Why Is It So Hard To Have Foreign Friends Without The Intimate Relationship?

[JimsKnight]

Umm...it's not quite trouble... but I just wondered...

Thai single woman with foreigner get along.. to go for meals, shopping, talking ..anything as a good companion does.. Can it be?

In western way IMO, intimate activity (OK..I mean SEX) is just a normal practice

But by Thai decent tradition, sex is not freely done without legal commitment.

It's true that nowadays, Thai accept to do this more and more...

But it doesn't mean every Thai is happy to do so..

Read a lot that Thai women say to be just friends, no more than that... foreign guys will just disappear... Why?

Is it weird to be just friend with the opposite gender?

My experience, I have some foreign friends.. some are gud but some..... so, disappeared.

I am not beautiful nor smart woman,

but maybe Thailand had reputation for beautiful Asian girls and also popular in sexing tourisms...

so I often asked for...

I am sick of this..usually enjoy having new friends in every day but this make me.... nearly give up to have foreign friends....

Or am I just too conservative ? Do you have friends in opp. gender? What do you do with them?

Thai tradition for legal commitments prior to sex? Hmm well that can vary according to region, circumstances and personal dynamics.

But yes you are being conservative, like most ladies on TV. Not a bad thing not a good thing.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, such are the ways.

Accept that men and women are different and not the same and you'll go far in understanding this matter.

[easyride]

It is hard to have foreign friends because they are more comfortable with his/her country men rather than some strange. They even do not know customs, traditions so have problem in adjusting in such situation.

It's an unfortunate but true thing, we don't know you properly and you don't know us.

Doesn't ease things easy when you get robbed and they go back to Nakon Nowhere

returning days/weeks or months later as if nothing had happeded.

[GeneralFritzPlugmaster]

Thai single woman with foreigner get along.. to go for meals, shopping, talking ..anything as a good companion does.. Can it be?

...

My experience, I have some foreign friends.. some are gud but some..... so, disappeared.

....

I am sick of this..usually enjoy having new friends in every day but this make me.... nearly give up to have foreign friends....

Or am I just too conservative ? Do you have friends in opp. gender? What do you do with them?

Maybe you are sick of Western men.

Then you have to ask yourself, why you want a Western male friend anyway.

Western men find shopping with women very boring.

If you don't have a real reason to be with a man, then just wanting to "be friends" is a waste of time.

Perhaps you should say what you are really looking for: someone only to talk to? You can do this with a thai man or a woman just as well.

What are you really searching for?

[unforgiven]

Umm...it's not quite trouble... but I just wondered...

Thai single woman with foreigner get along.. to go for meals, shopping, talking ..anything as a good companion does.. Can it be?

In western way IMO, intimate activity (OK..I mean SEX) is just a normal practice

But by Thai decent tradition, sex is not freely done without legal commitment.

It's true that nowadays, Thai accept to do this more and more...

But it doesn't mean every Thai is happy to do so..

Read a lot that Thai women say to be just friends, no more than that... foreign guys will just disappear... Why?

Is it weird to be just friend with the opposite gender?

My experience, I have some foreign friends.. some are gud but some..... so, disappeared.

I am not beautiful nor smart woman,

but maybe Thailand had reputation for beautiful Asian girls and also popular in sexing tourisms...

so I often asked for...

I am sick of this..usually enjoy having new friends in every day but this make me.... nearly give up to have foreign friends....

Or am I just too conservative ? Do you have friends in opp. gender? What do you do with them?

Unfortunatley the way it is since vietnam has made this place less what it was when your parents grew up.Your talking about the old thailand ,pre 1965.........those where beautiful days,hard fact is $$$ rules all now ,sorryand good luck !!

[varun]

Have many Thai ladies who happen to be my mate and mate only. Not every western lad is looking for a shag, some of us are interested in having a mate and leave the romantic/shagging to our gf or wife.

I suggest anyone who drops a mate after given the redlight towards a shag well isn't your mate after all and you are better off without them.

I agree and disagree.

On a related note, sometime ago I developed feelings for a Thai woman that lasted a little over a month.

However, by her reactions and behavior, I was mislead into thinking something would eventuate, however, the 'BF bomb' was dropped on me soon.

Predictably, the 'just friends' line followed soon after.

At this juncture, I'd say most men, will cut their losses and just walk away, as I did.

Just being friends with a taken woman who you have feelings for is next to impossible, and I applaud those who can do it.

Nonetheless, I have maintained platonic friendships with a handful of Thai women to this day.

Of course, I never had feelings for them in the first place and vice-versa.

