tuky Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash. Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I recommend cold Beer Changs, many Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samran Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 tukyleith firstly, congrats on your acheivement. Lets just put this in perspective, you have worked hard, sacrificed and paid for a place.... in cash. You have provided a sense of security for many people, and I think in time, you will view this place as your little oasis with your family (although it probably doesn't feel like it now). Somtimes in my experinece, when you work hard to acheive a goal, the actual day you acheive it is a huge anti climax. I dunno why that is, but I think it is because the time spent actually working towards the goal is the exciting bit, its filled with planning, anticipation and small wins. When you get there, you really don't have much else to do, and that is where the sense of anti-climax comes from. I guess the challenge is now for you to turn your hand to maintaining the house...making it better. From that I think from that you will get a better sense of belonging. I guess being from an Australian backgound, you especially look forward to the day where you can own a place to call your own. Unfortunately, Thai laws won't let you do this unfortunately. The upside is that is if the place you go home to at night is filled with the people you love, that doesn't really matter. A couple of years ago, my parents moved away from the Melbourne house my sisters and I grew up in, to move to somewhere more suited to their empty nest. I was gutted when they first moved, as I loved that place, as it was filled with so many memories. But to be honest, that feeling evaporated after I came back from Thailand and walked in to see the new place filled with my parents and sister who was visiting. Although I never had lived in their new place for one day, it still felt like home. As for the need to feel like valued member of Thai society - screw that. I think you should concentrate on becoming a valued member of the town/suburb you live in. Get to know the local shop owners, the khoa mun gai lady and the pad thai bloke in the market, even the bangladeshi illegal who is making your roti's for you. Visit them, talk to them, and I guarantee that you will feel like you fit in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff1 Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I know exacty how you feel . I am in the same situation . It scare's me every day to know that when it's over ( god forbid ) I leave with the shirt on my back and thats it . Everyone say's " do not spend more that you can afford to lose " But it really is not that easy . At this point I feel that as long as I ( we ) are Jai Dee we will always be useful . However I have been wrong before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 I know exacty how you feel . I am in the same situation . It scare's me every day to know that when it's over ( god forbid ) I leave with the shirt on my back and thats it . Everyone say's " do not spend more that you can afford to lose " But it really is not that easy . At this point I feel that as long as I ( we ) are Jai Dee we will always be useful . However I have been wrong before <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Jeff your right, especially if you have nothing else in any other country. I am lucky as I am 29 years old so even if thing do go to cotties I still have a few chances, however I will not give up. I trust my wife with my life, and I love her as much. However the feeling I got today was..."where do I belong?" I have not visited Australia for a few years, which is where I grew up m a non resident on Aust for tax purposes. I pay tax in Azerbaijan, yet I have a simple mulit entry visa (this is the correct visa btw). I enter Thailand on a tourist visa each time as I work a 6 and 2 rotation, never long enought to need anything else...plus I do not know the exact tax situation of being non immigrant. So where does that leave me? perhaps as the sucker who lives nowhere but has spent a lot on a house. Well, I am the sucker who is optimistic right? my marriage will last forever, our daughter will love the fact that she is luk krung and it will serve her well, I will no doubt enjoy our spa, and will bask in the relaxation that comes with our pool. I need never worry about not having any assets in my own name... oops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 samran, cheers, well said. Thanks a lot. It is a great time, our house is great and it the first time I have ever owned a house...or is it? My wife is sensative to the situation, snd she insists we buy a few apartments in my own name (god bless her soul, Where is the money?) to even things out. But over all, to all expats or even local folk. The number one reason for life is LOVE...without it we are as broke as the next beggar...no matter where we live!!! or atleast that's what got me laid tonight (if you know me you will know what I mean) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narachon Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 But over all, to all expats or even local folk. The number one reason for life is LOVE...without it we are as broke as the next beggar...no matter where we live!!! or atleast that's what got me laid tonight (if you know me you will know what I mean) Uhh.... Ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darknight Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 just be happy tuky.... you're thinking to much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 just be happy tuky.... you're thinking to much... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ofcourse, your right DK... But it is a thought that must occur to us all that settle here. mai pen rai? