True Colours

[Sabum]

G54 how on earth did you misunderstand what I was saying... I wasn't criticising you for paying her a salary dear lord no... I was criticising you for NOT paying her a salary.

Bottom line is you are old and she is a teenager, I know you want to believe in the 50/50 relationship that all of us other people have that hooked up with people somewhere close to our age bracket and social status but you cannot have that when you hook up with a dirt poor teenager! You should be paying her a salary, that's all there is to it.

But I think she is totally lying to you, she works a factory AND goes to school AND sometimes works at her other job... are you <deleted> daft? She's totally lying. She's desperately trying to set you up to pay the salary or marriage fee that you are SUPPOSED to pay being an old man with a young young girl.

Wake up to reality! There is no suck thing as true love between people of such vast age difference and social standing combined! Absolutely NO WAY.

So, what's an appropriate amount for her "fees"? 20,000 bht is reasonable for some uneducated country girl??? How much would she get from a Thai?

See you really don't get it, by asking that question and pointing out the obvious that a young Thai man would pay NOTHING and then wondering why an old man has to pay? WOW. Its just basic common sense here people. Asians get it right away, why don't we? Because it's not a part of our culture like it is theirs I guess, but we should still be able to learn. Educated and capable she would not be with an old dude in the first place, that isn't relevant. An old rich Thai man WOULD pay, although his choice in young paid girlfriend would be a light skinned Chinese looking girl and not usually the same kind of dark skinned farmer we as falangs tend to go for or attract. It's different in every situation right? How rich and old and ugly is he? How YOUNG and beautiful and light skinned is she? All these things will land up factoring into an amount. And if it's not cold hard cash payments, it is a car, a condo, jewellery etc... If you are old and want a teenage girlfriend that is beautiful you are completely crazy if you think you should not be paying. Why would she waste her time on you, a guy that will not marry her and/or provide for her and her family. you really think her choice in lover is an old wrinkly fat guy over a young fit handsome guy? Out of sheer lust due to some bizarre old man fetish? Delusions.

If you're not going to marry her and provide for her that way then you will be expected to pay a salary and take care of her that other way. If you're doing neither, enjoy it while it lasts because they will eventually lose faith that you will come around and they will grow distant and make excuses not to see you. The INSTANT she meets someone that will provide for her you are nothing but a memory.

[scottyd]

Sabum, I can understand what you are saying, but I still think the situation these particular Thai women put men in is wrong. If you don't like the man for what he is instead of what he has got, why bother? Its just glorified prostitution. She should realise that if she does like him, and the feeling is mutual, then the quality of life will get better for her as the relationship progresses, but she is merely putting a stop to progress by these silly demands.

If she is nice, but is being led on by her peers, then really she should know better.

[Isee]

"....but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble."

Certainly good advice, but as you point out, not an easy task here. Educated and/or professional Thai women, who are of marriage age 25/35, do not desire and are generally not interested in foreign men. They don't need them and they would be taking a step down on their social standing to marry one. I am talking about those who would be living and staying in Thailand, not relocating overseas. I have lived in LOS and have never seen such a marriage. 40+ professional women who are widowed or divorced - maybe.

hmmmm...its a common mistake to believe that education/money similarities will equate to a happy union. Consider a scenario where both parties are professionals, earn similar money (obviously the 'true criteria' (sic) to know she/he doesn't need/want your money) BUT...he/she has different values, ethics, morals etc to you. Now, what would you consider will have a lasting effect on a relationship? I know a thai female who earns 150k per month, accountant (some sort of speciality not worth going into), just shy of 30, never married, not interested in a thai BF (but may have to resort back to one as she's having trouble meeting a similar farang). Now while I consider her a friend, I could never have a successful personal relationship with her, not because she is a bad person, but what she believes is the goal of happiness in life is different to my view on the subject.

[a2396]

G54 how on earth did you misunderstand what I was saying... I wasn't criticising you for paying her a salary dear lord no... I was criticising you for NOT paying her a salary.

Bottom line is you are old and she is a teenager, I know you want to believe in the 50/50 relationship that all of us other people have that hooked up with people somewhere close to our age bracket and social status but you cannot have that when you hook up with a dirt poor teenager! You should be paying her a salary, that's all there is to it.

But I think she is totally lying to you, she works a factory AND goes to school AND sometimes works at her other job... are you <deleted> daft? She's totally lying. She's desperately trying to set you up to pay the salary or marriage fee that you are SUPPOSED to pay being an old man with a young young girl.