[PeaceBlondie]

May I ramble? Thank you...

It is true in general for almost all human relationships: we can't live without them. An older lady farang made the case recently, quite well, for celibacy. But she is no hermit. We speak about various cultural universal truths about humans: that they are basically savage beasts, that they seek their own benefit, that they are sex-craved monsters. It is more true that nearly all of us are social animals, craving relationships.

Yet in spite of the success of the self-help publishing industry, human relationships are no easy task. It takes work by both parties to make a friendship. We deceive ourselves if we think that more than two shags with the same person is not a developing, personal relationship. All relationships are complex, regardless of genders, cultures, races, etc.

It's not all about sex. I have usually found that a straight or gay man can develop a platonic relationship with a woman by not being threatening, and by being supportive.

Didn't Sally Fields and what's-his-name (Billy Crystal?) star in a film about best friends falling in love, When Sally Met Harry? They are sitting in a restaurant discussing fake orgasms, and the girl proves her point by faking an orgasm very well, seated at the table. After the couple leaves, some old lady tells the waitress, "I'll have an order of whatever that girl had."

///Added: perhaps those men who were programmed to think of all females as things to conquer and copulate, need to reprogram themselves.

[bkkjames]

PB, if it was Sally Field and Not Meg Ryan, I too would be ok with a platonic relationship. Maybe Ted Turner saw something in her, but not me thanks.

[MidoriApple]

Maybe you are sick of Western men.

Then you have to ask yourself, why you want a Western male friend anyway.

Western men find shopping with women very boring.

If you don't have a real reason to be with a man, then just wanting to "be friends" is a waste of time.

Perhaps you should say what you are really looking for: someone only to talk to? You can do this with a thai man or a woman just as well.

What are you really searching for?

Well, you haven't said much to comfort me but is so spot on....right deep down into the middle of my heart.

Haha.. I was speechless and took some time rewinding my mind back to my own life in last mid year.

Yes, I should have asked myself what I really need from having foreign friends.

All is because I need to improve my English language's skill.

It was badly broken until I had got an American friend, he unintentionally helped assistance me in this.

Is great friend, we talked a lot, we had spent time together for meals, for drinks, for movies, anything as a good friend would do.

I was so impressed in him, he is also my teacher and my dear Abby...a real platonic one.

But I was unlucky that he had to go back to his country as long time planned while my English skill is needed to improve more and more.

I can see now for what was so wrong, I have over-expected that every one would be nice as that American friend had done.

But everyone is always individual. I guess I can go on having friendship if I stay focusing on this idea.

I still really need to improve my language skill...

Thanks to all the comments in this post, though I have replied nothing to some,

but they are all valuable to me..I do appreciated indeed...

[britmaveric]

Midori - join one of the TV events - having a pissup at Titanium next friday nite. I'm sure faire few people would enjoy your company as mates only, and perhaps good time to practice your english.

[MidoriApple]

Midori - join one of the TV events - having a pissup at Titanium next friday nite. I'm sure faire few people would enjoy your company as mates only, and perhaps good time to practice your english.

Hi..britmaveric

Thank you for your invitation. I would love to, but shamed....I will be in Phuket for the business at that time.

I'll try to attend in the next time...

Well, have a great time.../ Cheers.

[Antimony]

MidoriApple... I can totally understand.

I've always gotten along with females more rather than with males. Just be a fag hag! I can be your GBF. lol.

Im not a farang though, but yeah, Im a foreigner to you.

[Finlaco]

depends -- If u are well educated and financially independent and a good sense of humour and are able to drop the Thai high-so attitude then I am sure u can make friends -- If poorly educated and poor then why would a farang be interested in 'friends only'?

[MidoriApple]

MidoriApple... I can totally understand.

I've always gotten along with females more rather than with males. Just be a fag hag! I can be your GBF. lol.

Im not a farang though, but yeah, Im a foreigner to you.

So, send me your CV then

Cheers

[zorro1]

i have loads of thai female friends that i eat/drink /talk with and have no inclination to penetrate,am i not normal or something.

After viewing your avatar......

[MidoriApple]

Edited October 18, 2008 by MidoriApple

[NotATourist]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Now I know most Thai people do not earn as much as I do but some effort towards equality in a 'friendship' is required, otherwise I am just being used and getting nothin in return.

If I want to get used for my money there are plenty of red light areas around to do that for me and I would expect that in those areas, but I don't need it or expect it from supposed 'friends'

And that is why most of my 'friendships' in Thailand don't last long.

