Q: How Much To Build A House In Isarn For Wife's Mum And Dad?

[stephaniee]

man here is ovious bucket of money to girl and family.

he should buy a pair of mike jordan 100$ sneakers and run the hel_l away from this family.

[egg6447]

your first line !!!!

I TRUST THE WIFE!

Are you sure?

Well I have known my wife for 15 years, married for 7 years with a 4 year old son.

I am sure and have been since the first year I knew her.

Therefore why wouldn't the OP?

My wife's mother (my mother in law) lives with us in a small house we built and all of us are happy with that while her Dad lives in Bangkok with the rest of my wife's family. He is welcome to live with us full time also.

amazing thailand. lol.

[egg6447]

Thanks for thr vote of confidence roygsd.

No she is not a drunk and I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw her drink any alcohol.

She is a nice old stick and can speak about 3 words of English though she can understand my mangled Thai and she has a good sense of humour. :D

Out of curiosity younger people normally respect older people and son in laws should respect their wife's parents.

What should I do as I am a couple of years older than my mother-in-law?

if you respect yourself. marry the mother in law and sleep with the daughter,lol,

[stephaniee]

Hi everybody,

I trust the wife. Don't know her family very well. Mum and stepfather need to build a house cause they are currently living with stepfather's parents and they don't get on.

Mum likes her drink so has fallen out with everybdy that they have tried to live wth.

So..it up to me to fund the house. How much does it cost to build a small place for two in Isarn?

Wife already has the land.

Any thoughts?

Sure... Take everything you got in your bank account, pension, and investments and put it on the table.

Now, slide it across the table to your wife and relatives, with a big grin, knowing you'll never get it back.

Seriously, is this a place where you want to OWN a house in the future. When the parents go to see Jesus (or someone like him), are you going to move in? Re-sale will be impossible.

I vote to rent a place for the old codgers - you are not a fricking money tree.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.....but many a re seen as a money tree, nothing more nothingless...................!

[ballbreaker]

Why is the responsibility of footing the bill for the house up to you? Does the wife have brothers and sisters if so then the cost should be shared if a house is to be built.

If you do decide to build a house then make it small. It should not cost more than 200K baht in my opinion.

My wife and I lived in a small house we built on the parents property for months at a time and it was totally adequate for our needs. It measured 4 meters by 7 meters and provided more than enough space for 2 people. Its was patterned after a studio apartment in Bangkok.

Edited September 18, 2008 by ballbreaker

[Lickey]

Would be interesting to read a falang ladies view on this, would they buy/build a new house for mum & dad and husband?

[Boo]

no

My husband & I have though, over the past 4 years of living in the UK, where we both work & split our hh costs 50/50, set aside a relatively small amount each year in our holiday budget to upgrade various household items like a new fridge, washing machine, iron etc for my elderly widowed mother in law & have also replaced the damaged roof & tiled the downstairs of the house .There has been some modification to the upstairs of the house for purely selfish reasons, like creating our own bedroom & plasterboarding the wood walls & tin roof to keep noise & mossies out (& I think the poor man who oversaw the work probably ended up out of pocket as my mil is sucha cheapskate ). But the electrical items we replaced were all over 10+ years old & were then donated to other relatives & neighbours, so frivilous spending is not the norm & is not expected from us either. Frugal should be my mil's middle name

But no, I know of no western women with thai husbands who have been asked or expected to build their in laws or relatives houses.

IMO paying the few thousand a month on renting a small house will be a much safer & cheaper bet for the op, esp if mum has a drink problem.

[coventry]

But no, I know of no western women with thai husbands who have been asked or expected to build their in laws or relatives houses.

Aside from that Boo, did your Thai husband pay Sin Sod for you? It's a matter of importance to other posters on this forum ? I'm expecting this post to be deleted. As per usual. Edited September 19, 2008 by coventry

[coventry]

I can't wait for your reply. Obviously I know the reply but I want others to know.

Edited September 19, 2008 by coventry

[ray23]

Yuo know it would be easy to be a wise guy here. If you really feel compelled to provide them housing.

