If You Have Brought Your Thai Husband Home To Live, Help!

[Boo]

Cor, I am quite thankful that Mr Boo is a townie so the move to the UK (London) wasn't that much of a problem as his hobbies are music & computers so can do that anywhere & he also benefited from a really good catholic school education in Khon Kaen so could read & write English when we met, only his speaking was a bit rusty. He often uses my laptop to chat to his mates on MSN or SKYPE & they type in Thai & he replies in English (which I have to admit even impresses me ). And being a solitary person has helped too as he doesn't miss the company of other thais at all. He enjoys hooking up with the husbands of friends when the wives arrange it but isn't that fussed to see them any other time.

Like another poster said though, if I knew then what I know now I'm not sure I would have pursued the relationship cause it has been hard, but totally worth it as well

[bina]

we have tried unsuccessfully to get anon on a horse since youingest is learning to ride, i do (well, did, donkeys and horses, when they were available and i was a bit younger with time on my hands), and we still can go down the road to a local stable and go out for walks but he is terrified -- although riding a buffalo seems to me just as scary... and we have pics of my oldest falling off a buffalo in korat. but anon refused to ride an elephant also, too scared.

he really really wants to have a restaraunt. he really loves cooking, and has collected a few big ring notebooks from the internet (and wastes the ink, my kids think) of thai and thai/farang recipes. he then tries them out at home.

first ime in my life that i've gained weight.

we like to do short saturday hikes usually to antiquities since israel is squared inched with ruins and old springs and such so we go off with friends to explore. since he has no biblical education whatsoever obviously, its rather funny when i have to find the historical time period correlation to thailand /siam and try to explain byzantine building styles - he likes to fisgure out the engineering work of building in stone, like the romans et al. anon always complains but in the end always enjoys them but would rather stay at home.

not sure about any hidden aspects or developments due to living here. i think he pretty much is the same wherever he is.. too bad we dont have fresh water lakes/streams in israel, he would love to fish. ocean fishing for him just isnt the same.

fortunately kibbutz is pretty small town agricultural so physically in some ways its similar: no roaring roads and cars, smells like cow shit, trees and fields, jackals and such. however, the cold and rain in winter, when and if it rains, and the searing heat of the rest of the year are wierd to him. the lack of water, dry terrain, lack of green and flowers, desert scapes, he doesnt really see the beauty in them.

[debbiev]

Hello Everyone.

I'm glad I found this--it's nice to have so many who have "gone before me." I was in Thailand in November and met a guy. I have since returned to the US and have talked to him practically every day. I am going back in January to be with him for a week. During that time, we'll travel to his province to meet his mom (his father died some years ago). Since we've just met, marriage and moving countries isn't at the forefront of our thoughts, but if our relationship goes well, the topic will obviously come up. Some of your stories have literally brought tears to my eyes as I think of the hardships one (or both) of us have yet to face. You and your husbands are very brave and it's nice to read about how committed you are. Congratulations!

I do have a question.

I'm planning to take a gift to Eak's mom. Does anyone have a suggestion? I'd rather not ask Eak, because I'd like him to be surprised too. I have met a Thai girl here who has only been in the US for 3 years. She suggested chocolates. That's good, but I'd also like to bring something more lasting as well. This girl said to me that Eak's mom will want to display whatever I bring and proudly exclaim to her friends that her son's American girlfriend gave it to her. Any thoughts?

Thanks. :-)

[Boo]

welcome to the forum debbiev. pressie, well it's a hard one as we & you have no idea what his mum is like but my mil practically ripped the Italian leather hand bag out of my hands which we brought one year & used it till it fell apart but I would suggest as a first meeting to keep it fairly basic. Hand creams/smellies in a set, a brand specifically american, the kitcher the better An American touristy gift goes down well too, my mil loved the London bus hubby brought over another year, it was full of english biscuits so she was able to give them to her cronies whilst showing off.

What province is she from?

[mssabai]

Definitely anything that lets her show off....bless the mils

[debbiev]

Hello!

Eak's mother lives in Nakhon Si Thammarat (I don't know the village). When I spoke to Eak last night, I mentioned that I wanted to bring something back from America for his mother. At first, he was surprised and pleased. But when I tried to engage him in helping me figure out what to bring, I got laughter and "my mother is local people" and "oh, I don't know what you should bring--that's a woman's job, not man's."

