Do You Need To Almost Live A Life Alone To Be Really Buddhist.

[uptou]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

ps.I'm by no means buddhist but interested in philosophy in general.

Edited July 13, 2008 by uptou

[canuckamuck]

I'd say that question applies to nearly every worldview. An interesting line of thinking, especially, when you try to decide how much of your concept of self is actually made up through the interaction of others. Even if you got yourself away from everyone else you would still be making decisions based on experience from previous interaction. How much of 'you' really exists in the first place. Where is the 'you' that responds up when some says "hey you"? Is it your mind, your body, your spirit, your essence, your self? I think everyone has a built in understanding of the consciousness, they just don't know where it fits. It is around this core truth that most worldviews expand away from eachother. Sort of the ground zero of philosophical tangents.

[uptou]

Yeah,i think that we generally dont like to admit at how influenced we have been,or are by others,but i suppose its not difficult to understand when its whole societies that you are questioning.

Heres what one psychology site says about Identity;

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/identity.htm

Quote:We all derive identity from the world around us.(as infants).

Quote:Although developing a social identity has a certain short-term value, whatever you “think” you are is, ultimately, nothing but a vague approximation of what you really are. And what you really are is revealed in discrete moments of genuine encounter with your inner life.

End Quotes.

So does buddhism suggest dropping the social identity?If so where does this leave you with family & freinds?Are we virtually brainwashed as infants,& have to try & undo all the negative stuff?

[Brucenkhamen]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

ps.I'm by no means buddhist but interested in philosophy in general.

With the emphasis on meditation and retreats in Buddhism you'd think so, but I haven't found it to be so.

A lot of monks serious Buddhist practitioners I've met have a very gregarious/sociable nature, while they may be quite happy not to talk to anyone for 10 days or a month they are just as social as anyone when the retreat is over.

I've found myself that though I'm not naturally sociable, I have a much more positive view on human nature and am more accepting of diversity.

Now if your friends are the sort of people who like to get drunk and go out smashing letterboxes you may find you don't enjoy their company anymore and drift apart.

I think you'll find the more you get into practice the less you seek acceptance from other people.

[Brucenkhamen]

So does buddhism suggest dropping the social identity?If so where does this leave you with family & freinds?Are we virtually brainwashed as infants,& have to try & undo all the negative stuff?

Yes, I would say so. I think as infants we start life in a very natural and free state, though with little or no wisdom, and it's conditioned out of it as we grow up and learn copping mechanisms. The trick is to go back to that natural and free state while still being able to interact with the world in an adult manner and with the wisdom that we lacked as an infant.

[rockyysdt]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

Although there are many paths you can follow, I think that practicing daily meditation , conscious mindfulness, and selfless charity will eventually give you the direct experience which will lead you to correct choices in life.

It's true most of us form our beliefs between the age of birth and six.

Much of these beliefs are in our subconscious and invisible to us, but they control our daily lives and our auto responses under pressure.

We can change but most of us don't. If Buddhist principals are at loggerheads with your core beliefs you'll have trouble adhering to your new beliefs and practices.

Fortunately you don't have to learn all these principals and follow them religiously. That would be a daunting task.

All you need to do is to regularly practice meditation and daily mindfulness. Over time your direct experience will intiutively lead you along the correct path.

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

ps.I'm by no means buddhist but interested in philosophy in general.

Practicing regularly over time will develop your intuition to become true to your real nature.

These practices will give you acute levels of self awareness and change will come from within.

Your only investment to change would be regular practice, everything else will flow as a result.

Edited July 14, 2008 by rockyysdt

[camerata]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

Very easy, as far as Western Buddhists are concerned. In most cases, the reason they got interested in Buddhism was because they rejected the idea that money and success can truly make them happy.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

Someone who is a serious Buddhist will probably be a relatively unselfish individual, and everyone likes unselfish people. I don't think there is any problem being true to oneself in company, but obviously a Buddhist is less likely to be the "life and soul of the party." Nor would a Buddhist want to be!

[IMA_FARANG]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

ps.I'm by no means buddhist but interested in philosophy in general.

No you don't need to isolate yourself. Your behaviour depends on you and you can certainly live in a "normal" society with your own principles and life style.

Now there are some who choose to remove themselves from outside society to practice a more isolated lifestyle. But again, that's their choice.

My first Thai girlfriend's father was a layperson who was very active as a Buddhist layperson. He was the first person who ever did a "cleansing" ceremony for me, to purify me from some of my "youthful indiscrections". He was a pretty devout Buddhist.

