Newbie Aussie Needs Some Guidance/help Please

[LooseCannon]

I think the percentage of Australian resident Asian women that are 'materialistic' would closely mirror that of the native born or caucasian Australian woman & I think that this percentage would also apply to Asian women still in their home country. The problem with the farang coming to Thailand is that they are out of their 'comfort zone', they are in uncharted territory so to speak, & as such are much more susceptible to falling victim to the unscrupulous. So, just don't forget that the percentages are still valid when you are in Thailand.

You seem to have a good handle on the lack of subservience in Asian women. Only fools think otherwise, which could possibly explain the negative comments from some contributors to this forum. Just make sure that you go into any relationship with your eyes wide open & hopefully you should come out ahead.

If you find the right Thai lady you have a partner for life, just don't expect to find her first time around. It's all about being able to filter out the dross, unfortunately the dross is a lot better looking than it's Aussie equivalent.

samuibeachcomber makes a very valid point about divorce - your Aussie divorcee is almost 100% guaranteed the house & garnished wages, so zero incentive to be nice about it, in Thailand it is almost the complete opposite. Does this mean that your average Thai lady will put up with more shit? Out of necessity yes she will, but maybe & hopefully, she will appreciate it when a decent bloke (Thai or farang) comes along.

[LooseCannon]

A good sensible post by loosecannon which indicates he shows more wisdom than his "nom de pleum" loosecannon or is loosecannon more a facade than a name??

LOL - how very astute of you!

A number of years ago after an incident at work my boss said to me (I quote almost verbatim) "You are are a f*cking loose cannon! You are a f*cking thorn in my side! <deleted> off!"

I take great pride in being a long time member of the Electrical Trade Union of Australia, described in the right-wing Murdoch press as a "radical left wing union".

Apart from my lovely Thai wife & family, my greateast joy in life is being a 'thorn in the side of corporate Australia'.

[chiangmaibruce]

To the OP, you don't need penfriends as there is heaps and heaps of relevant info in thaivisa ... you just need to spend a few hours sifting and digesting it. a drag perhaps, but really time well spent. also check out the book "thailand fever" by paiboon publishing if you do decide to take things further.

the suggestion of meeting someone in australia is a good one. many nice thai ladies there particularly uni students and women who have left drop-kick hubbies. some can be met via the internet, some via thai temples, thai-australia friendship societies, and so on. As suggested they have visas (big plus), have an understanding of western ways of thinking (big plus), and so on.

the idea of having a first trip to thailand to meet someone met over the internet is fraught with danger .... research it as much as you can, and don;t get ahead of yourself. As noted there are plenty of very disappointed punters and many sad and bitter tales. be very very careful

At the same time I have met many guys here in thailand who have had one or more divorces from western women under their belt (and/or many unsatisfactory relationships) and who tell me that they would love to be able to go back in time and marry a thai first time around because they are so happy now. And from those couples that I have met, the guys were not seeking nor did they hook up with women who were subservient or stupid.

Any take it slowly, and take care

[prvj]

To one and all who have taken the time to make caring and constructive comments. I must seem a fool. I apologise for that.

I suppose when one has been through the relationship grinder a few times (aussie style..she gets the lot) and come out the other end to start again, one has a very badly beaten ego and a healthy dislike of everything aussie female.

I tried getting back into the dating game but with the "rose coloured glasses" ditched in the bin I began to realise that the average aussie females I was meeting didn’t interest me at all. I met some lovely Thai women married to colleagues of mine. I was struck by the way they put their man first. Not subservience, but a genuine desire to please for the mutual outcome of happiness for the union.

This is how I met the woman I am coming over to meet. She wasnt on any dating site, just an email addy given to me by one of the women here.

Now after all the comments and advice and after reading a few good books on Thailand, I am seriously off balance and worrying myself silly.

After the first batch of advice, I emailed her and made sure she was happy to come to OZ to live if I could arrange it. No problem she said. I suppose that’s a plus.