I didn't take offense to his reply. I did wonder, however, what he meant by "local people." Maybe he's afraid I will bring something impractical or too nice. Or, maybe he thinks his mom likes only local things.

Sadly, I can't think of anything that stands out as American, aside from something with a flag on it. Anyone NOT from the US know what would represent the country? I was thinking of a nice bowl or something she could display, but with your purse gift, maybe it should be something to wear? A Ralph Lauren shirt/blouse in her birthday color?

It's been suggested that I bring chocolates, but I'm afraid they will melt before I get to her (I'll be staying with Eak for the first three days in a tiny room in Phuket with no aircon).

I do really like your handcream/smellies idea. I'll explore that a bit, too.

Thanks for your help.

Debbie

[bina]

yep, hand creams and stuff; u kind of have to know if she is provincial i.e. super country out in the boondocks, or if she is wealthier in which case present will have to up in scale...

and a word of caution: keep is simple and inexpensive so as not to set the riff (height of worth of next gift) up higher...

bring also some small general type presents for various and sundry kids/brothers/sisters/relatives... depending if they are country or city rich or poor : the usual that we all seem to agree on: colouring books/colours/school pencil sets like hello kitty or whatever is in fashion this month, american stuff: tshirts/baseball caps, the kitchier the better as others have pointed out, and they usually dont unwrap in front of u or tell u anything in the way of feedback upon receiving them; maybe american style chocolate (m & m's , chocolate kisses, that sort of thing, christmas style foil wrapped santaclauses or elves etc... it has to be showy.

read our other posts along the same lines: maybe we should pin the list up... and ignore the men that start to say GOLD. that is for the man to give to the woman (yes we are sexist in thailand style setups), and u all arent speaking marriage anyway yet.

have fun

bina

israel

[Boo]

I personally wouldn't take chocolate. I find older thai folk don't eat it & it doesn't travel well. How about one of those canvas shopping bags but with some kind of iconic Americana picture on it. Statue of liberty, flag etc? My mil uses these canvas carrier bags to carry her buddha business & I picked her up a "I am not a plastic bag" bag in bkk last year.

What state are you from? Is there a product/item specific to where you come from? Go to a tourist shop locally & get some insparation.

[debbiev]

You guys are so helpful!

I'm from Los Angeles. Maybe some Hollywood stuff. You're so right about the price tag. I'll keep it simple. How about a gift basket with an assortment of things--creams, a canvas bag with a glitzy Hollywood theme, candle & votive with some sort of gold swirly business...?

I was planning to bring a toy for the nephew (he's around two, from what I can gather). I was thinking a Tonka truck--something that he can grow with. There are so many toys which require batteries or charging, but I want to stay away from that, because I don't know their "electrical" or battery replacement capabiities. If the truck proves to be too big or expensive, I'll go for your idea of art supplies.

One of Eak's brothers lives with his mother. He's in his mid-twenties. Do I need to bring him something, too? How do I address him when we first meet? I met the youngest brother in Phuket. I think I scared him when I got up to shake his hand--oops.

By the way, thought I'd throw this in the mix too...I'm 43 and Eak is 28. I don't look 43, but rather early to mid-30s. His mother is 54. I don't know if he has told her about my age, but if he has, will ages have an impact on how I should handle our first meeting? I know to wai her first. I have a Thai friend who is teaching me some proper/polite phrases to use. But those are things I'd do regardless of the age difference between Eak and me.

I'll also try to find the other posts you mentioned.

Thanks again,

Debbie

[bina]

debie

i am 10 ys older then anon and with grown (more or less) kids, anon is my second husband and the kids are from my first, anon never has had kids and wont with me (as i was 46 two weeks ago)...

i followed his suit with the waing... that is, he would nudge me with his elbow everytime someone would approach us and i was unsure about age or status... i have grey in my hair but no one seems to notice even in israel the thais here think i am younger then my age (its my white face and small size)... but then, they are all country folk not hi/so types...

also, as we all recommend, bring a photo album with pics of u and your family, house, whatever... everyone loves to look...