If it were coming here I would tell you to rent for a few years, before considering buying or building. So if that is good advice to you it should extend to your inlaws as well, rent a apartment for 2 k month. Buy Ma a refrigreator to keep her beer cold and move on.

How much does a simple house cost for the mother in law here just a much as you a can pull out of the bank for them. Doesn't rreally mattter how much you can trust your wife, She was raised with the thiought it was her reponsibilty to take care of the family. That has no financial limit. Don't think for a second they are not influenced by that. It's what she knows. I think you might just be heading for problems.

An apartment will provide for their well being and that should be good enough.

Really the first rule is never bring anymore here then you can afford to lose, you can now through the rest of the rules away.

Good Luck

[Boo]

Never got paid sin sod, my mother in law asked how much I wanted as I was a never married, professional, childless women in her 20's so she beleived I was due one but once I had picked myself up off the floor laughing told her it was not my culture so did not consider it neccesary.

[abdulrahman]

Never got paid sin sod, my mother in law asked how much I wanted as I was a never married, professional, childless women in her 20's so she beleived I was due one but once I had picked myself up off the floor laughing told her it was not my culture so did not consider it neccesary.

Wow!I would have chosen a steep sum!But I'm a man.

[Boo]

Hey, we are holding out for a daughter as our next child, I'll cash in then

[sbk]

But no, I know of no western women with thai husbands who have been asked or expected to build their in laws or relatives houses.

Aside from that Boo, did your Thai husband pay Sin Sod for you? It's a matter of importance to other posters on this forum ? I'm expecting this post to be deleted. As per usual.

Regardless of the fact that sin sot has nothing to do with this thread.. you still persist.

You know, despite your paranoia, this question has been asked before and been answered before. But, I will offer my experiences as well, I did not have a wedding so I was not offered sin sot. One must have a wedding to get the sin sot. I couldn't face the 1000++ people who would have come so turned down the idea of a wedding. Instead, my father in law gave me gold jewelry and a sizable donation to both of us to the building of our house.

As they already had a house of their own and had helped both their sons when they got married, they did the same for us. There was no expectation that because I was a farang I should pay. And certainly no expectation that I should build them a house. Or help them financially in any way.

So, does that fit in with your preconceived notions there, coventry?

Anyway, shall we return to the topic at hand which is not sin sot or even should he build them a house but rather how much to build his inlaws house?

.

[Geekfreaklover]

man here is ovious bucket of money to girl and family.

he should buy a pair of mike jordan 100$ sneakers and run the hel_l away from this family.

I agree. Would you meet a girl in the west and seriously consider buying/building her parents a house???...Sure it's cheaper to build here, but that doesn't make it anymore acceptable. Also; it is not cultural. Don't fall for that line. How many male Thai's do you see buying houses for extended family in Isaan?

You won't be looked up upon by the locals for building a house. They will snigger at your stupidity behind your back. And once you start building it never stops - washing machine, motorbike, car, nephew's tutorial fees, on and on.

If unmarried I would venture to say 'no' from the start and stick to it to gain respect. Renting would be a compromise. If you wife refuses to accept this reasonable offer and threatens to leave you. Then you have seen her true colours.

[coventry]

One must have a wedding to get the sin sot.

Not neccessary true in my understanding. In Isaan, if a couple live together for a period of time without being married, then Sin Sot is paid as it's seemed to be accepted that they automatically are man & wife. Correct me if I'm wrong ?

[coventry]

You know, despite your paranoia,

.

Are you a doctor ? Then please don't diagnose me as as suffering from Paranoia. An appology will suffice. Thank you.

[Thaddeus]

Correct me if I'm wrong ?

Should I, oh yeah, what the heck.

I know of no couple living together that haven't performed at least some basic ceremony (before they started living together) with that ceremony comes the sin sot, it isn't always 10k Baht of gold and a wedge of money, as a matter of fact, it frequently isn't, but a token gesture will be there.

If that ceremony doesn't happen, no matter how perfunctory, they don't live together.

That's how it is in the boonies, can't speak for the more enlightened cosmopolitan areas.

Edited September 22, 2008 by Thaddeus

[Thaddeus]

You know, despite your paranoia,

.

Are you a doctor ? Then please don't diagnose me as as suffering from Paranoia. An appology will suffice. Thank you.

