Stigma

[sriracha john]

When I walk around, the ladies are all thinking, how lucky is she to be with a REAL man like myself

Hansum rich man

I dont give a shit what people think of me. One bloke at work asked if he could sleep with my wife for $5.00. I made him cry at work when I pinned him to the wall with my forearm against his neck as he only weighed something like 10 kilos.

Hansum rich macho man

[bkkjames]

Rod Stewart marries a women 30 years younger than himself and its a celebrity wedding and everyone says how much in love they are and wishes them all the best, how lucky she is and how lucky he is ...etc etc.

Joe Bloggs from Halifax marries a Thai women 20 years younger than himself and he is stigmatised as some kind of wierd perverted sicko that should be locked up, and she's obviously a hooker.

The differences in the 2 scenarios are money and association.

People will accept Rod Stewarts situation cos he's a rich guy and money allows the rich to live a lifestyle others can only dream about, hence the acceptance from the masses who know they will never be in the same position as Rod and get on with their mundane lives thinking how lucky Rod Stewart is, so it's a totally acceptable situation.

Joe Bloggs situation is different, he's a normal guy with a normal job, people can associate themselves with this normal guy, so what the he-ll is he doing with a woman 20 years younger then himself when they have partners the same age, who the he-ll does he think he is ?

He'll be seen in a totally different light cos he's a normal guy and he has what they don't have, even though they are from similar social and economic backgrounds.

Envy is what it's all about.

so wrong.

Rod stewart's situation is fine because he is a ROCKSTAR. it's not really about the money. It's his awesome personality, fame, lifestyle that is attracting to women.

Your 70 yo friend attracted a younger bird most likely because of financial security + having a decent personality

I will never believe that anyone over 50 getting a girl under 30 is all pure love. not even in thailand, those 30yo girls that arent bar girls are gonna get hot looking guys around their age with as much money and probably more matching personalities... most of the time those snatching young birds that arent bar girls, were just lucky to be the first farang interested in a rice girl who'se never seen a 500$ bed and a lcd tv

Beg to differ about your 2nd paragraph - most 30 year old non working** girls have long given up looking for a guy of their age and are now resigned to being married to their jobs. If they haven't found love by early to mid 20's, they have given up on Thai guys. Check out any office in Bangkok to see this in action. Then after 25 or so, they turn to looking for expats on social networking sites or night clubs hoping to find love. After 30 kicks in they are well and truly resigned to the fact that their best before date has come and gone. Funny but back in the West a 30 year old Thai bird IMO is much more attractive than any western woman of that age, but here they are cast aside because of the never ending supply of younger beauties.

** a non working girl in this reference means one that does not work in a bar / freelance for the purpose of earning money from performing sexual favors with farangs. Source: James' Dickionary of All things Thai.

[steveromagnino]

reality is that many of Thai women involved with westerners are uneducated village girls who often have worked in the sex industry. If you look at the numbers of sightings of Thai/farangs together, there is a fairly large group of paid 'friends' accompanying westerners in a place like Phuket.

In the same way we repeatedly read massive generalisations about Thais (how come Thais like noise, how come Thais try to scam westerners, how come Thais are so corrupt etc etc), you are now on the receiving end.

If you want to get angry, I'd suggest getting angry with the multitude of western sex tourists, which in another thread we have established is something between 10-99% of all visitors to Thailand depending who you listen to.

It doesn't help that many westerners seem to have tastes for women who in Thai eyes are quite, er, for want of a better word, a bit skanky. Tats, gum chewing, working class sense of fashion, pidgeon english that sort of thing. (although many a time I have been assured usually by the english teacher types, she is fair skinned Thai Chinese blah blah blah - yeah right, like 1% at the most).

If I date a silicon breasted bleach blonde who insists on wearing mini skirts, then people looking at me will probably say 'lucky f&*ker, she looks like a ho, I bet she is really good in bed.'

Which might or might not be the case; for anyone with such a friend, feel free to introduce me so i can continue the experiment and report back.

Well, much the same in your case in that people will make assumptions. I would suggest that you ignore people who don't matter, and let education, manner and charm overcome the ones who do (as per the Aunt example above).

