At What Age Are Thai Girls Considered Adults And Independent?

[Longbow212]

Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend.

I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age.

Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this.

Thanks for your input.

[NewLifeNY]

Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend.

I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age.

Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this.

Thanks for your input.

Dude...PM me cause I have all the answers for you! really. I am glad I am not the only one.

[Lucifer]

Her mum is simply trying to hook you in.

From the sounds of things, she's nearly there.

[MrHammer]

Her mum is simply trying to hook you in.

From the sounds of things, she's nearly there.

Haha.. yeah could sound like it!

[petermik]

I am having a similiar problem with my Thai/Chinese GF she is 39 years old and would marry me tomorrow if her mother says OK-she has a good job and earns a lot of money,she has 2 children from her marriage to a thai man.Her mother thinks that I am a good man-or so she says-I have learned that loyalty to their families,however painfull,overides any feelings they have for others.All I can do is hang in there and hope that one day it will happen-but who knows-this is Thailand.

[aussiejosh]

Had a similar problem when I was 19 and she was 18... but thats more understandable from the parents perspective I guess, but was extremely frustrating and as I was so independent and allowed to decide for myself since around 14 difficult to empathize with. Good luck.

[TAWP]

Some become independent around the age of 80...

[pete_r]

"At What Age Are Thai Girls Considered Adults And Independent?"

In the context given by the OP, I'd say, when she marries. It also helps if she supports her parents (i.e. wield some financial power in the family).

Families vary though, I know some 20-something who live their lives independently, and some 40-something who will never marry because of the excessive control from their parents.

[InSiSongkram]

Quality comment...

Her mum is simply trying to hook you in.

From the sounds of things, she's nearly there.

[a2396]

Yes, I have a similar problem, probably worse than yours. My GF, or at least I think she is, is 25 and also runs back home almost every weeekend. She has been on her own to wome extent since she was 18. I think that most of them "dance to the family's music" first & foremost.

[samgrowth]

My gf tell her mother that she just work as a waitress in Nana, and never sell her body. She believe her.

[mhatami]

My gf tell her mother that she just work as a waitress in Nana, and never sell her body. She believe her.

Dude, give it up. There are 100s beautiful girls that would luv to go with you. if mother does this now wait till you get married. Your life will be over and you will be owned by the family

[hhgz]

"Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinion..."

Sure, respect their culture. Your GF respects her mother's opinion, and you don't. You're going to lose on this one.

[Mosha]

Heck my wife is 4 years younger than her sister. At voting time she still tells her who to vote for in the local elections. My wife is 51 in a couple of weeks.

[tuky]

Her mum is simply trying to hook you in.

From the sounds of things, she's nearly there.

Haha.. yeah could sound like it!

I don't think it is the Mum purposefully trying to hook the guy. I think it is because the Mother is the head of the family (I have experience with this) and she just expects that all family members will do her will no matter what age or personal status. That includes any future members, either by marriage or birth.

"At What Age Are Thai Girls Considered Adults And Independent?"

In the context given by the OP, I'd say, when she marries. It also helps if she supports her parents (i.e. wield some financial power in the family).

Families vary though, I know some 20-something who live their lives independently, and some 40-something who will never marry because of the excessive control from their parents.

Again, personal experience...I see it that if the Mum is still in control at this girls age then it will never be any different, unless changes are made geographically, whilst still being close enough for the Mum to feel she is still the family head.

Perhaps it is my personal bias, but my skin crawls when thinking about the smug look on my ex-MIL when she surveyed her perceived wealth (in both hard currency and flesh). My MIL even took our car keys away once when we weren't looking to make sure we stayed at home. Please bear in mind we had parented two children and had been at the 6 year mark of marriage at this point with both of us in very early 30s.

[tuky]

"Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinion..."

Sure, respect their culture. Your GF respects her mother's opinion, and you don't. You're going to lose on this one.

Thinking long term you are half right. The daughter does need to respect the Mum's opinion, but to be a woman and a successful wife she needs to be far enough away from the Mums influence to make it irrelevant to everyday life and yet also close enough to make the Mum feel she is still the head shed.

If it is not too late for this guy to get his girl away from the Mum then they have a chance, if he does not become the husband, complete with balls and with only the respect due to the MIL to maintain the wife's apparent aherence to cultural normalities and farcical (oops I mean facial appearence) then this guy has a chance. If he folds and excuses himself for the lapse by passing it off as cultural understanding then he stands not one chance of being happy. IMHO

Perhaps this is not totally directed at the OP, but maybe to other folks whom may perhaps reads this tripe and realise how closeto home the truth ctually is..

