuestHouse]

Stroll.

I have not meant to cause offence and you have my sincere appologies if I have, I was answering trust warrior's post and it seems there are two poles to which we each take our view.

In truth I don't think we or most couples actively seek to exclude people, rather were and how we socialise tends to determine who we meet.

And being weary of people we meet is not restricted to "Farmer's Daughters, former prostitues and adicts".

Do the math. There are 60 million people in Thailand, how many are you friends with.

Now go overseas to a place where there are pehaps a few hundred Thais, it is unrealistic to expect that you will 'Click' with more than a very few.

The other side of the equation is the husband, and I am absolutely sure that I am not the only person who has met with thinly vailed envy over the oportunities I am lucky to have.

I have met guys socially and later learned they expect an introduction and recommendation to my employers or even that they have turned up at my office claiming I agreed to introduce/recommend them.

It is not being snobby, it is simply being careful.

It would be foolish, indeed too ofen it proves to be foolish, to start a friendship or expect a friendship simply on the basis of a shared nationality.

[chonabot]

I try to live life with my eyes open , one rule that I try to stick to is treat all people the same , regardless of race/occupation/sex/age/looks until they do something that will cause me to treat them differently.

Yes I'm a modern day Saint.

[Doctor John]

Wanting to ascociate with people you regard as being like you is not a crime - we all do it to some extent or another.

So you have many shallow friends?

How nice for you.