Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families

[neverdie]

I'd like to know too.

If you werent so busy cutting up my post, just to reflect 3 words within that post, you would have your answer

Maybe a misunderstanding here. I'd like to know what is Pierrot's point.

Sorry mate, I actually thought you wanted me to pull all my old passports out and count the time in all the various parts of asia & come up with a grand total in hours and minutes.

Unlike many farang, I came here early & plan on leaving before I get stuck here.....theres certainly better parts of the world to live in & age gracefully.

[adjan jb]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

What's your point Pierrot?

Neverdie, is it better like that?

[scottyd]

Sorry mate, I actually thought you wanted me to pull all my old passports out and count the time in all the various parts of asia & come up with a grand total in hours and minutes.

Classic. Made my day.

[neverdie]

Sorry mate, I actually thought you wanted me to pull all my old passports out and count the time in all the various parts of asia & come up with a grand total in hours and minutes.

Classic. Made my day.

Given that theres only 20 minutes of the day left, that is some acheivement & time for me to go and knock the top of little neverdie & hit the sack. Goodnite!

[scottyd]

Depends where I am though. I still have 7 hours 13 minutes till my day ends.

[neverdie]

^well that will learn me for trying to be smart

[yabaaaa]

I've been here 8 years, speak pretty good Thai, understand the culture to some extent (as much as any farang really ever can). A brief story:

About 6 years ago when I was still in the romantic stages of my love affair with Thailand, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), advised me that her parents had 9 rai of land for sale. I went and looked at it and put a 400,000 Baht deposit down.

A couple months on and they advised that there was a problem with the chanote and the land couldn't be transferred (Yes I am very stupid for not bringing along a lawyer). No problem I said, just return the 400,000 Baht. Of course the money had already been given to the bank to save another piece of land that was about to go into foreclosure. For years I tried to talk with them and explain I needed the money. I do believe they felt genuinely bad, but I also know they simply didn't have it. There were no new purchases and they lived month to month in a very modest home.

6 years on and my girlfriend's older sister buys my car for 400,000 now and 30,000 "next month". Okay, no problem. 8 months on and the sister has still not paid the 30,000, either ignoring me or offering countless pity inducing excuses. Okay, maybe she really did lose her job.

Last week the older sister in question married and moved to the US. My former car was handed over to her parents. I am stuck renting a car for 17k a month.

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

My girlfriend feels bad about it all, but not bad enough to order her parents to turn over the car or order her sister to start paying me even a few thousand a month. The desire to see her parent's comfortable (and to fulfill her duty as a daughter) outweigh the desire to see her boyfriend paid back.

Be aware....

Theyre not all the same my wife lent her sister money she didnt pay it back, wife told her if she didnt she would either contact a lawyer etc etc or she could choose to never speak with her again. She got the money back. She has little contact with most of her 10 brothers and sisters as most are "no good" ( her words not mine) but 3 of them are fine , very honest, and have not asked for anything. I stress it was my wifes money the sister borrowed not mine. She has always been a saver.

Thais loyalty is not always what you might think same as anywhere.

But if it was your money that was leant to the sister would your wife have have made the same threats?

Yes .

[spud1]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience and I still believe absolutely that the average Thai is more loyal to their family than the average farang. The kids here have a duty to look after their parents. In most cases the government doesn't do it and pensions don't do it and savings are non existent. As the parents age, the burden falls on the children.

For what its worth:

Yes I realize all Thai girls are not the same.

At the time, 400,000 Baht was really not a big deal (total price was 2 million or so and we set up a payment plan) and I was happy to help the family

I knew I couldn't own land. It was to be put in a Thai company. The money was needed quickly to avoid foreclosure on another property and I was happy to help them with that.

In 6 years I have not had one request from the family directly or via the girlfriend for any financial assistance. I don't give the girlfriend an allowance so she isn't funneling my money to them.

I feel relatively lucky compared to other first hand accounts that have been related to me (being kicked out of a multi million baht house you out in the wife's name is not especially uncommon)

Thanks for reading!

