Have Any Of You Lost Your Husbands To A Thail Girl?

[timetogeteven]

Hi Girls

I'm hoping that you can help me, over a difficult time in my life.

I've been with my husband for over 23 years, which I thought were happy years. We have 2 kids.

As we have certain commitments over in the UK, which has been taking it's toll on my husbands health. We prevoiusley had been to Thailand on family holidays, which he totally chilled out.

So probably (naively) thought that, time away in Pattaya would do him the world of good, we didn't want him 6ft under. Gut instinct told me something was amiss, and at xmas we went away as a family to Pattaya again. Only this time he got caught, I left him there.

So back here in UK, he has addmitted he's been unfaithfull. Only the once!!

Anyway, I never at any stage in our married life stopped loving him and I still do now. We've talked and talked, I found a way in my own head to get over this BIT OF FLUFF (bar girl). But he's told me he still has feelings for me, but he loves her!

He say's he dosen't trust her, I've told him she only loves you for your back pocked and trying to feed the family in the back of beyond somewhere. But he knows all this, yet he still loves her!! If any of you ladies have been through this, how the hel_l did you cope?

I'm sorry if i've offended anyone by calling the girls a BIT OF FLUFF.

We also are in the process of purchasing a property over there, can a UK will have any bearing on assetts over there? Or if they shacked up and got married what does she stand to gain? All of what we as a couple have worked for, I don't want the BIT OF FLUFF getting a bar of any of it, thats our kids not her's.

Sorry for the ramble and hoping you can help

Regards

time to get even

[patklang]

A uk will has no bearing on assetts in Thailand,but you are still married so she cant get any thing and they cannot get married neither.

[Bard]

Not a woman but a man, so sorry if that offends you

If I was you I would never let him go to Thailand again, and I would keep my entire family away from Asia since he is not to be trusted in this environment. It is a bit harsh towards the bargirl she did only her job, he decided to go unfaithful not her so your anger should go towards him as he obviously cannot be trusted not her, she only tried to make a living. If he have feelings for her he must be an idiot, anyway if he is of so low standing he cannot be in Thailand without loosing control, don't go to Asia.

Cheers Bard

[sbk]

And don't purchase anything in Thailand.

Frankly, if he really thinks he loves her then your best bet is to cut your losses now. In time, he will get over it and come to realize that he's thrown away his life and his family over someone who was, as bard states, just doing her job. But, he isnt' going to learn that from you.

But do not allow any property purchases to be made in thailand while you are still married.

[Boo]

Puta halt to all monies leaving the country, go get a vry good solicitor. You need to protect your UK assets whilst this is sorted out. As for property in Thailand, suggest you speak with a thailand based lawyer for that too. Property/inheritance laws are very complex esp involving foreigners.

I would ASAP get a court order in place preventing the removal of any fund from the UK so that he cannot complete the purchase of the condo & cannot empty any joint accounts you have until divorce/division of assets has been decided legally.

[submaniac]

Ditto on what the fine ladies (and Bard) have said. You still say you love him. Even if you do not want a divorce, you should contact a lawyer/solicitor. Men in the midst of a midlife crisis will do crazy and stupid things. That's all fine and well, but not when he is spending your money. You need to protect your assets, and initiate divorce proceedings, even if you do not want a divorce. At least that will protect your assets from being drained. I know you still love him, but I kind of think maybe you should let him on his way. from all the stories here about things going awry from a BarGirl, within a year (after all his, separate money) has drained out, she would leave him, and reality would have checked in that he left a very good family behind.

[Bjamie]

A uk will has no bearing on assetts in Thailand,but you are still married so she cant get any thing and they cannot get married neither.

If that's the case, don't divorce and save your marriage.

After all, the bit of the fluff is just a temptation. You're the real deal.

But anyway, consult lawyers for reassurance.

[timetogeteven]

Hi

Many thanks to all of you for your postings, it's also good to get a male perspective of things too.

The Condo was supposed to be for our retirement. I just don't want the girl getting her hands on a penny, I have to protect my kids.

I'm in a place where does head or heart win? So confused.

Once again, many thanks to you all.

Regards

Time to get even

[eek]

Hi

Many thanks to all of you for your postings, it's also good to get a male perspective of things too.

The Condo was supposed to be for our retirement. I just don't want the girl getting her hands on a penny, I have to protect my kids.

I'm in a place where does head or heart win? So confused.

Once again, many thanks to you all.

Regards

Time to get even

Right now, use your head and keep the emotional aspect separate from the financial aspect. As others have said, protect your assets first.

If he comes to his senses, and you decide to take him back, you will both be grateful you thought on your feet by taking control of the financial situation. If he stays with her, you will be nursing a broken heart, but at least not be broken financially too.

