Dowry

[Strange]

Ill get straight to it. Ive been to Thailand about 8 times now. I get 3 vacations from work a year and for about the first 6 of them, I spent the whole time in pattaya. Partying and drinking and going with 1-2-3 different girls a day... The 6th trip, I started to get bored with the bargirls. The money, the Bullsh*t, little and big lies. Now, I dont care <deleted> a bargirl does and who sends her money. To me, Im just paying for company, and I would NEVER have a barigrl for a girlfriend. I just cant think about them like that. There are a few that were cool as hel_l and Im sure would make great gf's but yeah I just cant deal with that. I needed something more mentally stimulating when it comes to girls... However, it seems like I ended up with one anyway...

So, at my job, I get about 12 hours a day that I can be online. What do I do? Thailovelinks... Now, I have read just about all I can read about thailand from the internet, I have talked to SOOO many thai girls, bargirl and not. Talked to alot of thai guys about thai girls... I feel pretty confident that I have a good working knowledge about thailand/thai lady, dowery, face, and other things. (not trying to brag, just trying to paint a mental picture) I created my account on that website, and at the same time, started a dedicated MSN Messenger account just for said site. I had about 3 months until I would be back in Thailand, so I got to work. The goal was to try to meet a girl that I felt a "connection" with, and could call a "steady" gf. In about a month, I had just about every decent looking girl in the age range of 18 - 25. (Im 25 years old by the way) About 127 Girls from TLL were in my MSN. I had narrowed it down to 3 girls. 1 said she was 18, but turned out to be 16 (holy shit) 2nd, BKK girl, White skin, 24, in uni for masters, really pretty, not virgin, and she seemed like the one I wanted for a bit. 3rd was a girl in Surin, browner skin, tattoos (haha yeap) 24, great written english, and was living at home. I dropped BKK girl because in the end she kept falling off the earth for a week at a time and making up retarded lies. I dropped the 16 year old for obvieous reasons. The surin girl was the only one left that I had any intrest in. At first I didnt like this girl, arrogant, Obvieous time with farang, and basically pissed me off. One day we got to talking, and she seemed to turn off the arrogant attitude when she realised that I wasnt playing her dumbass games. So, over time, I began talking to her exclusively. To be honest, her written english was GREAT and very very good converstaions for hours. She had been to uni for 4 years (photo evidence of this) in surin, graduated, and stayed home to help with the farm. Now, that farm is a BIG ass chicken farm. Its huge. Like 4 or 5 BIG warehouses, you have to shower off and wear like these HAZMAT suits to go inside... Anyway, she finished uni, and worked at that farm working with the computer and documents and all that stuff... Actually she is very good on a computer. Very good in Excel and powerpoint... Anyway, on the weekends she had one of those carts that she sold pancakes on a stick and shakes and all that stuff. To hear her say it, she didnt go to work in a real job because she lived at home, and with the farm and that cart, she made more money than she could if she lived in BKK and had room, food, taxi/motorbike, gas, whatever... Actually that is very believeable. Surin is cheap, very cheap, her home they have 3 new trucks, and like 5 motorbike. She does not need anything really.

At first with this girl, I just pinned her as a poor bargirl... After a few weeks, I realised that there was more to it than that.

About the tattoos and the "whats up mannnn" bullshit... I asked about her past, and at first she denied anything wrong. When I drilled her about her tattoos, and her English, and everything else, she told me about Pattaya. She had a few "sisters" that she knew that worked in pattaya. Eventually they convinced her to go and see it. So, she did. For about 1.5 year, she would stay home, and then when she got bored she would go to pattaya for like a month. She told me that she ended up being a "vacation" girl for a few guys. When they came to thailand, she would go with them. She says "I just hoped that one would stay talking to me and want to be my bf..." I didnt like this at all... She says, "I just got cought up with the wrong friends" Bullshit. She ended up with an american boyfriend that she met in pattaya. She stayed with him for about 6 months and 3 of those month she lived in malasya with him while he worked. Apparantly he got bored, and started cheating on her in pattaya... She had too much of it and went home to surin heartbroken she says. At that time she got in Thailovelinks and consequently met me...

