What Advice Would You Give - Legally, As My Thai Wife Is Making False Alligations

[Kf6vci]

You need professional (legal) help! Keep your money stricly separatre and where she cannot get at it. Maybe rent another place.

You need to separate & divorce asap. Try a settlement with a lump sum. she may not want a baby as she is already looking for a new man and a baby might only be a burden to her. Many women give their kids to some relative to look after...

I was in a similar situation, only in CA with an American wife going into heavy drinking & drugs. my mistake was to waste time and money instead of immediately filing for divorce!

You have no future together. Cut your losses and move on. Her greed may work for you as a lump sum after a dry period might make her take that. Confrointed with excessive money demands etc., it was not so expensive. Hiring a tough female (?) divorce lawyer might steal her thunder. Stay away as a false accusation is likely to be made against you

She is clearly very unhappy. Back home, even 5 or 10 grand might let her start all over and keep face.

Good luck and try to join a father's support group (online ?) for advicve on how to pull this off. You do know she is planning to hurt herself, then blame it on you. You might want a "welfare check" as part of your escape, then stsay away from her!

Bottom line: she is already addicted to your dough. starve her a bit for cash, then have an attorney offer a lump sum for a divorce settlement. Get it over with! Good luck! Chris

Edited February 20, 2009 by Kf6vci

[t.s]

can anyone advise what i can do

take expert legal advice before anything.

this is england , in case you forgot , the home of social services , the government run homebreaking organisation , so put your daughters interests first.

with a knife wielding ex- prostitute as a mother , and a father who married a prostitute , and an axe wielding mother in law thrown into the mix , just wait till social services hear about it ....and if it should go to court , then they will.... as will the gutter press.

you might both be considered as unfit parents.

THANKS FOR YOUR ANSWER - JUST BECAUSE I MARRIED A PROSITUTE, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A UNFIT PARENT. I ACTUALLY GOT CUSDOY OF MY ELDEST DAUGHTER - SO IF I WAS SO UNFIT THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED !! MY ELDEST LIVES WITH MY PARENTS AS I COULD SEE MY NEW WIFE WOULDN'T BOND WITH HER ONCE OUR DAUGHTER CAME ALONG - WHICH MY ELDEST DAUGHTER IS HAPPIER !!

SHE ONLY SEE MY WIFE WHEN I AM THERE. MY MOTHER WILL NOT ALLOW MY WIFE TO TAKE HER ANYWHERE - AND I 100% SUPPORT IT.

I HAVE MADE A WRONG CHOICE - I KNOW THAT.

I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER TO GO IN CARE - THATS THE LAST THING I WOULD WANT, I KNOW THATS WHY I NEED TO ACT NOW - BUT I NEEDED ADVICE WHAT TO DO ?

lose the capitals, you are not coming off as the sharpest tack in the box here and the caps lock isnt doing you any favours in that regard.

As for your situation, to say i am astonished is understating it.

did you even breifly entertain a thought about the consequences of marrying a pattaya whore?

I mean, really, did not the most vague of misgivings breifly cast a shadow over this undertaking at any point?

i find it especially hard to believe a man with a daughter could consider bringing such a woman into his life as a role model/partner.

Though, given that you have put responsibility for your eldest child off onto your parents, i suppose i should not be too surprised.

what i have the hardest time understanding is how could you enter into a long term realtionship with someone you are aware is unable to bond with your child? doesn't that just scream unsuitable partner right there?

Should i have found myself in your position (god forbid) i would like to think i would have put my daughters needs ahead of my own selfish inclinations.

you most certainly have made some very poor decisions and while i cant help feel you deserve everything coming your way i pity the children involved.

i apologise if this comes off as righteous or moralistic, but the litany of idiocy i see repaeted on this site daily is has worn me down. it really isnt a morality issue so much a a knee-jerk reaction abgainst base stupidity.

Edited February 20, 2009 by t.s

[Pierrot]

My advice would involve a shovel and a trip to a quiet place, but you add "legally", so just forget it

[aussiejosh]

Dude, just stay with her, next time she is drunk and acting nuts call the police, file charges against her and save your children.