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meom Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 But over all, to all expats or even local folk. The number one reason for life is LOVE...without it we are as broke as the next beggar...no matter where we live!!! or atleast that's what got me laid tonight (if you know me you will know what I mean) Lotta cr*p. There is no reason to life; it's just breathing in and out until you reach your last breath. Love only makes breathing more bearable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dakhar Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Tucky I think your feelings are my fears. Currently I live in the US, but we are saving such that one day soon we will be able to go to Thailand and establish life there. We save as much as we can, and I look forward to the day I can leave the stress that I endure to earn a coin. But on the other hand, I know I shall walk through her village a stranger, and probably always will be. When I lived in Taiwan, after learning the language, and being there long enough, I did not feel like a stanger so much.... But those were different times, I was much younger, and Taiwanes people (at that time) loved Americans. But as others have said above.... you have your own house. PAID A lot of people never do that. I am guessing you feel locked in now... but at least you are locked in with the one you love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 .....What do you all say?<{POST_SNAPBACK}> I say "Well done", "Good luck", and "You have what a lot of ex-pats are looking for. Enjoy!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDN Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 .....Lotta cr*p. There is no reason to life; it's just breathing in and out until you reach your last breath. Love only makes breathing more bearable.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> You sound like Tom Hanks in "Sleepless In Seattle" explaining how he is coping with the loss of his wife: "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning, breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out. And, then, after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while." Hope you don't feel like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash.Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The voice of experience here... Count your blessings young man. I lost three houses to three of my ex-wives, but each time I bounced back... And at 60 I am still bouncing. I married my fifth wife at 58, this time a Thai lady. We plan on buying a house in Thailand sometime in the not to distant future. If I lose that one on top of the others, yes, I'd be gutted for a while... but will get over it, as I got over the others. As for the feeling of not fitting in, I am English and I lived in your country Australia in the 1960's for three years. I was not made welcome there and had the feelings you have now, and maybe a lot worse as I was only 18 at the time. I now live in Greece, where I have the same feelings of not fitting in. I have lived many places in the world and now feel that I don't even fit in to my own country... I feel stateless. But none of this worries me one iota. I have developed an attitude that is, if you don't like me that is your problem, not mine. I am comfortable with that. My advice is don't worry... enjoy every moment and treasure both the ups and the downs, because without the downs there can be no ups. Stop thinking of what 'might' be and think about what 'is' at the moment. It sounds at the moment that you should feel 'fortunate' and that you have 'achieved' something good for yourself and those that you love. The problem with people is that they are never satisfied and therefore never at peace with themselves. When I feel in the slightest bit down, I think of my sisters daughter, my niece... age 24 with a child and no husband, spending her life between her bed and her wheelchair with M.S. waiting to die. Read that again... then tell me, what problems do you or I have? Live for today! We never know what tomorrow may bring... That is the beauty of Life. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I admire your attitude. But 5 times married Gluttony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Leith~ Good on 'ya mate! But this feeling of depression is all wrong! As previous posters have said so elequently - give youself a break here. Think how lucky you are to have what you have and paid cash. As far as being accepted...don't give it a minute's thought. It will never happen to any Farang so it's not worth the expediture of energy worrying about it. Jim Thompson, the ultimate example of Farang (the guy who started the Thai silk industry) was never completely accepted either. 4.5 million Baht is a lot of money in rural LOS so you might also think about the kemoys. p.s. Have you finished your pool yet? Put up some more pics if you have a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medicinebox Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash.Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The voice of experience here... Count your blessings young man. I lost three houses to three of my ex-wives, but each time I bounced back... And at 60 I am still bouncing. I married my fifth wife at 58, this time a Thai lady. We plan on buying a house in Thailand sometime in the not to distant future. If I lose that one on top of the others, yes, I'd be gutted for a while... but will get over it, as I got over the others. As for the feeling of not fitting in, I am English and I lived in your country Australia in the 1960's for three years. I was not made welcome there and had the feelings you have now, and maybe a lot worse as I was only 18 at the time. I now live in Greece, where I have the same feelings of not fitting in. I have lived many places in the world and now feel that I don't even fit in to my own country... I feel stateless. But none of this worries me one iota. I have developed an attitude that is, if you don't like me that is your problem, not mine. I am comfortable with that. My advice is don't worry... enjoy every moment and treasure both the ups and the downs, because without the downs there can be no ups. Stop thinking of what 'might' be and think about what 'is' at the moment. It sounds at the moment that you should feel 'fortunate' and that you have 'achieved' something good for yourself and those that you love. The problem with people is that they are never satisfied and therefore never at peace with themselves. When I feel in the slightest bit down, I think of my sisters daughter, my niece... age 24 with a child and no husband, spending her life between her bed and her wheelchair with M.S. waiting to die. Read that again... then tell me, what problems do you or I have? Live for today! We never know what tomorrow may bring... That is the beauty of Life. