Thai G/f Moving In With Me In Bkk

[teacup]

@teacup @bkkjames @samuibeachcomber

I am 27 yro and from American culture. My g/f, whom I have known almost a year and been dating for about 7 months, is 22 and Thai from a middle class family, Thai Uni educated, her parent's are teachers and brother a doctor. Because of cultural differences and me coming from a Westernized country to a third world country - it is only a fair question to pose. My g/f is not money hungry or untrustworthy and neither is her family.

As for the other threads that you speak of... I did not start this thread based upon other threads or other people's opinions, views, preconceptions, or ideals. Please view each thread as unique onto itself when originating from different forum members.

Thank you for all who have responded thus far. I will be purchasing a copy of "Thailand Fever" in the future. Continued discuss is welcomed and appreciated.

Peace,

Zen.

Hey I never said .....your gf is "money hungry or untrustworthy bla bla...", those were bkkjames words---or at least implying those who are w/ farangs.

And as usual he always try to be a "hero" in most threads

Anyway would love to dally abit more w/ you here, but it's almost 2 am here in "your country",--got the inspection to do tomorrow

So ZZZZZZ now for me

Edited February 19, 2009 by teacup

[bkkjames]

@teacup @bkkjames @samuibeachcomber

I am 27 yro and from American culture. My g/f, whom I have known almost a year and been dating for about 7 months, is 22 and Thai from a middle class family, Thai Uni educated, her parent's are teachers and brother a doctor. Because of cultural differences and me coming from a Westernized country to a third world country - it is only a fair question to pose. My g/f is not money hungry or untrustworthy and neither is her family.

As for the other threads that you speak of... I did not start this thread based upon other threads or other people's opinions, views, preconceptions, or ideals. Please view each thread as unique onto itself when originating from different forum members.

Thank you for all who have responded thus far. I will be purchasing a copy of "Thailand Fever" in the future. Continued discuss is welcomed and appreciated.

Peace,

Zen.

Hey I never said .....your gf is "money hungry or untrustworthy bla bla...", those were bkkjames words---or at least implying those who are w/ farangs.

And as usual he always try to be a "hero" in most threads

Anyway would love to dally abit more w/ you here, but it's almost 2 am here in "your country",--got the inspection to do tomorrow

So ZZZZZZ now for me

night dear, as usual, you contributed nothing to this thread

[ZenTraveler]

mate i am in agreement with you and hence why i took our little teacup to task, your question is legite. my only question is whether or not her parents know of your living arrangements? My experience (not unsimilar to yours, her background) was that she was not allowed to stay overnight - of course that changed once we got married.

She informed her mother, who of course, was against it. Then, to my surprise, my g/f used logic to convience her mother. Saying that her friends from Uni were going to stay in the outskirts of BKK where there were no job opportunities for her, or return to the south to their parents house. And that since her mom wanted her to live with someone else to help ensure that she was safe and not living by herself (a young woman in Bangkok) that living with me would be better than her getting her own apt in BKK alone. I am not sure if her parents know that she spends the night here on the weekends - I would assume so since she talks to her parents every weekend but I should not assume anything here.

We have to be more 'traditional' when we are visiting her parents, however, and not touch or be close together or anything like that. Which I am seeking a balance between me not being allowed to be me and accepting another culture...

[neverdie]

You should live alone & get a new girlfriend every week.....never let them have the keys to the appartment & always make them ride blindfolded back there, that way they have no idea where you actually live. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

[simon43]

You have no TV in your apartment???

Does your GF know this??

I see trouble ahead

Simon

[venturalaw]

I have known her since March of last year (almost a year now) and we've been dating since beginning of September (almost 7 months). She is truthworthy and I have met her main friends and her family twice. I don't have anything worth taking aside from my laptop and digi.

It seems that people who go to college for English here in Thailand don't really know a lot of English. I talk to her friends, all in the same English faculty and she has to translate for me with them all. She has studied English longer than her friends, prior to college, but English here seems to be standard or international without any understanding of American humor, metaphors, innuendos, analogies, figure of speech, etc. Such as I can't have a philosophical debate with her or use wisdom or quotes when talking to her... which greatly lessons what I say since that is how I speak usually.

I seem to be one of the few who have offered some hope for your situation. That being said, regarding your laptop - do you have a backup?

[Alwaysright]

Be prepared to do a runner and abandon the apartment if you want to break up with her.

Theres been so many a story here in LOS about this type of thing. Most people start off with that ole "Naa, it won't happen to me" type of attitude.

By the end of it they are wishing they lived in fort knox with armed security personnel.