[lioness]

I think you may have heard this all before ... i am new to this forum but i am in desperate need of advice !!

I am 31 years old, business owner. I own my home. I have a 9 year old beautiful girl from a previous relationship - and a 18 month old girl to my Thai wife. This is what makes it's so difficult. My wife know's i couldn't bare it if my daughter was to leave and be fetched up to be a prostitute - which is one of her threats.

My wife was a bar girl from pattaya. I knew her a year before we married. She came to live with me in England. Everything was fine, she got pregnant within 2 months of being in England ( which was not planned - but was happy all the same )

My wife changed - started demanding i put £10,000 in a bank for security for her. Of cause i declined this ... whats mine is her's so she shouldn't need security. I have kept her - which i know i should i took that responsability. But she will not cook or clean the house. It's neally every day we go for a meal. I have asked her if she doesn't like the role of a house wife if she would like to work - guess her reply .... " No i will not - you should keep me"

After our daughter was born - she was worse. She doesn't have postnatal depression - if your wondering. It concerns me greatly as all her actions are done infront of our daughter, which this doesn't bother her. I am not saying she doesn't love our daughter - she does but when she loses her head she is nasty.

She as stabbed me (x3) . Another occasion She got drunk and started to head butt the wall - you may think i am making this up, because no sane person would do this. Then she said she was going to the police to say i had done it !! I got the baby and left her in the house and stayed at my parents. The next day she went to the doctors - spoke to a health worker and said i had done it, she was sober at this !!

Just before that i should had she got her indefinate leave visa - as she as been here over 2 years. Since she as got this she is worse than ever.

I have taken her on 7 holidays - 4 of them back to Thailand. I found out she been using our home computer to go on a dating site - she denied this and said it was my sister - who is married by the way and happy. This could have caused her problems but she just doesn't speak to her no more.

worse is still to come .... 2 thousand pound as gone missing, i know its her as she was the only one who knew where it was. When confronted she goes ballistic and packed her case and stayed with one of her Thai friends - she as 5 Thai friends so its not like she as no-one to talk to.

Her mother came over for a 2 week stay - then she said it was a month - now she said she as a 3 month visa. I have kept her mother too, took her out for meals, even gave her money to go clothes shopping at christmas. I had a large box full of coins and i said i was going to share it out and put it in my daughter banks. My wife took it all and said she put it in our daughter account. I knew there was £800 or so so i went and put the same in my eldests account - she went crazy again.

The final straw came when i came home to find her and her mother both drunk in the house - and our daughter as been ill and was being sick. I raised my voice and her mother went outside to the garage and got an axe and started chasing me with it. I grabbed my daughter once again and went back the next day and told her to pack and go, i have taken it off her Psyco daughter but she as no chance.

She told me when she goes she is taking her daughter and grandchild and i should pay the fares. I told her to take her daughter but she's not taking mine anywhere. My mother-in-law as left her husband as he his a lot older than her and has children whats adults - she was with him 9 years but because he is leaving his money to his children - she's left.

She's staying in a hotel, but is there anyway i could stop her taking my daughter. I know i was a meal ticket but if my daughter was not born i would have taken her to Thailand and left her.

With these alligations my wifes making - she could ruin me, it's me with the scars !! can anyone advise what i can do - if anything. If she's saying this to doctors and such - should i try and explain my side but who to, do i contact immigration, home office.

I had to send a letter ( welcome letter) to her mother for her to apply to come to the uk - i do not want to see her again, can i get in touch with someone to say i do not want her to my home again. If my wifes stays she will have to visit her mother. My daughters going to grown up with a complex personality.

anyone with same situations - what did you do. My head is throbbing i don't know what to do ???

thanks for any advice in advance.

[lioness]

You have a lot of problems, there is some good advice from a few posters.

No, single action is going to solve all the problems, so deal with each one as best you can.

However if she wants to play games, you can play them back, she won't cook, well take the kids out and leave her to fend for herself. Don't give her money, if the mother in law is still there don't give her anything either. Make sure she has Rice in the house, salt and some curry powder, she won;t starve, this is the diet of many poorer Thais.