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I subscribe to that what you said. Absolutley! You have wisdom and time. I have too little wisdom and only time. I would definately buy you a beer anywhere. Take care fella... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 I hope to do the same thing in a few years Tuky. I used to jointly "own" a beautiful house in the UK with my ex-wife. When we split up guess who owned it then? No different to Thailand really Just get on and enjoy life and stop thinking so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dugdig Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Sounds to me like the retirement blues. Looks like you have retired early and now you life has stopped! WHat are you going to do now? Perhaps you have been so busy getting it together that you have forgotten what it is you like to do that makes you happy....beer?...golf?....football?...basket weaving? ...gardening?...if ther is something then go do it for a while and you'll feel better. As far as 'fitting in' goes: I don't know what income level is usual in your neighborhood but I think that probably you have marked youself as a very rich person by purchasing the house. You WILL fit in but a rich person's 'place' in a not so rich neighborhood is a rather distant one. If you really want to fit in then dump the house and get something more like the people around you. Don't get a new car....get an old pickup and only drive it when you need to otherwise drive a used motorcycle. Don't wear new close except for special occasions. Do alot of manual work yourself and don't hire people to do it for you. Wei people older than you like the Thai people your age do. Develop a fondness and playful attitude toward children if you don't have one already. Eat the local food...if you can...eat bugs and chicken guts and raw meat and rotten fish sauce and frogs. Express an interest in learning about Thai style things. If you do this kind of stuff you will still not be accepted like your wife is but you will be accepted and respected...and if you learn some Thai language you will have great friends to enjoy. Be a friend to have a friend. But then maybe I'm wrong about this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astral Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Just give you wife a big ++, then look around the new home and think, "This is ours!!" Never mind the legal technicalities, then have a cool beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sulaphat Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash.Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I have to admit that I had similar thoughts when we bought the house in the wife's name. Maybe it was buyer's remorse. I had never spent as much money before, much less sign over such an asset to someone else and foreswear all claim to it. Those thoughts passed quite quickly. I never think about who's name the chanote is in. It is irrelevant now and probably always will be and I am happy that at least the kids will have a roof over their heads come what may. Enjoy your home. Take some pride and satisfaction in having a nice place in which to live. I'm sure that in the eyes of many, you are in a very enviable situation. I certainly think you are. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazza Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 I bought a townhouse for 900,000 7 years ago and I immediately felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I was releived to know that whatever happened to me, my wife and kids would have a roof over their heads. They wouldn't have to worry about finding any rent money every month when or if my money was all spent. I didn't worry about the house not being in my name or think about losing it if my marriage went belly up. Recently I looked for a ban deiow as the townhouse wasn't quite big enough for us. Us being myself, wife, 3 kids and Ma and Pa in-law. But after riding around some nearby moobans checking out ban deiows, they seemed to be so isolated and reclusive. I never saw anyone at these houses even though doors would be open or there would be cars in the driveway. My humble little soi townhouse sees my neighbours coming in and out all the time. Whether it's friends of my wife coming to sit on the kitchen floor to eat somtam, or Ma-in-laws friends coming to chew betel nuts, or my kid's mates running in and out of the house all day. Sometimes the neighbours will bring surplus food that they've made and the village recycler often gives us a bunch of bananas, papayas, watermelons etc just because I seperate the recyclable stuff for him. I borrow stuff from the taxi driver opposite and he and others borrows stuff from me and it's nice seeing neighbours standing at their front gates talking to passersby or talking to their next door neighbour over the driveway wall. The friendliest village folk seem to be the ones from up country, they're the ones who just walk into my house unannounced to talk with my wife or in-laws. Whereas the city folk, while sociable/amiable, seem to keep a certain distance and don't allow people to just walk in from the soi. I personally don't