So, I let that go, because in the end, regardless of her past, she was REALLY trying hard with me and putting in 120% effort. I also felt a bit of a connection with her, and I know she was attracted to me. She would do anything I asked of her and then some... Seriously, we talked like 10 hours a day on MSN non stop about anything you can think of. And really it was impossible for her to do anything but talk to me... Online from like 1300 - 0200 thai time everyday. Her words "Strange, I miss you, and I just want you to know that im here and not going out" "I dont want you to worry" bla bla bla Seemed genuine enough. Infact, with her, she didnt really seem much different than a western girl, other than her drive to take care her family.

I went to see her in thailand and spent 3 weeks with her alone. She met me at the airport, and eventually we made it to Surin to "bring me around" her family. She got a big family. Funny thing, I did not get the normal treatment. Food and drinks, and people looking at me. Her father avoided me, and her mother kinda did too. Her 2 ugly ass REAL sisters talked to me and life in the family home went like I was not even there... Im a young guy, and I look like it... Her sisters couldnt believe that I could do the things that I could do... Read: take care of surin girl.. They just thought that I would not be about to take care of the girl. Same as a 25 year old thai guy in surin... Im not... So, apparantly her family didnt really take me seriously... Thats basically what I got out of it... And we didnt really spend alot of time in the home.... Her dad did give his truck to us to use and look around. She has a drivers liscence also.

I guess Ill touch base on sex for a bit..... This girl is NOT shy. Very hot natured girl. Had sex within the first hour of getting inthe room in BKK after I arrived. After talking for about 6 weeks solid on MSN, she really started to talk about sex... What she likes and all that... Girl KNOWS her body very well, and is just incredibly hot natured. I was actually amazed... Marathon hard sex, to the point of falling out... Loves to be dominated... Incredible... She also Likes to film the 2 of us doin it as well. Then gets hot watching it... I cought her 3 times watching that stuff on my computer before I woke up in the morning. Also, yeah not shy. we got drunk in Samui, I started talking about sex in the bathroom, with a ton of people outside, next thing I know, were in the bathroom going at it hard. The thought of getting cought REALLY turned her on. Very drunk in that bathroom, im slapping her ass, and going crazy, she is making a TON of noise and rubbing her privates violently. She squirts. Ive never seen that before... To that extent.... People are banging on the door and bargirls are laughing outside... She throws 1000bt on the bar and runs out. ALL I hear for the next 10 mins on thhe motorbike is "GODDD Strange you are soo cool" in drunk thai girl talk. Actually annoying. Then she wants to stop on some hill and look at the view. I stop. We walk down this rock thing, then off her pants go again. we tried to sex on that rock, but it hurt my ass-bone too bad... We had sex in her dads truck, just about anywhere you can think of that was public after that... Honest, this girl was almost exactly like when you got your first real gf when you like 16... Sex all the time, everywhere, want to try everything... Im serious shes just like a farang girl that takes great care...

Now, the trip is over, it was great, I felt good. I left thailand...

We talked about everything on MSN... Even about marriage and all that. I asked about dowery, and she said "My sister got 500,000baht for her dowery" "they will probably ask you for the same" Im thinking "yeah right" and that was that...

Well, everything was going great... Talking everyday for about 10 hours a day (NO SHIT) until about 0300 thaitime.. Westarted talking kinda serious after the second trip. About marriage and all that... Actually I thought about this girl pretty well like that. I thought about taking a few months off and staying with her to see how we were for a longer time... Eventually I want to live in thailand on a 28/28 rotation...

Now I started asking about marriage again, and dowery. 500,000 came up again. I blew it off, and she should not even be telling ME a fuc_king price. Its for ME to offer... Anyway, I got aggrivated one day, and wanted to has it out about money. She wants me to GIVE her mom 500,000 baht. PERIOD. Nothing comes back to me, straight up give it to her mom. Nothing about "face" MOM WANTS TO KEEP IT. I said hel_l no! I told her that I IF I wanted to marry, I would be the one to decide what I was willing to pay. I mentioned 100,000 (about the same as a good western engaguement ring) and her mom could keep that... I even went so far as to say I would put up the 500,000 for the "show" but I want 400,000 back after. Her family can keep everything else. She didnt like that at all.

So heres where Im at, <deleted> Im not going to pay 16,000 USD to her mom. Just give it to her... She should be thanking her lucky stars that a farang wants to marry her 24 (old for a thai guy) daughter with tattoos and a shady past. Its bullshit and I actually not going to give shit. On the one hand, this girl trys SOOO hard everyday, talkes to me 10 hours everyday, sits there even when im working, sends me shit about once a week in the mail. No money is ever asked of me, I almost feel like she worships me. She will do anything... On the other, there is the blatant greed from her mom... and her... Its going to ruin the relationship for sure...

