Boater Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 The Road to Enlightenment through The Teachings of Zen: > >1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead >of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, for the path is >narrow. In fact, just p*ss off and leave me alone. > >2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt >and a flat tyre. > >3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to >steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it. > >4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't >getting any. > >5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't >be promoted. > >6. No one is listening until you fart. > >7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. > >8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. > >9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try >missing a couple of mortgage payments. > >10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in >their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away >and you have their shoes. > >11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. > >12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how >to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. > >13. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it >was probably worth it. > >14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. > >15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. > > >Continued? >16. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that >comes from bad judgement. > >17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half >and put it back in your pocket. > >18. A closed mouth gathers no foot. > >19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark >side, and it holds the universe together. > >20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one >works. > >21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips >are moving. > >22. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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