Thai ex-boyfriend

[Nat]

Hi all!

It's been a while since I wrote, but really need some advice. I just broke up with my thai boyfriend - long story but he just became too possessive, jealous and had a serious anger management problem. I tried everything to make it work, but sometimes it's no use banging you're head against a wall (if you know what I mean). Anyway ended it with him, but explained all the reasons, as I still do care about him. Now he's just become crazier than ever! Not sure how to deal with the situation, as every time he sees me he gets really angry (even tried shooting me with a pellet gun!). I need your help!! Any advice?

Thanks Nat  

[pnustedt]

tried shooting me with a pellet gun!. I need your help!! Any advice?

You should report the incident to the police.

I do not know Thai law but there must also be a mechanism whereby you could get a solicitor to take out a restraining order of some sort.

[Boo]

Hi Nat,

Please take care with this guy. If he is threatening you in this way, maybe it would be better for you to leave where you are for a while to let him calm down. This may sound extreme but I have heard too many stories about Thai guys going off this way, a good friend of mine had one guy coming to her room with a gun because she was letting his ex girlfriend sleep there while she sorted out a place to stay, he also told his friends to rape his ex if they saw her & he had a network of people telling him where she was or had been at all times.

Sometimes these guys can be crazy & if you really feel in danger, just leave. Better to be away & safe than forever looking over your shoulder.

[samuisam]

Get word to his family?

[Nat]

Hi all

Thanks for the advice. Boo the network of spies is true! While I was with my ex (and even now) he has people following me and reporting my every move! One night I noticed one of his friends hiding in a bush watching me, so I confronted my boyfriend and he told me that he has people watching me and knows everything I do. This was very frustrating and part of the reason I ended it with him. He's never hit me but must admit have been scared a few times. He told my friend that at times he wants to punch me, esp now that I've ended the relationship - he even demonstrated what he'd do to me with a punching bag! However, I do believe he only did that out of anger (well at least I hope). He has a good heart and I want to remain friends but not sure how to go about doing that.

I'm not going to go to the police, as he is friends with them and don't want to aggrivate him even more. Knowing my luck I'll end up having the police hasseling me.

I would go to his family but don't think it would be much use. He doesn't see his dad, nor knows where he is. His mum is married to an Australian guy and always tells him to be nice and gentle with me - but he obviously doesn't listen to her.

Think I will go away for a bit, it'll be good to put some space between us, however a bit worried how he'll be when I return.

Thanks again

Nat

[keestha]

Nat,

Sorry things turned sour.

Conceivably this could help a little bit: A Thai lady I know split up with her abusive husband, but though they were not living together anymore, he kept on hassling her, demanding money and so on. After a long time she moved to another province, where she rented a house not far fom where her sister lives. The guy though got word of where she went to, and with a few friends he went to her sisters house, drunk and demanding in a threatening way to see his ex wife.  When they had finally left, her sister went to the police and explained them everything, for the police it was the most  important to know the lady in question and her (ex) husband  had stopped living together for a somewhat more extended period.  The next day the guy went to her sisters house again, but her sister managed to call the police, who came promptly. The police checked the guys identity card and jotted down the details, and made it clear to him that he would be in big trouble if he would ever come back, which he indeed never did.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Nat put that space between you and him as soon as you can. A western woman is a bit of a trophy for a Thai guy, and he's lost face now that you've split. His reactions may be more and more violent.

[elfe]

Nat, sorry to hear that your love story went on like that. the best idea is to avoid meeting him for a while, maybe he cools down then.

it seems that many Thai guys are likely to often lose self control and become aggressive and even violent, so 'chai yen' is often a mask which can drop easily! especially if rejected or left by girlfriend, it's hard for them to handle the 'loss of face'.

be careful and talk to a police officer about that problem, it will be easier later if he really harms you in any way to get help from police. even they might have a chat with him about it first to bring him back to senses.

take care!

elfe

[Loki]

Nat put that space between you and him as soon as you can. A western woman is a bit of a trophy for a Thai guy, and he's lost face now that you've split. His reactions may be more and more violent.

