Extended Thai Family

[GarryP]

Dyscalculia? My son is great in most subjects but hopeless when it comes to maths.

oops!!!

Edited September 5, 2008 by GarryP

[egg6447]

I plan on getting married to a Thaii Lady ,which has a couple of younger children. I have no problem in supporting her ,her mother, and the children.

What is the rule on the rest of her family she has 5 brother's and 2 sister's and her mother is seperated or divorced.

Am I expected to support them all ? Her five brother's are all healthy and are all over the age of twenty and except for two of them they all live close to Bangkok.

When we go shopping she expect me to pay the grocery bills for the children that belong to her brother"s and stay with her at her mother's house

I am sure you are aware that Thai family leave there children at Mother;s Place .

What would be my proper position. All comments from someone that is in a similar situation or can advise what would be best Thanks

cant believe you need advice on the rights and wrongs of family life . what applies to you in farange land applies here ,as everywhere else. up to u basically. me theres no way i,d take on someone else, s luggage . of course allowing for humaneness. doesn,t it ring a bell that your g/f ex husband does not pay maintenance. the mothers ex doesn,t pay maintenance . and to top it all off 5 lazy drunken bums of brothers all on the scrounge, dont know if this is accurate of course. get to f88k out of there and find a decent family to marry into. still say up to u.

[mizzi39]

give the thais a break. if you marry people from poverty surely you cant expect them to be good with money!

just give and be happy!

Oh no! Not another troll!

[stephaniee]

im with the egg!

i just dont see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls. no offense to the thai girls!

ive read here that there are so many good girls , educated, no kids, good family available!

[way2muchcoffee]

deleted

Edited September 5, 2008 by way2muchcoffee

[OlRedEyes]

They say there's a sucker born every minute, probably more often. Thailand sure attracts more than it's fair share of them. Come rain or shine, war or peace, the supply seems endless.

Gotta go make merit or something. I really really want to come back next life as a Thai and have a bevy of daughters.

[mizzi39]

i just dont see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls.

Western women rarely do. Except for the ones who marry 'those types' of Thai men (whatever 'those types' is supposed to mean).

I think that "stephaniee" is the troll "cynthialee" reincarnated. Same worthless comments, and its spelling is terrible too.

[philstone]

Sounds like quicksand to me, but nevertheless, the 'rule' should be what you make it, else you're toast.

You have to pay for all Also if your wife's father married a BG who is even younger than your wife who has 3 children you will have to pay for those kids and even her mother and father. Soon after she will want you to pay for her father's wifes sisters and brothers as well as any children they have or are born or get married. You just pay what good deal for wives family and village.

Edited September 5, 2008 by philstone

[jayjayjayjay]

This is a crap shoot. Who knows if you've got a good one or a lemon. ONLY time will tell and I'm using this as a cliche' I really mean time will only tell. Until then don't do anything that will break the farm or leave you in a situation where your Embassy has to pay for your ticket or remains to be shipped home........... read other threads, last's years best involved a scorpion and the most recent a nice 69 yrd old British gent. If someone can find the links it might enlighten the OP. cheers JJ

[way2muchcoffee]

Never mind. There is no point in responding to baseless and base insults.

Edited September 5, 2008 by way2muchcoffee

[a2396]

I would like to know what the general practice or custom is for extended family .

I plan on getting married to a Thaii Lady ,which has a couple of younger children. I have no problem in supporting her ,her mother, and the children.

What is the rule on the rest of her family she has 5 brother's and 2 sister's and her mother is seperated or divorced.

Am I expected to support them all ? Her five brother's are all healthy and are all over the age of twenty and except for two of them they all live close to Bangkok.

When we go shopping she expect me to pay the grocery bills for the children that belong to her brother"s and stay with her at her mother's house

I am sure you are aware that Thai family leave there children at Mother;s Place .