If you were in Thailand and seperated the normal situation for the custody of children is for the girls to stay with their fathers and boy's with the mothers. The Thai reasoning behind this is that girls stay with the fathers because if the mother has another man he may sexually abuse a girl child.

Does the child have a passport or attached as a supplement to yours or your wifes?. The child is a British subject having been born in the UK. Is the mother in law still there?

Another holiday to Thailand, buy a one way for her, you will need to travel too so she doesn't get wind of this and retain hold of the tickets, Have the children looked after by reliable relatives saying that you want to look for a holiday home in Thailand or some other suitable story, get her over here and then go home alone. And don;t leave her with any money, she is more than capable of earning her own once back home, how she chooses to earn it is her problem.

You need to get out of this situation, not only for your own peace of mind but this is going to have lasting effects on your children longterm and should e nipped in the bud as soon as possible.

Best of luck, I am sorry for your situation, no good looking back at where you wet wrong, that won;t achieve anything, just look forward and get it sorted.

[sassienie]

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Seriously, I think i've lost all sypathy for anyone who gets involved in a relationship with a girl who works in a bar. you like playing with dynomite that is 95% likely to explode? Or perhaps you like to live dangerously and go for the 5% of bargirls that would actually be decent to some degree?

Wow, this really shows what many bar girls will do once they get pregnant and get the visa they are looking for.

You should contact a really smart lawyer who can help you gather the evidence - a lot of it - because the courts favour the woman. For the sake of your child with her I would try to get her back in your hands. You are responsible for that child as a parent. Your Thai wife is obviously insane and has no business raising a child.

You should document all her threats and see if you can legally record her actions. Maybe you will have to see her again to get everything on tape.

But this relationship is so far lost and now you need to do as much as you can to minimize the damage.

Rant finished for now.

Absolutely agree.

My sentiments, exactly.

Fools never listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience.

[teamamerica]

If she used to be a prostitute that would be a good reason for having mental problems? Are you guilty of confronting her about her work as a prostitute? Are you jealous about the men she had been with and the things they made her do? In many was this must have been horrific for her - and if your jealousy has forced her to talk about and remember her work and the details, could that be a reason she is mad at you?

I havent been in Thailand long but a friend was in a similar position, although not so severe. He was insanely jealous about his girlfriend used to be a prostitute and would always ask her about what she had to do with other guy etc. It drove her crazy because all she wanted to do was put the past behind her and have a normal life but he wouldnt let her forget and kept accusing her of being a "sl*t", never trusting her - making wild accusations she had been unfaithful with very little evidence etc etc. She would often "turn it back at him" and threaten to do the things he was accusing her of, which escalated the situation. To be honest I think she was a decent girl who found herself working in the sex industry and wanted to change and thought a foreigner would be "more fogiving" than thai society who look down at her.

He couldnt help himself doing it! I had to remind him it must have been a lot worse for her as she actually had to it!

Does that make sense?

Maybe I am off the mark?

[Richard W]

no airline will board your daughter without your legal, written permission.

Wrong!

My wife and daughter have travelled from England to Thailand without me without my written permission on several occasions. I have accompanied them to the airport, but I don't recall identifying myself as my daughter's father - and non-passengers are forbidden from approaching the check-in desk.

[edwinclapham]

no airline will board your daughter without your legal, written permission.

Wrong!

My wife and daughter have travelled from England to Thailand without me without my written permission on several occasions. I have accompanied them to the airport, but I don't recall identifying myself as my daughter's father - and non-passengers are forbidden from approaching the check-in desk.

Smithy, some of the advise here has been excellent... may I suggest you contact

http://www.reunite.org/.... they are specialists in child abduction..