with the younger set, its not neccessary to address them as anything but their name- lek, dam, noi whatever; just with the older group, or important official types that he might introduce u too, like in the village, maybe the pu yai baan even if he is younger , best to wai and treat him as 'higher' then u (pi) , teachers from his past, bosses, that sort of thing... if u see a woman with a young child chances are she is younger then u, so dont bother to wei first, also, better to not wei then wei too many different folks... with kids, just nod at them, and with his friends, u can offer u hand, some guys do handshakes, limpy sort of... i prefer the wei then a handshake anyday... when in doubt, just dont use pi or nong, i just sort of talk in the direction of the person... i see some thai use pi/nong together, sort of like 'hey guys'... i get called nang nai (miss/mrs) when someone doesnt really know how to address me...

smile a lot and relax, being a little silly is better then being all serious, dont bring specific toys, bring a few cheaper trucks/balls whatever, thais seem to share their presents around. everytime i bring stuff for anon's good friend, i see the stuff being worn or used by a dozen different guys (spreading gifts around ensures help in the future, sort of friend insurance), so lots of small stuff is better then one big thing....

i made my MIL happy when i called her Mee (mother) since i wasnt sure to call her Pi Dam, it sounded false... so i just called her Mee (my first mil i called by her first name). his father i never spoke to directly but just looked in his direction if i did speak to him, he wasnt very approachable (hunter in jungles, silent type).

his sisters i just called by their names, including his older brother... when i met the elderly relatives, i would do deeper weis and smile and people loved it, even if i was delayed in doing it (elbowed by anon, wei nicely to uncle so and so, that sort of thing)

have fun

bina

israel

[Goinghomesoon]

To be honest my country in-laws don't eat much western food. Chocolate or candies would probably be thrown away. Smelly creams are stored away in a special corner to be admired but are never, NEVER opened. One thing they do appreciate is a nice big metal tin of cookies they can share with visitors. Then they use the tin later for storage.

Apart from cookie tins they prefer their gifts highly decorated. The more gilt or lace the better. If it has a practical function that's a bonus. We recently returned from Australia and all the gifts for hubby's family came from a touristy gift shop. $5 t-shirts that we could hand out to all and sundry, cheap and colourful pens on strings that kids hang around their necks. A bunch of cheap small cars and super-high-bouncy-balls (which they have in Thailand of course but it was still fun). MIL and FIL don't wear t-shirts so we bought them a clock in the shape of Australia. One of those gifts I would normally roll my eyes at. They loved it and showed it to all their friends.

I agree with Bina, one of the best things is photos. Oh, and take a digital camera. There's nothing better than taking photos and being able to show them to people on the spot, everyone from the oldies down to young kids loves that. It's a great ice-breaker.

[bina]

looking at the first post, i realized 'mother is 'local people' i take that to mean 'bannork' i.e. country... therefore most of above ideas work; i also brought fleece t.v. blankets, in lots of pinks and flowers, they were snapped up also, even though it is hot in thailand, the cold season is cool and those cheapy synthetic blankets they use are pretty but useless. i know my mother in law stores everything in a broken down old wooden closet thingy, it was full of newish women's tops issaan style and pai sii (sarong); she wore the same three things the whole time iwas there. also horrible bright sythetic knit sweaters and training jackets (sportswear/sweatshirt material exercise jackets- not sure anymore what its called in english) went over big; i send over boxes of stuff regularly and this is what seems to be ok...

actually, u can always buy stuff (whiskey etc) in thailand, no one will notice the difference unless they are cosmopolitan types... in any case, food (fruits, even apples which are super expensive in thailand) are the best bet.

digital was fun; bring exra batteries/rechargeables although we had a hard time with the rechargables ...same elctric as us, but the electric didnt always work...

we also did a dvd slide show from home with music from here (arabic style music to make sure it was ethnic), including pics of the camels and us, work, inside the house, friends, whatever. the various kids watched it over and over...

im so jealous right now, i really would like a vacation... cold, political situation, yuckyuck

bina

israel

Edited January 3, 2009 by bina

[Goinghomesoon]

Oh yes, fleecy blankets go down a treat where my in-laws live (northern Thailand) too. It is very chilly there at this time of year. I saw them on sale in Tesco for 99 baht a few days ago, in all the lollypop colours that MIL loves.

The other thing my MIL loves is a small soft neck pillow. The pillows in their market are so hard, she was amazed by the softness of the one we bought her.

[jennscoot]

Hello!