Unfortuneatly the same wasn't true of his daughter, who had the character of a rabbit, hippetty-hop humping all over town. Oh well, live and learn.

But you can certainly live as a Buddhist in normal life. And in Thailand, if you don't want to eat meat, there is quite a bit of vegetarian food available.

Edited July 14, 2008 by IMA_FARANG

[Samuian]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

It wasn't meant to be "easy".. still it can be done!

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

No, why and what for - a solitary life may make things easier, but then there will be much less friction to grow!

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

well again it is up to the individual how much he/she allows the environment to influence ones self.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

Basic answer is YES!

If not, try harder!

[garro]

I remember asking a similar question before I got married. I originally came to Thailand with notions of becoming a monk and dedicating myself to meditation, but instead I got married and a baby soon followed. I now see that this was exactly what was meant for me. This path has caused me to develop in ways I could never have imagined. I truly believe that if you leave yourself open to it, then your spiritual path will find you wherever you are.

[uptou]

Thanks for the replys.I dont seriously follow buddhism (as i'm sure you gathered),but was interested in any doubts you have about following it as a way of life in general,& from the threads "do buddhists have to be doormats?",& other peoples negative posts about human nature on tv on other topics,i guess some of you have some questions or possibly doubts.

I suppose that i generally also believe that basic core human nature means basically survival/selfishness (are we really different from other mammals in this respect,you can mention a soul,but how would you define that?),but i figure you have to work against this selfishness rather than go with it if you are serious about following buddhism,

Am i right in thinking that when monks get on busses over here there should not be any women sat in front of them,& also women are not allowed to touch them?if so isnt this avoidance?

I suppose what i was getting at was if you choose to commit to buddhism seriously will you have much in common with most people outside of buddhism?

CAN you be dissapointed & bored with their narrow minded,selfish veiws so much so as you find yourself wanting to keep yourself to yourself?

Do you have to sacrifice your imagination,& fantasies for buddhism?Isnt it natural to want to avoid people if you find them dissapointing?

I didnt meet too many buddhist attitudes in working class england,or on the football terraces.

[Brucenkhamen]

Am i right in thinking that when monks get on busses over here there should not be any women sat in front of them,& also women are not allowed to touch them?if so isnt this avoidance?

If you consider sitting in front of women and touching them an important part of the bus riding experience then yes I guess it's avoidance, but I think most people would consider it optional and most women would prefer you didn't.

I suppose what i was getting at was if you choose to commit to buddhism seriously will you have much in common with most people outside of buddhism?

CAN you be dissapointed & bored with their narrow minded,selfish veiws so much so as you find yourself wanting to keep yourself to yourself?

Do you have to sacrifice your imagination,& fantasies for buddhism?Isnt it natural to want to avoid people if you find them dissapointing?

I can't say I've felt dissapointed with people since practicing Buddhism, in fact if anything I'm much less so as I pretty much accept people for what they are. I don't place expectations on people so much therefore dissapointment doesn't follow.

As for imagination & fantasies, when you meditate a lot you soon find out hhow much the mind likes to incline towards imagination & fantasies, if you continue your practice hopefully you'll learn what fuels those imagination & fantasies and learn how to free yourself from them.

[rockyysdt]

I suppose what i was getting at was if you choose to commit to buddhism seriously will you have much in common with most people outside of buddhism?

Not that they're all on the same level, but I suppose everyone in life associates themselves to various interest groups.

For example:

• Football fans.
  
• Grand Prix addicts.
  
• Petrol heads.
  
• Christians.
  
• Bikers.
  
• Boy Scouts.
  
• Antique Collectors.
  
• Bar Lizards.
  

Some groups have a postive affect on your life, others can be negative.

Most of these don't stop us from interacting with others.

CAN you be dissapointed & bored with their narrow minded,selfish veiws so much so as you find yourself wanting to keep yourself to yourself?

I'd imagine you would grow to love your fellow man and understand we are all human and fallible.

Do you have to sacrifice your imagination,& fantasies for buddhism?Isnt it natural to want to avoid people if you find them dissapointing?

I didnt meet too many buddhist attitudes in working class england,or on the football terraces.

As you become in touch with your intuitive self, I'd imagine you'll devote your free time to pusuits which matter.

For example: "What is better than soccer?"

[camerata]

I suppose that i generally also believe that basic core human nature means basically survival/selfishness (are we really different from other mammals in this respect,you can mention a soul,but how would you define that?),but i figure you have to work against this selfishness rather than go with it if you are serious about following buddhism,

Exactly. Buddhism goes against the "worldly flow" and seems to be counter-intuitive at times. This is what makes it a difficult philosophy to follow but, to me at least, is what gives it the ring of truth. With most other religions, doubts are simply about faith in something that can't be proved. With Buddhism I think some of the doubts are about whether the difficulty of the path is worth the effort.