CMT,I have a certain amount of understanding regarding your post.If you've been in a relationship with your g/f for a number of years then at some point you must gain a certain amount of trust,if not what have you got! Posters who retort in replying with degratory remarks are deluded or to selfish to be of any worth to anyone.It is a fact that a high percentage of thais hold there families in a higher esteem than there western b/f ,husbands, especially if they are from a poor background.However saying that I personally would be skeptical if my g/f refused to help with recovery of monies owed.

[thaiwanderer]

blah blah blah blah

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

blah blah blah

Be aware....

TV Inductive Reasoning 101:

I knew a farang who was stupid

Moral of the story, all farangs are stupid.

Be aware........

[WinnieTheKhwai]

CMT,I have a certain amount of understanding regarding your post.If you've been in a relationship with your g/f for a number of years then at some point you must gain a certain amount of trust,if not what have you got! Posters who retort in replying with degratory remarks are deluded or to selfish to be of any worth to anyone.It is a fact that a high percentage of thais hold there families in a higher esteem than there western b/f ,husbands, especially if they are from a poor background.

This still implies that it's acceptable (or that some foreigners accept) that they don't become a part of the family, and/or that this would be different from a Thai man who would become part of the family?

Nobody should accept not becoming a part of the family. When in doubt about that this means the wife/girlfriend really needs to go above and beyond the usual to make clear she's committed to her husband, or else you should walk. I do realize many of the people here don't, and then whine about it making it seem like it's a universal Thai cultural trait where in fact it's their inability to see the blatantly obvious, and/or an issue with choosing someone from a 'poor background'. (And I don't necessarily mean poor as in money)

However saying that I personally would be skeptical if my g/f refused to help with recovery of monies owed.

Right. Often though it's the same people who are in a very unequal relationship and don't run their household on the same wallet / shared finances. I'm not intentionally being nasty but this topic does paint an incredible stereotype on both sides in the relationship.

Edited March 10, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[yabaaaa]

CMT,I have a certain amount of understanding regarding your post.If you've been in a relationship with your g/f for a number of years then at some point you must gain a certain amount of trust,if not what have you got! Posters who retort in replying with degratory remarks are deluded or to selfish to be of any worth to anyone.It is a fact that a high percentage of thais hold there families in a higher esteem than there western b/f ,husbands, especially if they are from a poor background.

This still implies that it's acceptable (or that some foreigners accept) that they don't become a part of the family, and/or that this would be different from a Thai man who would become part of the family?

Nobody should accept not becoming a part of the family. When in doubt about that this means the wife/girlfriend really needs to go above and beyond the usual to make clear she's committed to her husband, or else you should walk. I do realize many of the people here don't, and then whine about it making it seem like it's a universal Thai cultural trait where in fact it's their inability to see the blatantly obvious, and/or an issue with choosing someone from a 'poor background'. (And I don't necessarily mean poor as in money)

However saying that I personally would be skeptical if my g/f refused to help with recovery of monies owed.

Right. Often though it's the same people who are in a very unequal relationship and don't run their household on the same wallet / shared finances. I'm not intentionally being nasty but this topic does paint an incredible stereotype on both sides in the relationship.

I married my wife and only my wife.........family is nothing to do with me I dont understand why it should have to be. Always seems a strange concept to me that I have to marry the family.

[tartempion]

the OP only posted the once,and never replied,so maybe the whole has been made up.

Well he's been a member for a good while and has a good number of posts under his belt so he should have known he wouldn't get much sympathy here as equally he should know not to make up stories for whatever purpose.

Yes I'm a real poster and this is a real story and I never thought it would happen to me. And the people calling me a fool all think it could never happen to them. I'm not the first and won't be the last.

You summed it up quite well: "I never thought it would happen to me"

So do a million other farangs living in LOS.

You have not been very careful. In money things NEVER trust ANYONE.

I live here 8 years also, after 20 trips to Thailand.

To help the family we (read with my money) bought 2 kwais from her father, 1 pregnant.

2 years ago teh family asked us (and the other working sister) to finance the purchase of a Kubota tractor, 60K+ Baht.