Doctors don't diagnose paranoia...... a good psychiatrist may do though.

[Thaibloke]

everything is getting a bit expensive but up in issan maybe 5000- 7000 bt a sqm i build pretty good houses in phuket for 11000 bt all depends on the finish i only pay the thai price not the farang price

expl farang built a house in kamala 5.5 m six months later thai uses same builder same plan and materials 3.8 mill

Edited September 23, 2008 by Thaibloke

[imaneggspurt]

man here is ovious bucket of money to girl and family.

he should buy a pair of mike jordan 100$ sneakers and run the hel_l away from this family.

I agree. Would you meet a girl in the west and seriously consider buying/building her parents a house???...Sure it's cheaper to build here, but that doesn't make it anymore acceptable. Also; it is not cultural. Don't fall for that line. How many male Thai's do you see buying houses for extended family in Isaan?

You won't be looked up upon by the locals for building a house. They will snigger at your stupidity behind your back. And once you start building it never stops - washing machine, motorbike, car, nephew's tutorial fees, on and on.

If unmarried I would venture to say 'no' from the start and stick to it to gain respect. Renting would be a compromise. If you wife refuses to accept this reasonable offer and threatens to leave you. Then you have seen her true colours.

i agree, come on chaps, not all members have married prostitutes and have in laws that drink/smoke and sponge off the husband, we got married in the uk and i never paid the family anything,never got asked,they are just happy their daughter and grand daughter are doing ok and are in love,.. as for building them a house ,again they are very happy in their shed on sticks,( the old man actually sleeps under the stars in a hammock ! ). the way i see it is that once these types (some are talking about ) start to be given money the slippery slope to jealousy and greed start to take over, there is none of that with my inlaws, why should i change their ways, no leave them as they are, forget "trying to do better for them " they really dont need it, thais rarely die of hunger, the fish jump out of the water at them the fruit falls off the trees for them,...ignorance is bliss, why should we mess with that ? Edited September 23, 2008 by imaneggspurt

[denboy]

you could pay for the rent of a room for them,maybe a few hundred baht a month

how big a house you wanna build,they can put up those tin shacks for a few thousand baht or a basic concrete small place for 20k baht up there .

dont tell your wife i told you this as dont want a thai honey on my case,tell her i told you 2 million should be about right and you need to send it asap in cash to the mothers bank account......phew

Presuming you already have the land, a small basic builing with bathroom and kitchen will cost you about 120.000 Baht.

I built a similar structure in July of this year in Maha Sarakahan.

I made a basic sketch of how it should be and made sure they stuck to that. To be honest they are not interested in fancy bathrooms and kitchens, as long as they have a basic roof fan and an outlet for a tv they are perfectley content.

it is better of course if you are around to supervise.

Cheers

[Maigo6]

come on chaps, not all members have married prostitutes and have in laws that drink/smoke and sponge off the husband, we got married in the uk and i never paid the family anything,never got asked,they are just happy their daughter and grand daughter are doing ok and are in love,..

Just like not all Thai women have married Fat smelly Farangs.

I see your point and appreciate your views, I also think that Farangs that have the stereotypical view of a relationship with a Thai women, have in fact, never had a REAL relationship with a Thai women.

Good luck eggspurt.

Edited September 23, 2008 by Maigo6

[Geekfreaklover]

Just like not all Thai women have married Fat smelly Farangs.

I see your point and appreciate your views, I also think that Farangs that have the stereotypical view of a relationship with a Thai women, have in fact, never had a REAL relationship with a Thai women.

Good luck eggspurt.

A real relationship should not be one that depends on you buying her parents a house.

Understand???

[Maigo6]

A real relationship should not be one that depends on you buying her parents a house.

Understand???

And if Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen or David Beckham buys his wifes parents a mansion, is that ok with you, is it a real relationship ?

Look Greekfreak, if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it, those that can don't sweat it.

But of course as this is an internet forum you will come back with the fact that you're totally rich but just can't see why anybody would help anybody else less fortunate.

What you have to understand is this............

Some people can afford it.

Understand ????

[philliphn]

If you can afford it why not.

However, it should not be a requirement.