Anyway, I guess I just want to know if Im being unreasonable or not... I care about her, and part of me wants to justify her actions.. the other part tells me to fuc_k her off... What do you guys think?

I will be going to see her in a few weeks, and I will talk about this again in person. Face to Face with her... If she holds strong to the 500,000 then I think Im going to have to dump her... Feels like shit though...

Opinions?

(yeah strong 1st post) haha!!!

[Carib]

Why marry? Do the backyard thing and if things turn sour no problem for both of you.

You can`t pay money like that, you ran into trouble with the taxman, see what happens.

If things donot turn sour after a looooong time, than get married.

[GungaDin]

Shack up for 2 years, if it works out, 100k is ok, not 500.

500k is taking the urine.

Good luck, you've got age on your side, you lucky b'stard.

[JetsetBkk]

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - ......

[Carib]

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - ......

[JSixpack]

She wants me to GIVE her mom 500,000 baht. PERIOD.

Don't even THINK about it. Get ready to walk away.

Yeah, you'll miss her . . . .

[dr_Pat_Pong]

TROLL.

[sweetchariot]

Great story, and you do seem switched on to LOS. Most guys wouldn't know about giving the Sinsot and getting most of it back.

But you also sound a little naive. She obviously has been in the bar scene in Pattaya, and sounds to me like she is playing the 'long game'. She's telling you everything you want to hear, and doing everything you want to do. This is exactly how they operate.

500k is ridiculous, hi-so thai chinese don't get this much. If you were 30 years her senior then maybe, but at the same age?

Sounds like you are having fun, so stick with it, but make it abundantly clear that 500k isn't happening, and see what she does. 100k is reasonable, and a big payday for her family.

I've been with my GF for 2 years now, and explained to her at the start that in the west we need to date for at least 3 years before marriage. Her Sinsot requirements have gone from 300k to just paying for the wedding party now, as she (and her family) realise that I am not just another farang who will marry her at the drop of a hat (neither of us have been married before, but this is the pressure they get from their family).

Take your time. You are a young lad who doesn't need to be married any time soon. Try the 3 year explanation, and see if she sticks around. Too many people here think that 6 months or less is an acceptable courtship before marriage - you wouldn't do it at home would you?

Good luck, and keep us posted.

SC

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Why would he pay anything at all ? She's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

[sweetchariot]

Why would he pay anything at all ? She's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

Dr PP! I would expect more from Admin!

Come on, the guy has been very open, if he's trolling then he has waaay too much time on his hands.

Can you remember when you were 25 and a little naive? Probably not as it was a long time ago

[Wrong Turn]

She wants me to GIVE her mom 500,000 baht. PERIOD.

Don't even THINK about it. Get ready to walk away.

Yeah, you'll miss her . . . .

Only losers pay dowries.

[sriracha john]

Why would he pay anything at all ? She's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

A half million baht dart board

[Strange]

TROLL.

Seriously? Your an admin?

[haltes]

500k is ridiculous, hi-so thai chinese don't get this much.

That's not true. 500,000 is probably the average price of sin sot at the moment for the middle classes and it's what I showed at my wedding to get married (it was all returned to me afterwards though).

For a hi-so wedding it will be in the millions.

[Strange]

Why marry? Do the backyard thing and if things turn sour no problem for both of you.

You can`t pay money like that, you ran into trouble with the taxman, see what happens.

If things donot turn sour after a looooong time, than get married.

I would be more than happy to ride like that.... But that still leaves the outragous dowry that was reqired IF I did decide I wanted to get married...

Honestly, I really don want to marry anytime soon. Not in the next 3-4-5 years anyway... But I would like to be with a girl that I can see myself marrying in the future... Either way, in the end, thats just too much cash to be giving away... Its a fuc_king insult...

[Strange]

500k is ridiculous, hi-so thai chinese don't get this much.

That's not true. 500,000 is probably the average price of sin sot at the moment for the middle classes and it's what I showed at my wedding to get married (it was all returned to me afterwards though).

For a hi-so wedding it will be in the millions.

See - thats the thing.... GET IT BACK for your new family.... Yeah respect the culture, Give the family and the girl face and show the money at the ceremony, but get the back to start your new life together...