Eak's mother lives in Nakhon Si Thammarat (I don't know the village). When I spoke to Eak last night, I mentioned that I wanted to bring something back from America for his mother. At first, he was surprised and pleased. But when I tried to engage him in helping me figure out what to bring, I got laughter and "my mother is local people" and "oh, I don't know what you should bring--that's a woman's job, not man's."

I didn't take offense to his reply. I did wonder, however, what he meant by "local people." Maybe he's afraid I will bring something impractical or too nice. Or, maybe he thinks his mom likes only local things.

Sadly, I can't think of anything that stands out as American, aside from something with a flag on it. Anyone NOT from the US know what would represent the country? I was thinking of a nice bowl or something she could display, but with your purse gift, maybe it should be something to wear? A Ralph Lauren shirt/blouse in her birthday color?

It's been suggested that I bring chocolates, but I'm afraid they will melt before I get to her (I'll be staying with Eak for the first three days in a tiny room in Phuket with no aircon).

I do really like your handcream/smellies idea. I'll explore that a bit, too.

Thanks for your help.

Debbie

Hi.

I haven't visited this forum for ages (years?) but have enjoyed reading through some posts tonight.

Debbie, my husband is also from a village outside of Nakhon Si Thammarat (Pakphanang). He's no help whatsoever when it comes to gift ideas (we're living in Melbourne, Australia, now) but I can't turn up empty handed and I love gift giving. The last gift I got his mum was the most successful. It was an inexpensive brooch, a little gold -in colour - crab with jewels for eyes. Cheap costume jewellery but it was really cute and fitting as they have a -tiny- crab farm. Anyway, she wore it next day to the temple fair and I could see she was really pleased with it. We have so many people to buy for that we limit gift buying to about $5 for everyone else because

-kids pressies get wrecked in no time, happy as they are with them (funky pens etc for school are good, they can show them off, it encourages study and they can share them)

-last trip we bought younger brother a very cool straw fedora which we paid more for, just cause he's cool, and he handwashed it the next day and ruined it completely, it was hiliarious!

-i have a great outlet near me where i can get all the girls great tops for $5 each when you buy a bunch of them

-there are so many things we end up paying for while we're there, and we always make a couple of bigger purchases there and give mae and paw money when we arrive AND when we leave!

If Eak's mum is 'local people' I'd guess the families are somewhat similar! Oh, Paw usually gets coffee, tea, licorice allsorts and my husband's watch!

Hope this helps a bit! Jen

Edited January 19, 2009 by jennscoot

[jennscoot]

oh, and cigars, if you're not against the idea!

[Goinghomesoon]

I was reading this thread this morning as we will be moving back home in a few months time. We won't be totally without a support network as we know a few people back in my city and RueFang and hubby are moving there, so at least he will know one other Thai man! I'm more nervous than hubby I think. He is very intrepid and excited to be moving to a new country, but I'm particularly concerned about his work prospects and the social isolation if I'm at work all day and he's not. It's nice to read the mostly positive posts above.

[sbk]

Get him a drivers license and transportation asap. My husband rode a bicycle around town for a while and loved it, learned the area, got out and about. When he got his dl he took me to work and then went out into the country. he found work as he's hard working and not lazy, enjoys meeting new people-- he did fine.

[IanForbes]

I feel for you, meme. I understand the difficulty of having family in two distant countries. My first wife was Australian and we tried making every other year trips to Australia to see her parents and siblings. I'm also Canadian, and I spend 5 months in Thailand and 7 months in Canada.

One thing I'd suggest is to move to Vancouver Island. The winters might be a bit wet, but not nearly as cold as the rest of Canada. Vancouver Island is very rural, but still close to the urban centers. It has a little bit of everything including lovely beaches and high mountains. The economy is okay for people who want to work. You've already got over the first hurdle of getting your husband a visa to visit Canada. If you want to know more I'm willing to help. I've also got a great big empty house for guests to stay long enough to get a start on their own.

[Carry]

Oh Saskatchewan...Im from europe, living with the hub in Thailand but I ended up in Saskatchewan working one summer....

I was wondering is it that easy getting your hubby over to live in Canada?

Because I just had our first baby [in my hometown in europe] and the immigration was so tough giving him just a touristvisa to be at the birth, I ended up in court the day before I delivered the baby to get him an emergency visa that was granted for 30 days only.