Wake up to reality! There is no suck thing as true love between people of such vast age difference and social standing combined! Absolutely NO WAY.

So, what's an appropriate amount for her "fees"? 20,000 bht is reasonable for some uneducated country girl??? How much would she get from a Thai?

See you really don't get it, by asking that question and pointing out the obvious that a young Thai man would pay NOTHING and then wondering why an old man has to pay? WOW. Its just basic common sense here people. Asians get it right away, why don't we? Because it's not a part of our culture like it is theirs I guess, but we should still be able to learn. Educated and capable she would not be with an old dude in the first place, that isn't relevant. An old rich Thai man WOULD pay, although his choice in young paid girlfriend would be a light skinned Chinese looking girl and not usually the same kind of dark skinned farmer we as falangs tend to go for or attract. It's different in every situation right? How rich and old and ugly is he? How YOUNG and beautiful and light skinned is she? All these things will land up factoring into an amount. And if it's not cold hard cash payments, it is a car, a condo, jewellery etc... If you are old and want a teenage girlfriend that is beautiful you are completely crazy if you think you should not be paying. Why would she waste her time on you, a guy that will not marry her and/or provide for her and her family. you really think her choice in lover is an old wrinkly fat guy over a young fit handsome guy? Out of sheer lust due to some bizarre old man fetish? Delusions.

If you're not going to marry her and provide for her that way then you will be expected to pay a salary and take care of her that other way. If you're doing neither, enjoy it while it lasts because they will eventually lose faith that you will come around and they will grow distant and make excuses not to see you. The INSTANT she meets someone that will provide for her you are nothing but a memory.

So, there are rich old THAI men waiting in line to pay 20,000 bht for this dark skinned, uneducated country girl?? I hardly think 20,000 is her marketable price to any Thai. ... and don't forget to throw in the greedy family, who will be trying to up the ante at every turn, which a Thai man would have no tolerance for. Yea, she's worth and deserves some money, but how much, as long as we are viewing this as only about money. Of course, love has got nothing to do with it, since a young girl could never love an older man, according to some "experts" on this forum.

As for my own experience, my present GF (or something like that) was a Mia Noi to a rich Thai. She served 3 years at this, starting at age 18. Her "salary" 10 to 20,000 per mo. Never got a house & car, to my knowledge. She was later "put out to pasture", since these are not necessarily lifetime jobs.

[Chaimai]

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

This may also fall on deaf ears - feel free to come and visit the real world, anytime.

[Gravelrash]

Sorry if it's too deep for you BkkJames, but it just seems patently obvious to me that if you treat someone like something to be used and then thrown away, easily replaced, then the only people you will attract are the ones who figure its ok to take you for whatever they can get.

<deleted>, with the right person OK, but plenty of well treated gals do the same. Agree, seems the girl seems was too young, find someone of a more suitable age, 30 yo still looks good here (not the west of course).

Keep control of your assets, if good look after her, if not move on. Play the game until a serious contender emerges.

[473geo]

Usual suspects out in force I see... ...my slant?

No need for analysis...her being tired, not wanting to see you, is an indicator she has located an alternative option elsewhere

All she has to do before she moves on, is check out there is no immediate milage/future in you - as per Sabum comment earlier

That done she will persue her manager at the sugar factory

Maigo6 wife will know him!

This situation is a risk you run if your decisions are based on finance

[mahtin]

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

This may also fall on deaf ears - feel free to come and visit the real world, anytime.

He did say he was a lonely dude

[dumball]

Sabum, I can understand what you are saying, but I still think the situation these particular Thai women put men in is wrong. If you don't like the man for what he is instead of what he has got, why bother? Its just glorified prostitution. She should realise that if she does like him, and the feeling is mutual, then the quality of life will get better for her as the relationship progresses, but she is merely putting a stop to progress by these silly demands.

If she is nice, but is being led on by her peers, then really she should know better.

Scottyd , I think you have it close to spot on , the problem I feel with folks like Sa bum is they do not even try to understand the other side of the coin , they blab on that'" It is the culture " , so before the white man appeared on the scene , poor young village ladies with no future except working in a rice paddy and churning out children to ensure the future of the family , with a local man with a likewise future , were taught at an early age to find a fat old white man with lots of money and take him for all she could get . Sounds more like a good score for a movie project , should make millions for the poor village people .

