You know you've been in Thailand too long when:

[Covertjay]

You've been here too long when you go to the 7-11 in ya PJ's.....

[cdnvic]

You've been here too long when Jimmy Buffet follows you around all day with a notepad

cv

[Abandon]

<font color='#000080'>

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

Yeah, watching school girls waiting for a bus in a line ten deep in the penumbra of a telephone pole. If the bus takes long enough they slowly walk around the pole - kind of a human sun dial. </font>

sounds a bit pervy to me.

[meadish_sweetball]

<font color='#000000'>ken nee dur ???

Do you mean Khair nee rheu ?  (แค่นี้หรือ) = If that's all (...then goodbye, ok).

Tar mai kao jai, mai preu !</font>

He does mean "แค่นี้ " . He doesn't mean "หรือ" because his wife is not speaking Central Thai. The "dur", "der", "dae" particle (transcription sucks) is a final particle in Isarn/Lao that does not exist in Central Thai. Similar to the "ner", "nur" or "nae" of Northern Thai.

[poolcleaner]

(Darknight @ 2004-11-28 01:34:02)

You're in Thailand to long when:

The footprints on the toilet seat are yours

I don't know how many times I've read similarly titled threads on a number of boards but this is far and away the funniest post I've seen.

Write the book now and use it as the hook line.

[penelope]

....you've forgotten how to do your own yardage or read a putt.

[andyadam]

Sorry for the repeats, I did a copy and paste from the thread ages ago!!!!

1. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

2. You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue.

3. You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day.

4. You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift.

5. It has become exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anybody can get off.

6. You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometer of at home.

7. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.

8. You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply

"up to you mister".

9. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue.

10. You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car.

11. You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed.

12. You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is still

on final approach.

13. You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate.

14. You answer the telephone with "Hello" more than 5 times.

15. Your are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four

items on the menu.

16. A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine.

17. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.

18. You regard traffic signals, stop signs and copy watch peddlers with total ignorance.

19. If when listening to the pilot prove, he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he

can understand the Air Traffic Controllers.

20. You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and

the cook makes something completely different.

21. You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

22. You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge

for same day service.

23. Taxi drivers understand you.

24. You own a rice cooker.

25. Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world.

26. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants.

27. YOU UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE ABOVE REFERENCES!

You habitually look both ways when crossing a one way street

Your wife calls to remind you she will be home Saturday and have you bought toilet paper.

You are not surprised when the lady who owns the pub asks if you know anyone who will teach her son English.

Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her.

While stuck in a traffic jam, you see a tiny gap in the traffic in the other lane. You think "If I try and move into that gap, half my car will be left in the lane I was just in, thus blocking traffic for a mile back and frustrating 100+ drivers."

But you don't care and jump in that gap anyway.

You wear a wooly hat and gloves when it drops below 30

You think fairy lights wrapped around a T.V looks beautiful

You Actually believe your wife’s family like you!!

You think blondes look exotic

You push the pull open door for the 50th time this week and giggle about the experience again

Your sure theirs room for one more on the bike that already holds 5 people and a pig

You now speak to friends back home in broken English

You enjoy som tam with a few chicken feet on the side

You buy cigarettes in singles, and are sure L&M taste better than B&H

Your sure Loa Khao is a good substitute for a twelve year old single malt

You don’t fear a couple of months in the monkey house

You can sleep for 23 and a half hours a day for months on end

You can shower, eat, watch T.V, call all your friends and clean the room in the only waking 30 mins you have each day

You think a face smothered hand cream and white powder is attractive

Or perhaps you just might start missing big fat women with varicose veins.

You think having a 1 baht coin in your ear looks cool

You wear a suit to work then change into flip-flops upon arrival

You add enough soda to your whiskey to render it colorless

And put ice in your beer

You have a conversation with a mouthful of food

And smoke between mouthfuls

You pluck your face at traffic lights

You stand and watch a video in Power Buy

You tell someone the time is about 11 o'clock when in fact it's a quarter to 12.

- You use a whistle when parking your car.

- You season your hamburger with nam pla phrik.

- You are always thinking it must be time for the next meal.

- You stop thinking that a girl riding pillion on a motorbike, side-saddle, wearing a mini-skirt, with one toe pointing to the ground, while putting on make-up, is anything out of the ordinary.

- You can sleep standing up on the bus.

- You can keep your bus fare in your ear.

- If you meet someone called Steve you call him ``Sateve''.

- You know the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 10kph is two meters and that the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 100kph is also two meters.

- You laugh your head off at jokes you can't understand.

- You describe anyone who has ever lived within a two kilometer radius of you as ``my brother''.

- You find that everything you own is counterfeit.

- You frankly never really have a clue what's really going on.

THE TOP TEN SITUATIONS THAT REALLY SCARE FARANG MEN IN THAILAND.

10. Flying back home for good only to realize you just flew away for home.

9. The impending visit of your Issan mother-in-law who has 2001 recipes all based on fermented fish.

8. Being awoken by the sound of a knife being sharpened and the quacking of an unfamiliar duck, after one too many ‘late nights at the office’.

7. Returning home to find that the last precious nips of your 24 year old Highland Malt have been poured into the Sang Thip as a space saving measure.

6. Discovering her new Italian phrase book under one of her 68 T-shirts and see the word rigid underlined while you just happen to be from Gothenburg, Sweden.