Agree. Get away from him asap. It will get a lot worse if he or his friends ever spot you with someonelse.

[kwiz117]

This is one reason; many Thai girls I have talked with do not like to get married to a Thai guy. Many Thai guys are very selfish and uppish. Having a Falang GF will be like winning a sweep for them and loosing her will be unthinkable. So be careful and just report to the police and write a complain in the book for your own safety.

If you do not mind, can we know how old both of you are? Is this guy work for a Company. If he work for a Company, then I think you also can blackmail him by indicating him about informing his Company Friends and Police etc. Making Company staff and his network of friends know about his behavior, might be safer for your own safety.

Thai guys are dead scared for loosing jobs. May be that will help you to make things calm down.

In the worst case, leave Thailand or relocate to a place without telling any of your friends. You also act very strong so he will calm down. More you tolerate, more he will show his hidden colors to you.

[jocool140]

Hi Nat,  I have been married to a thai guy for quite a few years now.  My friend has had a relationship for a while before it turned sour.  It took about 8 months for him to get the picture etc after hassel with cops and all the rest.  Was a bit of a nightmare.

Basically you need to leave the area and start again.  Or you will just have to wait until he gets bored and goes away.  There is no reasoning with them.  They do not accept that you have finished with them.  Only the other way around.  So if you cant bear it - you must change location.  Come south!

[Butterfly]

Book a thai guy and have sex with him. make sure he knows that you went out and took a guy (Thai not farang) in your bed.

That should stop him.

[MaiChai]

I should look after your own safety first rather than doing anything provocative. Some good advice on this thread. I would get the local police to take a statement, so that its recorded somewhere officially. Then go for a long holiday somewhere. Any nice places by the sea you fancy going?

[Nat]

Hi all

Thankyou for the advice, I really appreciate it. Have relocated for the moment and hope by the time I return he has calmed down or found a new girlfriend!

Once again thankyou

Nat  

[pop3]

I think the persentage of Thai men that express themselves with violance is greater than in the west.

[Golf]

Hi Nat,

Sorry to hear about all this! As you might already know that I am a Thai guy, but I am not doing anything like your ex, I am sure. As far as I can see, I guess "lossing face" is the main reason he's angry. Like someone posted here, "jai yen" is just a mask, and I totally agree. I don't think that he has a good heart either. If he is, he wouldn't do such things as had his friends watching you, scared you, or wanted to punch you! For me, these are expected behaviors from Thai men who have low education. All of my friends (Thai, of course) have never done such things.

In my opinion, you shouldn't think that you still can be friend with him, or hope that he will clam down. He'll never be your friend and will be angry every time he sees you. Believe me, Thai men are so jealous and are very emotional rather than rational, just like most Thai women, too I know that you've relocated and that's a good thing. Next is never contact him again. Just disappear from his life. Don't talk to his friends, too. This is for your own safety as he might know your whereabout and harass you.

Good luck and please don't think that all Thai men are the same. At least, not me

[kat]

I appreciate your post Golf.

[britmaveric]

Definitely put space in between him and yourself. This is a "classic" warning sign, any lad who threatens or touches a lady in a violent way isn't a man. Don't let yourself be fooled- he's out to hurt you now that you've made him lose respect.

Please be careful and disappearing is the best available option specifically another city.

[Boo]

Hey everyone, this original post is from last year & I know that Nat has definately moved on since then & has nothing to do with this guy anymore, but it's good to know that there are people out there who care enough to post.

[britmaveric]

Ouch I didn't look at the date!

[Boo]

it doesn't matter brit, your advice was sound for anyone finding themselves in this situation, forunately most men in the world think like you, it's only the few cowards who feel the need to control with their fists

[Bizz]

Nat clad to hear you have moved, from what you have written down, I think it safer if you went to the police and maybe contact a solicitor. If this happens again and something happens god, forbid you are then covered in the eyes of the law.