Heck my wife is 4 years younger than her sister. At voting time she still tells her who to vote for in the local elections. My wife is 51 in a couple of weeks.

How have you kept it up Mosha? Do you not need your missus to make some heavy decisions sometimes? if so do you ever wonder where the decision was made or how the thought process came about?

My ex-wife would not make a decision unless her Mum approved (there were exceptions as a few of you my be aware), and more often than not I wasn't even considered.

Put yourself in my shoes...

You work hard in the hopes of an early retirement.

You spend minimal money on yourself (golf clubs, nice BBQ etc) over a 6 year period, you always make sure the wife knows what you are doing as that is what a marriage is about. We bought three houses together (two owned, one mortgage) and spent the time making decisions together.

Then, like me, you check your bank balance one day only to find 4 million missing. Turns out your wife's Mum suggested her daughter buy a particular house withthe advice to make sure you do not tell your husband until you get it rented out and have money coming in. He will be really happy.

When in reality, the MIL is really telling YOU'R wife that she should buy this house and not tell YOU just in case you say NO. What a shame that would be.

When you hear too many of these 'But my Mum says to do it this way' type of thing, like me,you will be referring to her as your ex-wife and your retirement will be another 10 years away because now the MIL controls it all.

ooops...emotional download complete!

To sum it all up...Best of luck for the future mate.

One a lighter note, the other day I met a nice young lady here in Indo who told me her name was Ricka...after some more conversation she told me the truth. Her's is a good Muslim name...Maaflika. I kinda understood why she doesn't use that name around englsh speaking folks. (true story).

Edited March 11, 2009 by tuky

[LevelHead]

The law of the land says that Thai girls can start to have sexual relations at age 15.

That would be the age at which in the eyes of the law she becomes an adult.

However, this was later ammended such that although girls of 15 can have sex, if they are involved in any way with prositution, they must be 18 years old.

This also was later ammened such that any girl 18 or over is legal to have sex with, however, any girl between 15 to 18 although it is legal to have sex with them, they can, or there family can, bring charges against the other person should they feel they want to (eg extortion etc..).

This means the defacto age of consent although legally is 15, its actually 18.

Based upon this and that the family can still intervene if the girl is under 18, you would have to say she is therefore legally an adult at age 18.

So, once at the age of 18 she can do what she wants. If she chooses not to, for her family or other reasons, this is all her choice. She may choose to use her mother as an excuse, however it is her choice to be obedient to her mothers whims and demands.

[madjbs]

Age of consent has nothing to do with legally becoming an adult.

[DP25]

My girlfriend and I are the same age as you and it's a similar situation. If I want to go away for the weekend to Ko Chang or wherever with her, I just let her tell whatever lies she needs to to her mother and don't worry myself about it.

[Changian]

Normal thing. Usually with the oldest daughter or the last o be married off. Mother makes them feel guilty. They dont really have their own life. I know mid/late 30s women with good jobs in multi-nationals who cant have a boyfriend because mother doens't allow it, who give their salary to their mothers ( who then give them a few thousand baht allowance) and who have ot get permission to go naywhere other than Central or Fashion Island with their friends. Nothing you can do about it.

[MidoriApple]

Your GF, is she a Thai/Chinese lady?

Hmmm...nothing surprised me...

[Sabum]

All Thai women are NOT the same, op your situation is common enough though. It is up to you to put up with it. I would and have not put up with it. If she is living at home that is the problem right there, convince her to move out and get her own place or if you are serious about her get her to move in with you. If she absolutely refuses to grow up and move out at close to 30 kick her to the curb like you would any other loser living at home in their 30's. NO THIS IS NOT CULTURAL, I mean it is... but only a small percentage are so traditional they live at home until they are married even if that means she never gets married and never leaves home!

[submaniac]

It is all cultural. It's a Thai thing, and common in other Asian cultures. In the West, the kids usually leave home at 18, expected to be on their own, and everything else. In Thailand it is different. Even those children that get married, they still live with the parents. Two cousins of mine are doing that, and it is accepted as the norm. In the USA, my neighbor is Korean and he and his wife lived with their parents for a year before they bought their own home.