Just an after-thought , does this sound condescending ?

[473geo]

Sabum, I can understand what you are saying, but I still think the situation these particular Thai women put men in is wrong. If you don't like the man for what he is instead of what he has got, why bother? Its just glorified prostitution. She should realise that if she does like him, and the feeling is mutual, then the quality of life will get better for her as the relationship progresses, but she is merely putting a stop to progress by these silly demands.

If she is nice, but is being led on by her peers, then really she should know better.

Scottyd , I think you have it close to spot on , the problem I feel with folks like Sa bum is they do not even try to understand the other side of the coin , they blab on that'" It is the culture " , so before the white man appeared on the scene , poor young village ladies with no future except working in a rice paddy and churning out children to ensure the future of the family , with a local man with a likewise future , were taught at an early age to find a fat old white man with lots of money and take him for all she could get . Sounds more like a good score for a movie project , should make millions for the poor village people .

Just an after-thought , does this sound condescending ?

Well I'm pretty sure if I remember my history correctly...the template you have described was prevalent in rural communities in the Victorian era. (UK)

[Sabum]

Before the "white man" came onto the scene YES young pretty girls had arrangements with older wealthy Asian men, it happened then and it happens now. And in this situation we aren't talking about a woman that is younger, we are talking about a man who is over 50 dating a TEENAGER, that is a drastic age difference, and every old mans dream. Maybe there's real feelings when the distance is like 15 years but close to 40 years?! cmon...... Please think clearly.

Like I've said several times I do not judge this, I accept it for what it is and think that as long as you do too, you will not be heartbroken or scammed. When you start trying to believe in a lie you open yourself up to all kinds of trouble.

[dave9988]

maigo's wife no work sugar factory?

She owns the Sugar Factory.

you elitest!!!!!

[dave9988]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

I have a different perspective. Why would anyone who earns THB100,000 a month want a relationship with someone whose earning power is only THB8000 a month with a family whose members never save anything and who don't have health insurance, etc., etc? You're asking for trouble right there. What on earth can such a woman have to offer, besides sex? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Does she have any hobbies beyond watching television and reading comic books? Does she have the understanding of what you do that is necessary for her to be supportive of your career, rather than just milk the cash cow? If you took her to your home country, could you go out to a fine restaurant with her without being embarrassed?

I look for a woman with whom I can have a relationship on an equal footing. That means she needs to be educated and have a decent career (PhD, or doctor, lawyer, vet, dentist, etc.) She needs to earn a decent amount of money so that she doesn't regard me as a cash cow. Her family need to be comfortably off and not regard me as a source of income. We need to be able to talk to each other at the same level. She needs to have some interesting hobbies so that I am not constantly having to think about how to alleviate her boredom. If such a lady decided to stop working full-time, have children, look after the house, and support me in my quest to provide a good lifestyle for her and the children, then I would be most happy to use whatever funds are available. Would I do that for someone who earns THB8000 a month? No chance. I wouldn't even take her out on a date, no matter how attracted to her I was.

Now, having said all that, I am a lonely dude. Thailand is not a particularly good place for me to find a soul mate. Eligible candidates are thin on the ground and, as I work alone, I have no opportunities to meet them. However, I came to Thailand to build a business. I've now done that, and I will soon be on my way to greener pastures, for example, South Korea, where I lived for six years before. I have been more than willing to endure being lonely, when the alternative is to have a "relationship" with someone who earns THB8000 a month, taps me up for cash for herself and her mother's water buffalo, and with whom I cannot even have a decent conversation.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

Women and women. I hate to sound like a misogynist, but at the end of the day most conversations and contact with her will not be all that different from the comic book reader. the big difference is the money factor. most rich girls are doing a lot of cartoon reading and shopping anyways. thats just my experience.

[dumball]

Sabum, I can understand what you are saying, but I still think the situation these particular Thai women put men in is wrong. If you don't like the man for what he is instead of what he has got, why bother? Its just glorified prostitution. She should realise that if she does like him, and the feeling is mutual, then the quality of life will get better for her as the relationship progresses, but she is merely putting a stop to progress by these silly demands.

If she is nice, but is being led on by her peers, then really she should know better.