In reality, I need to come over there, meet her, and tread carefully.

Thanks again guys

Paul

[Boo]

I'm sure op you were a perfect saint in these relationships where those mean western women were nasty to you but good luck finding a sweet thai woman who puts her man first. That treatment usually come with some sort of prior agreement & arrangement first But IMO any man who has to put down one woman to try to impress another is no use to any. But hey I'm a married women so don't really care who you end up with:)

I have deleted some other posts of the expected rantings against western women, get over it & move on. This forum is not a therapy session.

[wamberal]

To one and all who have taken the time to make caring and constructive comments. I must seem a fool. I apologise for that.

I suppose when one has been through the relationship grinder a few times (aussie style..she gets the lot) and come out the other end to start again, one has a very badly beaten ego and a healthy dislike of everything aussie female.

"She gets the lot". What does this mean? If you have really been through several relationships which ended with you getting nothing out of them, and your partner getting everything, I seriously recommend you to have a good, close, look at yourself. Are you really so naive, so trusting, so ....words fail me......that you get "taken to the cleaners" every time you have a relationship?

As an Australian married to a Thai, an Australian who has lived and worked in Thailand (in a professional capacity, incidentally, with a wide range of Thai professional and lower grade staff), an Australian who has made several mistakes over the years (including with a beautiful, caring, Thai girl who apparently "put me first", but was in fact putting her family first) I would really, really advise you to exercise caution.

I tried getting back into the dating game but with the "rose coloured glasses" ditched in the bin I began to realise that the average aussie females I was meeting didn’t interest me at all. I met some lovely Thai women married to colleagues of mine. I was struck by the way they put their man first. Not subservience, but a genuine desire to please for the mutual outcome of happiness for the union.

Not all relationships last. Have any of your colleagues who are married to lovely Thai women been through a relationship breakdown? If so, were they "taken to the cleaners" under Australian divorce law?

As to this business of "Thai women putting their man first"..........I am just at a total loss as to what this is supposed to mean - if not "subservience". My wife and I have a relationship based upon equality. Exactly the same sort of relationship that all our married friends have, Aussies married to Aussies, Aussies married to Thais, Aussies married to Chinese, Aussies married to whatever nationality you can imagine. In a mature, loving, equal relationship, both partners put each other first.

Anyway, I wish you all the best. We all learn only, or mostly, from our own mistakes. You have obviously made some over the years in your choice of partners, and in the manner in which the relationship breakdown was managed.

Do not imagine that a relationship with a Thai woman will be magically perfect. It won't. As you will see as you do your research, quite a few people over the years have been "taken to the cleaners" by Thai women at least once, some more than once. Probably the majority of posters here, I would guess.

[GungaDin]

This forum is not a therapy session.

It is for a lot of members...... who are NO LONGER married.

[gburns57au]

You havent met the girl yet and you're asking to come to Oz already ??.......SLOW DOWN!!!

Get over there for a few weeks and see if you both remotely even like each other....You cant tell anything about a person from e mails and phone calls.

You were given her e mail address from a girl that is here already...my guess is that she is a relative of the girl that lives here, of course she wants to come here.

Many of the girls here want to set their rellies up with a nice farang, and I am not blaming them for it, would probably do the same in their shoes.

Dont make promises to this girl....go and see her as a friend and if there is a mutual attraction then all well and good. But if you find that one or both of you dont gel, then you have a chance to back out with grace and she will have the same opportunity.

An acquaintance of mine went over to meet a girl who has a sister here...After a few days it was obvious that it wasnt going to work so he took up with a girl that he did like....it caused major problems back here and broke up some good friendships.

Take it slowly and establish a mutual relationship before you even start thinking of who is going to live where.

[F1fanatic]

How do I do that in Brisbane, Australia? Internet intro agencies? Put an advert in local thai papers?