For us to be living in the Netherlands would mean he needs to take an examn in Thailand already, I have to have a permanent contract [job] and a monthly income to provide for the three of us, he needs to go to school here fulltime that we need to pay for to learn dutch and even then its not sure he will ever get a permanent residency...so for us that isnt an option, him coming one day late for the birth for the first time out of Asia, was an amazing experience, as someone mentioned before, it was so good for him to see my world and my life outside of Thailand and meet my family ofcourse...but just the world outside of Thaialnd, it made him better understand me, although Im sure he wouldn't really be all that happy living here long term.

Im worried about what we will do once our baby grows up, I want her to get a good education and pref. in the Netherlands, which means that somewhere in the near future I will have to return with her.....and then what are our options!

Sorry meme cant really help u with a fixed answer but thanks for starting the topic it is so interesting to read everyones experience

[Lesley99]

I've only just found this forum, it's really lovely to hear of other's people's stories.

I met my husband 15 years ago when we were both working abroad on a Moshav in Israel (I'm from the UK), my husband is from a village near kantararom near ubon.

My husband was always very eager to come to the UK, he could only find work in a Thai restaurant when he first arrived as his English was really limited, we had twins and also his daughter, he worked in the evening and I worked in the day, after 3 years and alot of scrimping and scraping we opened a restaurant ourselves.

It's been really hard work sometimes and sometimes still is. I would really love to move to Thailand but we need a more steady income before we could and we both want the children to get their education over here first, my husband only had a few years at school so he is very keen for them to study as much as possible.

[Krupnik]

Hi.

I've found it interesting to read everyone's experiences, thanks girls.

I cannot seem to generate any interest at all in my boyfriend coming to England with me, and I am only asking for a two-three week visit. He is not interested. At one point he half-heatedly agreed but I know that he never actually meant he will see it through. I am a teacher here and have no desire to move back to England but I miss all my friends and family and want to go back and see them every now and again (I haven't been back for two years now) but really want to take him with me. Money isn't really a problem for either of us.

Anyone have an idea how I can persuade him? He has only traveled to Asian countries and I think it would be a good experience for him! And I want him to meet my friends.

Thanks

Dee

x

[Lesley99]

Does he follow an English Football team, maybe you could offer to go with him to a match? or some historical places? says on the radio we should have snow this christmas all the thai's I've met really love seeing snow.

What part of England are you from?

Lesley

[sunspun]

wow, it was nice to see this topic acain a while later and reflect on the changes that have happened since i first posted!

Carry, what on earth were you doing in saskatchewan?? lol!! yes, it actually was relatively easy for my husband to get pr status in canada, and i think it was for meme as well if i rememeber? so long as you are married, or can prove you are in a common law relationship. if not it's harder. it's a huge application form, and $1000, but he got his in 3 months!! i know it's quite difficult in the netherlands...is there another country you have lived it or have status in that would make it easier? my husband's cousin just got his pr status in germany, and was able to bypass the language requirements because his wife (not legally, they had only a muslim ceremony) is pregnant. the basis was that he would have a dependant of german nationality or something along those lines. not sure if holland has some similar loophole?

good luck with the baby and your honey's new journey!

[Goinghomesoon]

I cannot seem to generate any interest at all in my boyfriend coming to England with me, and I am only asking for a two-three week visit. He is not interested. At one point he half-heatedly agreed but I know that he never actually meant he will see it through. I am a teacher here and have no desire to move back to England but I miss all my friends and family and want to go back and see them every now and again (I haven't been back for two years now) but really want to take him with me. Money isn't really a problem for either of us.

hi Krupnik, I could never understand why some people were not interested in travelling and moving around the world, but my Mum recently reminded me that I'm an aberration - 99% of the world's population stay put and don't move around too much. Maybe your bf is just one of those people. I know my hubby was the "black sheep" of his village - raised in a nuclear family, doesn't drink heavily or smoke, never married until now, held some form of job continuously for 18 or so years and then....met me. The old people in the village say he's always been adventurous and so travelling overseas fits as an extension of that. I guess I just lucked out on that bit

What I'm worried about is not holidays, but actually settling & living in one place for a few years. Hubby will have all the everyday worries he has here (job, money, housing etc) with an overlay of a new language & culture, plus being far away from his family. SBK's licence idea is great....just found out he can only drive on his Thai licence for 3 months, then he has to pass a written test in English plus a driving skills test. So that will be a major reason for him to study. He's also learning to use a computer so he can Skype his family members. We've got a few months to plan a bit more, so hopefully it will all come together ok!