Happens all over the world not just here.

[tampasailor]

I am also surprised you may have communication problems, if she is a uni grad with an English major. They are the one catagory of Thai, who usually have a reasonable command of Englsih. One room apt also pretty tight for two on al full-time basis. Good luck.

My gal has a MBA and BS in computer sciences and english but never had a chance to speak it so we had problems understanding each other at first. Her english is coming so fast now it amazes me. I am in Macau now and she is meeting me tomorrow in Singapore! She just had no foreign contact till me. In fact that is how we met, in her attempt to practice speaking english. We almost had to type to each other at first 555. We have a small one bedroom apt in bkk but eat out a lot or cook in an area by the lobby that is just for that and we meet our Thai friends there and share the meal etc. Rather than have a bigger place I would rather be near the BTS! It sometimes takes here two hours to get to work! We are out in Ramantra Road area. Just before you fall off the earth! Good luck!!

[ZenTraveler]

I am also surprised you may have communication problems, if she is a uni grad with an English major. They are the one catagory of Thai, who usually have a reasonable command of Englsih. One room apt also pretty tight for two on al full-time basis. Good luck.

My gal has a MBA and BS in computer sciences and english but never had a chance to speak it so we had problems understanding each other at first. Her english is coming so fast now it amazes me. I am in Macau now and she is meeting me tomorrow in Singapore! She just had no foreign contact till me. In fact that is how we met, in her attempt to practice speaking english. We almost had to type to each other at first 555. We have a small one bedroom apt in bkk but eat out a lot or cook in an area by the lobby that is just for that and we meet our Thai friends there and share the meal etc. Rather than have a bigger place I would rather be near the BTS! It sometimes takes here two hours to get to work! We are out in Ramantra Road area. Just before you fall off the earth! Good luck!!

So how is Macau? (little off topic you can PM me if you'd like) her and I wish to take a few days and fly to HK and then take a boat to Macau after she finishes her finales at Uni. We also want to go to Singapore and K.L..

I'm on late Sukhumvit near On-Nut BTS. It's a 25 minute walk from the apt to BTS or 5-8 min ride. I've learned to use the pick up trucks for 5.50 one way or walk it. Cab is usually 40 baht and a motorbike is 20 baht.

She continues to learn English words but not so much the jokes part. I've meet Thai girls on MyHappyPlanet.com (language partners website) who want to learn to understand American jokes so they can understand they farang boyfriends.

But I agree, being near a BTS is absolute key.

[RakJungTorlae]

I think you are moving to fast.. How are you going to have your personal space to breath? I lived with chicks while in highschool and think I broke a few doors just to get out of there…. Just get her an apartment near your area (still cheep boxes around suk…and its always good to have the missing feeling for a cared one..And her English will improve after rest the mind. She will be waking up every morning ready to speak with out a break unless she is with her friends. Its normal to drive the other opposite sex crazy, that’s why when people get married they buy big houses to escape from one and another.

[shochu]

dude,

if ur being sincere with this post - then treat her as u would anyone else irregardless of where she is from. the biggest mistake u can make is taking advice about ur relationship from experiences dealing with working girls. just because she is thai does not mean she will do as many here say. if she had a regular middle class upbringing (as it appears) she will be like any girl her age - anywhere.

however - the advice of at least getting a bigger place is sound - at least a bedroom as everbody needs their space.

if u r sincere - treat her with the respect u would expect and if it is real - then u will be happy. by going into a relationship as these guys here say expecting the worst - u set urself up for failure and will slip up and say or do something from what u have heard here and it will be difficult to heal. give it a fresh start and don't read that silly book - unless u think she has green card goggles - but then only u can know that.

by the way - there r many thai students in bangkok who speak very good english - even in high school. go to any good school and their english is as good as ours.

[a2396]

I hope you have known her for a reasonable time and you know she is stable and trustworthy. I once shared an apt with a Thai girl once & she took off with all the stuff one morning, while I was gone. I am also surprised you may have communication problems, if she is a uni grad with an English major. They are the one catagory of Thai, who usually have a reasonable command of Englsih. One room apt also pretty tight for two on al full-time basis. Good luck.

I have known her since March of last year (almost a year now) and we've been dating since beginning of September (almost 7 months). She is truthworthy and I have met her main friends and her family twice. I don't have anything worth taking aside from my laptop and digi.

It seems that people who go to college for English here in Thailand don't really know a lot of English. I talk to her friends, all in the same English faculty and she has to translate for me with them all. She has studied English longer than her friends, prior to college, but English here seems to be standard or international without any understanding of American humor, metaphors, innuendos, analogies, figure of speech, etc. Such as I can't have a philosophical debate with her or use wisdom or quotes when talking to her... which greatly lessons what I say since that is how I speak usually.