Give me a break Guys.

I think you need to ask yourself "what do I want?"

Do you want to pursue this Thai lady because she is your only option?

Do you want to pursue this Thai lady because she is much younger than you?

Do you want to pursue her because she is Thai? (to the exclusion of other Asian ladies)

You live in Brisbane, I live in Melbourne, I am a couple of years younger than you, but I could go out tomorrow & meet any number of Asian ladies in the 35-50 age group ( I am happily married, so it's not going to happen). The point is - they are out there, in Brisbane, no internet or dating agencies required.

The thing is you need to get out there & meet some people. By far the easiest to meet are the Filipina's, get to know someone who is married to one & his wife will be able to introduce you a whole heap of them.

Talk to the Asian serving ladies at your local bread shop, sandwich bar, canteen where you work, at the supermarket, just chat to them & for the most part you will be surprised at how friendly they are, especially if you are a regular. These are all places that guys I know have picked up Asian women.

Where my wife works there are any number of Vietnamese, Cambodian & Chinese middle aged women looking for husbands.

These women are here, in Australia, they don't need a visa, they have a job, all they are doing is looking for a decent husband.

But of course, if your mind is set on someone younger.......

Thankyou Loosecannon for your comments. What you have said is real thinking stuff. I have had a little mixing with local thai and other asian ladies over the years and I find them to be as materialistic as western women. I have thought about what I want and why. I am not going to purge my soul here, especially when there are insensitive, jaded and obnoxious members like F1F reading it.

As far as my comment about thai ladies being feminine, the comment ("Not very feminine"? Or do you really mean "not very subservient".) was way off the mark. I agree with samuibeachcomber when he said (i think western women have lost their femininity through the feminist movement of the last 30years.do not mistake femininity with subservience,am just talking of a the feminine side and IMHO western women have lost it and asian women have not.) . I am not looking for subservience, major youth or anything specific other than a female with whom I can communicate on all levels, love and be happy.

If one looks at the reality of love and relationships, we see a 60% divorce rate in Oz, and rising. Why? Is the western relationship different to a ferang and Thai Lady relationship?

Please define for all of us precisely what you mean by feminine because I've absolutely no doubt that 'subservient' is the basis of your definition.

You find "asian ladies... to be as materialistic as western women" - sorry, but you really do need to take those rose tinted glasses off - there is no comparison between what a western woman will do for money compared to Thai women. If you seriously think you can "communicate on all levels" with a woman who doesn't come from your background or even speak you're language, you're worse than deluded, you're willingly delulded.

Oh, by the way, if you met me (not in a bar - like most western women I'd rather have my eyes gouged out than be seen in one), you'd think I was great!

My opinion of Thai women only comes out when some idiot says something stupid, but let's face it - conversation between mixed farangs doesn't descend that low v often! It's only male farangs and Thai women who automatically seperate as soon as they get togehter! Having said that I openly admit, there are some lovely Thai women out there, the problem is that only a tiny minority will have anything to do with farangs!

Edited December 25, 2008 by F1fanatic

[raylo]

A respectful hello to you all. I am an Aussie newbee who has met a younger thai girl in Udonthani over the web. We have been talking on the phone and exchanging emails for months now and it has come time to meet her in person. Investigations reveal that she indead does work for a small store and all other details given by her check out.

I have a Diploma in Workplace Training and assessment systems and Diploma in Frontline Management. I have worked in australia as a Lecturer in a large college in Brisbane, and have run a small training acadamy of my own, teaching english and computer subjects to new immagrants.

My enquiry is: how would I get permission to look for work in my field when I arrive and, how do I get a visa which allows me maximum time in thailand to explore this relationship and support myself at the same time.

Thankyou for your time.

Regards

Paul

Paul

First thing to remember Paul is that a lot of the respondees on these forums dont know <deleted>. A lot have never even been to Thailand just read the blogs and respond pretending they are there.