OP, think about it. There are probably alot of good things you like about her, and this is some of the baggage consequences that you will have to endure. Or to put it another way, would you rather that she be honest, conservative and traditional, or would you rather that she be the type that work at Nana Plaza? So many members of this particular forum bring out stories of their domesticated bar girls using them for money or seeing another man. I don't think you have to worry about that with her.

[teacup]

To the OP…….Here is my thought

Just because she doesn’t go along with your western values and loosely lifestyle, it doesn’t mean she is not an independent woman.

Do you think that……by not staying out late, for the good of her own safety……is bad?

Do you think that……not wanting to run around with a guy to koh Smui or who knows whereelse just the to 2 of you, to protect your own virtue ……..is bad?

Do you think that……not listening to your own mother, when she has your best interests at heart,… is bad?

Do you think if she got pregnant by you, who will end up taking her in and caring for the baby?

And how can she’s not respecting her own parents when they had spent “almost lifetime of saving” (in many cases), for her education?

You need to grow up and learn to respect others culture of protecting their own virtue and not giving in to the western culture thingy, if it means to have negative consequence from the fallouts.

Give me a break….it’s you who have a problem of growing up.........you are mixing up the word "independent" with "maturity/inmaturity in the mind"

If you want a mere loose woman, you should move along now

Edited March 11, 2009 by teacup

[teacup]

Your GF, is she a Thai/Chinese lady?

Hmmm...nothing surprised me...

Sis,

Being a Thai/Chinese or even a decimal of it.........has nothing to do with what we are discussing here.

It's all about having common senses and wanting to protect her own safety and virtue.

Edited March 11, 2009 by teacup

[lioness]

The law of the land says that Thai girls can start to have sexual relations at age 15.

That would be the age at which in the eyes of the law she becomes an adult.

However, this was later ammended such that although girls of 15 can have sex, if they are involved in any way with prositution, they must be 18 years old.

This also was later ammened such that any girl 18 or over is legal to have sex with, however, any girl between 15 to 18 although it is legal to have sex with them, they can, or there family can, bring charges against the other person should they feel they want to (eg extortion etc..).

This means the defacto age of consent although legally is 15, its actually 18.

Based upon this and that the family can still intervene if the girl is under 18, you would have to say she is therefore legally an adult at age 18.

So, once at the age of 18 she can do what she wants. If she chooses not to, for her family or other reasons, this is all her choice. She may choose to use her mother as an excuse, however it is her choice to be obedient to her mothers whims and demands.

It's got nothing at all to do with legal ages for sex, it's all about Thai family values and respect for parents.

One poster say's only a geographical move could be of benefit, my Thai daughter in law now living in Australia still refers everything to her mother in Thailand via the telephone.

[Pierrot]

Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend.

I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age.

Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this.

Thanks for your input.

I'm surprised nobody asked this question, but did you asked her to marry you ? 28 is not young anymore for a single girl. I were her parents I wouldn't be too happy to see her wasting her precious time with someone not "serious" about the relationship.

As in every conservative country, there are two kinds of girls, the one you have fun with and the one you marry. She's obviously a serious girl of the second kind, and you, who are you ?

[t.s]

Your GF, is she a Thai/Chinese lady?

Hmmm...nothing surprised me...

Sis,

Being a Thai/Chinese or even a decimal of it.........has nothing to do with what we are discussing here.

It's all about having common senses and wanting to protect her own safety and virtue.

protect her virtue? he is already banging her and his post intimates he is not the first.

[teacup]

Your GF, is she a Thai/Chinese lady?

Hmmm...nothing surprised me...

Sis,

Being a Thai/Chinese or even a decimal of it.........has nothing to do with what we are discussing here.

It's all about having common senses and wanting to protect her own safety and virtue.

protect her virtue? he is already banging her and his post intimates he is not the first.

May be she had learn her lesson from before...... and now she/or her mother is trying to stop it from declining?

Well in my circle .....no one can stay out later than 9 pm, it used to be 8 pm when we were still in university, and 6pm below highschool

....unless you're now married then all the rules are lifted, cos now is your husband problem.

[eddiemonster]

"Well in my circle .....no one can stay out later than 9 pm, it used to be 8 pm when we were still in university, and 6pm below highschool

....unless you're now married then all the rules are lifted, cos now is your husband problem."

I guess from this response the answer to the OP's question is never.