Take control of the legal situation asap, then deal with the emotional side once you are protected.

Take care.

[patklang]

Must be awful for you that your husband has deserted you especialy away from your loved ones.

Has he ever done this before in your home country???

[Boo]

If you really are first & formost concerned for your kids then protect the assets your family has cause if your husband does goes off on one & drains your acocunts then they will be the ones suffering (and you but it wont be their fault they are in the shit, it will be yours). And don't think it wont happen. It has & will continue to happen to women who dont' put their business brain on when relationships go wrong. I'm not talking about getting everything & leaving him with nothing, I am talking about putting a block on one person over the other getting their hands on everything in a sneaky way. This way the courts can decide who gets what, legally.

Plenty of talk from blokes on this website about how to hide assets during divorce/seperation etc so don't think that your husband couldn't do the same or isn't already planning it esp if he has silly notions of living the good life with his new women in Thailand, that takes money, lots of it. So where is it gonna come from?. Like someone else said, it isn't really the girls fault, she isn't the one married with kids is she? She is doing her job & will be looking out for HER family even if it means taking from him (and your kids).

See a SOLICITOR first above anything else & let the law protect you all.

[timetogeteven]

Hi

Thanks again for your comments.

I've since found out this morning that I can get a UK will translated into Thai and registrered over there which should do.

We have a comany in the UK, which my shares are going to be equally divided between the kids, yet still retain myself as a director.

I have to be very sublte at the moment with my actions so as not to cause alarm bells with him.

But yes I will be going to see a solicitor that's all I have.

And as the saying goes, what goes around, comes around!!! Hope i'm there to see it!

Regards

Time to get even.

[Sheryl]

I hate to bring up another worry, but....

If he has not regularly used a condom with this women he is at risk for HIV.

Get yourself tested and under no circumstances have unprotected relations with him again (if you have any at all).

Odds are you're OK but need to make sure...and avoid any possible future infection from this idiot of a husband.

[LazyCat]

Hi TTGE... in my 13 years of living in Thailand I have seen this far too often, white men age , go to bars, find the "real love" and "meaning of their life" there, buy property for their love, spend money, get kicked out and then complain.

I like how Bard said "he have feelings for her he must be an idiot" it's true.... I dislike men that go to cheat on their wifes with all my heart... there is nothing good about them... those who fall for bar girls ... what can I say.. she rubbed (or something) him the right way... and you know that it was not "just once" a he's saying, IMHO you can't fall in love after one intercourse... I feel for you and I think you should look at the situation clearly even if you love him and all he clearly does not feel for you either love or respect...that hurts... I would want to destroy my husband for betraying me like that...

[pumpuiman]

I hope your not planning to purchase a condo in a place where thousands of beautiful women literally beg you to sleep with them?

[Manda]

Get him to read this www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader1.html

[ryladie99]

Hi Girls

I'm hoping that you can help me, over a difficult time in my life.

I've been with my husband for over 23 years, which I thought were happy years. We have 2 kids.

As we have certain commitments over in the UK, which has been taking it's toll on my husbands health. We prevoiusley had been to Thailand on family holidays, which he totally chilled out.

So probably (naively) thought that, time away in Pattaya would do him the world of good, we didn't want him 6ft under. Gut instinct told me something was amiss, and at xmas we went away as a family to Pattaya again. Only this time he got caught, I left him there.

So back here in UK, he has addmitted he's been unfaithfull. Only the once!!

Anyway, I never at any stage in our married life stopped loving him and I still do now. We've talked and talked, I found a way in my own head to get over this BIT OF FLUFF (bar girl). But he's told me he still has feelings for me, but he loves her!

He say's he dosen't trust her, I've told him she only loves you for your back pocked and trying to feed the family in the back of beyond somewhere. But he knows all this, yet he still loves her!! If any of you ladies have been through this, how the hel_l did you cope?

I'm sorry if i've offended anyone by calling the girls a BIT OF FLUFF.

We also are in the process of purchasing a property over there, can a UK will have any bearing on assetts over there? Or if they shacked up and got married what does she stand to gain? All of what we as a couple have worked for, I don't want the BIT OF FLUFF getting a bar of any of it, thats our kids not her's.

Sorry for the ramble and hoping you can help

Regards

time to get even

[/

Time to get even dear,

I hear you loud and clear. I thank everyone for helping you. I feel you pain and my heart and soul will be with you until you solve this problem. I urge you get counseling, see doctor for HIV check up, consult Thai lawyer since you have a proerty in Thailand, Keep cool and do not give up your space for the Bitch. You have to know where is your husband at all time?? Do not pick a fight and walk off from your best 23 marriage year?? Right at this moment you are sad, angry and unhappy. But, if you sit down and search your soul trying to get even I am 100% sure you know how to get your husband back??? Good luck and I wish the best for you...Ryladie99

[britmaveric]

Assort your affairs out, divorce him, and then let him run to his teerak in Thailand. Only get one chance in a relationship - no room for bits of fluff, time to move on!!

