Lonely Hearts Club

[peekint]

I don't mean to be cruel, but I've always been dismayed by the Lonely Hearts.

You know what I mean? Lonely Hearts are those people you know who express a deep desire to be in a loving relationship, but seem always to have bad luck, bad timing, or inconvenient disasters which keep them perpetually unfulfilled.

So I was wondering, might we make a space here for those "Lucky in Love" to advise, console, recommend, or, perhaps, even educate Lonely Hearts, sort of like Dear Abby?

If you've been living in Thailand, haven't found a BF, and are starting to consider yourself a "Lonely Heart", write in with your questions, comments, and frivolous statements...

and lets see what advice there is out there!

[kek]

I came here half-hoping to find a permanent boyfriend ... but after a few weeks decided that it was much more fun to be a butterfly.

Now, several years on I could not stand the thought of living with anyone ... life's too short and I'm very happy finding 'the next one' every time I go out

I still know many guys who have featured in my bedroom just once and we are still good friends ... sometimes if it was an excellent experience they get a second or even third chance.

Some guys like relationships; living together and all the emotional baggage that goes with it (especially when it all turns sour). Others can live without them ... different strokes etc.

What really bugs me are those guys who preach about the importance of having a relationship, have a boyfriend as a trophy of one-upmanship and try to look down on those who don't. All of us live our lives in different ways but the preachers really do need to get a life.

[onni4me]

I came here half-hoping to find a permanent boyfriend ... but after a few weeks decided that it was much more fun to be a butterfly.

Now, several years on I could not stand the thought of living with anyone ... life's too short and I'm very happy finding 'the next one' every time I go out

I still know many guys who have featured in my bedroom just once and we are still good friends ... sometimes if it was an excellent experience they get a second or even third chance.

Some guys like relationships; living together and all the emotional baggage that goes with it (especially when it all turns sour). Others can live without them ... different strokes etc.

I have seen older gays that would be impossible to live with. They have been "doing the butterfly" so long that its the only way they know.

Also the importance of sex is overly present. When you say that they got 2nd and 3rd change if they were excellent, it reminds me of my first time with my bf. He was quite clueless what happens in bed between two guys and the 1st time sex was not that good. But when we are growing together mentally (and physically) it just keeps getting better.

I think that when one stays quite long alone one gets all sorts of routines that are hard to brake. It may seem like an emotional baggage - which it always is when it gets real - but there is also the other side of getting joy and fullfilment from the fact that there is someone waiting in the end of the day.

Otherwise I would recommend a dog. They are always happy to see you.

[Ijustwannateach]

Kek: I know what you mean about preachers, but don't give up on the idea of a long-term relationship... or do you think things can go on forever as you describe? We will all get older and what will be left of the easy sex except memories that all tend to run together? Maybe you could look at things like a famous Saint who could be paraphrased, "Lord, give me a long-term-relationship- but not today!"

[peekint]

I came here half-hoping to find a permanent boyfriend ... but after a few weeks decided that it was much more fun to be a butterfly.

Now, several years on I could not stand the thought of living with anyone ... life's too short and I'm very happy finding 'the next one' every time I go out

I still know many guys who have featured in my bedroom just once and we are still good friends ... sometimes if it was an excellent experience they get a second or even third chance.

Some guys like relationships; living together and all the emotional baggage that goes with it (especially when it all turns sour). Others can live without them ... different strokes etc.

What really bugs me are those guys who preach about the importance of having a relationship, have a boyfriend as a trophy of one-upmanship and try to look down on those who don't. All of us live our lives in different ways but the preachers really do need to get a life.

A very skillful flame, I must admit.

However, its a bit misdirected. There are no judgments at all, either explicit or implicit, in my original post.

Lonely Hearts are self-identified, if you read carefully.

For those who are happy with a state of perpetual bachelorhood, who is anyone to object?

Frankly, I find the objections are more the other way 'round. Those self-identified as happily unattached somehow feel offended or threatened by those who are in relationships.

As if walking arm in arm in the mall, talking about what was on the table for dinner last night, or making excuses for not staying out late somehow constitute "flaunting" their betrothal.

I image such comments arise from the same thinking that inspires heterosexuals who routinely fondle their dates in public to make statements like "I would like the Gays if they just wouldn't flaunt it." They arise neither from ignorance nor jealousy, just from a lack of self examination.

[Duffy]

I don't care what anyone says, my man and me are happy together and he's 30 yrs older than me. I'm sure there'll be many cynics but I'm richer than he is

[Steve2UK]

I came here half-hoping to find a permanent boyfriend ... but after a few weeks decided that it was much more fun to be a butterfly.

Now, several years on I could not stand the thought of living with anyone ... life's too short and I'm very happy finding 'the next one' every time I go out

I still know many guys who have featured in my bedroom just once and we are still good friends ... sometimes if it was an excellent experience they get a second or even third chance.

Some guys like relationships; living together and all the emotional baggage that goes with it (especially when it all turns sour). Others can live without them ... different strokes etc.