Am i right in thinking that when monks get on busses over here there should not be any women sat in front of them,& also women are not allowed to touch them?if so isnt this avoidance?

According to the monastic code, monks can't touch women. This is to aid them in the very difficult task of overcoming lust and staying celibate.

I suppose what i was getting at was if you choose to commit to buddhism seriously will you have much in common with most people outside of buddhism?

CAN you be dissapointed & bored with their narrow minded,selfish veiws so much so as you find yourself wanting to keep yourself to yourself?

Do you have to sacrifice your imagination,& fantasies for buddhism?Isnt it natural to want to avoid people if you find them dissapointing?

You'd be surprised at how many unselfish people there are in the world who aren't Buddhists. Like Buddhists, unselfish, compassionate Christians or atheists aren't likely to associate with football hooligans or drunks, but that doesn't mean they have to live in isolation.

Buddhists do try to avoid fantasizing because it's considered a waste of time. It's a kind of zombie state which doesn't relate to reality. But that doesn't mean we can't make plans for the future.

[rockyysdt]

Buddhists do try to avoid fantasizing because it's considered a waste of time. It's a kind of zombie state which doesn't relate to reality. But that doesn't mean we can't make plans for the future.

Can't a little bit of fatasizing be beneficial, especially during periods of stress or depression?

I have a friend whose mother is dying.

Although accepting reality is important the worry and anguish is relentless.

A little escape can be a tonic.

When I fantasize, I may think of postive experiences, past or future, or I may visualise having special talent or knowledge.

Such fantasizing can lift ones mood, providing temporary relief and escape during stressful or unhappy times.

An example can be to visualise being on an overseas holiday having a wonderful time.

Provided we aren't excessive, is fantasizing always a waste of time?

Edited July 18, 2008 by rockyysdt

[awakened]

I tend towards introversion so find people draining and most conversation superficial. On the occasions when I have immersed myself in a spiritual life, for instance, staying at a retreat, the spiritual life seems completely possible. As soon as you return back to the 'real' world, it's very difficult to not get sucked into it. The analogy of the hot coal jumping out of a fire and going out.

When I spend longer periods in retreats, I find the same human problems existing there as I find outside, they are just repressed to a certain extent until they blow up. Women seem to suffer this more than men IMO.

There are very few who spiritually 'get it'. Western nervous systems are generally overstimulated. Getting them off the addiction of sense gratification is very difficult. I think until one has achieved that, either through practice or getting thrown in at the deep end, I don't have the courage to try it.

[camerata]

Can't a little bit of fatasizing be beneficial, especially during periods of stress or depression?

Well, it can be, according to the worldly perspective. But then so can having a beer or popping a valium. From the Buddhist perspective, we have a finite time in this world so we should try to live in the present moment as much as possible.

Having said that, I must admit daydreaming/fantasizing is a difficult habit to get out of.

[Brucenkhamen]

Provided we aren't excessive, is fantasizing always a waste of time?

I think you are confusing imagination with fantasy, in imagination you are still in control and can be mindful with fantasy you've lost control. Imagination can be a skillful means, some meditation techniques use imagination. Fantasy is an escape from reality, I don't see how it can ever be skillful.

[rockyysdt]

I think you are confusing imagination with fantasy, in imagination you are still in control and can be mindful with fantasy you've lost control. Imagination can be a skillful means, some meditation techniques use imagination. Fantasy is an escape from reality, I don't see how it can ever be skillful.

Do you have examples so I can understand?

I thought fantasy is the same as imagination but more extravagant.

E.g: Imagining you're Dr Who traveling through the universe in time and space.

Whether extravagant or modest aren't they similar.

Perhaps the problem occurs when you dwell in fantasy/imagination to the exclusion of other aspects of daily life.

The cinema for example is a great escape, and helps fire ones imagination to future possibilities.

[Brucenkhamen]

Do you have examples so I can understand?

I thought fantasy is the same as imagination but more extravagant.

E.g: Imagining you're Dr Who traveling through the universe in time and space.

Whether extravagant or modest aren't they similar.

Perhaps the problem occurs when you dwell in fantasy/imagination to the exclusion of other aspects of daily life.

The cinema for example is a great escape, and helps fire ones imagination to future possibilities.

It may be we just understand the words differently.

Fantasy has two aspects I think, the most important one is you get lost in it and forget about the present moment, you forget what you're doing, the other is it's often something that's not possible for example imagining you're Dr Who traveling through the universe in time and space.