"without any understanding of American humor, metaphors, innuendos, analogies, figure of speech, etc. Such as I can't have a philosophical debate with her or use wisdom or quotes when talking to her.."

There is no way she would have a working knowledge of this level of American Englsih, unless she had lived in USA for some time or had been with you for several years and was a devoted student of your speech patterns. You are expecting way to much. You are lucky you can have basic conversation with her in English. Most of them cannot even do that. I was with one lady for 4 years and her Englsih was no better after the four years than at the start. I have only found a couple of GF's who have more than a marginal interest in learning Englsih.

[venturalaw]

dude,

if ur being sincere with this post - then treat her as u would anyone else irregardless of where she is from. the biggest mistake u can make is taking advice about ur relationship from experiences dealing with working girls. just because she is thai does not mean she will do as many here say. if she had a regular middle class upbringing (as it appears) she will be like any girl her age - anywhere.

however - the advice of at least getting a bigger place is sound - at least a bedroom as everbody needs their space.

if u r sincere - treat her with the respect u would expect and if it is real - then u will be happy. by going into a relationship as these guys here say expecting the worst - u set urself up for failure and will slip up and say or do something from what u have heard here and it will be difficult to heal. give it a fresh start and don't read that silly book - unless u think she has green card goggles - but then only u can know that.

by the way - there r many thai students in bangkok who speak very good english - even in high school. go to any good school and their english is as good as ours.

I respectfully disagree with the comment about the subject book being silly. Treating it perhaps not as a guide to romance, but rather as a reference regarding the difference between the way Thai respond vs. Westerners to various situations, and why, is interesting. Not silly.

I agree with the comment about "working girls" vs. "regular middle class upbringing", and/or college student/graduate. It is extremely rare for a working girl - farang relationship to have much of a future - and therefore moving in together is a virtual guaranty for failure. There are plenty of stories here about that scenario.

[shochu]

fully agree

as long as it is not treated as a guide to romance but more as a reference guide as u suggest to cultural differences - BUT - as long as it is read and understood in such a manner -AND - not subconsciously imbued.

[pop_corn]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

What kind of advices do you want? O_o... "sleep with your wallet under the pillow" "make sure you don't have a balcony where she can start a fire to cook?" ..If you have doubts about it DON'T MOVE TOGETHER........!!!

p.s. Im starting to get piss off of so many guys asking for stupid advices with the thai girlfriends. Why in the world do you want to be with someone that you don't trust 100% or you don't understand 100%? F that really!

[Tigs]

To be honest ZenTraveller, I do find it a little unsettling when people need to ask for advice as to how to handle girlfriends, and on an internet forum?? How on earth do you expect to conduct a philosophical debate with your girlfriend when english is not her mother tongue? Have you taken the time to learn Thai, and tried to conduct such a debate with her in her own language?? ...mmmmm let me guess...No! It's difficult isn't it, and equally so for her and her friends.

I do not mean to be rude, but you do sound a little bit like Dr Spock off Star Treck (are you a fan?). You need to relax and let the exprience of being with this girl flourish in it's own way. Why do you need to canvass the ideas of unknown folks on the internet, some of whom will be grumpy people with bad experiences or read crappy books that were written in a style to ensure people buy copies? What is the point of reading Thai Fever, what do you expect to get from it? It is the experiences of one person.

Let your relationship go the way it wants to go, and do not heed the advice of others who know neither you or your girlfriend or your respective situations.

[ZenTraveler]

dude,

if ur being sincere with this post - then treat her as u would anyone else irregardless of where she is from. the biggest mistake u can make is taking advice about ur relationship from experiences dealing with working girls. just because she is thai does not mean she will do as many here say. if she had a regular middle class upbringing (as it appears) she will be like any girl her age - anywhere.

however - the advice of at least getting a bigger place is sound - at least a bedroom as everbody needs their space.

if u r sincere - treat her with the respect u would expect and if it is real - then u will be happy. by going into a relationship as these guys here say expecting the worst - u set urself up for failure and will slip up and say or do something from what u have heard here and it will be difficult to heal. give it a fresh start and don't read that silly book - unless u think she has green card goggles - but then only u can know that.

by the way - there r many thai students in bangkok who speak very good english - even in high school. go to any good school and their english is as good as ours.