What really bugs me are those guys who preach about the importance of having a relationship, have a boyfriend as a trophy of one-upmanship and try to look down on those who don't. All of us live our lives in different ways but the preachers really do need to get a life.

A very skillful flame, I must admit.

However, its a bit misdirected. There are no judgments at all, either explicit or implicit, in my original post.

Doesn't seem any kind of flame to me - not even a whiff of smoke . That said, I think "if it was an excellent experience they get a second or even third chance" cuts both ways - takes two to tango and each ends up with an opinion of the other............

[Paagai]

You know what I mean? Lonely Hearts are those people you know who express a deep desire to be in a loving relationship, but seem always to have bad luck, bad timing, or inconvenient disasters which keep them perpetually unfulfilled.

So I was wondering, might we make a space here for those "Lucky in Love" to advise, console, recommend, or, perhaps, even educate Lonely Hearts, sort of like Dear Abby?

"Lucky in love"

Luck: I believe in destiny rather than luck. You create your own luck: there are those who never take the initiative, or responsibility for their own actions, everything that happens to them is someone else's fault and they are always moaning, these are the lonely hearts. Take responsibility for your life, your actions and don't just accept what it throws at you. Everyone will have setbacks in life; accept that, put them behind you and move on. With a positive attitude everyone can find what they want, just go for it. The guy who uses the chat up line "can I have sex with you tonight?" will get a few slaps, but will also get to meet a lot of new people and have a good time!

Love: Love no one more than you love yourself is my attitude to life. Does that mean forming emotional relationships is harder? Yes, I guess so, but in my experience you know deep down who you really gel with and who can be long term friends and more (and you will meet very few people in life who REALLY fall into this category), as opposed to those with whom you might get infattuated at first sight, without being truely compatible.

So many gay people have a negative attitude towards their lives and sexuality, I think that is a big part of the lonely hearts syndrome. Personally, I am very happy with being gay. One of the major benefits is I don't have to conform to social norms and expectations, regarding, relationships, family, having kids, behaviour etc. I have the freedom to choose exactly who I am and how I want my life and lifestyle to be without following a sterotypical pattern. I'm certainly not going to throw that freedom away by a compulsion to have some trophy for "walking arm in arm in the mall" [bTW, in Thailand I always find its good practice to walk quickly, three paces ahead in malls, dallying leaves too many opportunities for your companion to look at mobile phones, new T shirst etc ]

If love happens then it happens, in the meantime I intend to enjoy life whilst I can! When I get old I want to look back on achievements and happiness, not misery and regrets.

I came here half-hoping to find a permanent boyfriend ... but after a few weeks decided that it was much more fun to be a butterfly.

Now, several years on I could not stand the thought of living with anyone ... life's too short and I'm very happy finding 'the next one' every time I go out

I think the Thai terminology for your behaviour is not butterfly but Helicopter Or so I've been called.....

[peekint]

"Lucky in love"

Luck: I believe in destiny rather than luck. You create your own luck: there are those who never take the initiative, or responsibility for their own actions, everything that happens to them is someone else's fault and they are always moaning, these are the lonely hearts. Take responsibility for your life, your actions and don't just accept what it throws at you. Everyone will have setbacks in life; accept that, put them behind you and move on. With a positive attitude everyone can find what they want, just go for it. The guy who uses the chat up line "can I have sex with you tonight?" will get a few slaps, but will also get to meet a lot of new people and have a good time!

Love: Love no one more than you love yourself is my attitude to life. Does that mean forming emotional relationships is harder? Yes, I guess so, but in my experience you know deep down who you really gel with and who can be long term friends and more (and you will meet very few people in life who REALLY fall into this category), as opposed to those with whom you might get infattuated at first sight, without being truely compatible.

So many gay people have a negative attitude towards their lives and sexuality, I think that is a big part of the lonely hearts syndrome. Personally, I am very happy with being gay. One of the major benefits is I don't have to conform to social norms and expectations, regarding, relationships, family, having kids, behaviour etc. I have the freedom to choose exactly who I am and how I want my life and lifestyle to be without following a sterotypical pattern. I'm certainly not going to throw that freedom away by a compulsion to have some trophy for "walking arm in arm in the mall" [bTW, in Thailand I always find its good practice to walk quickly, three paces ahead in malls, dallying leaves too many opportunities for your companion to look at mobile phones, new T shirst etc ]

If love happens then it happens, in the meantime I intend to enjoy life whilst I can! When I get old I want to look back on achievements and happiness, not misery and regrets.

See, you picked up that "Lucky in Love" is in quotes. Of course, no one has good or bad luck in love. Comes back down to the whole self-examination thing.

What are my expectations? Are they reasonable? Am I happy with myself and what I have to offer?

You know, sometimes, the answer to that last question might be "no". If you are not, then no one else will be either.

Sometimes, the answer to that last question is "yes"; but it's based on false self-esteem, the kind that makes one bewildered when everyone doesn't seem to have as wonderful opinion of you as you have of yourself.

Warped mirrors work both to detract and to beautify.

Edited November 11, 2008 by peekint