Scottyd , I think you have it close to spot on , the problem I feel with folks like Sa bum is they do not even try to understand the other side of the coin , they blab on that'" It is the culture " , so before the white man appeared on the scene , poor young village ladies with no future except working in a rice paddy and churning out children to ensure the future of the family , with a local man with a likewise future , were taught at an early age to find a fat old white man with lots of money and take him for all she could get . Sounds more like a good score for a movie project , should make millions for the poor village people .

Just an after-thought , does this sound condescending ?

Well I'm pretty sure if I remember my history correctly...the template you have described was prevalent in rural communities in the Victorian era. (UK)

That wasn't interacial with outsiders in particular , and how many years ago in the UK ? .

[Briggsy]

Just got my leccy bill for the month. It's a bit steep. 679 Baht. Been using the air con a bit.

The important thing is, though, I have put by the money to pay it by being careful with my money and not throwing ridiculous 5-figure sums every month at women half my age.

If some of the posters on this forum would use their heads like me and refrain from immoral hedonism, then there'd be a lot less sorrow and fewer threads like this.

[chrisartist]

"....but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble."

Certainly good advice, but as you point out, not an easy task here. Educated and/or professional Thai women, who are of marriage age 25/35, do not desire and are generally not interested in foreign men. They don't need them and they would be taking a step down on their social standing to marry one. I am talking about those who would be living and staying in Thailand, not relocating overseas. I have lived in LOS and have never seen such a marriage. 40+ professional women who are widowed or divorced - maybe.

hmmmm...its a common mistake to believe that education/money similarities will equate to a happy union. Consider a scenario where both parties are professionals, earn similar money (obviously the 'true criteria' (sic) to know she/he doesn't need/want your money) BUT...he/she has different values, ethics, morals etc to you. Now, what would you consider will have a lasting effect on a relationship? I know a thai female who earns 150k per month, accountant (some sort of speciality not worth going into), just shy of 30, never married, not interested in a thai BF (but may have to resort back to one as she's having trouble meeting a similar farang). Now while I consider her a friend, I could never have a successful personal relationship with her, not because she is a bad person, but what she believes is the goal of happiness in life is different to my view on the subject.

Sorry, you must be replying to a different post from the one that I wrote. For one thing, I didn't say "education/money similarities". I said "social and financial equal", which is not quite the same thing. For another thing, assuming for the sake of argument that I did say what you thought I said, nothing in my post implies that "education/money similarities will equate to a happy union". However, I did say that if you don't seek such a match, you are asking for trouble. Now you *can* infer from that that I regard similarity in social and financial status to provide a *necessary* condition for a happy relationship. You certainly cannot infer that I regard it as a sufficient condition. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I think that it is very unlikely that you will establish a happy relationship unless you have similar social and financial status. This is simply because if you don't, you have all manner of practical problems to overcome that in themselves will cause you great distress. Happy relationships are not just all about love. You need a lot more than that if your relationship is to last.

Now, having duly noted that you criticised my post because of a misunderstanding of what I said, what you say is sound. Outlook on life is also important for a happy relationship.

[473geo]

Sabum, I can understand what you are saying, but I still think the situation these particular Thai women put men in is wrong. If you don't like the man for what he is instead of what he has got, why bother? Its just glorified prostitution. She should realise that if she does like him, and the feeling is mutual, then the quality of life will get better for her as the relationship progresses, but she is merely putting a stop to progress by these silly demands.

If she is nice, but is being led on by her peers, then really she should know better.

Scottyd , I think you have it close to spot on , the problem I feel with folks like Sa bum is they do not even try to understand the other side of the coin , they blab on that'" It is the culture " , so before the white man appeared on the scene , poor young village ladies with no future except working in a rice paddy and churning out children to ensure the future of the family , with a local man with a likewise future , were taught at an early age to find a fat old white man with lots of money and take him for all she could get . Sounds more like a good score for a movie project , should make millions for the poor village people .

Just an after-thought , does this sound condescending ?

Well I'm pretty sure if I remember my history correctly...the template you have described was prevalent in rural communities in the Victorian era. (UK)

That wasn't interacial with outsiders in particular , and how many years ago in the UK ? .

The Uk as with many counties has been interacial for thousands of years....Norse, Roman influence being the most prevalent.

Victorian era 100 years ago....industrialisation....nouveau rich...aristocracy....maybe not too inter racial, certainly across class relationships between aristocracy and the lower classes was evident. Love rarely came into the equation, money and betterment were the main motivators for a rural girl looking for a husband. They were invited to local aristocratic functions as either playthings or marriage material for the young aristocrats. Many young girls ended up working as 'house maids' for the more affluent local gentry and 'gentlemen' farmers.