Plenty of people are fairly racialist to use an Ali G'ism; most of the time we can ignore them.

My guess is a fair few of you are probably seeing looks and gossip where there isn't any. Welcome to how minorities feel; being abused and copping a bit is part of that; how you respond is up to you :-)

Edited July 1, 2008 by steveromagnino

[wasabi]

In the USA my experience was less with people thinking my ex Thai wife was a prostitute and more to do with the mail order bride stigma and their belief as well as vocalization subtly and not so subtly that I was a mere pawn being used for a green card. Turned out the stigma was true, I rushed into things, didn't fully vet her and she was just using me for a green card. I was a lovelorn sucker and quite frankly wish I had listened to more of the naysayers. I think the stigma is often based on people thinking that one side is using the other and the basis of the relationship is not love.

I think this assumption is more often than not true between Farang and Thai marriages. But I would never utter a snide comment to anyone, who am I to judge what someone should get out of a relationship... up to you hansum man.

Edited July 1, 2008 by wasabi

[janj]

Perhaps, just, if they acted a bit more like gentlemen and less like d*ckheads most of the time, they wouldn't have to stand there looking at us farangs with the girls they covet. But funny (not), its the Thai girls that don't want anything to do with them.

That being said, I have met a few 'guys' over the years who have been generally very nice. But they are the exception.

Before you roll out the financial issue of Thai girls liking us just for the money, most guys I hang around with in Bangkok are married / dating girls that work in offices. But that's another topic I suppose.

Agreed. I'm a western woman and I have many Thai friends. I find that, when it comes to relationships, western men seem to have more respect for women than Thai men. The ones that I've spent time with are from very good families, well-off, and essentially treat women as if their place were below a man. A pick-up line used on my friend once? "You know, I'm part of the royal family, you should show me some respect". Plus, it is a common practice in Thailand for men to have mia nois and entire second families. Of course the wives know about it, but it is customary to turn a blind eye in order to save face. I'm not saying western men are saints but considering the alternative, I can easily understand why Thai women, money aside, go for westerners.

[bkkjames]

Perhaps, just, if they acted a bit more like gentlemen and less like d*ckheads most of the time, they wouldn't have to stand there looking at us farangs with the girls they covet. But funny (not), its the Thai girls that don't want anything to do with them.

That being said, I have met a few 'guys' over the years who have been generally very nice. But they are the exception.

Before you roll out the financial issue of Thai girls liking us just for the money, most guys I hang around with in Bangkok are married / dating girls that work in offices. But that's another topic I suppose.

Agreed. I'm a western woman and I have many Thai friends. I find that, when it comes to relationships, western men seem to have more respect for women than Thai men. The ones that I've spent time with are from very good families, well-off, and essentially treat women as if their place were below a man. A pick-up line used on my friend once? "You know, I'm part of the royal family, you should show me some respect". Plus, it is a common practice in Thailand for men to have mia nois and entire second families. Of course the wives know about it, but it is customary to turn a blind eye in order to save face. I'm not saying western men are saints but considering the alternative, I can easily understand why Thai women, money aside, go for westerners.

And the defense rests its case.

[whatsoever]

Stigma was the point in question: Well from my experience of bieng in England with my Thai wife - i gather that most people without question assume that all Thais are prostitutes (or ex). Some people assume you bought her for a small fee - or is a mail order bride.

Sad fact is Thailand is best know throughout the planet for whores - and most people seen with younger thai partners are quite unatractive

[bonobo]

[

Agreed. I'm a western woman and I have many Thai friends. I find that, when it comes to relationships, western men seem to have more respect for women than Thai men. The ones that I've spent time with are from very good families, well-off, and essentially treat women as if their place were below a man. A pick-up line used on my friend once? "You know, I'm part of the royal family, you should show me some respect". Plus, it is a common practice in Thailand for men to have mia nois and entire second families. Of course the wives know about it, but it is customary to turn a blind eye in order to save face. I'm not saying western men are saints but considering the alternative, I can easily understand why Thai women, money aside, go for westerners.

Many Thai women with whom I have talked tell me they would prefer a farang because they ahve had THai b/f's who have all cheated on them, and that farang men are less likely to cheat and more likely to treat them as equals.