[taxexile]

But he's told me he still has feelings for me, but he loves her!

he doesnt love her , but he probably loves the way he feels when having sex with her , these girls can make a man feel very wanted indeed , but when the novelty wears off , he will run from her.

perhaps if you are still in love with him you might consider the true meaning of love , which is to take happiness from seeing your partners happiness , and rather than feeling anger at what you see as a betrayal , rather than trying to keep him in a cage that at this time he feels like escaping from , allow him his happiness and his freedom at this time of his life in a selfless manner.

allow him his fling , wait for his return......

........ and then take him to the cleaners !

Edited January 27, 2009 by taxexile

[wensiensheng]

I am a man, but I have been divorced twice......so maybe my thoughts might have some relevance.

The fact is, people get over failed relationships. It seems terrible at the time, and it is, but time heals wounds. What do you know for sure? You know for sure that you and your children will continue as a family. You know that you are due, and deserve, at least a half share of any family assets. Those assets are also important to the future of you and your kids. Act now to protect that future, by protecting your assets from being spent by your husband.

What do you know as a maybe? Maybe your husband will get bored with the girl, maybe she will drop him when she has as much of his/your money as she thinks she can get. Maybe when either of these things happen, he will come to his senses and want to get back with you. Maybe you will let him, maybe not. All these maybe's are for the future to decide as they can't be decided upon right now.....unless you know you don't want him back, in which case things are actually simpler.

Another thought, sometimes men are actually grateful when the woman decides a few things for sure and takes action. Men get confused when they get split loaylties between girlfriend and wife. If the wife takes decisive action and cuts him off (so to speak) by filing for divorce etc, then the man knows he's going with the girlfriend and it cuts down split loyalties.

Look, once things with this girl end, he either goes down a road of looking for another girlfriend, then another, then another, or he looks to get back to a stable relationship. If you've been firm but not nasty, he's just as likely to want you, as strike out anew. If YOU decide it's what you also want, then anything that has been done can be undone, remarriage etc etc. BUT, if in his moment of madness he has squandered your assets, life will be tougher, whether together or apart.

What am I trying to say overall? I think it is that you need to take control of your life. Do this by protecting your financial assets for you and the kids. Do this by filing for divorce, firmly if not nastily, so that you know the direction in which your own life is headed. Do this by focusing on yourself and away from your husband and his girlfriend.

Whether your husband comes to senses, or not, whether you want him back, whether you think you can trust him in an environment like Pattaya, these are things to think about in the future. The immediate issues and action required are clear, protect your financial assets, start divorce procedings so that you are ready to strike out on your own, both menatally and emotionally. Everything else can wait, for now focus on your future, not his.

So far as the legal position of property in Thailand is concerned, don't underestimate the persuasion that this girlfriend is going to exert on your husband to get something, anything, put in her name. If the condo is in his name with a will bequeathing it to you, maybe it's ok, but if he buys it in his name, it can be transferred to the girl in his life time, even if there is a will in your favour. Best not allow any assets into Thailand or if you do, make sure that anything is in your sole name or at worst, in joint names. If you allow anything to be in his name, I suspect you should consider it as written off because this girl is going to go all out to get her teeth and nails into it. I bet she's had some of your money already and is still getting some every month. Maybe it seems small, but I also bet it will get bigger.

Good luck and look forward to your years after the next two. You'll be surprised how life looks better once all this stuff is over and done with.......the sooner the better!!

[PennyFarthing123]

One thing to consider--A will can be changed at any time. So even if he has a will and it is translated into Thai, if he changes his mind in favor of the girlfriend, he can just re-write the will to benefit her. The only safe way to protect property is to have the condo in your name alone and then to have the chanote in a safe place that he cannot access.

I am not familiar with UK law, but I believe it would be possible for him to leave part of his UK assets to someone in Thailand if he so desires. They would not have to be married-it would just have to be his assets.

[petermik]

Hi

Thanks again for your comments.

I've since found out this morning that I can get a UK will translated into Thai and registrered over there which should do.

We have a comany in the UK, which my shares are going to be equally divided between the kids, yet still retain myself as a director.

I have to be very sublte at the moment with my actions so as not to cause alarm bells with him.

But yes I will be going to see a solicitor that's all I have.

And as the saying goes, what goes around, comes around!!! Hope i'm there to see it!

Regards

Time to get even.