Edited February 28, 2009 by 473geo

[chrisartist]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

I have a different perspective. Why would anyone who earns THB100,000 a month want a relationship with someone whose earning power is only THB8000 a month with a family whose members never save anything and who don't have health insurance, etc., etc? You're asking for trouble right there. What on earth can such a woman have to offer, besides sex? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Does she have any hobbies beyond watching television and reading comic books? Does she have the understanding of what you do that is necessary for her to be supportive of your career, rather than just milk the cash cow? If you took her to your home country, could you go out to a fine restaurant with her without being embarrassed?

I look for a woman with whom I can have a relationship on an equal footing. That means she needs to be educated and have a decent career (PhD, or doctor, lawyer, vet, dentist, etc.) She needs to earn a decent amount of money so that she doesn't regard me as a cash cow. Her family need to be comfortably off and not regard me as a source of income. We need to be able to talk to each other at the same level. She needs to have some interesting hobbies so that I am not constantly having to think about how to alleviate her boredom. If such a lady decided to stop working full-time, have children, look after the house, and support me in my quest to provide a good lifestyle for her and the children, then I would be most happy to use whatever funds are available. Would I do that for someone who earns THB8000 a month? No chance. I wouldn't even take her out on a date, no matter how attracted to her I was.

Now, having said all that, I am a lonely dude. Thailand is not a particularly good place for me to find a soul mate. Eligible candidates are thin on the ground and, as I work alone, I have no opportunities to meet them. However, I came to Thailand to build a business. I've now done that, and I will soon be on my way to greener pastures, for example, South Korea, where I lived for six years before. I have been more than willing to endure being lonely, when the alternative is to have a "relationship" with someone who earns THB8000 a month, taps me up for cash for herself and her mother's water buffalo, and with whom I cannot even have a decent conversation.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

Women and women. I hate to sound like a misogynist, but at the end of the day most conversations and contact with her will not be all that different from the comic book reader. the big difference is the money factor. most rich girls are doing a lot of cartoon reading and shopping anyways. thats just my experience.

Sigh. My experience is different. Dated any doctors, lawyers, poets, human rights activists, or university lecturers recently?

[G54]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Really, back home when you dated a girl did you buy her motorbikes, take care of her kid, and give her 4-5 times what she was earning???

Have you done that with all your girlfriends? 55555

I know people that do. It's up to them if they think it's worth it, and love the person they are marrying.

OP's girl was asking him to make a commitment, to see if things were going anywhere. In the meantime he was so convinced that he was doing her a favor, he didn't care about building their relationship. Obviously if this dude was capable of getting a girl that he didn't have to pay for he would have done it by now. Seems like she already had him pretty well figured out.

Thais aren't dumb, she is probably as glad to be rid of him as he is to be rid of her.

Asking me to make a commitment? I doubt it. More a demand for cash as in a paid g/f. I did not care about building a relationship? Where did that come from? You have no idea what I cared about in relation to her.

I do care about throwing money away. It is my money to do with what I choose. And I choose not to give it to her on a monthly basis.

If I want to pay for sex I can go to Pattaya or Phuket etc.

And where have I stated that i have paid to get a girl? You been looking in the mirror?

[Isee]

Sorry, you must be replying to a different post from the one that I wrote. For one thing, I didn't say "education/money similarities". I said "social and financial equal", which is not quite the same thing. For another thing, assuming for the sake of argument that I did say what you thought I said, nothing in my post implies that "education/money similarities will equate to a happy union". However, I did say that if you don't seek such a match, you are asking for trouble. Now you *can* infer from that that I regard similarity in social and financial status to provide a *necessary* condition for a happy relationship. You certainly cannot infer that I regard it as a sufficient condition. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I think that it is very unlikely that you will establish a happy relationship unless you have similar social and financial status. This is simply because if you don't, you have all manner of practical problems to overcome that in themselves will cause you great distress. Happy relationships are not just all about love. You need a lot more than that if your relationship is to last.

Now, having duly noted that you criticised my post because of a misunderstanding of what I said, what you say is sound. Outlook on life is also important for a happy relationship.