Whereas I think with imagination you can be aware of what you're doing and where you are, and it is more likely to be something that is realistic. For example I could imagine what it would like to be promoted to be head of my company, not very likely sure but a lot more likely that me being Dr Who traveling through the universe in time and space.

Now I enjoy science fiction as much as anyone but when I'm sitting watching television I'm aware that I'm sitting watching television, the story heightens my imagination because anything can happen in a science fiction story, but I don't get lost in it or feel I'm part of the story.

As a Buddhist practitioner you don't have to be practicing for long before you realise that fantasy is one of your biggest obstacles, you can see it arises out of an aversion to the present moment and a desire to put yourself into a future story with you as it's main character. I think it's the most obvious sign of how deep is aversion and the desire to become.

[uptou]

I tend towards introversion so find people draining and most conversation superficial. On the occasions when I have immersed myself in a spiritual life, for instance, staying at a retreat, the spiritual life seems completely possible. As soon as you return back to the 'real' world, it's very difficult to not get sucked into it. The analogy of the hot coal jumping out of a fire and going out.

When I spend longer periods in retreats, I find the same human problems existing there as I find outside, they are just repressed to a certain extent until they blow up. Women seem to suffer this more than men IMO.

There are very few who spiritually 'get it'. Western nervous systems are generally overstimulated. Getting them off the addiction of sense gratification is very difficult. I think until one has achieved that, either through practice or getting thrown in at the deep end, I don't have the courage to try it.

Interesting & honest post.I think we are wired a bit more tightly than the fokes over here because we have to be.

My asian girlfreind has a very buddhist nature,even though she doesnt practice it much any more,i think its just naturally in her from her upbringing.To be honest i find it hard to think of myself meditating for an hour thinking only nice happy thoughts,even though i suppose i'm a compassionate sort by nature i think i find it interesting going over to the dark side now & then,but ive never imagined myself to be doctor who...which is good .But i think i will give the meditating a go.

[Yamantaka]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

Easy? No. But the problem is a matter of attachment to those people and their values. As an example, I was taught that to understand attachment imagine yourself sitting in a park with the most amazing flower in front of you. It is the most beautiful colors you've ever seen, smells fantastic, and feels like the softest velvet you can imagine.

The experience is making you very happy, when some dirty, smelly drunk comes stumbling along and stomps right on the flower crushing it into mush. If your reaction is one of anger and sadness at having lost that flower, you have an attachment to it. If your reaction is, "wasn't I fortunate to have been able to experience that flower while it was still here", you are not attached.

It is the same with friends and family. If you are able to interact with them when you want but without attachment, you are progressing spiritually. If you "need" to be with them, and feel uncomfortable or unhappy when you are not, this is an attachment which could be worked on.

Freeing one's self from attachment to material possessions is easier. Look at something expensive you own, that before you bought, you felt like you just had to have. Now you take it for granted or don't use it/look at it. The great value you originally put on it could not have been inherent or it would still have that value to you every time you use/see it.

It was only a label you put on it that elevated it to that great worth. That was an attachment which you now don't have for that object but may now have transferred to something else that you feel you "just gotta have."

Attachment to money and success is harmful, but if you are already questioning your attachment to them, you have started on a path to eliminating it.

Edited July 20, 2008 by Yamantaka

[Brucenkhamen]

Easy? No. But the problem is a matter of attachment to those people and their values. As an example, I was taught that to understand attachment imagine yourself sitting in a park with the most amazing flower in front of you. It is the most beautiful colors you've ever seen, smells fantastic, and feels like the softest velvet you can imagine.

The experience is making you very happy, when some dirty, smelly drunk comes stumbling along and stomps right on the flower crushing it into mush. If your reaction is one of anger and sadness at having lost that flower, you have an attachment to it. If your reaction is, "wasn't I fortunate to have been able to experience that flower while it was still here", you are not attached.

I don't think that's such a good analogy, I might be mildly annoyed but I know the flowers in the park don't belong to me, that there are many more in the park, and there'll be another crop of flowers next year.

I expect if a smelly drunk comes stumbling along and stomps right on my car, or worse my daughter, then I'll experience the nature of attachment, anybody would. I guess then the sign of non-attachment is resolving the situation skillfully without being overcome by anger or making the situation worse.

[Galong]

At its most fundamental level, Buddhism is a means of losing a personal identity. As written, not as popularly practiced (especially here), you come to a realization that 'you' don't exist in the popular sense of the word.