He is obviously aware of where you work and whom your friends are please do not wait take action now.

Be safe

[snoophound]

Its hard to understand where Thai men are at

Are thai men ,men? on TV they all seem so fem.

Definitely nasty jealous streak,with a dangerous impulsiveness.

In the heat of the moment not logical at all.

Mind you that streak is not a men only thing!!!

[Golf]

You're welcome, Nat. Hope everything on your side is better now.

[ThaiAmGuy]

At last, some words of reason! Concur “golf” dude, with your earlier post—I too am a Thai guy (Thai American) living in Thailand. The problem with farang/Thai relationships in Thailand (whether male or female) is that the farangs tend to take on Thai’s who occupy the lowest rungs of society. We’re talking education, income, etc. It’s even more pronounced among farang men. And when problems arise, they assume all Thai folks are like that. Mai tuk!

Believe me, I’m not dissing lower income folks (may have been one myself back in the day!). This is not strictly a rich vs poor with regards to morality. But if you look at any society (including the west), you’ll see significant differences in behavior between upper class (read rich) and lower class (read, not rich) folks.

So after reading some of these rather unflattering—and downright awful—experiences that some of you women have had, I must conclude that you are looking for love in all the wrong places! Thai men that I know—friends, father, brothers, uncles, cousins—none, I mean NONE are anything like what you have described. So “golf” dude—and others like us—we must educate our foreign visitors to reality and try to at least provide the “other side.”

[kat]

Point well taken. So where do we meet you better "thai dudes"?

[sbk]

Well, I have to say that ThaiAmguy's points are ones I have always espoused. My husband comes from a well to do family, is educated, widely read and open minded. There are two other successful (after many many years) relationships that I know both are friends of mine whose husbands are also educated (one is an architect!) come from well to do famiies and are open minded. When I first came to Thailand there were several women with Thai husbands where I live (3), and for several years after that a few others (6 ish). The two friends I mentioned are the only ones still together (besides myself and my husband). How can a person have a serious long-term relationship with someone they do not feel equal to? And how happy can a man be knowing his wife has more money, more education and is more widely travelled than he? I don't know, the things that make my relationship strong are the things we share, that we have in common. Don't want to be classist but I agree, a man's behavior and attitudes towards women are shaped by his place in society (be it Thai or western).

[Golf]

You're absolutely right, SBK! Yes, we're talking about education here. I married my wife, who happens to be an American, last year. We're doing great and have no conflicts at all. I think it's because we have a lot of things in common. We share the same value and idea so we respect each other thoughts. My wife comes from the free society where she can express her true feelings. For Thai society, it's more traditional. That's why many (not all) Thai men are acting like this. What I am trying to say here is "how to make things better", not "taking on all Thais".

[DJ Pat]

<font color='#000000'>Nat put that space between you and him as soon as you can. A western woman is a bit of a trophy for a Thai guy, and he's lost face now that you've split. His reactions may be more and more violent.</font>

I certainly advise you to get out of there (I'm sorry to make it sound easy) Thai guys can be unpredictable at times. Somebody I know split with a Thai guy and he used to go out looking for her and went to her apartment block with a big knife. Luckily they had decent security and he never got in, but he used to come and shout the place down nightly for about three weeks then suddenly stopped. Maybe security got sick of him.

Sad to say I lost touch with that girl.

[ThaiAmGuy]

Kat, that’s a tough one. Problem is, most of the good ones are taken. Not hard to meet Thai women in Thailand, especially if you’re Thai and halfway respectable. Every single one of my male adult relatives here are married or have GFs. May I suggest you approach a man you fancy and just strike up a conversation. Hey “Golf,” you’ve been in-country for awhile? Maybe you can suggest something. Better yet, maybe SBK can share where she met her man. She seems to have done well....