This is their perception of farang men, at least. From all the other threads here in TV, it is obvious that same farang men will cheat, but with that perception, many Thai women are not concerned with money but rather a better relationship. (And most of those women are probably a little older than others.)

[bkkjames]

Stigma was the point in question: Well from my experience of bieng in England with my Thai wife - i gather that most people without question assume that all Thais are prostitutes (or ex). Some people assume you bought her for a small fee - or is a mail order bride.

Sad fact is Thailand is best know throughout the planet for whores - and most people seen with younger thai partners are quite unatractive

Ya right, me thinks that if a brit is walking through his local Tesco back home with some 20 year old Thai bird in tow, that all the guys in the place (with or without their spouses) are salavating wishing they were that unattractive.

[whatsoever]

Stigma was the point in question: Well from my experience of bieng in England with my Thai wife - i gather that most people without question assume that all Thais are prostitutes (or ex). Some people assume you bought her for a small fee - or is a mail order bride.

Sad fact is Thailand is best know throughout the planet for whores - and most people seen with younger thai partners are quite unatractive

Ya right, me thinks that if a brit is walking through his local Tesco back home with some 20 year old Thai bird in tow, that all the guys in the place (with or without their spouses) are salavating wishing they were that unattractive.

They may well pass an admiring glance - but i am sure that only goes to confirm the stigma. ' Wow, look at that cute little Thai bird with that scruffy old guy - she must be getting paid for that' STIGMA

[bkkjames]

Stigma was the point in question: Well from my experience of bieng in England with my Thai wife - i gather that most people without question assume that all Thais are prostitutes (or ex). Some people assume you bought her for a small fee - or is a mail order bride.

Sad fact is Thailand is best know throughout the planet for whores - and most people seen with younger thai partners are quite unatractive

Ya right, me thinks that if a brit is walking through his local Tesco back home with some 20 year old Thai bird in tow, that all the guys in the place (with or without their spouses) are salavating wishing they were that unattractive.

They may well pass an admiring glance - but i am sure that only goes to confirm the stigma. ' Wow, look at that cute little Thai bird with that scruffy old guy - she must be getting paid for that' STIGMA

and you forgot to add, I wonder if I can bend her over in the frozen veggie section without my wife seeing?

[petitechevre]

if anyone says that love with a 55-60(who doesnt look 40)+yo farang and 29yo thai girl and less is possible. I will be up to any ammount that if me or one of my friends offer that girl to live with me forever and never have to work again nor bare any child unless she really wants to. she will dump the old farang right away, yes any amount in the million bahts

Only old guy with game is hef from playboy...

[JOHN2]

Stigma was the point in question: Well from my experience of bieng in England with my Thai wife - i gather that most people without question assume that all Thais are prostitutes (or ex). Some people assume you bought her for a small fee - or is a mail order bride.

Sad fact is Thailand is best know throughout the planet for whores - and most people seen with younger thai partners are quite unatractive

Yep and always will be the same.

[JOHN2]

Only old guy with game is hef from playboy...

lol

[BSJ]

TheDon: One bloke at work asked if he could sleep with my wife for $5.00.

You let him of easy! You too nice a guy, I would have hurt the mongrel big time.

[IMA_FARANG]

I noticed in another thread someone brought up the issue of stigma that is attached to Thai girls if they are seen with a foreigner. It was getting off-topic but I'm curious to hear more about others peoples experience with this and how they deal with it.

I recently went to Phuket to see my Thai girlfriend. When I got there, I went to meet her at her office in Phuket Town and we went to get some lunch and I noticed the knowing looks from locals. The worst part was when a Tuk-tuk driver started to harass us. He followed us about 50 meters down the street, saying something in Thai, the only word I could recognise was in mid-sentence when he said "Patong"

I am ashamed to admit it but it did get to me...my girlfriend works as an architect and dresses accordingly for the office, she certainly does not look like a bar girl, she's 27 and I'm 29 so we did not look out of place together.

Never had this problem when she was working in Bkk and I would see her.

She did not want to talk about it and I'm curious to hear how some of you handle it. Ignore it? Let it eat you up inside? My apologies if this comes off as something of a rant...I guess there is no answer. Her Oz permanent residence finally came though so atleast I wont have to put up with it for too much longer.