I was replying to someone who was agreeing with a specific point that you made but in any event I don't believe I have misunderstand what you are saying. If you have time to argue semantics between the differences of "social and financial equal" compared to "education/money similarities" then good for you. It's quite clear that you consider the point of one's background to be the chief factor in citing what will work (by saying what won't work) and common sense forces you to acknowledge other "factors". But while we are at it, I think you need to reread your posts and see what it is they you are really conveying. For example your latest:

Sigh. My experience is different. Dated any doctors, lawyers, poets, human rights activists, or university lecturers recently?

Your partner/date being a doctor or lawyer is NOT going to have any relevance on whether you enjoy a long-term intimate relationship. You just believe in your own mind that such a person will be interested in engaging in some sort of intellectual banter with you. Ones profession or the profession of your partner will not gain/grant respect. So what is your point? The OP was stating that he believes that his GF had been corrupted by her sister from Phuket. Now having a weak will might be because she's a factory worker (read uneducated), but I know a few professionals who are still dominated by their mother or father. I've met some very switched on people who haven't had the benefit of a higher education and I've met some very stupid/inept people holding degrees (one that springs to mind was a lawyer). I just believe that your focus is wrong (or am I just misunderstanding you again?)

Anyway, feel free to continue your view and good luck with your future dating.

[G54]

maigo's wife no work sugar factory?

She owns the Sugar Factory.

So many sugar factories. Which one does she own?

Shame her money will be depreciating as the price of sugar is falling. You need another investment

[G54]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

What a tight arse. So this guy wants his gf to love and adore home whilst living like a pauper. 20k a month is not a lot to keep herself and a baby and help out the mother etc.

Unlless you have a bit more going ffor yourself than your miserly accounting skill then I think you will never find any gf affordable. Poor girls expect to move up a bit when they have hooked a ferang

She wasn't getting this sort of money before she met the OP. And where do you think she's going to be seeing that sort of money now he's gone?

Now she has learnt English she can join her sis in law when the restaurant re opens in Phuket and find a Farang or two willing to give her 20k a month for a stab at her***obscenity removed***

If you think I am a tight arse then good for you, keep giving the ladies 20+k a month and see them laughing behind your back.

Greed has brought about the end to this relationship. Her greed. Instead of her trying to reach some compromise.

I am in agreement with PattayaParent here.

Edited March 1, 2009 by sbk

[473geo]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

What a tight arse. So this guy wants his gf to love and adore home whilst living like a pauper. 20k a month is not a lot to keep herself and a baby and help out the mother etc.

Unlless you have a bit more going ffor yourself than your miserly accounting skill then I think you will never find any gf affordable. Poor girls expect to move up a bit when they have hooked a ferang

She wasn't getting this sort of money before she met the OP. And where do you think she's going to be seeing that sort of money now he's gone?

Now she has learnt English she can join her sis in law when the restaurant re opens in Phuket and find a Farang or two willing to give her 20k a month for a stab at her ****

If you think I am a tight arse then good for you, keep giving the ladies 20+k a month and see them laughing behind your back.

Greed has brought about the end to this relationship. Her greed. Instead of her trying to reach some compromise.

I am in agreement with PattayaParent here.

Your post here is all the evidence that is required to realise she is better off without you!!!

[scottyd]

G54, you have done the right thing, no point in arguing with the people that like being one of many sponsors of a Thai lady.

For those that don't know yet, being a tight arse and being money smart are two very different things.

[G54]

20-30.000 is the usual "fee" the bar-girlz asking... it's top money!

How come she know?

new trend is for freelanceers to have a job, anything, as it is for "cover" - "never been there, never done that"...

they will convince anyone - NOT everyone! - that they aren't from the redlight....even look down and make bad coments about bar girls - tell you on the streets, in shopping malls, anywhere - who is a bar girl and who isn't.... well, well, well - much, much money and a very, very good life is the result - who wouldn't?

Of course, these ladies are not going to admit to a shady past as BG or Mia Noi, etc. Perceptive Thais likely can see through this cover-up, but a foreigner has little ability to get to the truth. Unbelievable for this lady to be asking for 20,000. But unfortunately many drunken sailor Farangs are spending this and more for ladies of dubious worth, who contribute nothing to the relationship. I would be asking where is the Father of her baby and what is her relationship with him, if any and good luck getting any truthfull answers.

I suggest you try and read the original post before making rash comments like that about BG. Then you might just understand where the talk of 20+k came from. Or maybe that is beyond you?