PM me ansd I will give you a hand. Be warned the last guy I did was from Brisbane and nows he married to a Thai.

[MEGALITHIC]

A respectful hello to you all. I am an Aussie newbee who has met a younger thai girl in Udonthani over the web. We have been talking on the phone and exchanging emails for months now and it has come time to meet her in person. Investigations reveal that she indead does work for a small store and all other details given by her check out.

I have a Diploma in Workplace Training and assessment systems and Diploma in Frontline Management. I have worked in australia as a Lecturer in a large college in Brisbane, and have run a small training acadamy of my own, teaching english and computer subjects to new immagrants.

My enquiry is: how would I get permission to look for work in my field when I arrive and, how do I get a visa which allows me maximum time in thailand to explore this relationship and support myself at the same time.

Thankyou for your time.

Regards

Paul

Hi mate,

I'm an Aussie that's been living here for about 15 years. I don't profess to be an expert on all things Thai. In fact, like a lot of expats that have been here for any length of time, I'm finding the longer I stay here the less I do actually understand about this country.

Most of the other blokes have given you some pretty good advice. If I could just add my 5 cents worth.

1. Before making any kind of commitment to this country, come and live here for a while to understand the nuances of the place. It might just be that after spending 12 months here you will want to head back home. For this reason, get yourself a 12 month multi entry visa before arriving here.

2. Under no circumstances get into a relationship with a Thai women for the first two years of residing here. Get to know the way of things and learn the language. That way you'll be able to make a much choice when you eventually go looking for a girlfriend/wife.

3. In my opinion, meeting somebody over an internet site smacks of desperation. If you're coming to Thailand for that reason alone then there's a high probability that things won't work out. The main reasons to come to Thailand should be to: experience a different culture, learn a new language and explore some of the great places in this beautiful country. Meeting a Thai woman will happen in due course.

4. Lastly, and this might upset a few blokes who contribute to this sight, if you get a involved with a poor girl from the North East then be warned that you are going to be looked upon as financial salvation.

Good luck.

MEGA.

[grantbkk]

Hi Paul. You need to get over here on vacation and explore all things Thai. If you were here you could personally observe a small percentage of forward thinking Thai women, out of the tens of millions of available Thai women, sweating over the keyboards in the internet shops. These shops also provide English language assistance for a small fee. I was once sitting next to a very well dressed, plain looking Thai, covered in gold. She was on Skype, her mobile phone, while doing two IM conversations and conventional email. When she came up for air we had a short conversation.

It boiled down to that she had four number one boyfriends from various countries, two minor providers and one she was dumping because her maintenance payment was a couple of weeks late. She was adept with the computer and was careful not to get facts and clients mixed up. Her number one job was to avoid what she called a "train wreck". She said that would occur when one of her "boyfriends" extend their stay, arrived unscheduled or early. This story probably doesn't apply to you but it is one of thousands of betrayal stories that circulate not only in Thailand but around the world.

Anyway, what is the rush to develop a deep personal relationship at lightening speed. Many of the posters here are giving you sound advise. You are only 54 which was really old to me when I was 25 but not now. If you have your heart set on a Thai you need to check out the Thai people and culture. Come on holiday and have some fun, look around and by all means you should meet this Thai woman. Otherwise, you may think you've missed the woman of your dreams. Go home, come back and holiday some more. Check out the economy, cost of living and employment opportunities. Your biggest regret in life may be to bring a stranger to a strange land as a possible life partner without thoroughly getting to know her. The situation could become very awkward within weeks.

[aussimike]

Thank you to all of the members who took the time to reply to my post.

I accept that my spelling may not be perfect but typing is not my forte.

I am sure you are all perfect spellers and may God bless you for that.

To all the members with constructive comments, thank you so so much. You show intellegence and caring.

To the others, including Mr "one born every minute".....how did you meet your Thai Lady?