To the point when I will now after meeting a few times say something like "I don't have any money until next week (insert believable reason) would you like to come over and hang out, or do you want to wait until next week?". The next week answer means I never see her again. My best Thai friend here instantly replied, "Don't worry today I pay", then the next three times before I paid the bill she asked if I had enough money.

I have enough money but I want to know the motivation.

Anyway that is my story, and the reason I get quite blunt with a lot of Thai girls.

[jfchandler]

Without offering any judgment about whether it's right or not...

I think there's a clear custom among many (most???) Thai people that if they are out with a farang, particularly if the farang is a tourist (as opposed to ex-pat), they expect the farang typically to pay. Not everyone... Not always... But many... And often...

Then, there is the male-female dating dynamic added in, that even in Western cultures and certainly no less in Thailand, there's some custom that the guy takes care of the woman.

I'm not a tourist... I live here.... But I've had the same experience as the prior poster in terms of things being pretty much a one-way street.

In fairness, in my own idea, I probably earn more than most of my dates....so I'd expect to be paying more of the time. But it would be nice for a woman to offer sometime....

[MKAsok]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Don't take this the wrong way, but your choice of username is fairly ironic considering your apparent complete lack of familiarity with even very basic principles of Thai culture. Has no one told you about stuff like naam jai?

[MetroGirl]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Now I know most Thai people do not earn as much as I do but some effort towards equality in a 'friendship' is required, otherwise I am just being used and getting nothin in return.

If I want to get used for my money there are plenty of red light areas around to do that for me and I would expect that in those areas, but I don't need it or expect it from supposed 'friends'

And that is why most of my 'friendships' in Thailand don't last long.

To the point when I will now after meeting a few times say something like "I don't have any money until next week (insert believable reason) would you like to come over and hang out, or do you want to wait until next week?". The next week answer means I never see her again. My best Thai friend here instantly replied, "Don't worry today I pay", then the next three times before I paid the bill she asked if I had enough money.

I have enough money but I want to know the motivation.

Anyway that is my story, and the reason I get quite blunt with a lot of Thai girls.

Don’t get boggled down to just a few of your negative experiences and think that all thais or thai girls are the same. In many cases there are 2 parties involved in the said problem, don’t U think so?

U know like the old saying …..it takes 2 to clap!!

Me think, U need to expand your circle of dot, just a bit more

[john b good]

Midori, let's put this down straight: there is no way you can get to a man's wallet without allowing him to get to your pussy.

From what I have read I do not believe that the OP is seeking to get to some guy's wallet

[Ajarn_Jonesy]

I think that a lot of men don't really see the point in being 'just friends' with girls. They can get everything they want out of friendship with other dudes.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement...... There is such a different dynamic in mens friendship with other men than with women. My best friend is a girl who i have known since school. We are still the best of friends even though we both have great marriages... The friendship that I have with my guy friends is completely different.

[Ajarn_Jonesy]

Well Midori... a couple of things here...

1. You should at least be pleased that farang guys are ASKING you for sex as opposed to NOT asking..... Think of it as a compliment....

2. I have and keep a number of different Thai female friends here in BKK where we comfortably have ongoing non-sexual relationships.

For me, as a single man, GFs may come and go (such is life and romance), but my women Thai friends and I stay in touch and together because we like each other, feel comfortable together, and typically have some history together...

When you're dating, it's typically a much more regular schedule of meeting and going out... But for my platonic friends, it's more sporadic... We may not get together for a month or two... But when we do, it's just picking up like nothing happened in the meantime.

It's also kind of nice...because it's break from all the game-playing and occasional strife associated with romance. Given the choice of a night out with the guys or a night out with one or more Thai women (platonic), I'd choose the ladies any day...

I completely agree...!!

[Lithobid]

This guy covers it all,

[MidoriApple]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Now I know most Thai people do not earn as much as I do but some effort towards equality in a 'friendship' is required, otherwise I am just being used and getting nothin in return.

If I want to get used for my money there are plenty of red light areas around to do that for me and I would expect that in those areas, but I don't need it or expect it from supposed 'friends'

And that is why most of my 'friendships' in Thailand don't last long.

To the point when I will now after meeting a few times say something like "I don't have any money until next week (insert believable reason) would you like to come over and hang out, or do you want to wait until next week?". The next week answer means I never see her again. My best Thai friend here instantly replied, "Don't worry today I pay", then the next three times before I paid the bill she asked if I had enough money.

I have enough money but I want to know the motivation.

Anyway that is my story, and the reason I get quite blunt with a lot of Thai girls.

I understand what you have said and no surprised why you feel like this.