5. Standing on the corner of Soi Cowboy being kissed by a bikini girl as the parents of your most lucrative student pull up before you in their Benz stuck in a jam.

4. Having a gay boss suddenly take a real shine to you and invite you over for a cozy dinner at his place the night before a major company downsizing.

3. Your wife’s sudden attack off selflessness has she hands that gorgeous million Baht dowry for your step daughter’s hand in marriage straight over to the whiskey-eyed dope of a son-in-law.

2. Seeing stubble on the chin of your bride the morning after the wedding.

And the best for the Last…………………..

1. Accidentally scoring "a hole in one" during a negotiating golf game thus beating the CEO of the company your boss desperately needs to do business with.

THE GREAT EXCUSE FOR MEN IN THAILAND

The barrel of a cement mixer truck fell off the truck and everybody in the taxi, including me, were crushed to death.

A katoey beat me up for going outside and buying him a bottle of Pepsi.

There was a fire in the hotel and all the emergency exits were locked.

I walked under an elephant for good luck but she picked me up and savagely threw me straight into another bar. My wallet bought me a beer to calm my nerves.

There was a flood.

I was trying to find your favorite durian.

The taxi driver misheard me and took me to Muang Thong Thani instead of Yannawa by mistake.

Look! I bought you a 7-11 hot dog and a slurpy!

Here’s 5,000 Baht. Please don’t cut me up.

You dont hold on when you are on a motorcycle taxi

[LinkPopularity]

great tread, just posting to put it back on top, hoping some more good ones will follow

[Monkeypants]

When you enjoy Thai soaps

When you arrange anything and turn up a day later.

When you put 100 baht fuel in your new Vigo.

When your vigo is spotless clean and your house is filthy.

When you pick your nose in public and you don't care, but cover your mouth when using a tooth pick.

When the floor becomes the preffered dining table.

When you enjoy karaoke and can sing the words by looking at the English translation.

Edited February 11, 2008 by Monkeypants

[Cobalt60]

You start to find Mr Bean funny.

[gampaan]

You start to find Mr Bean funny.

Taken a bus trip lately, have you..???

[soundman]

When you don't even bother fishing drowned flies out of your soup!

(Worthwhile bump BTW).

[Mosha]

I could post a reply but may get banned. So one word. Ranong

[SeaVisionBurma]

.....when you refer to 7-11 as 'sew-wen', a computer as a 'com-pew-terrrrrr' and you buy all your gadgets from 'pantip plaaa-zaaaaaa'

[Chang_paarp]

...... when you see alloy in crossword clue and try to fit delicious into the space meant for brass or steel.

[neion2000]

You know when you've been in Thailand too long when: (may relate to others already posted)

When you take the motor bike to get something to eat with your significant other, then her sister wants to go.. When you start to drive away, the little brother starts crying, so he ends up coming as well.. When you think you're ready to go, the mother says to get 3 cases of Chang and 1 case of Whisky, and you know you'll have no problem in doing that.. In fact when you come back with the 3 cases of Chang and the case of Whisky, you also were able to pick up 4 blocks of ice, plus food for the entire family from the little side road restaurant you just had lunch at..

[Zpete]

When ya suddenly realise yer shyting on a squat and you have kept yer balance....... .........

Edited February 19, 2008 by Zpete

[enyaw]

...... Your watching football and Wayne Looney races into a goal scoring position and you start to exclaim "uh uh uh UH UH!!" and then "OY EEEEEEEE!!" when he drives the shot over the cross bar.

Yep, you've been in Thailand too long...

Edited February 21, 2008 by enyaw

[Thaddeus]

When you can point to things with your lips.

[zaza]

When you are pretty sure that the taxi driver is taking you in the wrong long route to your asked destination but you just sit back and smile listening to the loud irritating cat-moaning songs on radio .

[Florin]

When you are pretty sure that the taxi driver is taking you in the wrong long route to your asked destination but you just sit back and smile listening to the loud irritating cat-moaning songs on radio .

So true!

Also:

...when you go out for dinner at the local 7/11

...when you don't give the cockroach(es) strolling on the table as you eat your meal a second glance

[distortedlink]

You're been in Thailand too long when:

You consider other Farang residents as foreigners encroaching on your turf.

Think yourself desirable to 20s year old girls when you are over 60.

Edited February 27, 2008 by distortedlink

[distortedlink]

You know you've been in thailand too long when:

The nice immigration officer tells you that are going to be visiting his nice jail for a few months, and do you like it anal or oral......

You see, Immigration does have it`s good points.

[FroggyQc]

You know you've been in T'land to long, when:

-You realize that there's day after day a Jean-Claude VanDamme movie on TV

[pampal]

when you look forward to Songkran

[warfie]

...You think blondes look exotic...

it's started

You describe anyone who has ever lived within a two kilometer radius of you as ``my brother''.

You frankly never really have a clue what's really going on.

but to 'save face' you sa-mile, nod and pretend that you do

Seeing stubble on the chin of your bride the morning after the wedding.

hahaha

[rott]

When you always know the going rate for a kilo of rat.

[Ping]

...when you find yourself giving directions (how to get there) to a Thai.

[Naam]

when you try giving advice to newbies asking questions like "where in Isaan province can i buy top notch quality xyz for something next to nothing because i wasted most of my savings on sick buffaloes?"

[cobra]

... when you examine knock-off sunglasses and watches with a discriminating eye,