In a bar...introduced by others in your circle...on the internet?

I am a well educated male who has been through the western self centred woman cycle a few times in my 54 years and over it.

I just want to meet a genuine Thai Lady with whom I can spend what time I have left on this Planet in some sort of happiness/peace.

How do I do that in Brisbane, Australia? Internet intro agencies? Put an advert in local thai papers?

Give me a break Guys.

Thanks again

Paul

The admission that you're a 54 year old male who's incapable of a relationship with a "self centred" (ha!!) western woman, says everything!

Thailand is ideal for you, you'll find a woman who will tell you you're 'so hansum' in no time! Even better, you're clearly ready to believe it and pretend it was what you wanted all along!

By the way, well educated??? Who are you kidding? If you were truly intelligent you wouldn't be considering a relationship with a COMPLETELY (and the women you're going to meet are) uneducated and stupid woman in Thailand.

Congratulations F1F.

You just failed the attitude test, big time.!

I'll bet that you are great company in a bar.

The OP came here for advice, not a load of <deleted> from you.

The

COULD NOT AGREE MORE == Glad I am not looking for advice = if i was to listen to F1F i would go out and slash my wrists -- TO F1F - better you keep your miserable comments to yourself and just live in your miserable isolation --

wish Paul good luck in his search for the perfect Thai lady - my advice = BE VERY CAREFUL = and its true what OP have said - difficult for you to find work here in the teaching arena --- u need a min of Bach degree - any field will do = and then some form of English teaching quals -- I know these are the min standard required in Aust but as u will learn TIT - GOOD LUCK MATE - HOPE U FIND HER

[Screws]

"Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather.

[Jimjim]

I am not sure that you education or skill will be very relevant in Thailand.

There will be Thais who can do they same thing for a great deal less money

than you need to earn to get a Work Permit.

Such as, teaching English which he already has expertise in unlike many foreign English teachers in Thailand? Not that he showed any great English skills in his post.

Anyway, Aussie newbie, what you need is to find a job first, then all the work permit and visas come after that, not before.

Oh, and uh, you're kidding yourself if you think Thai ladies are not self-centered too, it's human nature!!

Edited December 28, 2008 by Jimjim

[spooninatar]

To the OP, good on you for giving it a go. Every country in the world has "bad apples" and you will never know unless you give it a try.

Thailand is a great place, full of wonderful people and many new experiences. But if you go with there with your mind and eyes closed, you will be treated like an idiot and taken advantage of.

Generally a Thai's family will come first more than you or your own. You will need to accept the fact that you will have to look after both your wife/girlfriend and her family. This of course is not always the case, but you will need to be aware of it.....But that is what being a family is right? I am sitting here writing on a $3k computer with a full fridge while my parents in-laws are farming rice and catching frogs for dinner.

My suggestion would be for you to meet in BBK, then perhaps travel somewhere for a holiday together i.e. Chang Mai. If it's still hunky dory between the two of you, go meet and stay with her family. This can be a busy time with possible parties, day trips out with the family etc etc all of which you will be expected to pay for. Some Thai's think farangs are money bags because all they see is the aftermath of 6-12months worth of savings (my wife's family soon learnt otherwise ). It would be hard to get to know each other while this is happening.

During this time, you can ask around the local schools to see if they are in need of English teachers etc, and what is required of you visa wise.

Once you are back in Aus, it would be a good time to decide if you want to go back to Thailand to live and work. Getting your girlfriend to Aus for a month or so might be a good idea so that she can understand where you are coming from. There are plenty of places to visit while she is here such as the Thai temple in Beaudesert, and there is another good one down the Gold Coast. Once she realizes that some of us have to actually work hard for our money, she can then explain that to her family

ANYWHO...I live in Bris with my Thai wife and have many other Thai friends that live close by. My wife constantly puts a smile on my face and I have no regrets "giving it a shot"

Edited January 4, 2009 by spooninatar