Child Abduction Prevention Guides

• England & Wales
  

• Scotland
  

• Northern Ireland
  

• Greece
  

• Spain
  

Child Abduction Prevention Guides

reunite has produced a Child Abduction Prevention Guide which provides clear and concise information and practical steps to take if you fear your child is in danger of of abduction. The Guide also assists you in gathering together information relating to your children, as well as information which may be required in the event of an abduction. Some of the information may be required by your local police force so that details of your child can be circulated, if necessary, which may prevent them leaving the country without your permission. Some of the information may be required by others, such as your solicitor, so that if your children are removed from the country they may hopefully be returned to you.

Please take your time in reading all the information in the Guide and if you are in doubt as to what is required of you, contact the reunite advice line or ask your solicitor.

A Child Abduction Prevention Guide is available for parents based in England & Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Greece and Spain. The documents are all in downloadable PDF format and can be accessed by clicking on the link on the left. ......

I sinerely hope that you will find this site useful, although tragic your relatonship has broken down, your prime concern should be wit your child..... Thailand does not honour the Hague Convention...and although there have been some successful custody cases awarded to the foreign father this has cost one guy 180,000A$ plus payoff monies to grannies etc etc and this doesnt even take into account the trauma the child suffered.... Best wishes Smithy

[hnka]

I think you may have heard this all before ... i am new to this forum but i am in desperate need of advice !!

I am 31 years old, business owner. I own my home. I have a 9 year old beautiful girl from a previous relationship - and a 18 month old girl to my Thai wife. This is what makes it's so difficult. My wife know's i couldn't bare it if my daughter was to leave and be fetched up to be a prostitute - which is one of her threats.

My wife was a bar girl from pattaya. I knew her a year before we married. She came to live with me in England. Everything was fine, she got pregnant within 2 months of being in England ( which was not planned - but was happy all the same )

My wife changed - started demanding i put £10,000 in a bank for security for her. Of cause i declined this ... whats mine is her's so she shouldn't need security. I have kept her - which i know i should i took that responsability. But she will not cook or clean the house. It's neally every day we go for a meal. I have asked her if she doesn't like the role of a house wife if she would like to work - guess her reply .... " No i will not - you should keep me"

After our daughter was born - she was worse. She doesn't have postnatal depression - if your wondering. It concerns me greatly as all her actions are done infront of our daughter, which this doesn't bother her. I am not saying she doesn't love our daughter - she does but when she loses her head she is nasty.

She as stabbed me (x3) . Another occasion She got drunk and started to head butt the wall - you may think i am making this up, because no sane person would do this. Then she said she was going to the police to say i had done it !! I got the baby and left her in the house and stayed at my parents. The next day she went to the doctors - spoke to a health worker and said i had done it, she was sober at this !!

Just before that i should had she got her indefinate leave visa - as she as been here over 2 years. Since she as got this she is worse than ever.

I have taken her on 7 holidays - 4 of them back to Thailand. I found out she been using our home computer to go on a dating site - she denied this and said it was my sister - who is married by the way and happy. This could have caused her problems but she just doesn't speak to her no more.

worse is still to come .... 2 thousand pound as gone missing, i know its her as she was the only one who knew where it was. When confronted she goes ballistic and packed her case and stayed with one of her Thai friends - she as 5 Thai friends so its not like she as no-one to talk to.

Her mother came over for a 2 week stay - then she said it was a month - now she said she as a 3 month visa. I have kept her mother too, took her out for meals, even gave her money to go clothes shopping at christmas. I had a large box full of coins and i said i was going to share it out and put it in my daughter banks. My wife took it all and said she put it in our daughter account. I knew there was £800 or so so i went and put the same in my eldests account - she went crazy again.

The final straw came when i came home to find her and her mother both drunk in the house - and our daughter as been ill and was being sick. I raised my voice and her mother went outside to the garage and got an axe and started chasing me with it. I grabbed my daughter once again and went back the next day and told her to pack and go, i have taken it off her Psyco daughter but she as no chance.

She told me when she goes she is taking her daughter and grandchild and i should pay the fares. I told her to take her daughter but she's not taking mine anywhere. My mother-in-law as left her husband as he his a lot older than her and has children whats adults - she was with him 9 years but because he is leaving his money to his children - she's left.

