The Off Topic Thread

[AlexLah]

Me wrong I tot it might be her sis new BF as sis was not at funeral and they almost never meet or talk.

[thithi]

ha

ha

ha

.....

was wondering why BT loves posting something BERY LONG

[AlexLah]

maybe bcos he is a man with many words?

[Zpete]

Cos he starts, raaammmmmmbbbbllllllleeeees on wondering how or wot to say to finish his epistle.

[BIGTOE3]

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.....

BT

[AlexLah]

Did you throw her outta window after that?

[thithi]

geeees .... why u guys talking rubbish?? LOL

oiii i need to study!!!

dnt gossip me ,k?

[Addicted2Pattaya]

what u studying ???

how to post on forums

[thithi]

SHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

SILENT!

[BIGTOE3]

SHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

SILENT!

Maybe Spelling or Typing

BACK TO STUDY - CAKE LATER

bt

[AlexLah]

Only one more day and you can get again!

Bwuhwu webwu......

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ........

[BIGTOE3]

Only one more day and you can get again!

Bwuhwu webwu......

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ........

HAHAHA

BT

[thithi]

errr.... what madonna doing here?

she no have nething to do eh

[BIGTOE3]

errr.... what madonna doing here?

she no have nething to do eh

I do not understand ??????

you are supposed to be studying ??????

bt

[Zpete]

Had to put these sumplace

<H2 class=caption>The one that got away? (Snapped in Norfolk Island)</H2>Customer on the phone: "I know you aren't tech support, but I have an easy question."

Call Centre Worker: "OK ..."

Customer: "How do you make the @ symbol... You know, for the email?"

Call Centre Worker: "You hold the shift key and press 2."

Customer: "Won't that just make a capital 2?"

I often wonder how call centre workers manage to stay sane........

[AlexLah]

Are you serious, ha ha ha beefsteak road,capitol 2

[Zpete]

Norfolk Is was an Ocker Penal colomy for POMEs (Prisoner of mother England)

Ya know, ancesors of Ping and others on NZ's West Island.

AKA: Australia.

They had to be fed, hence the name of the road to where the meat was.

[AlexLah]

Woah!

So in fact Ping has criminal genes?

[monspencer]

So, moving off topic, here's a sod's law thought.

Why, when I'm cooking fried eggs, do the yolks break when I crack the eggs into the frying pan, but when cooking scrambled eggs, they don't when cracking them into the mixing bowl? 

[Zpete]

Ask Ping, he woulda had eggs wiv his beefsteak in a previous life on Norfolk Island.

[AlexLah]

Because you are using old eggs, you should keep m in the fridge as well.

I am actually getting hungry and make some fry scramble eggs.

[Zpete]

Eggs last six times longer if refrigerated.

Stale egg white flops and yolks may break.

TOO cold, eggs may break yolks when the hit the hot pan.

Eggs are best used at room temperature.

Take eggs from fridge a few hours before use.

[AlexLah]

Eggs explode when microwaved.

Honestly a lady friend of mine tried cooking an egg in the microwave (my microwave).

[thithi]

som nam na

i put the stired egg in the micy and set for 4 mins

after that..

i got a lil yellow sponge in the bowl!

[Addicted2Pattaya]

Eggs explode when microwaved.

Honestly a lady friend of mine tried cooking an egg in the microwave (my microwave).

Eggs are not the only things that explode in the microwave. Trust me i know.

[Zpete]

First thing I ever cooked in a microwave, was a whole egg, shell and all........ WOW, the mess.

The whole family sat around watching, sooo funny.... but the mess.....LOL

Now and eggs cooks soft in a small galss cup, 30seconds.

To 1 eggs(no shell....lol), add chopped onions teaspoon oil, season, inc 1 oz or so of milk, stir and cook 40 seconds, hi/power m/w, perfect scrambled egg for on toast, woteva.

Always undercook, easy to add more cook time.

Enjoy, all .

[BIGTOE3]

SMART ARSE ANSWERS 2008

6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket - not your stub.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car came up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

And said to the driver,

'Got stuck, eh?'

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family,

but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BT

[AlexLah]

I was once stopped for driving my motosaai with no rear light. Officer said: Go walk. I answered that it also wouldn't work when I walk.......

No ticket

[BIGTOE3]

The ASDA Greeter ...

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav,minger of a woman wearing a Celtic topwalked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side)

with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.

Nice children you have there.Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,'&lt;deleted&gt; naw, they're nae twins.

The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.

Why the &lt;deleted&gt; would you think they're twins?

Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.

'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

Have a good day,

and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

BT

[Zpete]

Harro Harro

A refuse collector is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back of the house, but still can't see it.

So, against the rules of the refuse collector's code but in the spirit of kindness, he knocks on the door.

There's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.

Eventually a Japanese bloke comes to the door.

"Harro!" says the Japanese chappie.

"Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector

"I bin on toiret" explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realising the little foreign fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again...

"No mate, where's your dust bin?".

"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'" says the Japanese man - still perplexed.

"Listen," says the collector.

"You're misunderstanding me. Where's your w h e e l i e bin?"

"Ok. Ok " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin.

" I wheelie bin havin sex wirra wife's sister...........!"