We sold the kwais and added the missing fund to reach 30K (forgot for how much we sold the kwais)

We agreed the family should pay us back 3x10k, two harvest later 20K has been reimbursed.

The other (hard working) sister is building a Thai house next to the parents house. We gave her 10K to buy materials.

She asked us a loan of 10K to buy additional material, that was 6 weeks ago.

Yesterday we got the pin code of an ATM card and withdraw 5K as partial reimbursement for the 10k loan.

No doubt we will get the other 5k next month.

Two brothers have asked loans from my wife.

"No way" is her firm answer. I guess she knows who she is dealing with

Our exposure to the family never has exceeded 30K, wise measure I would think.

[tartempion]

Right on, most GF/Wives will give there last Baht to a no good low down brother, cousin, son or uncle, inspite of having been rape and abuse by them, sad and strange at the same time.

Good we have these experts on TV

[neverdie]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

What's your point Pierrot?

Neverdie, is it better like that?

Yes, thats much better thankyou adjan.....I like to know who your pointing at

[adjan jb]

Right on, most GF/Wives will give there last Baht to a no good low down brother, cousin, son or uncle, inspite of having been rape and abuse by them, sad and strange at the same time.

Nice in-laws you've got here.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Sadly it seems all too common, reading these posts over and over again.

[neverdie]

fools & their money, easily parted

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I married my wife and only my wife.........family is nothing to do with me I dont understand why it should have to be. Always seems a strange concept to me that I have to marry the family.

That's fine, and I wouldn't fault anyone for that, however in such a case it becomes important that your wife is firmly on your side. (firstly) and that you're open to at least do the common social basics assuming her family are friendly regular people. (secondly)

Nobody is expecting anyone to write their in-laws unlimited blank checks, but if they're decent people then I can only once again stress the importance and mutual benefit of a good family relationship. Family is a cornerstone of society and will bring a lot of benefits as well as joy and happiness to have a good relationship.

That said, I know that complete basket-case families exist so people's mileage may vary. In the basket-case families however your wife MUST be firmly on your side and be able to stand up to unreasonable requests. If not then, well, then we'll see some more Thaivisa posts on how bad Thais are or how they dislike Farang....

Edited March 11, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[aussiejosh]

Another disgusting anti- Thai girl thread.

How dare anyone say "Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families, Thai girls"

I have found this not to be the case and how dare anyone suggest they all are, some might be yes, but this is no different to a girl in any country. This thread is reported to the moderators for being abusive to Thai girls, and will hopefully be removed soon !!

Well its not necessarily a bad thing to be labeling a group loyal to their family above all other? I mean it would be a cultural thing right, and something that people might actually be proud of, not exactly negative. However it is stereotyping but don't we do it everyday anyway, at least from some perspective its not a negative attribute.

But it was portrayed as a negative trait, and thus perceived easily as negative.

Wouldn't your goal of a relationship hopefully bring you into this loyalty circle? Eventually... I mean you tend to gain more, but TIT.

Some fair points there.

Although considering that it was a post about deceit and probable theft then I don't think that your point stands in this case.

Well I did say it was being portrayed negatively... but thats the nature of the beast, to one side its completely justifiable and reasonable to some strange extent that we might not be able to understand or relate to.

I don't know how or why people get into these situations. I have dated here, used my standard western rules most of the time splitting 50/50 (I am 20) and had some good relationships because of it, I believe if there isn't mutual respect from the start then your relationship is doomed from its conception. You can buy loyalty, but thats not really my thing... I rarely buy drinks for people at the start to, I always try to get the first free drink then my wallet opens.

[A. BOOZER]

Life is a learning curve and that learning curve can rise exceedingly quickly here in Thailand.

As much as you think you know, there is always something else to learn!

[MiG16]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience

[snip]

Thanks for reading!

based on the above by the OP, Im closing this thread.

unless other posters feel there is a real urgent need to continue discussing the topic (if so PM me with your reasoning to keep it open...)

if not, I think we can consider this topic has served its purpose

cheers