If I had a famous athletes or movie stars funds. If I had in Laws. I would not sweat buying therm a very nice place to live. If they treated me in a decent manner.

[Geekfreaklover]

Yes I do understand that some people can afford to buy their in-laws a house. The point i was trying to make is that it should not be EXPECTED. And it should really not be asked for, unless there is an emergency, a flood or fire or something. If the house is offered by the person who is paying for it (not by the wife/gilfriend) then it is up to the in-laws to accept the offer with gratitude.

I built my ex-wifes in-laws a home. I never witnessed any thanks form them. In fact, looking back I think that they saw my kindness as a weakness to exploit. After the house a motorbike and car will follow. They are bettering themselves, who can blame them. If you refuse you gain respect. It is important to understand this way of thinking in rural isaan.

It is up to any individual what to do with their own money. But it is also important not to be pressured into thinking that you have to buy accomadation for extended family, no matter how much money you have. It is a personal decision.

[imaneggspurt]

Yes I do understand that some people can afford to buy their in-laws a house. The point i was trying to make is that it should not be EXPECTED. And it should really not be asked for, unless there is an emergency, a flood or fire or something. If the house is offered by the person who is paying for it (not by the wife/gilfriend) then it is up to the in-laws to accept the offer with gratitude.

I built my ex-wifes in-laws a home. I never witnessed any thanks form them. In fact, looking back I think that they saw my kindness as a weakness to exploit. After the house a motorbike and car will follow. They are bettering themselves, who can blame them. If you refuse you gain respect. It is important to understand this way of thinking in rural isaan.

It is up to any individual what to do with their own money. But it is also important not to be pressured into thinking that you have to buy accomadation for extended family, no matter how much money you have. It is a personal decision.

this to me sort of contradicts itself " built my ex-wifes in-laws a home. I never witnessed any thanks form them. In fact, looking back I think that they saw my kindness as a weakness to exploit. After the house a motorbike and car will follow. They are bettering themselves, who can blame them. If you refuse you gain respect. It is important to understand this way of thinking in rural isaan." ,this was my thoughts that they dont appreciate or need it, and more demands will follow, start as you mean to go on,.i wouldnt tolerate greedy in laws in the uk so why here ?,. as i said they seem happier than me with the existance they have already !

[bergen]

In many (most) Isaan families........taking care of the family is left to the daughter(s).

The women are expected to work - work work, and it does'nt matter much what kind of work, since the undisputed value of money comes first, especially to poor people.

Most people wants a better life, and most daughters wants to help the parents to have as good a life as they can when getting old. (remember Thai govt does'nt provide much)

However many old people are long used to their old lifestyle, and therefore have problems (or no interest) in adapting to various new facilities.

There are different people all over the world........ and the same in Isaan.

Some parents might put a pressure on the daughter to get an improved (more status) lifestyle, but I think most will just be happy with their daughters new love (luck)

It is not rare that a rich(er) part in a family helps a poorer part..............is it.

However, demands should not be made, but good (modest) wishes should be discussed, and if possible...........................helped out with.

[jay-uk]

not everyone contributing to this post will have had their in-laws pressuring them into a house build. i decided to build a house some years ago because i had the expectation of living in Isaan with my wife 6 months out of 12 between overseas work. this plan never came to light as our son became sick and we could not visit as often as we would have liked. the house was empty at the time and we were worried about leaving it for long periods as it would have invited thieves if the word got around. we asked my in-laws to go and stay there to live and look after the place for us and that was 5 years ago. the rest is history. i asked them to move into our house to keep it secure and maintained not because it formed some part of a sin sot or dowry. i have never done anything financially with thai family that i was not happy to do in the first place and my wife funny enough has never had to ask. i do what i can when i can afford it because i feel good about helping people less fortunate up the ladder but as for been soaked in some way well i am certainly not. i respect my wife's parents as my own and could not have wished for a better family to have married into. they never ask for anything and if they needed something i would most likely help out anyway, because i could when others could not. i actually feel that if the tables were turned they would probably help me out aswell more so than my own family here in the uk who i rarely see at all and doubt would help with anything.

Edited September 25, 2008 by jay-uk