Actually, your situation is no different to mine, I mean not exactly the same...but...

you are bewared of being Thai girls'ATM, while for me to aware of sleeping around when having foreign friends.

Come on, people are just individual...I have learnt from this post. Don't be stereotype.

You should have more open-minded, to meet more Thai, I am sure you will find a good one.

Well, said to you like said to myself... umm, I am going to be better. // Cheers

[MidoriApple]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Now I know most Thai people do not earn as much as I do but some effort towards equality in a 'friendship' is required, otherwise I am just being used and getting nothin in return.

If I want to get used for my money there are plenty of red light areas around to do that for me and I would expect that in those areas, but I don't need it or expect it from supposed 'friends'

And that is why most of my 'friendships' in Thailand don't last long.

To the point when I will now after meeting a few times say something like "I don't have any money until next week (insert believable reason) would you like to come over and hang out, or do you want to wait until next week?". The next week answer means I never see her again. My best Thai friend here instantly replied, "Don't worry today I pay", then the next three times before I paid the bill she asked if I had enough money.

I have enough money but I want to know the motivation.

Anyway that is my story, and the reason I get quite blunt with a lot of Thai girls.

Don't get boggled down to just a few of your negative experiences and think that all thais or thai girls are the same. In many cases there are 2 parties involved in the said problem, don't U think so?

U know like the old saying …..it takes 2 to clap!!

Me think, U need to expand your circle of dot, just a bit more

MetroGirl...Yep..totally agreed.... I just thought he is so desperated with Thai girls.

I was as him as well... He may need cheering up, I guess..

Thanks to you, MG for being nice to me, have a great day na ka

[MetroGirl]

I tend to break off with 'new' Thai female friends when I am the only one reaching for my wallet come time to pay for anything/everything.

Now I know most Thai people do not earn as much as I do but some effort towards equality in a 'friendship' is required, otherwise I am just being used and getting nothin in return.

If I want to get used for my money there are plenty of red light areas around to do that for me and I would expect that in those areas, but I don't need it or expect it from supposed 'friends'

And that is why most of my 'friendships' in Thailand don't last long.

To the point when I will now after meeting a few times say something like "I don't have any money until next week (insert believable reason) would you like to come over and hang out, or do you want to wait until next week?". The next week answer means I never see her again. My best Thai friend here instantly replied, "Don't worry today I pay", then the next three times before I paid the bill she asked if I had enough money.

I have enough money but I want to know the motivation.

Anyway that is my story, and the reason I get quite blunt with a lot of Thai girls.

Don't get boggled down to just a few of your negative experiences and think that all thais or thai girls are the same. In many cases there are 2 parties involved in the said problem, don't U think so?

U know like the old saying …..it takes 2 to clap!!

Me think, U need to expand your circle of dot, just a bit more

MetroGirl...Yep..totally agreed.... I just thought he is so desperated with Thai girls.

I was as him as well... He may need cheering up, I guess..

Thanks to you, MG for being nice to me, have a great day na ka

Your welcome, SIS

And U can even borrow my butterknife sometimes …..aow mai JA

[bonobo]

I think that a lot of men don't really see the point in being 'just friends' with girls. They can get everything they want out of friendship with other dudes.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement...... There is such a different dynamic in mens friendship with other men than with women. My best friend is a girl who i have known since school. We are still the best of friends even though we both have great marriages... The friendship that I have with my guy friends is completely different.

I agree with you on this. With most of my male farang friends, there is a degree of competitiveness that continually runs beneath the surface (oddly enough, this competitiveness does not seem to be there with my two Thai male best friends.) WHile my Western friendships are great, this competitiveness does affect how we interact. With my platonic female friends, there is no competitiveness, and I feel I can relax more, to open up more.

For the record, I have one very close platonic Thai female friend and a number of platonic more casual Thai female friends.

[ignoramus]

naam jai?

Kindly translate.

R U there MG?

[MKAsok]

naam jai?

Kindly translate.

R U there MG?

Into what? Thai? น้ำใจ As for meaning, why don't you ask the OP or MetroGirl/Teacup. Both of them are Thai...

[AmeriThai]

naam jai?

Kindly translate.

R U there MG?

A reasonable description for hospitality.

"Heart Water" Traditionally, Thai households would have ceramic jars of water outside their homes for passers-by who may be thirsty. It's a visible reminder of the Thai tradition of hospitality.

Such jars often have a lid and a dipper. They can still be found in front of some houses.

Other descriptions: http://thailand-uk.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/...02/m/9591051782

Edited October 20, 2008 by AmeriThai