What would be my proper position. All comments from someone that is in a simaliar situation or can advise what would be best Thanks

Its your job to be supportive in times of need - when and if the parents need your help, but the idea that once married her parents-in-law can now rely on you as a matter of course is no more true in Thai culture than it is in Western culture. Liken your obligation to your Thai parents-in-law to that you have towards your own parents. It is very similar.

As for brothers and sisters - send them on their way to earn their own living. You have no financial obligation towards them.

They are ALWAYS in need.

[a2396]

im with the egg!

i just dont see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls. no offense to the thai girls!

ive read here that there are so many good girls , educated, no kids, good family available!

You've READ about the many good girls available? Have you had any of them climbing on you yet? I have not seen any who are interested in involving themselves with a foreigner, unless they need money.

[thesunset75]

im with the egg!

i just dont see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls. no offense to the thai girls!

ive read here that there are so many good girls , educated, no kids, good family available!

You've READ about the many good girls available? Have you had any of them climbing on you yet? I have not seen any who are interested in involving themselves with a foreigner, unless they need money.

If you still thinking that good woman married foreigner cuz they needs money, then I will say you are totally wrong. I am a woman who does all the way around by married and save the foreigner.

In this poster case I'd say its your limits, if you don't want to waste money on her family you can and nobody will kill you. if your woman break up with you cuz you don't support her family then find a new one hahaha

[stephaniee]

im with the egg!

i just dont see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls. no offense to the thai girls!

ive read here that there are so many good girls , educated, no kids, good family available!

You've READ about the many good girls available? Have you had any of them climbing on you yet? I have not seen any who are interested in involving themselves with a foreigner, unless they need money.

no i havent! its just so hard to say that good girls dont want most of the available farang that hangs out in bkk w/o getting the boot .

saying that most farm type situations are just about money i believe is true just many dont want to hear it.

[stephaniee]

guys say they give money only in emergenciy situations. what constitute an emergency? repair the air con for the house the farang built?

the basic rule is you gonna pay money somehow someway, call it whatever you want you will invest in them. or as a lot say they are "helping to make their life better". only way to make life better is with money, preferably the farangs hard earned money.

Edited September 5, 2008 by stephaniee

[MayBeLater]

I am handling things in a similar way as posters above.

The wife is bad with money, largely due to an inability to perform simple math sums. She gets a daily allowance, or sometimes an allowance to last a few days. She handles the bills at the end of the month.

Just maybe her math would improve if you would stop giving handouts for free and would make her find a job as most people do and earn her own 'allowance'. I am sure her math would improve considerably mate. Working and taking care of herself would be quite benificial, for her.

MBL

[Eastender]

I would like to know what the general practice or custom is for extended family .

I plan on getting married to a Thaii Lady ,which has a couple of younger children. I have no problem in supporting her ,her mother, and the children.

What is the rule on the rest of her family she has 5 brother's and 2 sister's and her mother is seperated or divorced.

Am I expected to support them all ? Her five brother's are all healthy and are all over the age of twenty and except for two of them they all live close to Bangkok.

When we go shopping she expect me to pay the grocery bills for the children that belong to her brother"s and stay with her at her mother's house

I am sure you are aware that Thai family leave there children at Mother;s Place .

What would be my proper position. All comments from someone that is in a simaliar situation or can advise what would be best Thanks

The general rule amongst Thais is that whoever has the better job / income / status will help the others - help, not support them.

As you mentioned food shopping, that's pretty cheap really, not like buying gold etc, when staying with the in-laws I will happily pay for the food shoping, for extended family too. My wife's family are very good to me and I would gladly help them out.

My situation is a little different. I live in the UK, my wife (Thai) works too in the UK so when we visit Thailand we have a little more money (compared to them) to splash about - and like someone mentioned above it's for show too, my wife doesn't want to appear a looser. But what I've found is that since she's been here she has a much better understanding of UK cost of living vs Thailand. We are not well off, but do help some members of her family mainly by paying for education... college for a nephew and teacher training for a sister. Sometimes it's me who is trying to convince my wife to give the money!!!