[a2396]

TROLL.

Most likely. He should consider a career as a novelist. I would like to read the remaining chapters of the story as it may unforld.

[Strange]

Shack up for 2 years, if it works out, 100k is ok, not 500.

500k is taking the urine.

Good luck, you've got age on your side, you lucky b'stard.

[/quote

Seems like when these chicks are husband/farang 'hunting' they will want to play/fuc_k around, but for the 'serious' thing they seem to want an older guy... 30-35.... More security they think... Its the same with thier thai guys... They want to play/fuc_k with thier thai guys, but they know it will NEVER lead to marriage... They know that they are past thier prime when they start to get closer to 23- 24- 25 years old for a thai guy to want to marry them...

Agreed - 500 is taking the urine for sure... Really aggrivates me...

[Strange]

yeah, its my first post, yeah its a long one, but I usually just read what other people say and dont reply... I have a concern now about a girl that im seeing, and it drove me to start a thread about it... That makes me a troll now? Its long because I was trying to give you guys an idea about the situation...

Next time I will cliff it:

Met girl online

Wants 500,000 dowry

<deleted>?

[teacup]

Strange

Would you also believe that there are maaaany farangs out there who didn't have to pay any?

[Strange]

Great story, and you do seem switched on to LOS. Most guys wouldn't know about giving the Sinsot and getting most of it back.

But you also sound a little naive. She obviously has been in the bar scene in Pattaya, and sounds to me like she is playing the 'long game'. She's telling you everything you want to hear, and doing everything you want to do. This is exactly how they operate.

500k is ridiculous, hi-so thai chinese don't get this much. If you were 30 years her senior then maybe, but at the same age?

Sounds like you are having fun, so stick with it, but make it abundantly clear that 500k isn't happening, and see what she does. 100k is reasonable, and a big payday for her family.

I've been with my GF for 2 years now, and explained to her at the start that in the west we need to date for at least 3 years before marriage. Her Sinsot requirements have gone from 300k to just paying for the wedding party now, as she (and her family) realise that I am not just another farang who will marry her at the drop of a hat (neither of us have been married before, but this is the pressure they get from their family).

Take your time. You are a young lad who doesn't need to be married any time soon. Try the 3 year explanation, and see if she sticks around. Too many people here think that 6 months or less is an acceptable courtship before marriage - you wouldn't do it at home would you?

Good luck, and keep us posted.

SC

Well, yeah Im trying to understand everything... There is alot to know about thailand/ladys/culture...

About the long game, Yeah shes working for it, thats for sure, but my eyes are open...

She has told me after this last dowry/marriage talk (fight) "Strange, just come here to thailand, I will live with you, we can be together, I will work and save too and help you with that dowry... Just talk to my mom, tell her that you love me and can take care of me... We can wait 1 - 2 years and then get married" But she is stilll bullheaded about that 500,000... <deleted>! Im done talking to her about it... I will be there in a few weeks and really I will talk to her about that face to face and see what she does. Im not paying that even is we live together for 10 years its rediculous. if she dosent break, then Im out I guess...

Believe me, 1 year is too short a time to think about getting married... MAYBE if you live together for a full year....

"But you also sound a little naive. She obviously has been in the bar scene in Pattaya, and sounds to me like she is playing the 'long game'. She's telling you everything you want to hear, and doing everything you want to do. This is exactly how they operate."

Pattaya bar scene for sure... Picked up on that on day 1... Soo easy to spot, you can just Listen to them speak english and see if they had an american or british bf before... Tattoos, Why do they do that lol, its like branding yourself a bargirl....

[Strange]

Strange

Would you also believe that there are maaaany farangs out there who didn't have to pay any?

Absolutely I would believe that... Why wouldnt I?

Its different with every family, every situation... But what gets on my tits, is when its about the MONEY... Not about taking care of the daughter, but greasing the pockets of the family.... Greed...

Anyway, IF I decide to get married one day, Ill respect the culture and the face of it if I need to, but im not going to give the family a huge payday... Ill use the Money for a home...

[teacup]

Strange

Would you also believe that there are maaaany farangs out there who didn't have to pay any?

Absolutely I would believe that... Why wouldnt I?

Its different with every family, every situation... But what gets on my tits, is when its about the MONEY... Not about taking care of the daughter, but greasing the pockets of the family.... Greed...

