I find the references to Bronco and Izal soooo nostalgic that they have reminded me of grafiti from 60 years ago:

"Here I sit, boken-hearted,

Paid the penny, and only farted".

Anybody else remember any vintage models, or just classic ones?

Second verse:

"Here I am, young and artful,

Got in free, and did a cartfull."

Here I lie in stinky vapor,

Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,

Shall I lie, or shall I linger,

Or shall I be forced to use my finger

This thread still brings teary eyes as I hold back the laughter in my office...... we're a quality lot we are !!

This thread still brings teary eyes as I hold back the laughter in my office...... we're a quality lot we are !!

It took me 10 minutes to post the "second verse", above, because I had to keep wiping away the tears of laughter from my eyes! Just the words "artful" and "cartfull" make me crease up

Keep 'em coming!

Ahhh, the thread's back...

I bring it back on top every now then...

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S every time I read it.

I still intend to print it out, just in case it disapears forever, not that I'm into scat but I do love a good shit related laugh

Long live the battle over the wipe,one of the most essential threads to the LOS newbie!

LOVE YOUR BUM

Of all the places I like the best,

I think the shithouse is the cosiest.

As I sit there in silent bliss,

I just listen to the trickling piss.

As I sit on the rounded pan,

I strain my guts as much as I can.

First of all, a fart is heard,

Then followed by a hefty turd.

As I push, it pokes its brown head from my rear,

Along with a fart, Oh that pebble-dash smear.

Instant relief from my gut ache,

The turd just lays there like a snake.

Now I thank you Asia for that hose & gun

To wash my fat arse for when I’m done.

I just hope, not too much pressure,

But what the ######, my butt smells fresher.

Now I’m careful, not a strong blast,

My trousers are still at half-mast.

But, now I am happy, my job is done,

I just can’t wait for my next bombing run.

Now I must leave the shithouse alone in peace,

Thankful, to empty my arse and clean my crease.

Cheeky Bastard's bid for the title "Shithouse Poet Of The Year" caused me to look through this thread after a couple of months away.

Bronco asked if we remembered being instructed at our mothers' knees and suggested a poll of to get the ratio of scrunchers to folders (on 19 August,on page 3).

Yes, I can remember being taught by Mother, about 1940, to fold carefully and get the maximum use out of every sheet (as toilet paper was becoming very hard to get in WWII).

As I was about 5 then, this must have been a reteach and I can't remember the earlier original lesson(s).

I am still a neat, precise folder!!!

1. In northern Thailand we eat with our hands about 50% of the time (sticky rice is the traditional staple) so knowing about eating one handed is important socially. Left handers have no problem in my village ...the locals say you should take food from the communal dishes with one hand only; you decide which one. A fine point in table manners: if you must pick up a piece of something...meat for example...which youi wish to tear in half and retaurn half to the communal dish then the piece which ends up in your clean hand is returned to the communal dish and the one which ends up in your less than clean hand is kept for yourself.

2. Perhaps 95% of toilets in BKK are spotless but this is not true in the north.

3. I would like to suggest an addition to the potty manual: Before you splash the area to be cleaned, first thoroughly wet youir wiping hand. A dry wiping hand will collect a stain and aSSociated odor which will be hard to remove. A wet wiping hand will not stain so readily.

....2. Perhaps 95% of toilets in BKK are spotless but this is not true in the north....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How big a "spot" are you talking about here?

....2. Perhaps 95% of toilets in BKK are spotless but this is not true in the north....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How big a "spot" are you talking about here?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

he he... yeah, I think we need to ask by whose standards..?

totster

I've never had a problem doing any of this?!? Maybe you're all big fat farangs who can't squat properly and whose arse cheeks still hang too far for the dump to miss on its way to hel_l. This would make cleaning the 3' skidmark a bit of a problem, I grant you, but the rest of us don't seem to suffer.