[sbk]

My hubby was always interested in visiting other places and really enjoyed his time in the US, but I must say getting him mobile saved our marriage! ha! Nothing worse than a bored man sitting at home all day watching tv. He loved it in the States and it really helped him understand me to understand my life and where I came from.

That said, his dream holiday is a salmon fishing trip to Alaska! (followed closely by a fishing trip to New Zealand )

[Carry]

Hey Sunspun,

I ended up working at Lake Waskesiu [Prince Albert National park.....] only Canadians ther[and bears, moose ad wolves!!! amazing!] I came straight from Thailand somewhere in may and it was still snowing! I worked for a friend I met in Thailand....it was a great experience!!

App. there are some 'backdoors' through other european countries to get a permanent residence but they all involve me having a steady job here, not that I dont want one but obviously its just hard getting one these days and besides that we have a nice business in Thailand, so no reason to give that up just now!

For now its really a luxury going back with the baby, we will be together as a family again and I dont have to go back to a 40 hour job in a office [through the rain/snow/wind like it is right now!] but yeah trying to figure out the future a bit as it comes way quicker then I can imagine probably!!

So Meme did ur husband come over in the end??

[meme]

I agree Sunspun, so nice to see this thread again and be able to reflect back on that time now knowing how everything has turned out.

As for an update:

My hubs came over on October 1st, 2009. I had come ahead of him to look for work. We stayed with my mom for 7 months! luckily we had our own space, kind of like an apt minus the kitchen. I fell into a great job and his visa came through in April after a mound of paper work, money and stress (they thought they lost our application!!) In the end he got it quite quickly. As soon as he had his visa he found work full-time as a painter and we moved out on our own and bought a car. It definitely helped a lot that he had a trade when he came here. He was also able to do side jobs for family and friends.

He started night school because he cannot write English and reads at a very basic level. We have amazing support for immigrants in Canada and all his schooling is free. He is now looking to return home for his first visit after being away for 1 year and 3 months. He is back in January for 3 weeks, we waited for the winter so he could get a break. I have to say that his ability to adapt has blown me away. He was terrified of the thought of going to school, thanks to the bad experiences he had in Thailand but he loves his teacher here and has buddies from all over the world now. His schedule keeps him busy because he works form 7-3 and then has school from 730-930 but he has his weekends off.

He doesnt have a lot of friends that he socializes with although he has a best friend who is my best guy friend and they go out to sporting events and play poker regularly with a group of guys. Other than that he goes out with me and our group of mutual friends but it is nothing like the mounds of friends he had in Thailand and I know he misses having friends at his disposal at anytime of the day, and of course he misses his best friends who were his birds.

Food has been OK, he cooks all his meals for himself but his tastes have changed and his routine on the wkds are a good bacon and egg breakfast. He also has discovered A&W for his fast food fix and loves loves Ribs at any restaurant! However he did tell me he is most excited about the food when he returns, especially fresh seafood.

What has gotten him through I have to say is youtube! He can watch all the Thai soap operas he wants, I swear he could stay on there for days. He also of course really enjoys making money for the first time in his life. He makes in one hour here what he made in two days as a painter in Thailand. So although it is all relative, we are saving now and he is going to be able to build his mom a proper home and that is real motivation for him. Plus he likes that he can contribute to our lives as well as the money he made in Thailand was so little he never felt like he was contributing enough.

He has a bank account and even a credit card but what he really needs is a license. Ironically we have tests in all different languages here including for people from Laos, Burma and Vietnam but not Thai. So he needs to be able to read before he can take the test. I know that if he has his license things will improve even more because he really misses the freedom of hoping on his bike and just going. The Thai community is small here and although he has met a couple of Thai guys at school he doesn't have any Thai friends here and seems to be OK with that.

I have to say although it worked out far beyond my expectations it has been very hard. He went through some serious bouts of home sickness and it was really horrible to not only watch him go through it but feel the guilt of it all. However the longer we are here the easier it is, although I cant say I am not worried about when he returns from his first visit home. We are also planning for a baby next year so that is also, of course, huge motivation for him but his need to have a kid right away did fade a bit once he realized how expensive in would be to have a child in Canada.