Sorry to hear of your misfortune as a divorced male I can see both sides,my advice to you for what its worth is put yourself and your children first,protect yourself as much as you can-it will be painfull at times but YOU come first.Unfortunately at times some men do not think with their brains but are lead with what is between their legs-I doubt if your husband will come to his senses soon enough the temptations in Pattaya are too great for this-sorry but this is my assesment-move on.

[koheesti]

If he have feelings for her he must be an idiot,

Frankly, if he really thinks he loves her then your best bet is to cut your losses now.

All too true.

I don't really have any advice for you but I can say with 100% certainty that if your husband fell in love with someone (PC for "hooker") whose job is to make him feel special ("handsome man!") and part him from his money then your husband is a moron. These girls are really good at their job but he should still know the only "love" is her love for his/your/your family's money. Not like it's a big secret here in Thailand afterall.

[Patsycat]

Nice song for you -

[submaniac]

I don't know about you, but I would have a really hard time taking back a partner who has done what he has. It's not just about the sex. It's about the fact that he says he loves her. Sex is one thing, and a man can have it without love. However, if my GF/wife/partner said that she was im love with someone else, I don't know how I could stand to be with her.

The reality of the situation is this bargirl has no/or very little feelings for him. This forum is full of stories about how relationships with bargirls goes South, and how a farang ends up alone and with a lighter pocketbook. I say let him go. It may be hard for you to do so, but it will bring the point home. If you try and cage him, he will only have ideas about trying to get out. Let him go. Let him see the reality of the situation. Once he gets to Thailand, this bargirl will get sick of him. Let me guess, he is an overweight middle-aged man right? Receding hairline maybe? The bargirls go for this type of guy for the money. But she probably has a young, good looking Thai boyfriend. It will not last. Once he gets dumped by the Bargirl, or duped out of money, he will be alone. And he will realize that the girls are not after him because of his stunning good looks and charm. He will realize what a mistake he made and come back to you.

[F1fanatic]

I don't know about you, but I would have a really hard time taking back a partner who has done what he has. It's not just about the sex. It's about the fact that he says he loves her. Sex is one thing, and a man can have it without love. However, if my GF/wife/partner said that she was im love with someone else, I don't know how I could stand to be with her.

The reality of the situation is this bargirl has no/or very little feelings for him. This forum is full of stories about how relationships with bargirls goes South, and how a farang ends up alone and with a lighter pocketbook. I say let him go. It may be hard for you to do so, but it will bring the point home. If you try and cage him, he will only have ideas about trying to get out. Let him go. Let him see the reality of the situation. Once he gets to Thailand, this bargirl will get sick of him. Let me guess, he is an overweight middle-aged man right? Receding hairline maybe? The bargirls go for this type of guy for the money. But she probably has a young, good looking Thai boyfriend. It will not last. Once he gets dumped by the Bargirl, or duped out of money, he will be alone. And he will realize that the girls are not after him because of his stunning good looks and charm. He will realize what a mistake he made and come back to you.

For god's sake - get out now! He's going through a mid-life crisis that will take years to resolve. Of course, many men go through mid-life crises, but they know better than to risk everything for a Thai woman!

He is not about to change.

Whatever happens DO NOT bring any money here, you can lose everything v easily and quickly!

[scottyd]

I agree, get out now while you can, don't even consider taking him back, it's his loss and he will realise this in time. Just make sure you and the kids are alright, thats all that matters anyways.

[NALAK]

i have not but my ex wife did. seriously though i doubt he will get over it and he is on damage limitation. i used to work in go go bar in bangkok and could not beleive what married men with families would do for the thai girls. at the end of the day he has crossed you wih a prostitute, just how would you feel if he went with prostitutes at home. yeah exactly disgusting.

p.s sorry if as a male my post is not welcome but this forum is so liberated and well educated i cannot help but read it.

Edited January 29, 2009 by NALAK

[cathyy]

The OP's story is, sadly, not a new one. The advice given to immediately protect the family's assets is good advice. It is very hard to convey just how adept the ladies here can be at getting men to part with money. She should engage a lawyer (solicitor), protect the assets, terminate the potential condo purchase, and refuse to visit Thailand, never mind retiring here. All as previous posters have advised.

[sbk]

i have not but my ex wife did. seriously though i doubt he will get over it and he is on damage limitation. i used to work in go go bar in bangkok and could not beleive what married men with families would do for the thai girls. at the end of the day he has crossed you wih a prostitute, just how would you feel if he went with prostitutes at home. yeah exactly disgusting.

p.s sorry if as a male my post is not welcome but this forum is so liberated and well educated i cannot help but read it.

Well-mannered men and their opinions are usually pretty welcome. As you can see, quite a few men have posted in this thread already and its interesting to see an almost universal opinion that the kids and their future must come first and the husband can take care of himself.