feel comfortable just walking into a neighbours house but that's probably because of my upbringing. But I do feel I'm part of my community to a small extent and I feel fortunate to have a nice fusion of upcountry and city life here in my northern Bangkok mooban. Tuky, possibly the feeling of loneliness or not being accepted might be because you've inadvertently seperated yourself from the locals by building a nice big house. Do all of your neighbours have houses similar to yours? Thai folk seem to associate with those of their own class/status so by showing off a certain amount of wealth this has put you up a few rungs on the status ladder. I hope I'm wrong but the main thing is...you have somewhere that you can call home. Sure as heII beats renting a house for the rest of your life...doesn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IamMaiC Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Just count your blessings and also think of the people that DON'T have a place to call home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meom Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Lotta cr*p. There is no reason to life; it's just breathing in and out until you reach your last breath. Love only makes breathing more bearable. This is about the saddest post I have read so far on any subject... I cannot imagine any greater privilige than Living and experiencing Life itself. I feel extreme sorrow for you whoever you are. LOL. Your first line probably tells more about yourself than me. Btw for a change you might want to try Living and experiencing Life by holding your breath. The original quote actually comes from a movie called the Jacobs Ladder which brought about some memories I'd rather forget. Anyway I'm quite happy now so no need to feel sorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Your home is where you lay your hat. Is that the way it goes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor John Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 I am gonna build a house, and it will not be in my name. And that actually makes my life a whole lot easier. I will still keep my rental in Pattaya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Your home is where you lay your hat. Is that the way it goes? Agree mbkudu...or as I've maintained for a long time - it's where your head hits the pillow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huahin Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash.Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huahin Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 Sorry about the first post, I don't really know what happened, but you have done well so do not feel any remorse because it's not in your own name. However, now that I have read that someone has built a new house in the Kingdom of Thailand, would you be good enough to tell me what are the legalities of building one such construction. I mean in the first instance one have to first find a reputable builder, then pick a certain style, THEN does one put together a contract (is there any Lawyers involved???) then does one pay a 10% deposit and make appropriate payments OR can you explain to me how does one go about building a house in Thailand. The reason why I ask is that my wife and are in our mid to late 50's and are planning to do just like you did and settle in Thailand in a few years time. Thanks for the information We just finished our house, today we picked up the chanod. Luckily we were able to pay cash.Then... Anti climax...although I knew all that was to be known, it was still hard to sign over 4.5 million baht worth of house. I consider my home to be thailand, yet I have no home here. I have no home anywhere as I can not afford to buy a place in the country of my birth as well as the place of my dreams here. Up until today I considered it to be a known, and therefore something that would not effect me. But now that the bullet has bitten I feel lonely. My wife can own land and house in Aust. but I cannot here, will I ever belong? will I always be set apart? Will I ever be considered a worth while member of the thai society? or perhaps am I farang Kii Nok? Maybe I am just depressed and thinking too much, if so, then let me say I sure wish I was accepted here in the same way as my wife is accepted back in the mother country. What do you all say? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Curtis Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 Your home is where you lay your hat. Is that the way it goes? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Agree mbkudu...or as I've maintained for a long time - it's where your head hits the pillow. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Curtis Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 Tukyleith, I'm afraid we all know that the Thai Government and Immigration don't want us here unless of course we are wealthy regardless of our characters. This fact is not worth reflecting on too deeply else we would all become extremely cynical. Like yourself, we have a house but way out in the sticks so I have returned to my youth and become a farmer again. Because I am quite busy I have little time to dwell on the prejudices against us. I try and take it all in my stride and smile. My home is exactly that - a home. Like you, it is not an investment it is a home. Because you have raised the unfairness of the Thai Authority's attitude towards us then one of my solutions is to keep an option open - like living in India as well as Thailand. I sent my passport to the Indian Embassy in Bangkok and back came a 6 month multiple entry Visa without one solitary question about money!! In the end I think about having two homes - however, I'm not sure about having two girlfriends, one in thailand and one in India? Anyways up, I'm not sure that any of this has helped but I hope so. Regards Ian Curtis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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