She's staying in a hotel, but is there anyway i could stop her taking my daughter. I know i was a meal ticket but if my daughter was not born i would have taken her to Thailand and left her.

With these alligations my wifes making - she could ruin me, it's me with the scars !! can anyone advise what i can do - if anything. If she's saying this to doctors and such - should i try and explain my side but who to, do i contact immigration, home office.

I had to send a letter ( welcome letter) to her mother for her to apply to come to the uk - i do not want to see her again, can i get in touch with someone to say i do not want her to my home again. If my wifes stays she will have to visit her mother. My daughters going to grown up with a complex personality.

anyone with same situations - what did you do. My head is throbbing i don't know what to do ???

thanks for any advice in advance.

Get a good family lawyer, protect your daughter to the best of your ability, protect your assets and kick that sorry bitches arse back to where she belongs!...may I suggest?...hel_l would be nice!

You don't want your wife to turn the little one into a whore when she grows up, as she already is one herself. God forbid. So do your utmost best and get the custody over your daughter.

Good luck to ya!

I

[IraqRon]

Not to belittle the OP's situation, but on another note, is it really any wonder why the govt is making it harder for someone to get a visa for their girlfriend/wife? Especially after so short a relationship. Yet day after day, someone posts his woes on not getting one for his finance/girlfriend/wife.

[FarangCravings]

You are in the UK dude Thai birds cannot get away with there bullshit in the UK such as thefts (call the police if she denies she took it and tell them you have been robbed she will soon come clean) Stabbings (while the BIB here in Thailand will not take action the UK police certainly will/

You have been given some good advice here albeit some insensitive <deleted> who seem to think they are such smart aleks.

Take care of ya Kids and best of luck

[UKresonant]

I can fully understand the situation you are in, I have suffered the same environment, and it can wear you down.

In the end I hope you are focused on the exit from this relationship. I continued to try and make it work, and in retrospect should have taken a harder line much earlier. As you are married she has more leverage. I had the same "daughter is a hostage" senario. and in the end, having continuing hope of resolving things, just made things worse. 

I could not risk ending up getting potentially charged for the violence which she has initiated. Twice I had the police at the door, once to investigate why she had a black eye on the right, it was then obvious to the police that i had been injured on the left side, and matched the explaination of her attack, whilst I was Driving. In the end it was the risk of being charged for defending myself was the final straw.

As long as you react to the blackmail in respect to your daughter she will have the upperhand.

How is your first daughter coping, in cannot be nice for her to suffer this stressful situation?

Consider if her pool of Thai Friends is making matters worse.

Consider reducing the amount of free money in circulation by, Pension investment, for you and the kids, and even Her!

Do You parents buy Premium Bonds for the kids? Do you and they contribute to a pension for the kids.

If it comes to a split at least you will be splitting a greater value. 

I never wished any harm to my daughters mother, even if she had made my life a misery for about 9 years (the initial couple of years were problematic but OK)! I would not abandon her totally stranded with no resources etc (even if it did give some satisfaction).

If it comes to it, never let the Lawyers spin things out, if she gets legal aid and the lawyers will exchange insults on your behalf. Don't let them draw you in, stay focused on the end result. I was fortunate as the only main asset split was the house (which I had foolishly put in joint names as a last incentive to maintain the relationship). Minimal letter exchanges!

I would suggest you treat her as an employee rather than a wife.  Make it clear that her good treatment of the kids is essential for her getting anything. It's difficult but try not to show your feelings when she makes her next blackmail rant.

I'll have to go now, and wish you all luck in resolving the situation without further injury, physical or otherwise. 

 

[cookyboy]

as far as I know, no airline will board your daughter without your legal, written permission.

get a court order anyway that she cannot be taken out of the country

get a PC expert to 'read' all the files on your computer, could be evidence.

They can read deleted files.

Get a friend to 'hook up' with her on the dating site.

Put your house up for sale and move your daughters out.

You 'might' be able to buy them out. Offer them 5K to go back to Thailand, alone. be ready to bargain up to 10k?

go to a Mens' resource centre.