Anyway, IF I decide to get married one day, Ill respect the culture and the face of it if I need to, but im not going to give the family a huge payday... Ill use the Money for a home...

me2, I agree w/ you whole heartedly!!!

Well I guess you’re not such a nitwit for 25 yrs old - good for you

[vagabond48]

I recently met a 70 yo guy who said he was dating a woman 1/2 his age for several months. She was supposedly an accountant and very beautiful. After all that time, she still hasn't allowed him to kiss her. When the marriage topic came, she wanted 1,000,000 baht for the privilege of picking her young (for him) forbidden fruit.

Now that deserves a <deleted>!

[gzu88bv]

Troll or not troll, I must admit that I like to read these stories all the time and it always amuses me how easily people can be taken to the cleaners.

Strange, just keep in mind that the typical Thai girl is very much indebted to her family and especially to her mother. I cannot and do not want to give you here any advice, but by reading your message it seems to me that you would definitely run for trouble.

Maybe I am too tough with money and therefore it astonishes me again and again that people are willing to pay for their beauty/merchandise (equal bargirl by my own definition according your text) such high amounts of money. Thai tradition or not, THB 500000 is an awful lot on Isaan standards, where your girl comes from. If that poor sucker does it a second or even a third time, she and her family can start building a really nice house. Where in world is that possible?

I wish you good luck and hope you make the right decision.

[Strange]

Troll or not troll, I must admit that I like to read these stories all the time and it always amuses me how easily people can be taken to the cleaners.

Strange, just keep in mind that the typical Thai girl is very much indebted to her family and especially to her mother. I cannot and do not want to give you here any advice, but by reading your message it seems to me that you would definitely run for trouble.

Maybe I am too tough with money and therefore it astonishes me again and again that people are willing to pay for their beauty/merchandise (equal bargirl by my own definition according your text) such high amounts of money. Thai tradition or not, THB 500000 is an awful lot on Isaan standards, where your girl comes from. If that poor sucker does it a second or even a third time, she and her family can start building a really nice house. Where in world is that possible?

I wish you good luck and hope you make the right decision.

No troll.

Heres the deal. There is no way I am going to be taken to the cleaners. Im not going to pay 500,000. Its absolutely insane. Im really just pissed off that I invested the time and effort in TRYING to have an honest relationship, just to me insulted with that kinda of demand. The chick is cool no doubt about that, but the greed and her thinking that I am niaeve, is going to end it without a doubt.

I got a PM from a guy just now, talking about his situation with his thai wife. He also brings up a valid point, What is the family going to donate for the wedding, land? Business? Also, what about when her mom and dad dies, what percent of that farm is going to the daughters and hence if we get married, going to me as well...

I like the girl, but in the end, if she does not get her shit together, im gone... Theres a few million Thai Girls out there and im sure there are a few that would be willing to have an honest relationship. Would be alot easier if I was on the ground for a few months though....

[gymshark]

500k is ridiculous, hi-so thai chinese don't get this much.

That's not true. 500,000 is probably the average price of sin sot at the moment for the middle classes and it's what I showed at my wedding to get married (it was all returned to me afterwards though).

For a hi-so wedding it will be in the millions.

Agreed, 500,000 is not an outrageous amount at all. But it is not up to her to set the price, that should be a red flag at least, and then to argue with you about it????? Not good.

A Thai couple in Issan near Si Songkram got married a year and a half ago, she is a farmer's daughter and he works in a factory in Chonburi, he paid a dowry of 200,000. Some of the posters on here are a little behind the times I think.

Edited August 19, 2008 by gymshark

[britmaveric]

Hmmm sounds like a Stickman submission, perhaps we should have a new forum for this sort of thing?

[robbiecia]

Strange......................sounds to me that you have done your homework.

Try and remember that its all a negotiation!!!!!!

If she has any genuine feelings for you........she WILL consider your point of view.

I agree with an earlier poster that a dowry of 500,000 is not unusual........for a middle class family in bangkok, where the daughter earns a decent income.

I also agree that the money, or part of, should be returned after the wedding.

This is an interesting topic, and i for one, am disappointed with DR Pat pong's TROLL response

[mrt273nva]

Strange

Would you also believe that there are maaaany farangs out there who didn't have to pay any?

i paid nothing.

edit: you can't pay if you have no money. she stayed with me anyway. considers me a long term investment, and that i will payout in the long run. her pet name for me is 401k.

Edited August 19, 2008 by mrt273nva