Probably more than anyone wanted to know but if nothing else, our story is proof to the fact that it can and does work and some times we don't give our partners enough credit.

I asked him the other day what he would tell other Thai guys who are about to go abroad to live. He said he would tell them to have a trade, bring lots of curry paste (which we get sent over when we run out from his sister) and dont move anywhere as cold as Winnipeg (but for the record we do have hot summers which he kept complaining about b/c of the heat!). He never ever had dreams or even thoughts about leaving his village, and I have asked him if he finds it amazing that he now lives and works in Canada but he is always calm and cool and just thinks that this is what had to happen so we could be together. If you ask him if he wants to be here he will still say, "not really" but he knows its what has to be done. Also, if he didn't know we were going to move back eventually I doubt he could do this.

[bina]

well, we are up for our third year of temporary resident visa; anon is still searching for the perfect job = lots of money, good hours, and free weekends. the minute people realize he is a thai with an israeli ID, they want him for work on weekends since he isnt jewish, and thais havea good name for being hard workers (for little pay.). he has learned to announce when he wants vacation time at least a few days in advance, learned that he has to give two weeks notice to leave a job, has managed (i managed actually) to change his temporary thai drivers liscense to a permanant israeli liscens w/o doing the written test but only the driving test, after taking 16 lessons to get used to driving on the correct side (right side) of the road; he is finally learning to speak hebrew although his understanding was always good and even has a favorite radio station;takes our two little furballs out for their walks and grooms them; cooks for the both of us as he wont eat farang food apart from hummous, and chocolate spread, sometimes together in pita; still hangs out mostly with the thai workers (labourers)on the nearby kibbutzim/moshavim; walks around in his salong much to the amusement of the kibbutz kids (man in skirt); has learned to enjoy taking short vacations that actually cost money and dont involve fishing (sbk i can send anon to u for a fishing vacation,israel doesnt have fresh water fishing, and the sea fish have all run away also); i bought him a phin (isaan guitar from thaialnd) that he plays every evening before we go to sleep; but as someone once said: korat men stay korat. he doesnt really like it here, doesnt assimilate, doesnt actively search to make isareli guy friends (even if they are willing, and ost arent); so we live in two different cultures: on weekdays, we are israeli and on weekends wehn i dont have my turn to run the hotel, we are thai/korat, including sitting around a fire in the freezing cold, eating 'yang', and drinking beer with thai karoake blasting at full volume.

we have good bus service here so he travels around to get machine parts for all his machine junk that he fixes up and sells to thais.

i guess he will be like many immigrants that just dont manage to blend in, on the other hand, he seems to have decised that we wont move back to his muubaan unless its for short periods of time (which isnt relavant since im a kibbutznik and its all, or nothing, for leaving... but im working on an idea)... my folks live in the states and i havent been there for five years, so two summers from now i will go back with youngest daughter before army service, to see my elderly parents and my sister. anon will go back once to see his folks.

so i guess nothing concrete to offer but that life seems to roll along... i make sure we go away for a saturday every two months or so, on a picnic or outdoor outing with my friends that anon likes. ive managed to hook up with one friendly woman and her thai husband, but her husband is quiet and shy, and anon is also not exactly extrovert, so that doesnt happen too often.

we go once a month to 'little isaan' ( a moshav with about 500 thai workers, a large thai shop, etc), internet helps alot, and he is in phone contact with various 'brothers/uncles/cousins' . and most most important: we grow our own huge garden of thai herbs, and kilos and kilos of red chili peppers....!!!!

bina

israel

p.s., have officially changed my last name from ex's last name to my parents (family) name and anon''s last name, so all the korat thai are all excieted that i have a 'korat' last name.........

[Lesley99]

Bina - are you near Moshav Paran? That's where I met my husband

[Krupnik]

Does he follow an English Football team, maybe you could offer to go with him to a match? or some historical places? says on the radio we should have snow this christmas all the thai's I've met really love seeing snow.

What part of England are you from?

Lesley

Hi Lesley

I'm from just outside London. He does have a team that he likes but it's far from London and he doesn't really follow them. I already bought him a book about London which justifiably recommended all the cool things to see in London. He can speak English very well so no problem there. He also really likes the cold and I've told him how cold it is but these factors haven't generated any interest!

I guess I have to accept it but it's just sad that although I pretty much live in his home city, he won't come to mine even for a couple of weeks

Dee

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