I've heard stories of extended family becoming lazy sods but haven't experienced it yet. When I was last in Thailand my mother in law was laid up with metal pins coming out of her leg after a motorbike accident. Now she's back farning rice though my wife and her sisters are trying to tell her to stop. Her son is working on building sites in BKK.

Make a judgement from what you know of her family. It's not all bad, don't fear the worst.

By the way - can you not say 'Thai lady' - I hate that expression . Why Thai lady but Dutch, American, Brazilian woman? In my opinion it demeans them and creates even more east/west seperation. Let's try and stop the perception that they are some third human species.

Edited September 8, 2008 by Eastender

[mgjackson69]

I typically use "lady" for all nationalities.

Unless I use "bitch"

[HYENA]

im with the egg!

i just don't see what an (average farang who wants a wife ) sees in these types of thai girls. no offense to the thai girls!

I've read here that there are so many good girls , educated, no kids, good family available!

I was lucky enough to marry the poorest of her village in the poorest province and city in Thailand. The last I'd want to do (given all equal) is marry someone who could already support themselves. My wife's father beat her mother and left. He's out. The family works 12 hour days 6 days a week. They didn't even have a toilet until 2 years ago and just finally got a tractor.

My wife is very good with money and has never had more than 300 in her bank account. She's got 40,000 now and is nervous but also this is new for her adding responsibility. The first time I gave her 30,000, she panicked, thought she was going to be robbed, etc.

She's saved me tens of thousands during my travels there and has influenced my spending habits here. We're only awaiting her visa (6 more months) to come here.

She makes the decisions and she now appreciates that farang has bills and works hard, too. No giveaways. We discuss "smart money" meaning if we give, will it make more rice, lead to something that can make even more money, etc? Education...her niece works at McDonalds for $3 working a 12 hour day. I told her to knock it off and get back in high school. She hasn't quit yet but I'm going to insist she get her butt in school (since her father won't sell his cows to send her). No, it's not my problem since she's a niece but I won't see a pretty young girl consider a bar as a form of employment only because she has no education if things got really desperate. I'm happy to end the bar girl cycle to the relief of the family.

I look forward to my adopted new Thai family...now if I only can learn enough Thai other than the basics, I'd be happy.

Because they've proven to be trustworthy, i have no more issues about money. I give as they need (they never ask) and I give without strings attached. Not giveaways, taking advantage...I see it as responsibility and humanity. I'm only lucky to have been born here. It's not their fault they were born where they are. It's the least I could do.

Last time we visited Isaan, my wife was handing out money here and there to some elderly (100's and a couple 5's). I started to get upset until afterwards she told me it was repayment for when the village gave them food for an entire year when they had none. My initial complaining met with that explanation made me feel small. My wife is intelligent and I have to hold my tongue and smile next time. I realize there's more to many many things than I know and by the time I react, it's too late and I learn I was way off base, uninformed or just plain wrong. If I have to scale down my lifestyle in my own country to change the lives of an entire family forever, then I'm happy to make the sacrifice to other human beings. I only wish there were more of me to help all of them. I wish I had "big money"...but I only have what I have....

I think a Lady (technically) is higher term than woman? I kinda like Lady! She's not just a woman, she's a Lady (I guess it all depends on your locale) but I think it's neat!

Edited September 10, 2008 by HYENA

[qwertz]

Like it or not, a woman comes with baggage, Thailand, Europe, no difference except the size of the

commitment.

However, it's often said here that if money's tight a German woman will go out to work and a Russian

woman with only one Euro will manage to put a meal on the table.

Sweeping generalisations perhaps but what the OP needs to ask himself is: what would she and the family

do for him if he told them one day that the money tree had withered and died.

[Wrong Turn]

Sweeping generalisations perhaps but what the OP needs to ask himself is: what would she and the family

do for him if he told them one day that the money tree had withered and died.

I've seen problems and even divorce over......$$$$ or BBBB, that is.