Thank You! Great response. Yes, I am sincere. I was merely asking from a cultural perspective. And yes, it seems there are varying levels of English abilities. I just got off the elevator here with a Thai girl who spoke English like it was her first language. And you are right about setting yourself up - we all do it in life. Look at the worst and create it in your own life. Or, look for the best and create that in your own life.

Peace,

Zen.

[ZenTraveler]

To be honest ZenTraveller, I do find it a little unsettling when people need to ask for advice as to how to handle girlfriends, and on an internet forum?? How on earth do you expect to conduct a philosophical debate with your girlfriend when english is not her mother tongue? Have you taken the time to learn Thai, and tried to conduct such a debate with her in her own language?? ...mmmmm let me guess...No! It's difficult isn't it, and equally so for her and her friends.

I do not mean to be rude, but you do sound a little bit like Dr Spock off Star Treck (are you a fan?). You need to relax and let the exprience of being with this girl flourish in it's own way. Why do you need to canvass the ideas of unknown folks on the internet, some of whom will be grumpy people with bad experiences or read crappy books that were written in a style to ensure people buy copies? What is the point of reading Thai Fever, what do you expect to get from it? It is the experiences of one person.

Let your relationship go the way it wants to go, and do not heed the advice of others who know neither you or your girlfriend or your respective situations.

I was merely asking from a culture perspective. Although, I did not say that specifically in my initial post. Thank you for your response.

Peace,

Zen.

[ZenTraveler]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

What kind of advices do you want? O_o... "sleep with your wallet under the pillow" "make sure you don't have a balcony where she can start a fire to cook?" ..If you have doubts about it DON'T MOVE TOGETHER........!!!

p.s. Im starting to get piss off of so many guys asking for stupid advices with the thai girlfriends. Why in the world do you want to be with someone that you don't trust 100% or you don't understand 100%? F that really!

I was asking purely for cultural differences. It appears I left those two words out of my initial post for reasons I do not remember.

p.s. if you're getting pissy about certain threads that people post, I have a very easy solution for you - don't read them.

Thanks for your response.

Peace,

Zen.

[pop_corn]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

What kind of advices do you want? O_o... "sleep with your wallet under the pillow" "make sure you don't have a balcony where she can start a fire to cook?" ..If you have doubts about it DON'T MOVE TOGETHER........!!!

p.s. Im starting to get piss off of so many guys asking for stupid advices with the thai girlfriends. Why in the world do you want to be with someone that you don't trust 100% or you don't understand 100%? F that really!

I was asking purely for cultural differences. It appears I left those two words out of my initial post for reasons I do not remember.

p.s. if you're getting pissy about certain threads that people post, I have a very easy solution for you - don't read them.

Thanks for your response.

Peace,

Zen.

So, then was option number two. You think she will make a fire in the balcony to cook for you or something. You should know better than us the differences in between your girl and you. Don't ask strangers about it!

[scottyd]

I suggest you try it. Then if its not working, arrange something else. The best and only advice I can give.

[ozzieovaseas]

You should live alone & get a new girlfriend every week.....never let them have the keys to the appartment & always make them ride blindfolded back there, that way they have no idea where you actually live. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

GODDAMM!! neverdie i hope you will accept the dry cleaners bill for me crapping my pants...

[Hawaiian]

Zen, the fact that you are seeking advice shows that you want this relationship to work. If you can get along

fairly well in cramped quarters and having Thai/English language difficulties, then go for it.

Yes, you need a larger place and yes, both of you need to be more than patient in learning each others language

and culture. If you found an apartment that allowed cooking you could save money eating in that would pay for

the higher rent.

Your gf choice of friends is usually a good indicator of her character. If they are true friends they will advise her

how to make things work for both of you.

Lots of ifs. That's what life is all about. Good luck from someone who's happily married to a Thai woman.

[kyb789]

Zen,

You seem like a good guy and you came out for help. I respect that and you deserve some honest advice. Looks like you are still a little bit young (yes, I am jealous), but please listen to the advise from the posters. They may joke and poke some fun but there is some wisdom there. I have lived in Thailand for more than 3 yrs. Have you? I have dated at least 50 Thai women from all Thai subcultures and social and economic class levels. Have you? I am not the expert. I certainly know people with more experience than me.

But I feel in my own honest opinion that you are making a big mistake. Not all Thai women are the same. Some are the best and most sincere women you will ever meet in your life, and some are the most evil. You just don't know. If you have not lived here for a long time, and if you have not spent enough time with your girl while living here, then you still have a lot to learn. I have ended relationships over some basic principles and I have no regrets. It has saved me so much heartache and disasters that I read about time and time again.