After 9 months I happen to know the father is not on the scene. Also that she is no BG. I know her family through other Thai friends of mine. I use the family's shops - not mom n pop shops - and know her cousins, two of them I have known for well over a year. My Thai friends have known the family through school and beyond.

[dave9988]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

I have a different perspective. Why would anyone who earns THB100,000 a month want a relationship with someone whose earning power is only THB8000 a month with a family whose members never save anything and who don't have health insurance, etc., etc? You're asking for trouble right there. What on earth can such a woman have to offer, besides sex? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Does she have any hobbies beyond watching television and reading comic books? Does she have the understanding of what you do that is necessary for her to be supportive of your career, rather than just milk the cash cow? If you took her to your home country, could you go out to a fine restaurant with her without being embarrassed?

I look for a woman with whom I can have a relationship on an equal footing. That means she needs to be educated and have a decent career (PhD, or doctor, lawyer, vet, dentist, etc.) She needs to earn a decent amount of money so that she doesn't regard me as a cash cow. Her family need to be comfortably off and not regard me as a source of income. We need to be able to talk to each other at the same level. She needs to have some interesting hobbies so that I am not constantly having to think about how to alleviate her boredom. If such a lady decided to stop working full-time, have children, look after the house, and support me in my quest to provide a good lifestyle for her and the children, then I would be most happy to use whatever funds are available. Would I do that for someone who earns THB8000 a month? No chance. I wouldn't even take her out on a date, no matter how attracted to her I was.

Now, having said all that, I am a lonely dude. Thailand is not a particularly good place for me to find a soul mate. Eligible candidates are thin on the ground and, as I work alone, I have no opportunities to meet them. However, I came to Thailand to build a business. I've now done that, and I will soon be on my way to greener pastures, for example, South Korea, where I lived for six years before. I have been more than willing to endure being lonely, when the alternative is to have a "relationship" with someone who earns THB8000 a month, taps me up for cash for herself and her mother's water buffalo, and with whom I cannot even have a decent conversation.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

Women and women. I hate to sound like a misogynist, but at the end of the day most conversations and contact with her will not be all that different from the comic book reader. the big difference is the money factor. most rich girls are doing a lot of cartoon reading and shopping anyways. thats just my experience.

Sigh. My experience is different. Dated any doctors, lawyers, poets, human rights activists, or university lecturers recently?

its just my experience that her ability to discuss Kant or whatever gets you off intellectually does not amount to much in the grand scheme of your relationship.

[t.s]

So many posts, topics and threads about similar issues on TV since years.

All the answers are there.

If op has not got it yet, he is one of the brainless types, having fun to post something just for recognising that...called a troll

...nothing more than a baby crying for mama, 'cause inability of inspiration...

unfortunate a looser

poor birdman, it seems you have lost your grain of salt. i hope you find it soon.

by the way, it's loser for future reference.

I know you now, t.s. and I can tell, you are wrong again. I was on your side already...

sorry, not sure what you mean here, please explain.

[dumball]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

What a tight arse. So this guy wants his gf to love and adore home whilst living like a pauper. 20k a month is not a lot to keep herself and a baby and help out the mother etc.

Unlless you have a bit more going ffor yourself than your miserly accounting skill then I think you will never find any gf affordable. Poor girls expect to move up a bit when they have hooked a ferang

She wasn't getting this sort of money before she met the OP. And where do you think she's going to be seeing that sort of money now he's gone?

Now she has learnt English she can join her sis in law when the restaurant re opens in Phuket and find a Farang or two willing to give her 20k a month for a stab at her ****

If you think I am a tight arse then good for you, keep giving the ladies 20+k a month and see them laughing behind your back.

Greed has brought about the end to this relationship. Her greed. Instead of her trying to reach some compromise.

I am in agreement with PattayaParent here.

Your post here is all the evidence that is required to realise she is better off without you!!!

Yes , you are correct 473GEO , you are absolutely correct , that poorly educated , young , village raised , single mother with few viable prospects of a half decent life style , is far better off without that coniving,cheap,inconsiderate womaniser . Her millionaire 'Night-in-shining-armour' , who has searched the length and breadth of Thailand to secure such an obvious gem , is but mere hours over her horizon , Sir Galahad will quickly be rushing to the ATM to overwhelm her with all the wealth she so rightly deserves for all of her virtues she has on offer .