You CAN take the girl out of the bar;

but you can NEVER take the bar out of the girl.

all i can say is that you must be a strong willed person to put up with this sh*t i just mentioned it to my thai wife and we live in the uk with 2 kids, that if she ever tried to do this sh*t to me she had better take up swimming lessons first. i hope all goes well for you and you listen to all the advice from the others on this forum, good luck

[Minsamui]

I think you may have heard this all before ... i am new to this forum but i am in desperate need of advice !!

I am 31 years old, business owner. I own my home. I have a 9 year old beautiful girl from a previous relationship - and a 18 month old girl to my Thai wife. This is what makes it's so difficult. My wife know's i couldn't bare it if my daughter was to leave and be fetched up to be a prostitute - which is one of her threats.

My wife was a bar girl from pattaya. I knew her a year before we married. She came to live with me in England. Everything was fine, she got pregnant within 2 months of being in England ( which was not planned - but was happy all the same )

My wife changed - started demanding i put £10,000 in a bank for security for her. Of cause i declined this ... whats mine is her's so she shouldn't need security. I have kept her - which i know i should i took that responsability. But she will not cook or clean the house. It's neally every day we go for a meal. I have asked her if she doesn't like the role of a house wife if she would like to work - guess her reply .... " No i will not - you should keep me"

After our daughter was born - she was worse. She doesn't have postnatal depression - if your wondering. It concerns me greatly as all her actions are done infront of our daughter, which this doesn't bother her. I am not saying she doesn't love our daughter - she does but when she loses her head she is nasty.

She as stabbed me (x3) . Another occasion She got drunk and started to head butt the wall - you may think i am making this up, because no sane person would do this. Then she said she was going to the police to say i had done it !! I got the baby and left her in the house and stayed at my parents. The next day she went to the doctors - spoke to a health worker and said i had done it, she was sober at this !!

Just before that i should had she got her indefinate leave visa - as she as been here over 2 years. Since she as got this she is worse than ever.

I have taken her on 7 holidays - 4 of them back to Thailand. I found out she been using our home computer to go on a dating site - she denied this and said it was my sister - who is married by the way and happy. This could have caused her problems but she just doesn't speak to her no more.

worse is still to come .... 2 thousand pound as gone missing, i know its her as she was the only one who knew where it was. When confronted she goes ballistic and packed her case and stayed with one of her Thai friends - she as 5 Thai friends so its not like she as no-one to talk to.

Her mother came over for a 2 week stay - then she said it was a month - now she said she as a 3 month visa. I have kept her mother too, took her out for meals, even gave her money to go clothes shopping at christmas. I had a large box full of coins and i said i was going to share it out and put it in my daughter banks. My wife took it all and said she put it in our daughter account. I knew there was £800 or so so i went and put the same in my eldests account - she went crazy again.

The final straw came when i came home to find her and her mother both drunk in the house - and our daughter as been ill and was being sick. I raised my voice and her mother went outside to the garage and got an axe and started chasing me with it. I grabbed my daughter once again and went back the next day and told her to pack and go, i have taken it off her Psyco daughter but she as no chance.

She told me when she goes she is taking her daughter and grandchild and i should pay the fares. I told her to take her daughter but she's not taking mine anywhere. My mother-in-law as left her husband as he his a lot older than her and has children whats adults - she was with him 9 years but because he is leaving his money to his children - she's left.

She's staying in a hotel, but is there anyway i could stop her taking my daughter. I know i was a meal ticket but if my daughter was not born i would have taken her to Thailand and left her.

With these alligations my wifes making - she could ruin me, it's me with the scars !! can anyone advise what i can do - if anything. If she's saying this to doctors and such - should i try and explain my side but who to, do i contact immigration, home office.

I had to send a letter ( welcome letter) to her mother for her to apply to come to the uk - i do not want to see her again, can i get in touch with someone to say i do not want her to my home again. If my wifes stays she will have to visit her mother. My daughters going to grown up with a complex personality.

anyone with same situations - what did you do. My head is throbbing i don't know what to do ???

thanks for any advice in advance.

[/quot