1. Never give your apartment keys to your girlfriend

2. Never let her leave clothes at your apartment

3. Never ever ever live with a girl until you are ready for the "trial stage" for marriage.

4. Never meet her family until you are sure she is the one.

5. Never pay for all your night outs. She must contribute, even if in a small way.

6. Never ever ever give her money.

7. Never date a girl without a job.

These are my rules, and they have helped me find the best quality girls in the world. The cheap lazy ones leave like dust in the wind. My advice is to live here in Thailand at least 1 year alone, date her, spend a lot of time with her. Then you can decide if you want to live together. But I believe you are moving way way to fast. Do you know how many guys I know that met a girl in their 20's, and they are still with the same girl today? Not many. In fact only one. Think smart with your upper head, not the lower one.

[jcon]

and its always good to have the missing feeling for a cared one.

Aw RJT I never knew you were such a romantic!!! Does teacup/metrogirl know about this side of you? She'd be w you....

Oh yeah but she's got her 'beefcake man' and her forex trading to do, so maybe she's a bit busy....

[merck]

@teacup @bkkjames @samuibeachcomber

I am 27 yro and from American culture. My g/f, whom I have known almost a year and been dating for about 7 months, is 22 and Thai from a middle class family, Thai Uni educated, her parent's are teachers and brother a doctor. Because of cultural differences and me coming from a Westernized country to a third world country - it is only a fair question to pose. My g/f is not money hungry or untrustworthy and neither is her family.

As for the other threads that you speak of... I did not start this thread based upon other threads or other people's opinions, views, preconceptions, or ideals. Please view each thread as unique onto itself when originating from different forum members.

Thank you for all who have responded thus far. I will be purchasing a copy of "Thailand Fever" in the future. Continued discuss is welcomed and appreciated.

Peace,

Zen.

Hey I never said .....your gf is "money hungry or untrustworthy bla bla...", those were bkkjames words---or at least implying those who are w/ farangs.

And as usual he always try to be a "hero" in most threads

Anyway would love to dally abit more w/ you here, but it's almost 2 am here in "your country",--got the inspection to do tomorrow

So ZZZZZZ now for me

night dear, as usual, you contributed nothing to this thread

Like any of your posts ever do? lol

[MiG16]

alright, Im going to ask everyone to only contribute to the topic at hand.

those that have other things to say, you will have to say it elsewhere.

any more off topic remarks and not only will such posts be deleted, I will also issue warnings.

goodluck Zen

[bkkjames]

@teacup @bkkjames @samuibeachcomber

I am 27 yro and from American culture. My g/f, whom I have known almost a year and been dating for about 7 months, is 22 and Thai from a middle class family, Thai Uni educated, her parent's are teachers and brother a doctor. Because of cultural differences and me coming from a Westernized country to a third world country - it is only a fair question to pose. My g/f is not money hungry or untrustworthy and neither is her family.

As for the other threads that you speak of... I did not start this thread based upon other threads or other people's opinions, views, preconceptions, or ideals. Please view each thread as unique onto itself when originating from different forum members.

Thank you for all who have responded thus far. I will be purchasing a copy of "Thailand Fever" in the future. Continued discuss is welcomed and appreciated.

Peace,

Zen.

Hey I never said .....your gf is "money hungry or untrustworthy bla bla...", those were bkkjames words---or at least implying those who are w/ farangs.

And as usual he always try to be a "hero" in most threads

Anyway would love to dally abit more w/ you here, but it's almost 2 am here in "your country",--got the inspection to do tomorrow

So ZZZZZZ now for me

night dear, as usual, you contributed nothing to this thread

Like any of your posts ever do? lol

mate, let teacup fight her own battles , as for contributing, if you take time to read< I did mention ask the OP how he was getting aroung the whole parent issue vis-a-vis living with his girl. but then again, with only 54 posts its no wonder why I can't recall any of your contributions.

P-corn, I think the OP is wise to solicit opinions from many that have been there - done that, isn't that what forums like TV are for? Yes, every case and experience is different but I see nothing wrong with him arming himself with a little background info and advice.

OP, get a tv and a bigger room!

[teacup]

mate, let teacup fight her own battles ,

OP, get a tv and a bigger room!

Battles?.....am not in any battle,

but just trying to raise the "public awareness" on what might be the up coming....."same same but different" threads

Anyway thats all I have to say, cause don’t want to join your “Yellow Card Elite Group” anytime soon

I still need to maintain my squeeky-clean reputation too, you know

Tata

[Ave88]

would suggest you continue paying the same rent you were and put her contribution towards finding a larger space.

Good advice here.