Sidhartha's unexcelled complete awakening was based around the Hindu concept of the Atman. Sidhartha's realization was called the Doctrine of the Anatman... thus negating the universal shared consciousness promoted in Hinduism.

If you really want to know about true Buddhism, don't go to temple and get caught up in the silly rites, rituals and meditation courses. Go to the source material and read for yourself. Studying the history and movement of Buddhism from its start in India, its spread northward, the big split and the culmination of a logical progression of series of realizations that many argue is founded in language (Taoism and Zen). Destroy language and you destroy the concepts that are the root problem in reference to suffering and death.

I suggest delving into some of the deconstructionist texts in Taoism (especially the Chuang Tzu [burton Watson is a good author) and Zen. There are also some interesting Western philosophers that follow a similar path, namely Fichte, some of Nietzsche's writings (especially the Doctrine of Eternal Recurrence) and other deconstructionists.

Basically, to get to the source of your being, you subtract, you don't add. In other words, the "you", needs to remove all socio-cultural influences to find any true 'self'. Rites, rituals and temple magicians add to the problem.

OK, that was my feeble attempt at putting centuries of deep thought into summary form.

Edited July 20, 2008 by Galong

[Brucenkhamen]

Basically, to get to the source of your being, you subtract, you don't add. In other words, the "you", needs to remove all socio-cultural influences to find any true 'self'. Rites, rituals and temple magicians add to the problem.

That's a good way to put it.

Most of us don't realise this when we start out on our "spiritual quest", we think there must be "something more" to life when in fact the opposite is true it's the "something more" that we've already added that has caused the dissatisfaction.

Edited July 20, 2008 by Brucenkhamen

[awakened]

Basically, to get to the source of your being, you subtract, you don't add. In other words, the "you", needs to remove all socio-cultural influences to find any true 'self'. Rites, rituals and temple magicians add to the problem.

That's a good way to put it.

I agree and a similar idea is incorporated into some movies, (Jackie Chan/Jet Li). The drink gets knocked over and emptied as the 'Master' says 'How can you learn anything if you are already full'. When I was more involved I had an email address 'fullwhenempty'.

But there are I believe 6 different paths, the path of Knowledge, path of Service and so on. Perhaps different personalities need different approaches?

Are you sure the meditation courses are not needed. Is it not the case that you cannot let go of a thought if you don't know what you are thinking?

[bankei]

Is it easy to be buddhist in a world where you are constantly bombarded with the philosophy that money & success is the main priority in life (even if its not openly admitted or unconsciously believed)?

If your basic core values (which i believe are formed at a young age & then you are stuck with them) are of a buddhist nature & you choose to try & seriously commit to the buddhist philosophy as a way of life,does it mean that you should really try & avoid socialising with most people,& lead an almost solitary life?

We all generally make some compromises when socialising with people for different reasons,or have to listen with the danger of being influenced away from our values by freinds.

Can we really be totally true to ourselves in the company of others?

ps.I'm by no means buddhist but interested in philosophy in general.

What makes you think Buddhists shouldn't have money or be successful?

Bankei

[awakened]

Just searched for 'Path of Knowledge and found this... 'deep enquiry and constant contemplation upon the eternal truths.'

The other paths are Love, Work & Meditation.

[rockyysdt]

To be honest i find it hard to think of myself meditating for an hour thinking only nice happy thoughts,even though i suppose i'm a compassionate sort by nature i think i find it interesting going over to the dark side now & then,but ive never imagined myself to be doctor who...which is good .But i think i will give the meditating a go.

Hi Uptoyou.

The others will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think contemplation doesn't involve thinking of nice happy thoughts.

I've learned that the practice involves stilling the mind through deep relaxation and focusing on the breathe.

In time the deep level of stillness will reveal your real self, the non ego self which lies within and awaits to be experienced.

On your journey you will observe many happy and dark thoughts, but the idea is to observe these neutrally concentrating on breathe and stillness until they pass.

Oh, and don't worry about not being able to enjoy what you consider to be the darkside.

As long as you don't do obvious bad things, such as kill, steal, harm, hate, be selfish etc, etc, just concentrate on the practice.

As you become more aware, your behaviour will alter of its own accord.

Edited July 21, 2008 by rockyysdt

[Yamantaka]

To be honest i find it hard to think of myself meditating for an hour thinking only nice happy thoughts

The others will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think contemplation doesn't involve thinking of nice happy thoughts.

That is also what I have learned. The beginning meditations are to relax, clear the mind, and so on. Once you can achieve that, you can move on to analytical meditations. If you can find a teacher that can struture these specifically for you, even better for resolving your own situations.