You'll get used to it. It will also be less as you grow older. By the way you won't find the assumptions any less in Oz land than in Thailand. There will be a small pecentage of the people you meet who will always assume your Thai wife/girlfriend/whatever must have been a bargirl in Thailand. Doesn't matter if she has a PHD degree from a major university. For some they just KNOW all Thai girls that have Farang boyfriends in Thailand or wherever must have been a bargirl.

Now that my Thai girlfriend is in her early 60's, the comments have died down quite a bit. And I'm 63, so there's no obvious age diference for A-holes to talk about.

There's nothing you can do about it. Small minds have small brains, and they can't seem to think outside the beaten track. If you are secure in your relationship with your Thai partner, pay no attention to the fools who twitter. They don't know anyhow. I've been with the same Thai woman for over 30 years, and it's been great. Too bad the small minds don't know what I know. It's their bad luck if they didn't find a real love to stay with.

[Pierrot]

Bonobo I know what you are saying, we went down to Pattaya for a weeks holiday, she had never been and wanted to go. While walking around hand in hand I felt like another sex tourist. We are both around the same age, mid thirties and she is not from the bar scene, but I could not help but feel uncomfortable in this situation, away from the tourist areas I feel perfectly at home.

And when you're with your inlaws ... I don't know wich one of us felt the more ashamed. No need to say we never went back, which is actually a shame because we found very nice places and very good restaurants there.

Actually my wife use to go there with her parents as a kid. There is a part of the town which is very nice and where there isn't much falang, a shame but a good things at the same time. Then we discovered the "falang" side of the city ...

[farang555]

when it old man and 20 something thai girl.

someone said it best -young thai girl dont lub old farang!

ps. they just dont look like a good fit!

[Pierrot]

Before you roll out the financial issue of Thai girls liking us just for the money, most guys I hang around with in Bangkok are married / dating girls that work in offices. But that's another topic I suppose.

Actually not really. The "stigma" had a real cause. As things are changing, fortunately attitude are changing too.

People now take more time before making a judgement ... but they still do.

[britmaveric]

When I see old farang with sexy young thai lady - I think.......................

Good for old farang!!!!

[lannarebirth]

If someone were stupid enough to make any of those unkind comments within hearing of my girlfriend, someone would be stigmatized alright, but not her. It is more likely she would verbally eviscerate them and leave them in a puddle of their own pee. Seen it a couple of times, Not pretty.

[lardy]

I dont give a shit what people think of me. One bloke at work asked if he could sleep with my wife for $5.00. I made him cry at work when I pinned him to the wall with my forearm against his neck as he only weighed something like 10 kilos.

Yeah $4 would've been plenty

[Pierrot]

When I see old farang with sexy young thai lady - I think.......................

Good for old farang!!!!

Agree. But would you invite them in your home, and would your wife agree, especially if you have kids, if it's obvious the "sexy young thing" is a working girl *? Honnest answer appreciated.

*Or working boy, no descrimination here.

Edited July 1, 2008 by Pierrot

[britmaveric]

Yes we would... unlike a few people on this forum, we don't judge people!

[lardy]

They should ask which part and suggest the "derriere"

[kat]

Rod Stewart marries a women 30 years younger than himself and its a celebrity wedding and everyone says how much in love they are and wishes them all the best, how lucky she is and how lucky he is ...etc etc.

Joe Bloggs from Halifax marries a Thai women 20 years younger than himself and he is stigmatised as some kind of wierd perverted sicko that should be locked up, and she's obviously a hooker.

The differences in the 2 scenarios are money and association.

People will accept Rod Stewarts situation cos he's a rich guy and money allows the rich to live a lifestyle others can only dream about, hence the acceptance from the masses who know they will never be in the same position as Rod and get on with their mundane lives thinking how lucky Rod Stewart is, so it's a totally acceptable situation.

Joe Bloggs situation is different, he's a normal guy with a normal job, people can associate themselves with this normal guy, so what the he-ll is he doing with a woman 20 years younger then himself when they have partners the same age, who the he-ll does he think he is ?

He'll be seen in a totally different light cos he's a normal guy and he has what they don't have, even though they are from similar social and economic backgrounds.