Yeah right , there are a multitude of these poor misused damsels in distress at this time , most likely wishing they could find such a cheapskate to lighten thier load in this troubled world , instead of having to return to the village in shame , and eeking out a subsistance on a farm that is probably in debt and about to dig a deeper hole . Take off both pairs of your 'Rosy' glasses and take a peak at what the economy has to offer in reality , a place you do not appear to have been for far too long .

[chrisartist]

Sorry, you must be replying to a different post from the one that I wrote. For one thing, I didn't say "education/money similarities". I said "social and financial equal", which is not quite the same thing. For another thing, assuming for the sake of argument that I did say what you thought I said, nothing in my post implies that "education/money similarities will equate to a happy union". However, I did say that if you don't seek such a match, you are asking for trouble. Now you *can* infer from that that I regard similarity in social and financial status to provide a *necessary* condition for a happy relationship. You certainly cannot infer that I regard it as a sufficient condition. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I think that it is very unlikely that you will establish a happy relationship unless you have similar social and financial status. This is simply because if you don't, you have all manner of practical problems to overcome that in themselves will cause you great distress. Happy relationships are not just all about love. You need a lot more than that if your relationship is to last.

Now, having duly noted that you criticised my post because of a misunderstanding of what I said, what you say is sound. Outlook on life is also important for a happy relationship.

I was replying to someone who was agreeing with a specific point that you made but in any event I don't believe I have misunderstand what you are saying. If you have time to argue semantics between the differences of "social and financial equal" compared to "education/money similarities" then good for you. It's quite clear that you consider the point of one's background to be the chief factor in citing what will work (by saying what won't work) and common sense forces you to acknowledge other "factors". But while we are at it, I think you need to reread your posts and see what it is they you are really conveying. For example your latest:

Sigh. My experience is different. Dated any doctors, lawyers, poets, human rights activists, or university lecturers recently?

Your partner/date being a doctor or lawyer is NOT going to have any relevance on whether you enjoy a long-term intimate relationship. You just believe in your own mind that such a person will be interested in engaging in some sort of intellectual banter with you. Ones profession or the profession of your partner will not gain/grant respect. So what is your point? The OP was stating that he believes that his GF had been corrupted by her sister from Phuket. Now having a weak will might be because she's a factory worker (read uneducated), but I know a few professionals who are still dominated by their mother or father. I've met some very switched on people who haven't had the benefit of a higher education and I've met some very stupid/inept people holding degrees (one that springs to mind was a lawyer). I just believe that your focus is wrong (or am I just misunderstanding you again?)

Anyway, feel free to continue your view and good luck with your future dating.

I'm sorry, but you really do not have the slightest clue what I'm talking about. When I said "My experience is different. Dated any doctors, lawyers, poets, human rights activists, or university lecturers recently?" I was responding to someone who suggested that rich people spend a lot of time shopping and reading comic books, just as poor people do. This poster missed the point of my other posts because he focused only on money and not on education, which I had also mentioned. What I said was a perfectly good response to his response. Your response to my response to his response completely misses the point of my response. Further, for your information, I am not interested in arguing about semantics. I am interested in discussing substantive issues. Discussions about substantive issues are conveyed via language. If the language used is not precise or if it is not understood precisely, the substantive issues cannot possibly be discussed fruitfully. Therefore, language is used imprecisely in a discussion, itis incumbent upon the participants in the discussion to identify the imprecision and resolve any difficulties that are caused by it. If you want to take issue with things that I say, of course, please feel free to do do. However, before you do so, I would appreciate it if you would spend some time coming to a proper understanding of what I have said and what is implied by it. 

Now, I began my posting on this thread by recommending that western blokes in Thailand try to find someone who is their social and financial equal; otherwise, there will be trouble. It follows from this that I think that if a western bloke finds someone who is his social and financial equal the problems that are caused by findig someone who is by far their social and financial inferior will be avoided. That's all. Nothing else. Purely a necessary condition for a good relationship (in most cases; not all). Your replies assume that I was trying to provide necessary and sufficient conditions for having a good relationship. Not so, and you will never, ever, find me trying to do that. I would not presume to resolve an issue, the resolution of which has defied the best efforts of humankind's best minds for thousands of years.

Please feel free to reply in whatever way you see fit. If you understand what I've said this time, I will respond; otherwise, not.

[chrisartist]

its just my experience that her ability to discuss Kant or whatever gets you off intellectually does not amount to much in the grand scheme of your relationship.

I agree.