Do You Help The Family?

[Nam Kao]

>>>Isn't it true you marry a thai girl you pretty much marry her family also?

Hmm does that mean her sisters are like my wives, I'll ask my wife about this...

[Simbo]

>>>Isn't it true  you marry a thai girl you pretty much marry her family also?

    Hmm does that mean her sisters are like my wives, I'll ask my wife about this...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

pay back in kind? sounds good to me.

[Pudgimelon]

If you marry a Thai girl you become part of the family, do you help out the family in time of need, or do you refuse to help.

If you do help, do you do it to stop your wife moaning, or do you do it because you want to ?

Personally I like my Gf's family, they are good people.

I gave her Sister 5000 Baht for her 16th Birthday and she opened her first Bank Account, is this excessive ?

(If the Sister had been a Brother he would have got nothing! )   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's a little sad that some people seem to boil every interaction they have with Thai people down to one factor: money.

A lot of posts on these forums are about "am I paying too much for this?" or "do I have to pay for that?", etc....

Even the simpliest things like birthday presents can't be divorced from this monetary attitude.

Why?

Why do some people view a farang/Thai relationship as a purely monetary exchange?

I find that attitude a bit sad and pathetic.

Oh, and by the way, my girlfriend's family has more money than I do, so I highly doubt they'd need my "help". You'd do good to remember that not every farang/Thai relationship is a lopsided rich/poor affair where the guy has all the money and the girl is thankful just to be off the farm.

There are plenty of well-educated girls out there from well-off families, and they aren't looking for a man to "save them" from drudgery.

Oh, and by the way, for my girlfriend's sister's birthday, I got her some scented soap and candles from the Mall (she's already got a bank account).

[Ijustwannateach]

Are they the type that have the cute little objects floating around inside a transparent body? I kinda like those, even if it's off-topic.

I think people find themselves enmeshed in relationships here that ARE about money without realizing it completely because at first the sums are so small... then when the sums start to rise they're shocked and not sure how to act, and would rather fool themselves. I've known folks whose boyfriends started off not needing anything more than dinner, then as time went on 15,000B a month was barely enough to "maintain" their interest. Part of this is a self-defeating cycle, I think- if you treat money as of no consequence, any partner will get spoiled and their expectations will rise. The other part is that a few of the Thais self-consciously manipulate the situation to this end.

To avoid this trap requires both self-esteem and discipline. You have to have enough self-esteem to believe that someone can love you for YOU and not your money- so that you don't put up with the ones who behave otherwise (and so that you can detect them relatively quickly). The discipline comes in so that you dump the time-wasters promptly even if you've already begun to form attachments. It's painful, but in the long run much less painful than choosing a real, loving relationship.

I think the farangs who worry most about money and relationships haven't learned these things yet, and it's too bad for them. Not much that anyone can do for them- they complain because they know something's wrong, but they don't really want to hear the REAL problem, because if they accept that it leads naturally to a painful breakup.

"Steven"

[Doctor John]

Oh, and by the way, for my girlfriend's sister's birthday, I got her some scented soap and candles from the Mall (she's already got a bank account).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good man, I hope she liked them.

You have informed everybody that your Girlfriends parents have more money than you, if you are an English teacher in Bangkok, that is no great feat.

[Simbo]

Oh, and by the way, for my girlfriend's sister's birthday, I got her some scented soap and candles from the Mall (she's already got a bank account).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good man, I hope she liked them.

You have informed everybody that your Girlfriends parents have more money than you, if you are an English teacher in Bangkok, that is no great feat.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In a few years, you can pay for her university education too. That will be a great help. Good man

[Doctor John]

Oh, and by the way, for my girlfriend's sister's birthday, I got her some scented soap and candles from the Mall (she's already got a bank account).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good man, I hope she liked them.

You have informed everybody that your Girlfriends parents have more money than you, if you are an English teacher in Bangkok, that is no great feat.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In a few years, you can pay for her university education too. That will be a great help. Good man

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Too right I would pay for her University education, I hope she wants to go.

[dugdig]

Pudgimelon,

I know what you mean about the over focus on money but I do think that there is a legitimate or non sad reason for discussing it. Most Thai families (in my experience which is limited to the village where I live) are financially structured so that the children support the parents. My wife gives her mother money every month and helps in paying extra expenses which sometimes come up. In my American family I wouldn't dream of giving my parents money and they would be almost insulted if I offered some...fiercely independent. The Thai situation is almost unfathomable to many westerners and they view it as a possible scam and they need assurance that they are dealing with the situation appropriately.

Also since there are people who will take advantage of foreigners' ignorance posters sometimes want a reality check on...etc.

[Kiwi_James]

Well this week my wife and I have had requests for 100,000 30,000 and 5,000 and gee! it's only wednesday

One sister asked for 100,000 to pay off the police.... read the story "Arrested for Drugs" if you want.....

One sister asked for 5,000 to pay her gambling debts...... sorry the answer was no.

Cousin came up from Bangkok to ask for 30,000 because someone was going to kill her if she did not pay her gambling debts, we said Yes to her

&lt;deleted&gt;...... yep you heard right

Cousin signed over her 10 rai of rice land to my wife and we now have the use of that land until the debt is repaid.

The 10 rai is part of a large family land that the grandfather divided between his family.

So what is the average profit from 10 rai of good paddy fields???? 10,000 baht maybe???? not sure..... ask me in a years time if I regret this decision and is my back ok and can I stand up straight

I should also say that the money has not all been flowing out one way and that one of the Sisters gave us 100,000 wedding gift .... oh such a sweet lady

[Doctor John]

Yea but James, you will get asked for those ammounts........................

Remember the stories going around Hoi Pai about you, the Farang!!! 40 million Baht, or was it 60 million, Rich Swiss guy etc etc................lol. I was really surprised when I met you and you had a New Zealand accent.....

I just called Tay, she has been on the farm today with the family. I am getting homesick now!!!

Back next week anyway!

[Kiwi_James]

yeah it was a nice cool cloudy day...... it's been hot these past few weeks.

Now if you come and visit, you'll need your sunglasses on because the colour of the fence is so bright...... and be careful you don't fall out of your pickup when you drive up because your laughing so hard

Khim is to blame..... now our house looks like a pre-school, we should paint some animals on the fence