Envy is what it's all about.

so wrong.

Rod stewart's situation is fine because he is a ROCKSTAR. it's not really about the money. It's his awesome personality, fame, lifestyle that is attracting to women.

Your 70 yo friend attracted a younger bird most likely because of financial security + having a decent personality

I will never believe that anyone over 50 getting a girl under 30 is all pure love. not even in thailand, those 30yo girls that arent bar girls are gonna get hot looking guys around their age with as much money and probably more matching personalities... most of the time those snatching young birds that arent bar girls, were just lucky to be the first farang interested in a rice girl who'se never seen a 500$ bed and a lcd tv

Classic response. Couldn't have said it better myself.

[kat]

Perhaps, just, if they acted a bit more like gentlemen and less like d*ckheads most of the time, they wouldn't have to stand there looking at us farangs with the girls they covet. But funny (not), its the Thai girls that don't want anything to do with them.

That being said, I have met a few 'guys' over the years who have been generally very nice. But they are the exception.

Before you roll out the financial issue of Thai girls liking us just for the money, most guys I hang around with in Bangkok are married / dating girls that work in offices. But that's another topic I suppose.

Agreed. I'm a western woman and I have many Thai friends. I find that, when it comes to relationships, western men seem to have more respect for women than Thai men. The ones that I've spent time with are from very good families, well-off, and essentially treat women as if their place were below a man. A pick-up line used on my friend once? "You know, I'm part of the royal family, you should show me some respect". Plus, it is a common practice in Thailand for men to have mia nois and entire second families. Of course the wives know about it, but it is customary to turn a blind eye in order to save face. I'm not saying western men are saints but considering the alternative, I can easily understand why Thai women, money aside, go for westerners.

Yes, but the Western men for whom this is true are a completely different bunch than the self-selected bunch in Thailand and SEA. MUCH different.

Edited July 1, 2008 by kat

[CarlBkk]

Surprised at the continuous number of foreigners on here that think that Thai people are looking at them and their partner because they're "jealous" or because she is "beautiful". Let's be straight....90% of foreigners date women who are deemed most unattractive for Thai people. This is probably the main reason they're looking, other reasons may include age difference, clothing, size difference or general cross-cultural curiosity. Occasionally a foreigner will be with a girl to make Thai people stare nearly open-mouthed with surprise, as it's such a rare sight for a foreigner to be with an attractive classy-looking girl. Older wealthy Thais will stare disapprovingly at the girl sometimes, other people will look back and forth probably thinking "wow, a foreigner likes a white-skinned girl...how did they meet?" or possibly "wow, she doesn't look like a bargirl...maybe she studied abroad and met him there".

Motorbike taxi drivers often stare at any girls in a short skirt and if they're a dark girl with a foreigner may well be thinking "she must be easy...I wouldn't mind a go".

It's quite interesting for me how people are perceived and what people think of others, that is why I ask quite a few people their opinions when they see x and y.

[Maigo6]

I find totally amazing the ammount of experts on Thai Visa, who can judge jury and convict all Thai people and Farangs with a touch of their withered wrinkled old fingers on a keyboard on an anonymous internet Forum.

Quite unbelievable in fact. .

Do you honestly give a flying fawk what people think about you ?

Take me for example, I'm on a retirement Visa in Thailand although I still do some contract work from time to time, I'm incredibly good looking, fit, have a house, condo, Fortuner and more than a few mill in the bank, I have all my own hair and teeth, never been sick, and my family have a history of living until a very old age with no long dragged out illness, we just die a couple of days after feeling ill at a minimum of 85 years +, I ain't fat bald or ugly which I suppose makes me stand out amongst the usual standard of Farang.... Do I care ? No I don't. I have to live with it.

If a person feels so insecure at what other people may say or think about them, then that is a problem that is theirs, not other peoples.

My Missus is 31 years old looks a lot younger and still I have younger girls hitting on me, and I don't mean Bar girls, although I love them too.

I guess I'm just too good looking for my own good, it's a burden I have to bear folks.

[Maigo6]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

You mean your incapable of bettering that very poor comeback ?

C'mon Kat, you cannot be serious!